I'm Hot Hot Hot

June 5, 2014

Not only is it roasting in the triple digits here already, but turns out, I am literally hot! After my CP, I still haven't stopped bleeding so I called my TCM yesterday. We had a bit of a "loss in translation" between the phone / Chinese / English barrier so they wanted me to come in straight away. Because I didn't feel my blood loss was a lot, we agreed today would be fine.

Basically, they were under the impression I was having an active miscarriage. I kept trying to explain the test was barely visible as positive and I was having very little blood loss...just it was still red and bleeding. What they heard was positive and blood. When I got there today, I came fully prepared with my charts printed out, my barely there positive pregnancy test and a pantyliner to show them that was sufficient for my blood loss.

Ah hah. Crisis averted. They now understood...kinda. They thought the liner was for my WHOLE period, so it took a bit more explaining for them to understand that I had a few days of heavier flow, then it tapered off. Today and yesterday it actually got a bit heavier, but mostly when I used the bathroom, not during the day....make sense because I'm actively contracting the muscles to release blood. TMI I'm sure, but this blog covers all that, so why not be honest...because that is what this journey is.

My pulse and tongue showed that I was "hot." What does that mean? My blood is flowing too freely. Makes sense. We went over all my diet and analyzed what is different this cycle. The only difference is the royal jelly. We toyed with the idea of my going down to using it every other day, but my TCM said she was prescribing herbs based on me NOW, so not to change anything. The herbs would cool me to offset the royal jelly while still giving me the benefits of that supplement.

Basically, they were giving me energizing herbs and royal jelly is an energizer, so my blood really, literally, got pumping!

I also spoke with them about wild yam. They'd told me to take it several months ago, but there is so much varying information out there. I'd done a lot of research and it appears that you can use it from menstruation to ovulation to support fertility through helping ovulation. Or, you can use it ovulation to menstruation to help the luteal phase. BUT, using it throughout the entire cycle may act as birth control. Not what I want!

Now, the doses for contraceptive use are MUCH MUCH higher than what I am taking. About a sixth of the pharmaceutical dose is what I was taking, but it still made me leery month long.  They told me they are not as experienced with wild yam as their herbs (they told me they know those inside and out) but only know wild yam can help women with POF and menopausal symptoms.  Based on my research and what they DO know they suggested I use it the first half of my cycle in the small dose I've been taking and discontinue after ovulation.

Because I don't even want to risk and contraceptive use of it this cycle I'm discontinuing it CD9. For those looking at a contraceptive (I don't know how well it works, so weigh the pros and cons before using it) it's 1250 mg - 1500 mg twice a day non-stop. I was taking one 500 mg dose. You can read more about it here.

http://www.sisterzeus.com/wildyam.htm

I also asked about evening primrose oil. They said they know a little about it, that it is good to nourish the liver, but again, are not well versed enough to recommend using or not using it. For now, I won't use it. If my luteal phase doesn't seem to improve, I may revisit it with them and with their consent try it for a month. I'd used it my first time TTC with my son for increased egg white cervical mucus, but knowing what I know now, it can also help support a longer luteal phase.

I have added back into my regimen from trying for numero dose my daily juice blend of grapefruit (for increased cervical mucus and vitamin C) and POM juice (said to increase endometrial lining.) Both good for antioxidants too if anything else.

For now, I'm taking my cooling herbs and avoiding warming herbs like black pepper, cumin, etc. Still avoiding ice cream too, sigh. I did ask permission to eat some on vacation from some local ice cream parlors that make their own. They thought I was rather hysterical but agreed I can have small helpings. Between my hubby and son, that's all I'll get I'm sure ;)

I'll be going out of town for three weeks so I'll have one last visit before I go with three weeks of herbs with me. When I get back, depending on my charts, they think we will start the acupuncture. They didn't want to begin it until I can go for seven consecutive weeks. I asked a few more questions. The first four they basically redirect my energy channels to so blood and energy flood my reproductive organs. The last three sessions they tweak the energy channels to tell it to "hold on." That means to create a hospitable environment to accept and "hold on" to sperm that will fertilize the egg, and to "snag" the fertilized egg.

