40 weeks 6 days

Nov. 9, 2016

Well, 41 weeks tomorrow. And, induction day. Not my ideal. But, when it comes down to it, I do know after 41 weeks there are higher risks and after all we fought for, healthy baby is priority uno. I was able to chat with my doctor though at my appointment Tuesday regarding my concerns. My last induction was a nightmare. I reacted poorly to all the meds, almost ruptured my uterus...long, painful. This time, she told us to be firm with the hospital staff we don't care how long it takes. Low and slow is the game plan.

Last time I was emergency induced for extremely low fluid. This time, the fluid is fine, baby looks fine, so if it takes longer, it takes longer. I'm arguing against cytotec and LOW LOW LOW doses of pit and taking me off when labor is established. My hubby even recorded my doctor and my discussion so if there is any issue we can play it. She said to ensure they don't give me more than 50% of the maximum dose, so no more than 10 units of pit throughout the whole process. I'm aiming for MUCH lower. I'm feeling more positive about it. Last time we rushed there, were first time parents and slightly panicked for our child's welfare. This time, we feel like we have a game plan and our OB's backing so we can talk more about options.

My in laws are in town and mother just text her plan just landed (hubby is getting her now) so our son will be well taken care of which is a giant stress relief. No worries about arranging midnight childcare or how long the process is. I did say I don't want visitors in the labor room. Once he's here, welcome all, but I really just want it to be chill. I don't want to make small talk between contractions.

We've been doing a lot of walking. Before my in-laws arrival we were doing nightly walks with our son, and since they've been here we've taken a few with him, but were fortunate enough to get a nice long hilly one in tonight. It feels so good, both to walk and enjoy the slight chill in the air. In SoCal were still in the upper 80s during the day, but at night it drops so it feels a bit like fall and I love, love love it!

It's been such a bizarre day. To begin, everyone has been beyond nasty, belligerent, judgmental and just so mean spirited regarding the election. I told Bryce I thank my lucky stars our sweet boy didn't come today. He would have been overshadowed by hate. I'm not sure how much better it will be tomorrow or the following day, but I'll be happy he has at least a scrap of distance from it all.

I've just been very emotional and hormonal. This evening, tucking my son in, I walked out of his room with a tear in my eye. Knowing it was the last time I kissed and hugged my son good night as an only child really resonated with me. I know there is so much love in my heart for our new little babe, but I somehow wonder HOW I can love another human as much as I love my one son already. I remember talking to my mom and she said your heart only grows bigger. I am so proud of him and how sweet, loving and caring he is. He will be the best big brother ever and I think one of the most exciting and emotional times in my life will be to see him walk into that hospital room and hold his baby brother for the first time.

Tomorrow I plan to have a big ole' breakfast and fuel up before the 1 pm induction. Maybe a walk in the morning and to just take it easy. I've got all my oils packed to help with the delivery and post partum, snacks for myself and hubby and son for when he visits and a little gift for him from the baby. We're ready to rock.

Well, the next time I post, I will have our sweet baby boy here with us and not jousting my bladder, ribs and various internal organs. We're so curious and excited to meet him. If I may ask for your prayers and blessings on easy and successful delivery.

God bless.

39 weeks 1 day

Oct. 28, 2016

It was back to the doctor today for NST and AFI. Apparently, my contractions are still every 6 minutes going strong. He was a bit more active today and my fluid was the highest it's been at 13.6, so all is well. When she was checking the fluid, the tech pointed out why I've been contracting with no progress. Apparently, his head is a bit to the right of my pelvis so he's kind of missing the entry and not fully engaged. Until he straightens out, I'll just continue this unending pattern. My body is trying to labor basically, but baby isn't in place. She said I'm probably at least a week away...unless I go home and do some serious dancing and hip swivels. lol The reality is they are present, sometimes uncomfortable, but not painful. If it was seriously painful I'd have been swiveling and doing lunges on my way out the building.

Well, I did grab the exercise ball from the garage when I got home to blow up. I'm debating not doing anything to actively encourage it though until after Halloween. Sounds silly, but I really hope he isn't born on Halloween. It's such a fun kid's night and I don't want him always overshadowed with it. And, to be honest, we have a fall festival at church tomorrow night with trunk or treat that I'm suppose to work, I'm suppose to be cooking cupcakes for church Sunday and the big Halloween potluck and trick or treat Monday night my son is looking forward to going to with all his buddies. I want him to have a fun Halloween. I'm saying all this in theory...our little snowflake staying cozy until next Tuesday wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Maybe I'll start swiveling my hips after trick or treating Monday ;) Or, maybe he'll surprise us earlier. Who knows.

