7 weeks 3 days

March 20, 2016

Just checking in. Pretty much exhausted and feeling sick all the time, so that sounds like good news. My biggest struggle right now is staying hydrated. I'm not throwing up, but water and liquids just make me feel ill. I'm trying to mix it up with sparkling juice and waters. As for food, just trying to eat often and small. A slice of cheese is sometimes all I can handle, but that's ok. Just nibbling every few hours so my blood sugar doesn't drop. I just feel full, like I ate five plates at Thanksgiving and want to vomit full, All. The. Time.

As for the bed rest, or couch rest, I've let up a bit. As my doctor said, with no bleeding, I can get up on my feet and do some slight excursions or activities for 15 min or so. Although nothing crazy, I stopped by a friend's baby shower Friday night and promptly parked myself on the couch and went to a baby expo Saturday and made myself homey in a glider that was for sale. I will say I started to feel a bit crampy on the last outing, so we took it easy today. I did go to a friend's church to watch her son speak, but that was literally walking from the door to a chair and back again. I'm really hoping Weds brings good news about moving around a bit more. I miss my walks and I think they helped last pregnancy manage morning sickness.

Not a whole lot of food sounds good perse, except carbs, which I know really means I need more protein, so I've been trying to stick with protein. The only food that DOES sound good all the time in pickled green beans that my parents can. Silly, but oh my goodness. Spicy and salty...sooooo good. Thankfully they are coming to visit in a month so I'm trying to savor the two jars I have.

Other than that, waiting to go in Weds and praying to see a nice strong heartbeat and healed SCH.

God bless.

Subchorionic Hematoma

March 15,

We are 6 weeks and 5 days! It was back to the doctor today and perfect timing. As soon as we pulled up to the office and I put one foot out of the car I felt a huge gush of blood. I kept hoping it was just endometrin discharge from my meds, but I could tell it was something more. I went immediately to the bathroom and gah. I'd have two liners on and it'd soaked through. Eck. Thankfully they are well stocked on pads.

I could feel a dull ache and cramping on the way and was thinking it was my jeans which are already feeling a bit tight. Can I just wear leggings or sweats this whole pregnancy? Seems legit to me, right? When I felt that gush though...

Perfect timing if it were to happen though right? And, I'd been forewarned by the doctor it'd occur again. I'd kind of lucked out until now so I thought maybe I'd be getting off easy.

It was in for the blood draw and back to waiting for my ultrasound. As soon as I got in, the doctor's assistant was scheduled to do my ultrasound today. I like her so I wasn't about complaining it was her. She found the baby right away and already I could tell he or she had grown considerably since last Thursday. Sure enough, our little snowflake was measuring right on target, 6 weeks 5 days. I could see that little flicker of a heart beat too. Always so reassuring. My husband took a little video of the heart and you can even see the little bean moving around a bit. It's so amazing so early that little life is moving, has a beating heart...just amazing.

The thing I was most relieved to see was the dark black line that was the "tear" last time looked considerably smaller to my untrained eye. She said it was a different angle, but even after she moved the wand around, it didn't look as long. It looked a tad thicker in one area, but didn't extend the whole side of the placenta.

Here are the photos. Top is 6 weeks. See the dark black line below the placenta? That is the tear. Bottom is  6 weeks 5 days. The dark line doesn't look as menacing. And, look how much the baby had grown. Amazing how quickly they grow!

She said the clot would hopefully be reabsorbed or bleed out, which it was doing now. Until it was clear, bedrest. My husband clarified what that meant. She basically said only get up to eat or go to the bathroom when I was bleeding. When I wasn't move slow, avoid lifting or straining and only do light activity. Try to limit errands to 15 minutes or so and keep my feet up. If no bleeding, I could do the stairs, incredibly slow and carefully. If I had cramping or any spotting or bleeding, no more.

They wanted me back next week for monitoring. I asked if since I had a visit scheduled with my OB next Weds if that could count as my monitoring visit since prenatal care is covered there and this is out of pocket and they said sure. As long as my OB releases photos of my u/s and my blood tests, I'm ok to go there next week. If my OB agrees to weekly monitoring, then I can do it there under my insurance, but if not, I'll still have to go back to the RE the weeks I'm not seen there. Fingers crossed my OB is cooperative. Considering it's an existing pregnancy and a complication, I'd assume it would be covered since it has nothing to do with "fertility" itself.

We've been very blessed throughout all this. I asked our prayer chain at church just for prayer throughout all this and dinner miraculously appeared on our doorstep last night. They put together a small chain to bring meals every other day so we don't have to worry about food or grocery shopping. It's amazing what a relief that is.

