1dp5dt

Feb. 17, 2016

Well, one day down. Almost. Feeling good. Having really bad cramps. I'm trying to remember last time if they were this bad. Since it was a negative last time, I assume it was either from the procedure or the embryo had implanted and just arrested. I'll never know. I DO know that today, I'm having really bad cramping. It started super low like little bursts and has just morphed into really bad menstrual like cramps all over. Just dull and achy. Whenever I get up, I just feel sore and like there is a lot of pressure.

Other than that, I feel good. I didn't do the whole bedrest thing this time. I took it easy yesterday and was a couch potato watching shows, but I refused to work to limit stress. It was nice! My son came and snuggled with me before bed and I read him stories on the couch. I slept downstairs as well. I did want to avoid the stairs the first day - maybe a silly precaution, but that was one thing my RE was rather adamant about and I didn't want those "what if" feelings. I will admit it was nice to sleep without my son waking me. Fell to dad last night ;) Hm...maybe I need another night without the stairs, eh?

Last night it was very sweet. My husband pulled out the photo of the embryo at dinner and explained to our son that we called it a "snowflake" and it was tiny tiny and hopefully someday would be a baby. We explained it was in mommy's tummy and mommy couldn't pick him up for a little bit. After dinner, when we were on the couch, he lifted up my shirt and laid his head on my tummy. He kissed it. Melts my heart. I hope that little guy / gal in there is snuggling in deep. He / she has an amazing big brother waiting for them.

This morning, my son came down to wake me and we snuggled and watched cartoons and I got him ready. My husband dropped him at school, but I'm picking him up tonight. I've just been working from the couch today making sure to get up every few hours to get the blood pumping.

I started the Lovenox last night. Not too bad. I will say it stings to push that needle in, but it does to the rear as well. The Lovenox goes into your fat in your stomach. You have to basically squish it up and stab it in there. I think it actually stings more because you are watching it go in and have to give it a good shove. It did bruise a tiny bit - it just looks like a blood blister. It bled more than the intramuscular ones in my butt. I'm thinking the nurse was right and I'll have to move to my legs at some point. I'll have to take a photo later into this process. My stomach will be riddled with bruised dots. lol

An amazing thing yesterday. We received an anonymous donation. It came with a beautiful hand written note. Someone's uncle had passed away. They decided to give us a portion of the estate he left as he'd have wanted to gift it to a couple seeking the adoption process. They commented how he may not have understood this method, but getting with the times and all... lol. It was neat to hear about his life and his quirky personality. I've saved it to put in a memory box for our little Snowflake. We've so many things to share with him or her when they are older about how wanted they are, how blessed we are to have them in our family.

It was really neat to get and my husband and myself continuously find ourselves thanking God and amazing at how blessed we've been. A month ago, I remember crying and not knowing how we would do all this. I honestly made a decision one day to lay it at God's feet and found peace. I will never stop being amazed at how God works. There is no problem to big or too small.

Well, gearing up for my next shot and keeping my feet up and warm while I finish out the work day and can go get my son.

God bless!

2dp5dt

Nov. 18, 2015

Well, two days in. Yesterday and today have been very, very crampy. I'm optomistic it's the wee one settling in for the long haul.

Monday, I did pretty good with the whole bed rest thing. I wasn't overly strict, but was a good couch potato. My friend got home around 8:30 that night and cooked dinner. I sat on a chair with my feet up on another chair in the kitchen and chatted with her. She was also a good sport and did my shots since it was in the left cheek. She was AWESOME! Very gentle. Barely left a mark.

I will say, bed rest and PIO shots are a pretty awful combo. What I've found makes the shots tolerable is moving around. So lying all day or lounging just makes the muscles hurt more. It's like when you work out and don't stretch. Whenever I did get up, I felt like an 80 year old woman waddling around. So, so tender.

Last night, I ended up getting an audition. I should have figured I would. Whenever I leave town or have a conflict, the calls come in. Since it wasn't until 6:15 in the evening I decided to go. The doctor had told me I could actually return to work that day since I sit behind a computer (little did he know I work from home so I'd be there anyway) so I figured going to an audition and walking that little bit wouldn't be bad. I can't help but think a little blood flow to the uterus helps anyways.

It was on the back lot at Universal and I was able to park super close to the trailer. I will say however it was not my finest moment as an actor. Super easy role. HOWEVER, I was so paranoid about my husband getting me from my friends, getting home to change, drive there, etc I gave the sides a once over and totally ignored the breakdown (a description of the character.) I've lived here 15 years and NEVER done that! Ever! I'm the epitome of professional and prepared. So, I drive all the way to town in rush hour on my day of bed rest (I was being a couch potato in my car...right?? Made sense to me) and pull into the studio, find a parking spot and turn on my phone to review the sides one last time and notice the breakdown. OOPS! I was wearing a completely inappropriate outfit.