The good thing is, he's doing well. He seems happy as can be in there. Myself, I'm definitely to the point of uncomfortable. I have to do the roll to get up out of bed or off the couch and I apparently have developed reflux at night. I can't lay flat or stomach acid comes up. Pairing that with four or five bathroom trips per night, my sleep is out the window. Small price to pay though, right?

I had an awesome day with my son yesterday. My husband was working and I decided it would be a fun day for just us two. We stayed in our jammies late and read books and played trucks. Went for a beautiful walk in the somewhat cooler morning weather, made lunch together, snuggled and napped. Then, we did pumpkins at night and my husband brought home pizza for dinner. It was really nice to hang with him. I know he won't be the "only child" much longer and my time with just him will be fleeting. He will always be my special baby...it just takes my breath away to think he'll be four soon. They say it goes fast, and wow, does it ever. I look at him and literally get teary eyed. I love him so much. I'm so proud of what a sweet boy he's grown into and his sensitive, heart. He's such a lover. He will honestly be the best, most protective, caring big brother ever. Our little guy is so lucky to have him.

God bless!

38 weeks 6 days

Oct. 26. 2016

One day shy of 39 weeks! I had my weekly appointment today and my NST / AFI appointment. All is well. Baby was sleeping so an apple juice and granola snack later and a little vibrator jab to the tummy and he woke up. I'm consistently contracting every 6 minutes, but I've just come to the plain ole conclusion I'm one of those lucky women who just contract for months before the big show. I guess my body needs lots of practice. What is that called, prodromal labor?

I'll be honest, I left a bit defeated. Last week with contractions every 3 minutes I was checked to be told I was barely dilated and 30% effaced, -2 position. This week, different doctor, 1 1/2 cm dilated, not effaced and -3 position...sooooo....less dilated. Less dropped. Ugh. Goes to show you how different doctors are.

I'm feeling a bit down I guess because I've just been feeling so sick. All day, every day. It was just when I ate before, now it's like this ongoing nausea, hot flashes, constant pressure and contractions. I can't sleep and am incredibly low energy. Where is this energy surge people speak of? I think I hit it early for a month or two and cleaned like a vixen, now I just want to curl up. I feel awful, because I know that sounds less than grateful for where I am right now despite everything, so, my apologies and embarrassment. I just really, really, really don't want to be induced. I had such a horrible experience last time and each day we march on near my due date I hit a stage of panic. I'm sure that isn't helping. I just need to relax.

Good news is when I expressed to my doctor (who was back today) that I really did NOT want to be induced she said we didn't even need to have that discussion yet because everything looked good. We scheduled my post term appointment for 40 weeks 5 days and I think I can eek by until that one without uttering the word again. So, that is good news. Last pregnancy, she was pushing induction every appointment. My husband said our babies just like to snuggle with me and I have a warm welcoming environment ;)

I've started rubbing on my oils and drinking my red raspberry leaf tea to help prime the pump. I am up to bi-weekly NST / AFI now. I go back Friday. But, my fluid has remained between 10 and 11.5 so all is good there. Baby is active.

I'm just plain in a cruddy mood. I think lack of sleep has a lot to do with it and not feeling well. But, all in all, everything is good. My son is getting pumped for Halloween and I promised him we'd carve pumpkins tomorrow. I do love the fall and the weather has been a bit cooler in the evenings so we've been going for walks which is nice.

I'll keep ya posted!

God Bless!

37 weeks

Oct. 13, 2016

Full term! Well, early term, but full all the same. I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and all is well. We started the NST (non stress test) and AFI (amniotic fluid index) testing yesterday. You know, because I'm "geriatric" and because of my low fluids and resulting induction last time.

For those who've never had it done, they put on two belts, similar to what you would where during monitoring for labor. Each belt has a monitor. One measures the baby's heat beat and the other measures contractions. Each time your baby moves you press a little button.

Our guy, as I've mentioned before is quite the active fellow. After about ten minutes the nurse came to check on me and told me "Don't press the button each time he hiccups." What? I was confused. "What do you mean?" "You shouldn't be pressing it for hiccups."