So, bad news, I'm bleeding too long, but good news is, in January I had no endometrial lining, so nada blood. Now, we're just tweaking things, but I'm doing well. My blood was too "high" but my Qi is still improving.

This month, my goal is to buy the Diva cup. It sounds like a good environmental purchase, but also I've limited so much toxic exposure, I'd like to stop using tampons and pads altogether. I try to buy unscented and unbleached, but I'd feel better about using the Diva cup I think. The added bonus is I can tell them exactly how heavy my flow is versus trying to gauge it by how much blood appears to be on a pad or tampon. (I'm adding this in after the fact, but I ended up getting a Sckoon cup. It's more flexible and not as long.)

For now, I'm signing off, trying to "cool" down and continuing to nourish and take care of myself.

Baby steps (literally!) ;)

**edited update - For the record, when I spoke with my TCM and they expressed concern over my bleeding, I did contact my doctor (OBGYN) too to update her on my status. She said it was most likely a chemical pregnancy with no issues. She said she'd order blood work. Since there is no trace of a positive on my test anymore, I didn't think it necessary and told her if the bleeding increased or I started cramping I would go in for the blood work and call her to schedule an appointment. 

Possible Chemical Pregnancy

May 31, 2014

Well, the good news, I finally got a BFP. The bad, I started spotting within hours and bleeding shortly after that. I'm trying to look at the optimistic side of this. I can conceive. Whether it was egg health, poor endometrial lining, low progesterone, etc that prevented the pregnancy from "taking" I don't know. BUT, and the big BUT is, it's a step in the right direction.

I know the naysayers will say it may be the POF elevating HCG hormones, but remember, the last time, I had no endometrial lining, had not ovulated, my hormones were preventing me from ovulation and the thing that led to diagnosis was that I never did bleed.

Five months ago, I started treatment with the dismal diagnosis that I would never ovulate nor conceive. Three and a half months ago, I ovulated. Each month my LP got longer. This month, I conceived.

It was a pitiful faint line and I didn't even tell my husband because I wanted to make sure it darkened tomorrow (remember, a faint positive led to my diagnosis of POF) but when I started spotting I told him right away. I told him to not get too excited because I was spotting and my temp had dropped today, but I did get a positive pregnancy test. I said it was good news really...my body was obviously getting stronger, my eggs healthier...for whatever reason it didn't take, but we knew it COULD in the future.

I tested ridiculously early because we didn't know my actual ovulation date this month. I was either 8 days or 10-11, but I decided to test today because I'm taking herbs and wanted to discontinue at the first sight of a line.

I just called my TCM. They also agree it was most likely a chemical pregnancy, but actually seemed very happy at the news. They told me to reduce my herbs, but keep taking them. In the off chance it is a viable pregnancy, the herbs will support my system until we get a more strong positive. I am to call them with any change.

This journey is definitely a rollercoaster, but it has certainly humbled me. I said a long prayer and have put my trust in God. I have prayed for a HEALTHY pregnancy and HEALTHY baby, so if this was not a healthy egg, God and natural selection know. On the off chance it is implantation or hormone fluctuations, we will know soon enough.

For now, I am at peace knowing my body is healing. It's come SO LONG! The fact I was able to conceive defied all odds and I KNOW I will be able to conceive and go on to have a healthy baby. I know and trust.

God Bless.

Kicking the Cold and Determining O

May 27, 2014

I hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend. To all the soldiers who have lost their lives and to their families, my heartfelt thank you. I cannot imagine that sacrifice.

Well, my TCM confirmed Saturday that I ovulated. Which day, we aren't entirely sure. We're waiting to see the charting pattern overall once AF arrives. According to the FAM method (Fertility Awareness Method that states three high temps after six lower you ovulated) it was last Sunday. If you base it solely on the OPK it was anywhere from Weds-Friday... Fertility Friend placed it at CD16 on Friday, but I know that isn't accurate because my cervical mucus and cervix weren't fertile. All my previous cycles I had those signs at least through ovulation and sometimes extending into the next day.