My husband has been diligently submitting applications on the days our son is in childcare to find in town employment. It looks like he will be leaving next week. We're still debating how to make it work, but I think I can put our son in full time daycare for the interim until everything is completely better. I know a few moms from the school would work with me to pick him up or drop him off since we are literally across the street. Our son has been doing really good understanding and having patience I can't do everything to help him.

I can't imagine this will be a long term set back. If so, I talked to my mom about coming to help for a bit and my mother in law offered as well. We'll see how the next week goes before making any arrangements. I'm optimistic it will be short lived.

Until next time - kicking my feet up, drinking lots of water, trying to relax and being grateful for this little one growing day by day.

God bless!

Bedrest

March 11, 2016

Well, I guess this was my second day of bedrest. The good news is I've stopped bleeding entirely. My doctor did prepare me that it'd most likely happen again and there'd probably be cramping and clotting. For now though, I'm feeling good.

I feel sick every time I eat, but I was that way with my first pregnancy as well. A walk outside in the fresh air always helped, but for now, just have to suck it up. Totally fine with it. After everything, morning sickness and bedrest, not gonna complain.

My hubby is struggling a bit. Just with the "I need to work" stress - he travels out of town, but can't at least until I go back for a checkup and we are able to game plan. The reality is though, he was job hunting in town this week anyway, so while our son was at daycare he was able to turn in a few applications. It would be an answer to our prayers for him to get in town employment! For me, I work from home on the computer, so I can still work.

I had to let my agency know about the pregnancy and bedrest. I was hoping to hold off until I was undeniably showing this time because auditions disappear when they know, but out of decency, I let them know what was up. I don't want them pitching me for roles that I can't legitimately go out and audition for. I think if this rectifies soon and I can get back in the game for a month or two before I'm really showing they will still submit me. Maybe...fingers crossed.

My husband is also struggling because I think he's realizing how much of the day to day stuff I typically did. Having to do it all is kind of a rude awakening. All in all, he's handling it really well. Our son is understanding mommy needs to rest and to be careful climbing around me so baby is ok. He gave my belly a kiss goodnight. My husband's been a good sport to carry me up and down the stairs so I can shower. This will be my first night back in my bed and I cannot wait.

I'm trying to let go of the I need to do everything guilt. A friend of ours ran to Costco today and I had her pick us up several of their prepared meals to just pop in the oven. My we need to eat everything healthy attitude is a bit to the wayside right now. As much as I want healthy food, the reality is we need food on the table and I can't prepare it. If this is long term, we'll try and figure something out, but for now, prepared meals it is. It was a pizza night for dinner. I had no complaints.

Other than that, not much to update. I go back in Tuesday for an ultrasound and monitoring. Have a wonderful weekend!

God Bless!

Highs and Lows

March 10, 2016

Well, the last 36 hrs have been a roller coaster.

Everything stated out great yesterday. I went it for my third beta and my coordinator called with great news.

Estradiol 1560
Progesterone >60
HCG 14,497

Awesome numbers for being almost six weeks along. So, happy dance.

A few hrs later though, I started bleeding bright red...a lot. And, I freaked. I called the doctor who was closed and got their answering service. Because "blood" was mentioned they patched me through to the on call doctor who happened to be mine.

I think he was seriously debating driving in last night to meet me at the office. Instead, we decided feet up, lots of fluids and bedrest for the night. I'd come in first thing today.

I was suppose to host an event with my friend tomorrow so I text her explaining what was going on, and she of course didn't care about the event. She was so sweet. They are LDS and in their faith, her husband holds the rite of "priesthood" and she offered him to come say a prayer over me. I was so touched I accepted so he and another friend, also LDS, came and anointed me with oil and said a prayer.

They were very sweet to explain what they were doing and why. Growing up Catholic, I wasn't weirded out my anointing or prayers. My husband and myself found it very comforting. I'd actually picked up a book before they came and was reading over scriptures about comfort and God's promise regarding no one shall miscarry.

When they left, I felt peaceful. I knew everything would be ok. Worry kept creeping in, yes and totally woke me several times, but by this morning, the bright red flow was pink spotting. Greatly reassuring.

My friend offered to watch our son so my husband could come to my appointment with me. When we arrived they decided to run my blood work again to check all my levels and after a wait, we finally got to go in. Everyone was very reassuring that bleeding is pretty common after IVF procedures.

As soon as he inserted the wand, I could see the sac in my uterus and we saw the tiniest of tiny babies. And, wait for it, a flicker! None of us expected to see a heart beat. I am only 6 weeks today. But there it was. He enlarged it and it was the most beautiful site. He turned up the volume and tears just erupted. I'm sure he sees that all the time, but I didn't even care what he though. He shows us the yolk, the baby, the heart beat and explained the baby looked perfect.

he then showed me the dark line and explained that it was a rip between the placenta and the uterus. He said there was a minimal chance of miscarriage, but that these tend to resolve themselves with close monitoring and bedrest. He told me for the next week to stay on bedrest, avoid any lifting, or strenuous reaching or exercise and absolutely take it easy.