*confused look* "I'm not."

"He's moving that much??" "Yup!" "Wow. Your baby is an overachiever." ...as I got another jab.

The movements can get quite uncomfortable. I wonder if it's because my placenta is in the front not cushioning my organs like it did with my son. Because, yow!

I was monitored for a bit less than 30 minutes and had had 3 contractions. If I was reading the print out right, they were about every 8 minutes or so. I'd told my doctor I'd been having them, but she wasn't concerned. I was a day away from "full term" so she said I could go anytime and the baby would be fine. I'm not certain I'll be "going" anytime soon as I was contracting with my son for over a month at regular intervals as well. I WILL say this time they are more intense. If I had to guess, I'd guess the baby will come early this time.

Next up, AFI testing. For this they lay you flat and do an ultrasound. They measure the four quadrants of your uterus, so picture a big plus sign on your abdomen. Each quadrant, they get a measurement of amniotic fluid. My fluid yesterday was 10. Not a ton, but definitely in normal ranges. The nurse said when it hits 6 is when they send you to the hospital for induction. I think I was around 4 with my son when they basically ushered me to the door and said go immediately to the hospital. My fluids two weeks ago were 11.2, so I'm thinking they should hold on until I'm full gestation. Fingers crossed :)

That is about all the excitement I have here. I've gotten a TON done around the house the past few days and we are in good shape. If I were to go into labor early, our house is clean and presentable for the baby sitter and inlaws arrival. Bag is packed. Food is well stocked.

God bless!

36 weeks 1 day

October 7, 2016

We are cruising along here! I can't believe in less than a week I will technically be "full term" although we'd like to let baby bake a few weeks longer. I feel like the last month or two has been a whirlwind, but things are starting to take shape.

My older son is now settled into his big boy room. Aside from some decor we want to get done, he's got a bed, mattress and sheets, so score. The baby's room is set and ready to go. Fully stocked with laundered clothing and diapers, crib reset and bedding washed. All our baby "stuff" like swings, bouncers, blankies...all washed, all disinfected.

Now, I turn to deep cleaning the house and freezing meals. We have a bit more decorating to do in my son's room and the nursery, so fingers crossed I can get that done. I also really need to put my hospital bag together. Tonight, I'm blending my postpartum spray getting crafty with my oils. I wanted a more natural approach to assist with my healing "down there." If you want to know what oils I suggest, go here. I'm doing a blend with lavender, frankincense, clary sage and helichrysum in witch hazel.

As for the baby, he is an ACTIVE bugger. This kid never stops moving. At my appointment Weds, I had a new doctor because mine left for the rest of the month to go be with her daughter giving birth, and she asked if I'd been doing kick counts. I started laughing. There was no need because he never stopped moving. She did an u/s quickly to check my fluids and concurred. He was just go go go. She didn't take a measurement, but said they looked fine. The week prior it was 11.2 which is still in the ok range. Next week I have to start NST and AFI testing because of my "advanced age" and prior history with low fluids. Thankfully, I was able to schedule my appointment right after my normal weekly appointment.

At 35 weeks, my doctor had estimated the baby to be between 5 1/2 - 6 lbs so thought he'd be around 7 1/2 - 8 lbs at term. That's a pound heavier than my son, and I completely believe it. I can tell this bugger is larger.

I'm feeling pretty good overall. I'm still getting sick after eating, but I'm actually getting use to that. I don't remember what it feels like to eat and not feel sick. I will relish it after our little guy's arrival. My back is a bit out of wack, but that's pretty typical I think. And, the insomnia, well, again, pretty typical. The up four times a night using the bathroom paired with the unable to get to sleep bit is cutting into my zzzz's. All in all though, I've been very fortunate.

My son is PSYCHED to meet his brother. He's already talking about holding him, kissing him, helping out. I look at him and have moments of fear having to share myself with another child. I assume that's pretty typical for most moms having another baby. I worry will I have enough love to go around. I remember sharing that fear with my mom and she said your heart only grows bigger. I have to imagine that is the truth. I know how tender and loved our little snowflake is, and that love will only grow and grow from the moment I hold him in my arms.

Well, I should try to get some rest. Lots of work to get done. Tomorrow a few of my friend's are having a little sprinkle in my honor. Very sweet of them to celebrate our little man.

God Bless!