My gut tells me it was either CD13 or CD14. I typically ovulate just before I can read an OPK (I know not the norm, but I only can catch a surge in the morning, so if it began the day before when my urine was too diluted, I can't read it until the next morning) or the day of a positive OPK. I wouldn't care so much which day it was except we are working so hard on extending the LP. Ah well. I'll just rejoice I ovulated again and concern myself with that further on down the road.

So basically I'm either 9DPO, 6-7 DPO or a mere 4 DPO (which I don't believe for a chance.)

My visit with my TCM on Saturday was great. Although I have a cold (which yes, they were able to detect through my pulse, and they knew it was in my sinuses without my telling them) my pulse was still stronger than last time. Dare I say, very good :) Yahoo! How did they know about the cold? They said my pulse was floating and rapid. Interesting, huh?

Depending on when I start menstruating, they think we will begin acupuncture again next visit. I inquired more and they said four visits to get my blood flowing really well to my reproductive organs and then three sessions to "prepare for pregnancy." So, seven total. They will be weekly, however since I'm planning a three week vacation at the end of June, I'll ask if they prefer we wait to start acupuncture until I get home.

I did ask if I were to conceive before the sessions were done if it'd be detrimental to the baby or increase my chance of miscarriage, and they said no. If I were to get pregnant, that means my body is strong and ready to carry a baby, so they'd just discontinue my treatments. IF there were any problems during the pregnancy, call them and we'd address if acupuncture can help.

My last pregnancy I had low amniotic fluid and was monitored very closely my last four weeks of pregnancy. I have to remember next visit to ask them about this and if there is anything I can do to help prepare my body to avoid that, or if it were to occur next time, if there is anything they can do to address that problem.

They did give me two separate batches of herbs while I was there. One week to address my cold and the second week back to fertility. I asked why and he explained that the herbs they use for fertility are to nourish me, so if I took them while I was sick, I would be nourishing the virus too, extending how long I am sick. I never thought of it that way before. The taste is definitely different in the "cold blend." I will say, it really kicked my cold's butt though. It's Tuesday and I feel good as new. Typically, I'm prone to sinus infection and once it sets in, it's tough to kick it, so I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I'll keep you posted. For now, I'm three for three. Not bad for the woman who they told had dead ovaries ;)

Mid Cycle Confusion

May 21, 2014

Well, I'm not exactly sure what is going on with my cycle, but I'm fairly certain I ovulated or am about to. This is the third day of raised temps, but my cervix was still SHOW (soft, high, open, wet) and I still had fertile cervical mucus so I wasn't completely sold on ovulating quite yet, than this morning I got a positive OPK. I'm not entirely certain what could have caused my temps to rise (my son was sick, maybe a slightly elevated temp battling germs??) but I think I ovulated late last night or early this morning. I know for most people a positive OPK means impending ovulation, but for the last two charts and my chart that I conceived my son, I ovulated that day or the day before my positive OPK.

Why? Basically, I think I have short surges. I drink a lot of water during the days, so the only true time I can get a reading is FMU (first morning urine.) Since LH doesn't surge until mid-day, which is why they recommend mid day testing (I've tried, I drink way too much and can never get a concentrated sample) I have to test in the morning. So, whenever I get a positive, it is usually the day after ovulation and I am catching my LH surge trailing off. Sometimes, I can catch it just before I ovulate. They say ovulation impending in 12-48 hrs...with the average 24-36, but I just think I'm closer to the 12 hr window. I did test last night. My urine was quite diluted and there was a relatively dark test line, so not quite positive, but again, I think the dilution was the cause. After getting my positive today, I'm pretty sure that test would have been positive had I not had 32 oz of water between dinner and testing ;)

I guess we'll see what my temps do over the next few days to know for sure. The good news is, all signs point to O again. This will be three cycles in a row. And, if ovulation was yesterday that would be two charts in a row with a CD13 ovulation. It's nice to see a pattern emerging. Let's hope for a longer LP this time. Although, my funky temps may make it difficult to get a true read on it's length. I'm cure my TCM will analyze my chart and get a better feel than I.