He told us to keep our Tuesday appointment and to rest until then. So, here I am feet up.

Since that was my fertility doctor, I emailed my OB as well. I wanted it on record the issues I was having and also to see if it required any closer monitoring there. In all honesty, if my OB can do the bulk of monitoring it'd be SO much cheaper since it's all covered. Today, just going in and having labs run with an u/s was $445. I'm soooooo glad I did though. Money well spent. Reassurance and his expertise worthy way more than gold!

We're not certain what we are going to do in regards to my husband working. He travels out of town and obviously if I'm restricted to bed, that won't work. He is staying in town through next week. After that, we have a few options if the bedrest continues. Put our son in full time daycare when he's traveling and try to arrange for someone to come in the evenings or just have my son and I camp out in the living room every night (since I can't use the stairs) or see if some family will come out. I spoke with my mom briefly and she's willing to come if need be.

For now, rejoicing in hearing that little bean's heart. Feeling so grateful and relieved. I know this little one will be just fine. I just need to rest and take care of myself and the baby.

God Bless!

Update: My clinic just called and my numbers are great.

Estradiol 1228
Progesterone 44.7
HCG 18.379 which is a 70 hr doubling. Way ahead of the projected 96 hr doubling at this point.

Second Beta

March 2, 2016

Today was beta 2 day! I wasn’t as nervous going in this time knowing I had a strong number Monday, and I’d gone to the pharmacy to pick up my meds yesterday and taken a pregnancy test at Kaiser which turned immediately despite diluted urine, so I felt my numbers must be increasing.

Estrogen 535

Progesterone 42

HCG 2743

At first I got a bit uneasy because my numbers were slightly under the 48 hour doubling rate – 193 to be exact. I had a 89% doubling rate meaning my doubling time was closer to 52 or 53 hours. But, Google happy that I was, all the medical sites clearly stated doubling was 48-72 hrs when your HCG is up to 1200 and 72-96 hrs 1200-6000. After that it is >96 hrs. So, I’m still on the higher end of that.

Now, totally wish my coordinator had said that, but she DID tell me it’s a great number and not to worry it was slightly under. Still think the whole 72-96 hr doubling rate would have been worth mentioning, but ah well.

She did say my estrogen had dropped, but asked if tonight was my delestrogen shot. She said that was the reason. The day before my last draw I’d taken it, so it was on the lower end today because I’m due for it again. As far as my progesterone dropping a bit, I was a bit worried, but she said that they want it over 25, so even though it dropped, at 42, it’s still well over their mark they shoot for.

It’s so bizarre. This whole TTC journey is just so nerve-racking. I feel good and confident (after I talked myself down) but I just need to trust. So far this baby is growing nicely, so keep on little one.

My nurse from my OBs office called. Again, we went through the when was your last menstrual cycle. I’m not certain how many times I will have to say it doesn’t matter, I did a frozen embryo transfer on the 16^th. I don’t think that is an option to plug into their computer, and they instinctively treat that as “ovulation” day projecting my due date, but I have to keep restating the embryo was 5 days old. She kept insisting I was exactly 4 weeks and I was saying, “No, I’m 4 weeks 6 days.”

Ah well, it will get sorted out. I go into my OB on the 23^rd, so I will be 7 weeks 6 days. It will be exactly one week after my ultra sound with my RE. I wanted to try and push it a week, but they really were adamant I go between 7 and 8 weeks, so I think it’ll be fine. I still have to drive in for the blood draws at my fertility clinic because my insurance won’t cover them. The nice thing about this, is all my prenatal visits are covered, so I’m going to double dip as this for my second ultra sound so I don’t have to pay out of pocket at my RE for the second one.

I just can’t wait to hear the little heartbeat. There is such peace in knowing the heart is beating strong.

For now, I’m pregnant. The betas are looking good! My boobs are very sore, that is for sure and I’m tired. Other than a few moments of nausea this afternoon, I’m feeling great.

God bless! 

First Beta

Feb. 29, 2016

Happy leap day! It was also beta day! Sooooo much better than the last one.

Are you ready for it? Drum. Roll. Please....

HCG 1468!
Estradiol 1344
Progesterone 52.84

My doctor said my levels were right on target and my HCG was high for my date. 13dp5dt or the equivalent of 18 days past ovulation. I'm just excited to know this little guy / gal is burrowing in and getting snugly for the long haul.