30 weeks 6 days

August 31, 2016

Almost to 31 weeks. Woohoo!!! We'll be hitting the road tomorrow for a long weekend with my in-laws which means a loooooong car ride. Hopefully my son is well entertained and I'm not too uncomfortable.

I'm starting to realize this pregnancy is a lot more uncomfortable than my first. Maybe I glossed over it, maybe pushed it out of my mind, but I remember feeling chipper and mobile to the very end last time. This one...I already feel like I'm waddling and carting around a full grown baby. I'm also having terrible insomnia (I got up last night and worked half the night because I was so irked just lying there) and have, apparently, restless leg syndrome this go round.

I've been doing a bit with my oils to calm down and have been doing some hypnosis with Hypnobabies at night to try and focus my mind, but I think it has more to do with I just can't get comfortable and it's just a reality of this pregnancy. I did read online that doing squats before bed helps with the RLS so I was busy squatting at 1:30 in the morning last night.

I'm still a bit paranoid of over doing too much because of the whole bed rest and limited activity for the first half of my pregnancy and the strong braxton hicks, so I try not to over exert physically, but I cannot for the life of my deal with that creepy crawly feeling in my legs and trying to get comfortable to sleep.

I also upped my magnesium so hopefully that helps. A month ago it was constant charlie horses, now, they just want to move move move.

Well, I just realized what a griping post this was. Sorry, lol. The up side is this little bugger is on the CONSTANT move. Although it can get a bit uncomfortable or even painful at times, it's so reassuring and really, a neat feeling overall. I forgot how neat it was to be able to feel his little feet drag across my belly or feel his fingers right down there in my pelvis. It truly is amazing...there is a little person in there. Quite a miracle.

A director friend of mine called today. We'd worked on a film several, well, I guess about ten years ago and she is directing a music video that deals with infertility and wanted to chat a bit. It was so nice to catch up and a rather cathartic conversation. I hope her project brings the "taboo" subject to light.

Well, I hope everyone has a blessed Labor Day.

29 weeks 6 days

August 24, 2016

Almost to 30 weeks - the home stretch. And still so. much. to. do.

I've been working overtime hours and trying to switch out the upstairs office to my son's "big boy" room and organizing everything in between. By the time night time hits, I literally fall into bed.

Good news, our growth scan went well. Baby Snowflake was measuring 2 lbs 12 oz just shy of 29 weeks so right on target. A smidge ahead - so bigger than my last son. I'm getting very curious to see this little guy. Not knowing the donors, it adds a whole new level of what will this little guy look like. :)

He's still very active, very. My stomach is all over the place and he's quite good at the rib kicks and bladder punches.

I also had more iron tests run and my iron levels aren't in dangerous levels so I've been sticking with my blackstrap molasses, NingXia Red and iron rich foods to hopefully boost my levels. I have felt better the last week or so, so I think it's helped.

Other than that, nothing new to report. Still lots of braxton hicks, starting to feel a bit awkward, but all normal things :)

God Bless!

28 weeks 4 days

August 15, 2016

WOW! Where has the time gone?? I realize I am PAINFULLY late in updating this blog. We have been so so so so busy! Let's backtrack.

So, at our 18ish week appointment, we found out, great news, no more SCH and our partial placenta previa had moved up. Three cheers! I was taken off restrictions - still cautioned to not lift much and since the placenta was still low lying to continue pelvic rest. Here are some amazing photos of our little guy!

Everything was measuring on target, however we were surprised to hear his arms and legs were measuring about a week ahead. They said to expect some long appendages. Made us kind of raise our eyebrows and wonder if the initial report of the donor father being 6'10" was the legit height. We'd assumed with the weight at 155 that it was a typo and should have been 5'10"...wonder if it was 255 at 6'10". Hmmmm.

Fast forward two weeks and I was back to my OB and she again checked the position of my placenta since the specialist had said it was still low lying. It was 3 cm over my cervix, so officially not "low lying" just low. She advised me to start on aspirin again, although since my specialist had said not to, I've been kind of lax about taking it daily. I got the all clear to go to MI to visit family for a few weeks.