Sh*t! I about had a panic attack in the car. I basically summoned all my "get your sh*t together" attitude, walked into the trailer restroom, tried to make things work with my hair and basically had the "just do what you came here to do pep talk." Long story short. I did the role well. This is the fourth time I've been in for this show. Casting knows me well and the whole way home I just had to keep repeating to myself she obviously likes my work. If I lose this role because I wore my damn sneakers instead of heels (which I had on and CHANGED by the way because I remembered my TCM told me to keep my feet warm and it was cold out) then I'd hope she'll continue calling me in until the role is right. I'm still irritated with myself over it. I'm always on my game when it comes to that. I totally dropped the ball.

I was able to get home in time for my son's bedtime. My husband was very sweet and carried me up the stairs so I could read him some stories before bed. My son, thought it was hilarious!

Today, my 48 hr bed rest was up, but my husband still insisted on carrying me down the stairs this morning. Once we surpassed the true 48 hrs since procedure I did climb them myself. This evening I took a super short walk to the store and it felt glorious. Tomorrow I will resume my daily walks. It really helps my tush feel better like I said before. Sitting around just makes me hurt.

I'm feeling really good about things. The cramps I feel are a good sign. I am incredibly tired. I know it's too early to be a pregnancy sign, but I think all the progesterone I'm taking is making me drag. Well, that and I'm sure the sitting around is just making me feel lazy and tired too.

My husband was saying I should test already and I had to explain it was WAY too early. I think he's just excited. Me too. Praying praying praying....

God Bless

My Blog. My Safe Place.

April 19, 2014

Well, my flow has been rather light. Yesterday, was more like heavy spotting or super light flow and today was just a tad of spotting, and my temp went back up. I’ll test for the heck of it tomorrow, although even if I was preggers, it’d most likely be too early to register at 9 days post ovulation.

 I’m testing for nostalgia purposes really. It was two years ago exactly tomorrow that we announced we were expecting Reed. If I were to get a positive, it would just make it that more special. That, and it will be Easter Sunday. Jesus rose from the dead. My ovaries firing an egg seems rather insignificant in comparison.  

If negative, I’ll test later in the week, to be more cautious than anything. It’s most likely so low and so soon after ovulation because my hormones are wacky and trying to balance out, but there is just that inner voice telling me to test to be sure.

There is a small chance it could be implantation bleeding and if there is any chance there is a little bambino in there, I want to make sure to stop my supplements and herbs immediately. As my TCM assured me, it is safe, but I don’t like the thought of any unnecessary herb, supplement, medicine, alcohol, caffeine, whatever floating around in there longer than there needs to be once my little bean is leaching from my blood supply. 

The good thing is, until I got my first period and knew I was pre-ovulation, I’d already decided against the castor oil pack which is really the thing I was most concerned about. Once my cycles regulate, I’ll add that back in if I don’t get a positive first.

I shared in a Facebook mommy group, that has been immensely supportive of my health issues that my period came back and mommies came out of the woodwork with excitement and congratulations. One in particular encouraged me to share my journey and alternative heeling route. When I said I was a big fat chicken because not all online communities are as open minded and supportive (ironically, some of the most critical of alternative healing and the desire to beat POF are the POF support groups) she suggested I write my blog anonymous and turn off the comments if I was concerned about people getting nasty. Not a bad idea. I’m mulling over the anonymous or public…

I think I’ll keep the comments on. I want people to be free to ask questions and share their journey and experiences.  I’ll just delete the ones that get me riled up. My biggest obstacle in this whole journey was reducing stress and anxiety. I’m not going to let criticism put me back in a negative place. I’m at peace now.

I want my blog to be a safe place where people can think outside the box. If it’s not their cup of tea, I totally get it, and I really do support people using traditional means to treat their symptoms if that’s what they want to do. However, people need to understand, it treats their symptoms, and although it does lessen their risk of horrible future problems like osteoporosis, heart disease, stroke, increased cancer risk, etc (which is FANTASTIC and thank God it is out there!!) but it does not treat the disease itself. What saddens me, is when people use traditional means and become miserable and depressed because that is all they think is out there. It makes me sad to see people settle for a life without children when that is all they’ve ever dreamed about because that is what their doctor said they’d have.

There should at least be an option to explore other means. I get it won’t work for everyone, but it will work for some. When I was diagnosed, I searched high and low for hope. If my blog can be home for one single person out there…it’s served its purpose.