Twice as Nice

May 14, 2014

Well, not bad. First cycle back was a two day period and four days of spotting. The second cycle back was four days of bleeding and two days of spotting. Looks like my body is figuring things out. My TCM said the goal was to have 4-5 days of menstruating, so my body is responding nicely. I think the flow should be a little heavier, but baby steps (literally, ha!)

Tomorrow is my birthday. 35! Yow! So, that officially puts my in the "high risk" bracket of being pregnant anyway. I've never shied away from a challenge before, so why now? :) 

About to Enter Phase Three

May 10, 2014

Well, good news. I'm "normal." My pulse is within the range of a normal, ovulating and menstruating, healthy woman.

My doctor was back from China, a bit jet lagged as she got home last night, but delved right in. I had printed off my two charts for her so she began analyzing them while she took my pulse. My first chart (remember, I was cut off when I hit 180 days so I had to start a new one, and even that one was over 60 days) showed the 5 day LP. My second chart, looked actually quite a bit more promising showing a good thermal shift and showed the 8 day LP. So, really, I guess I've only had one "true" cycle to base things off of, but we analyzed them both because we are really looking at the LP right now.

She said my cycles were too short, which I was already aware of, but did agree the three additional day LP was a step in the right direction. The "first" cycle I also only menstruated for two days. This cycle I'm on day three. All very light bleeding, but that is also a step in the right direction.

She started writing with a fury on my chart. She took note of the severe abdominal and back cramping and went through various other symptoms, the color of the blood, the amount, if there were clots, etc. Red. Light. No clots.

I asked about egg health and she said that is one of the goals now. To improve egg health and lengthen my cycles. She told me to begin taking the royal jelly, but only one capsule, once a day. She doesn't like many supplements (ironic because of all that I am on) but said to take the minimum dose as it should help my eggs.

I counted 29 herbs in this concoction. I have yet to drink it. I will tonight, but when I smelled it, it was sweeter. It didn't have an overly bitter smell to it like some past mixtures have.

She discussed with me their plan for phase three. Phase one was acupuncture while I was in the process of weaning my son. Phase two was the herbs to regulate my hormones and nourish my blood and organs. Phase three will begin most likely after this cycle with the hopes it will extend a bit. Phase three will be a two part acupuncture cycle. The first part will be a "wake up" call to my reproductive organs and uterus. The second part will prepare me for pregnancy and to carry a baby.

How it all works, I'm not quite sure, but I usually go armed with questions so hopefully I will get some answers. My mom, also brought up a point about my previous pregnancy to discuss with them. I had a very healthy pregnancy, but around 36 1/2 weeks I had to go to the hospital for possibly induction because I had low amniotic fluid. With minimal bed rest, a huge intake of water, and daily, then every other day NST (neonatal stress test) and AF (amniotic fluid) tests I was cleared until almost 41 weeks. My doctor had told me because of the low fluid at 41 weeks she would induce me and at 40 1/2 weeks my amniotic fluid dropped to dangerous levels. I was sent to the hospital and immediately induced. 

It was a miserable and painful labor. I'd sworn I'd go natural with no meds but after over 25 hrs, the nurse ran in to stop pitocin because I was just having one LOOOOOONG contraction with no breaks and they feared my uterus would rupture. I gave in and got an epidural when talk of a possible C-section was brought up. That is a story for another day.

I wonder if they could better prepare my body in some way to avoid that the next go round? I'll ask. If not, if there is any talk of an induction for a future pregnancy, I'll me giving them a holler to possibly stimulate my body through acupuncture to get labor in motion naturally. No more of those synthetic drugs!