We had a wonderful time! Since there were so many fires right in our home town in CA and the air quality was so poor, my son and I stayed there an extra week. Since getting back, it's been full steam ahead trying to get everything ready for the baby. We're converting the office into our older son's room and I've been busy selling, donating and giving away all the stuff that has accumulated. That and organizing. Let's just say the nesting has set in and it's been NUTS this time!! I was up late washing couch cushion covers because it just HAD TO BE DONE...NOW! I've also started slowly stocking our freezer.

I was back at my doctor last week for my 28 week 1 day appointment. I told her I'd been having some strong braxton hicks and pelvic pressure so she did a quick scan and my cervix still is long, so not to worry. She did however think I was measuring a bit small, so I go in on Weds for a growth scan. I'm not too worried. They did the same last pregnancy and all was well. I think I just carry differently than most women.

My appointment also revealed that even though I typically have way too much iron with hemochromatosis, I am actually quite anemic this pregnancy. All this exhaustion, light headedness and shortness of breath make sense now I suppose. FEED ME!! It also makes sense I've been craving burgers non stop. I still refuse to take the iron in prenatal or iron pill form because of how sick it made me before - think toxic to my liver and can cause my organs to stop functioning, not queasy whining, we decided for me to get it from food sources like, well, lots of burgers (hello In 'N Out) and I've added blackstrap molasses into my diet as well. We'll test in a few weeks to see where I'm at.

It's funny how much more this baby depleted my iron resources. When I had my son I got slightly anemic last time near the end, but my levels right now are at where I was after labor with blood loss - very low. My glucose was also much lower this time as well. Close to the bottom of the acceptable scale - again, dizziness, shortness of breath, etc. My blood pressure continues to be very, very low as well.

Other than all that, still plugging along. He is a wild one in there and my stomach is constantly moving from his shenanigans. He's already head down and I've been getting some hard jabs into the ribs already. I didn't remember it that high up until later last time, but they did say he has those nice long legs ;)

We are about 99.9% certain on our name. We aren't sharing because we don't like unsolicited opinions, lol, but we're pretty happy with it. Our older son told me an assortment of baby names this morning ranging from school bus, to pillow to milk. He thought it was hilarious. He has been so sweet snuggling and praying and kissing my belly. He also knows I can't get up very well anymore from the ground and is always insisting he help me up...basically makes me work about 200% harder to get up without putting any weight on him, but makes me smile every time...such a gentleman.

We also made tentative arrangements with my in-laws. Being six hours from us, they've said they'd be "on call" when I go into labor to come immediately. With no family and a toddler, it's hard to try and figure out childcare. We've a few friends that are happy to help, but I hate to impose on them longer than a few hours for them to get here. Our son's preschool also said he could come on his days off if I go into labor one of those days.

My mom arranged her flight out for a week after I'm due, so she may be here for the labor, or before, maybe after. Who knows. lol

Well, I promise I will be better about updating the blog. I took a few belly bump photos, but realized I needed to blur a few things out before posting ;) I'll save those for another day.

God bless!

12 weeks pregnant

April 21, 2016

So, lots of excitement and updates since my last post! We got the results of our NIPT blood test...very quickly actually - within five days. All the genetic markers look great for the baby. We also found out it's a...

Our son was VERY adamant he wanted a girl, so we made a big batch of cupcakes with blue icing and got him a balloon. Between the treat and balloon...we swayed him boys were cool. Daddy after all has a brother and he'll get to play with him and teach him a whole bunch of neat stuff.

I also was finally instructed to start weaning my meds. I began a week ago Monday, limiting my estrace to 1 2mg tablet at night and .5cc of PIO nightly. Sunday was my last injection after three consecutive months. I did a happy dance!!

Today was my 12 week appointment and the little guy was hopping around in there. It's so neat to see him. I'm constantly amazed at how quickly babies develop and grow in utero. Simply amazing. He was very cooperative until they had to take the measurements of the back of the neck - then he just decided to nap or keep stretching. Once she finally got the measurements, they were around 1 ml so all good.

They did see I still had a slight SCH and a bit of placenta previa, which is probably which caused it in the beginning. Because it's still early and so slight, they think it will rectify as they pregnancy goes on and move up. If I experience another big bleed, go to the ER, but slight spotting may just be the placenta shifting.

Still on pelvic rest and can't lift things, but normal activity is fine so I'll start my walks again. It was so nice to see our little guy healthy and active. I've started feeling little movements as well. I thought it was early, but since I'm thinner and it's a second pregnancy they said it was very plausible. Here is a photo of our guy!