I have to go back Weds to check on doubling. Ideally, HCG doubles every 48-72 hrs; however I read that once it's over 1200 it slows down a bit. We shall see what the number is Weds - praying for good numbers.

My husband is out of town, so once I got my son dropped off to school I hopped in the car and headed to my draw. The traffic was a bit of a nightmare and it took me over an hour to get there, but I knew it'd be quick to do the blood draw and I could head home to work. The lab tech was my usual woman, so sweet.

When I went to check out the receptionist asked me if I'd cheated and this time I was able to say yes with a smile :) "Congrats! From here on out you pay out of pocket."

LOL, funny how that is the second thing out of their mouth. Yeah yeah yeah. I get it.

I was getting rather agitated I didn't hear sooner from the doctor's office. They close at 5 and it wasn't until 4:30 that I finally heard back from the nurse. I know first betas they usually make the call between noon and 1, so once it hit 4 I emailed and left a voice message. My coordinator finally called me back and gave me a long explanation for why she hadn't called sooner just leaving me on the phone rolling my eyes like "get to it already." She started with my estradiol, then my progesterone and then I hear "Where did I put your HCG, I swear it was right here."

COME ON ALREADY!!!

1468! Yippee!

So, back on Weds for a second draw, then I believe a week later for a third and then back for my first ultrasound the following week. I don't know the date for sure, but if they are working on weeks, I'd be 6 weeks 6 days for the first ultra sound on March 16.

Pray for a good doubling number for me! I'm so excited. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!

10dp5dt

Feb. 26, 2016

Getting so close to beta day! So many ladies go in at 9dp5dt or 10, but my clinic has been holding strict to 12, and since that is a Sunday, 13 it is. I'm feeling good though. Other than tender breasts and being incredibly tired, which I think has more to do with all the hormones than pregnancy this early in the game, I'm completely symptom free.

I haven't been too crazy testing. I test originally 4dp5dt and then again on 5 days, 7 days, 9 days. My line has always darkened. The last two days weren't crazy different, but significant enough to know it was progressing. I don't completely trust the "ink" on these Wondfos anyway. A lady in my EA forum completely freaked because hers was super light after being dark - sure enough she dipped another and it was dark again.

The top was 4 day and bottom was 9 day. I thought I was out of tests, but I found two mixed in with my old OPKs today. I might just go crazy and test again tomorrow ;) My OPKs I'll ship out to another Mama trying with hopes it'll bring her luck.

I'm down to my last Lovenox tonight. A friend had said she was sending me some, but it never arrived. Apparently her husband forgot to send them. I called around to all the area pharmacies and YOUCH! Some charge as much as $48 per vial (one vial per day.) Costco was the best bargain. I actually had my coordinator send a script for heparin because it was cheaper but figured why not give it a go with my insurance.

Turns out Lovenox IS covered, but ONLY if my Kaiser doctor prescribes it. After a bit of back and forth, she agreed to put in a prescription for two weeks. She doesn't understand my RE's decision to prescribe it to me, but honestly, she isn't a fertility doctor. He's one of the best and I trust him, so I'm going with what he says. I got the impression, I won't need it all through pregnancy, but just up until a point he feels certain my body won't reject the embryo. I'm sure I'll chat more with him in a few weeks at our first ultrasound about when that is.

I realized that I didn't tell you about my "spilling the beans" with my in-laws. Apparently, my husband who was with them for his grandma's funeral was having questions fired at him. They were unaware we'd transferred. I'd told them a month out, but with everything going on, I just think they forgot completely. Anyway, they asked when we were transferring and he said "We already have."

Then the questions started. How is it done? What is the procedure? When would we know? My poor hubby was just sitting there knowing all the while that we'd tested positive the day before. He finally text me "You have to call and tell them. I'll tell my mom you are calling to tell her about the procedure."

So, I called. When I got on the phone with her and she asked about it, I said "Well, Bryce wanted me to explain you'd be a grandma again in November."

Silence.

"Wait. What? Wait. It worked? It took?"

"Yes!"

She was overcome with emotion and having just said goodbye to a loved one, I think it was really an extra special thing for them to know a new baby would be blessing the family. Before she could tell Papa, I told her, let's FaceTime so my son could tell him. And boy did he ever. He just kept screaming "Big Brother" again into the phone.

My son is adamant we are having a girl. He tells me everyday "I want a girl." And, he's always pulling up my shirt and rubbing my belly and kissing it. I hope for his sake it's a girl...and if not, we will have several months trying to convince him how awesome a baby brother would be ;)

Anyway, just wanted to jump on and give you all an update. I'm feeling very peaceful and that God is in control. I've no fear for this pregnancy. I'm very hopeful for a nice strong beta and beautiful doubling. This little snowflake is well loved and cherished and we are so incredibly excited.

God bless!