Anyway, I digress. I feel pretty happy. This cycle, we hope will elongate. The herbs will continue to nourish and aid my hormones to their appropriate levels. It will also help my egg health. As discussed previously, egg health is really determined the last three months it's growing before it's released from a follicle. I've already been helping it along with the herbs and the supplements I'm taking, but this will step it up a notch.

I'll keep you posted how this cycle goes and when acupuncture begins. I feel so calm right now. Instead of hoping for a positive pregnancy test this month, I've completely allowed myself to let go and let God heal me. The positive will come, and come soon, when the time is right. I can only prepare the field and trust.

Overall, I'm feeling very optimistic. My body is responding well to treatment. And, the beautiful thing is, the "treatment" is not interfering with my own body's hormones. It is gently assisting them by making me healthy. Isn't that cool? Our bodies are miraculous!

God bless!

Happy or Sad?

May 8, 2014

It's funny. A few months ago I would have been ecstatic to get my period, and part of me still is (ok, a huge part of me still is)...but, it's surprising how quickly my expectations have multiplied. It's almost since I had a period, I just expected I'd easily fall pregnant this month. Nope.

So, today, AF arrived. This morning my temp took a drastic drop and I got that foreboding feeling. I kept trying to tell myself there was a chance it was an "implantation dip" at 9 DPO, but knowing how short my LP was last month, I figured AF was around the corner. I noticed a little spotting a bit earlier and then after lunch a very light flow started. I also had some pretty serious cramping and backache. I don't really recall serious cramping before when trying to conceive but I only actually had two cycles off birth control and then "Viola" baby! So, I've little to compare it to. Besides, my hormones were VERY out of whack starting this whole process, so I've no clue what my new normal is.

An implantation dip is a drastic dip, I think they say at least .3 degrees within the days of implantation, typically 6-12, most likely around 7-9. Some people believe in it, some don't. It happens far more on pregnancy charts.

The scientific basis is that you have another estrogen surge after ovulation around the time that progesterone, the hormone that increases your temperature in case fertilization occurs, drops. In pregnant women, sometimes that estrogen surge is stronger. Once the egg implants, it releases HCG which tells the corpus luteum to keep producing progesterone until the placenta takes over later in pregnancy. I deduce the dip appears more on pregnancy charts because it shoots back up once the corpus luteum gets the memo to up the progesterone production again.  All I know is that when I charted before I never had a dip until I conceived my son. It dipped on his chart 7 DPO and it went triphasic, meaning the temps after the dip raised above my post ovulation temperatures from days 1-6.

I'm trying to see the silver lining. I went from no period and being told (basically) I would never get one nor ovulate, to ovulating after my body geared up several times with a short LP phase of 5 days (technically since I started menstruating on day 6 it would only be five) to this cycle, my body gearing up ONCE and following through with a successful ovulation and my luteal phase extending to 8 days with my period starting 9 DPO. If my body can gear up, ovulate and extend my LP again by 3 days I will be just about "normal."

So as crummy and disappointed as I feel right now, my body is actually healing quite nicely. I will be honest though. I just want to have a good cry. It's so unfair. In the grand scheme of things, I know I've been dealt a great hand overall and I feel so incredibly selfish I'm getting so woe is me over this, but it Just. Plain. Sucks.

I'm back to my TCM on Saturday so I'll discuss with them my short LP and go over with my doctor if I should start any supplements like royal jelly to start assisting my egg health. She's back from China this week, so it'll be good to get her input on my cycles and how my pulse feels.

My OBGYN had said after 6 months she'd be happy to retest my levels to see how the TCM was working out. My last test she ran was on Jan. 25, 2014. I started acupuncture on Weds Jan. 29 and herbs the following month on Fri. Feb. 21. My six months from the diagnosing blood draw will be July 25. If no BFP by then, I will request an updated lab. This time, I want it drawn on the appropriate CD3 (cycle day 3.) That is the most accurate day to measure LH and FSH. Since I'd had no period before, we just worked with what we had.

Plodding on. Happy and sad.