Today was also the day we announced our pregnancy. I'm not sure everyone caught the bit about it being embryo adoption, so we'll have to clarify at a later date, but some saw the #snowflakebaby hashtag and have followed our journey close enough to know what it meant. Our son announced in his own creative fashion :)

He's very proud of his baby brother. He picked out his boots and needed his drum stick as a pointer. Every night consists of lots of belly kisses and he makes sure to lotion my belly up and pray for baby. He will be the best big brother ever. We're feeling very blessed!

10 weeks 5 days pregnant

April 12, 2016

Inching our way toward the end of first tri. My genetic appointment on Friday went well. A substantial part of it was taking all my family history and my husband's which really wasn't applicable in my situation, but she said I had the time and insurance covered it, so why not. I gave her what I know about the donors which is very limited. I had a bit more on the egg donor, that she was screened of genetic diseases and was cleared, so she said since she was 21 and cleared of those, there was minimal risk of our baby having something wrong.

So, I took the NIPT blood test. It was Illumina, and I was a smidge annoyed because I'd called them in advance to ensure it was MaterniT21. However, I'll give her credit, she called Illumina with me sitting right there and they said the test would work even if it was donor egg or embryo, so we proceeded. She told me the test results would be in, in 7-10 days, but it could be a few days sooner...I heard sooner ;)

She said she'd call me as soon as they had them, good or bad news so not to panic. Since I find out before my hubby girl/boy, I'm debating doing something to reveal to him and our son what we are having. Hmmm....

I also chatted with my RE about my meds. Friday night my coordinator said to cut my PIO from 2 cc to 1 cc and she discontinued my delestrogen shots. I also had my OB order the estrogen and progesterone test.

Estradiol 1510
Progesterone 52.8

So higher numbers. Yesterday, I chatted again with my coordinator at the RE's office and they put me down to 1 estrace (vs 3) per day for seven days and took my PIO down to .5 cc for seven days...then done. I'll be between 11 and 12 weeks pregnant, so she said the placenta will be working in full force.

So, now we wait for the phone call and for our NT scan next Thursday. We're creeping toward second tri and I'm excited to hopefully get a bit more energy and leave this crud behind. :) I'm just thrilled the baby is doing well!

10 weeks pregnant

April 7, 2016

10 weeks preggers today! I went in for my check up yesterday and good news, it seems the SCH seems to have been reabsorbed. My OB's equipment isn't super high tech, so we'll have the technician at my NT scan in two weeks look more carefully.

The baby looks great thought. He/she was moving all around, tossing it's little arms about. It was funny, some shots looked like a little teddy bear or gummy bear...then we snapped this one. My hubby had to picstitch it together. We're calling this little babe our badger.

My doctor seems very happy. My husband and I just can't wrap our heads around how quickly the baby grows and changes. It's absolutely amazing and such a miracle. From a tiny dot to this in just a few short weeks. 

Tomorrow I go in for my genetics appointment and we are taking the NIPT to check for any genetic issues and gender. I feel very calm everything will be fine with this baby. He/she is quite the fighter. Nice and strong from the start. Hopefully we will hear back when they get the results versus making us wait until the 12 week NT scan, but either way, we will know in two weeks.

My son loves the little photos of our little "snowflake badger." The OB snapped five of them because she kept getting cute little ones, one with his/her arms crossed another looking like a giant teddy. Adorable.

The morning sickness seems worse. I just feel so icky 24/7. I emailed my RE with the results from yesterday. My OB didn't want to run another estradiol and progesterone test since we were at 10 weeks and she felt the placenta would be in full swing by now, but agreed if he wanted another test, she'd put it in. I'm waiting to hear back. I know his office usually starts tapering meds at 8 weeks and I'm at 10 now. We'll see if I'll be putting in a refill or not.

Other than that, nothing new to report. I gained 2 lbs so that is good. I'm 1/2 lb heavier than at transfer, so at least I've made my weight back. I'm getting to the point where I just look like I've eaten a gigantic meal. Not really showing, just bloated a bit. I'll have to start transitioning into maternity or more forgiving pants in a few weeks I'm sure.

So, tomorrow, on to the blood test! They'll also be running my iron and liver levels. I've hemochromatosis so they want to ensure they monitor them during the pregnancy. My iron is always super high, but last time by the time I gave birth it was lowered quite a bit, which is good.

