Like so many others in our community,
I’ve had a difficult time this past week. My kids were ok. I hear about
shootings all across the United States and as horrifying as they are, none have
brought me to my knees like this one. I know it’s selfish. But, it’s more than
the sheer horror of it all. It’s more than wondering if my own children will be
safe tomorrow morning when I drop them off. It’s more than trying to grapple
with how Gracie and Dominic’s families are coping. It’s more than trying to
understand the sheer terror those kids felt. What they saw. How they’ll cope.
How their lives are forever changed.
It’s a mother’s horror. It’s a friend’s
disbelief. How are those feelings reconciled? If we can for a microsecond
distance ourselves from the anger and hatred, as difficult as that is, what’s
left is a kid. He’s not innocent. Not at all. But as a community, I think where
part of the horror lies, is he was like “every kid.”
His classmates described him as “a quiet, normal student who
"seemed like one of those regular kids" He ran track. He was
in Boyscouts. He had a girlfriend. A family friend said “I’ve known the whole family my whole
life. It’s just – it’s so surprising. You hear about things like this in the news,
you don’t expect it to be your own community. He was a very quiet person, a
kind person. He was respectful, how he talked about others. It could be just
the relationship that he and I had together but, you know, I just wish he was
willing to say that he needed some help.”
Another
- “I’m bewildered and looking for answers — the question as to why all this
would happen. So many questions no one has the answers to.””
"I
literally thought he was a normal kid," said Brizio DelRosario, 16, who
ran with Berhow on the Junior Varsity Cross Country team. "We would run
together sometimes. The last time I saw him was at a race about 2 weeks ago, he
was totally normal. I started next to him and he wished me luck."
"He wasn't a quiet
or a weird kid," DelRosario said.
Another teammate, who
asked that his name not be used, said the student, whom they called Nathan, was
in a group of about 7 or 8 friends who all ran track at Saugus High and went to
parties together. He said he knew Nathan "very well" and that he is
"the sweetest kid you'll ever meet."
"Nathan
is shy," the friend said. "I saw Nathan yesterday; we went on a hill
run with maybe four guys. He was totally normal, cracking jokes as usual."
Everything
said about this child…no one knew. No one. His mom showed up to the hospital
thinking he was a victim…can you imagine? Can you imagine the horror to hear
your child was shot – the panic, the anger, the sadness, the disbelief, to show
up and be told that he was the PERPETRATOR. I can’t even for a second wrap my
head around that.
No
one knew. Beyond all the obvious reasons I’m horrified…I just cannot come to
terms with this. No one knew. His mom. His teachers. His Boy scout’s leaders.
His coaches. His girlfriend. His sister. His family. His classmates. His
friends. His teammates. No one. NO ONE.
I
think that is where my horror comes in the most. Over and over…people keep just
saying he was “normal” he was like “every kid” he was “respectful” he was “funny”
he was “kind” yet he did the unfathomable. As a society…as a mom…no one knew.
How do we rectify that? It could have been any kid, and I think that is what is
most horrifying. We don’t want to admit that. But, I think that is the most incomprehensible
part…it could have been any kid.
I don’t know how to “fix” that. I don’t. But it is the horror that keeps me awake at night.