God Bless!

9 weeks 1 day

April 1, 2016

Happy April Fools' Day! One year ago today (not funny) I had my meeting with my current RE for a consult and was told in no uncertain terms it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to get pregnant on my own. I left discouraged, but having left my name on their embryo donor list.

At the time we were still uncertain if that was the answer for us, and my husband was really struggling with the decision, but we knew it was something we were seriously considering and it couldn't hurt to put our names down. Fast forward one month when we made the final decision to actively pursue it and I let our coordinator know and she said she tentatively had embryos for us.

It's been a year of a lot of ups and downs, a lot of tears and laughter, but here we are. Pregnant! A few years ago I didn't even know embryo donation or adoption was a possibility. Thank God for miracles!

I'm getting excited. Next week we take our blood test to find out if we are having another boy or a little girl. Our son is still 100% wanting a girl, nothing to do with a boy. We shall see if he will be thrilled or we'll have several months of convincing him how cool a brother will be.

I'm exhausted. There's really no way around it. I feel sick most the day and am just dragging. I know that's common with first tri. I sometimes wonder if it's amplified from all the meds since I'm getting meds and I know the placenta is starting to produce on it's own as well. Is the doubling up making me feel more sick?

I'm still taking my estrogen three times a day and am taking 2 ml of progesterone in my shot every night, estrogen third nights. I know the doctor said he'd most likely start to wean me off after 8 weeks and we're here at 9. I was reading morning sickness is strongest weeks 8-10 and that certainly seems to be the case. We'll see if they start to lesson my drugs after my 10 week appointment. Until then, I'm kind of staggering through this. I know it gets better. I keep reminding myself with my son the first tri was brutal, but I loved the rest of pregnancy. I keep getting upset with myself and saying "You should be happy! You should be thrilled!" And I am!! But, oh man, I do have my moments of thinking, "I forgot how awful first tri was..."

I've an appointment next Weds with my OB, Friday with genetics to do my blood test and I've my NT scan scheduled for the 20th I believe. Crazy it's all coming up so quickly.

I haven't had any more issues with bleeding. I'm hoping my ultrasound next week reveals the SCH was reabsorbed. :)

God Bless!

7 weeks 6 days

March 23, 2016

Off to the doctor today and all looks good. Our little bean is measuring on target and has a good heart beat of 157.

I headed in for the nurse visit a bit early and had to do an automated informational gathering on a computer. It all got interesting when it started asking my history and my husbands. I was trying to explain to the nurse it really had no bearing on the baby. When we got to ethnicity it really got interesting. "Should I put African American?" Blank stare.

"You're white."

 "I understand, but the genetic mother was African American and Caucasion, so if you are trying to figure out if you need to run certain genetic markers that are prevalent in the African American community, you do."

The nurse was clueless. "Um, You're white, so put white."

Sure. I put father as African American so it's noted in the file ;)

Next, we took my blood pressure, 103/55. My blood pressure is always a bit low. No surprise there. Weight, 103 lbs...so I lost weight. Honestly, not hugely surprised. I force myself to eat throughout the day, but certainly not feeling it.

My hubby and I strolled into the examination room and they had me undress completely and put the all so glamorous tie in the back robe on. After listening to an obscenely long video on the risks of birth defects and the genetic screenings, the doctor came in.

She asked about setting up my genetic screening, but I told her I didn't think it'd work because of the donor embryo so she set up a genetic counseling. I told her from my research the only test on the market suitable for donor eggs or embryos was Maternit21. Apparently this is covered by my insurance, but I have to call and get the 411 on the price. I called the company myself and they said I could have it done third party and pay them directly, so if that is the cheaper option, I'll go that route. My OB said she couldn't order it outside of Kaiser, but fortunately my RE already agreed to.

Next, she ordered a LOT of blood tests. She also threw in my estradoil and progesterone so I didn't have to drive an hour tomorrow morning and PAY to have those hormones checked. I love my OB. Same one that I had for prenatal care with my son. She also looked over my record and said my thyroid was a bit high last time - very much in normal ranges, but too high for pregnancy, so we are having that checked to head off any issues.

Because of my "advanced maternal age" ahem, 37 at deliver, I am considered high risk. Pair that with a history of infertility and the SCH, I'm firmly in that category.  I'm not phased by that though. In my eyes, that equals extra monitoring covered by my insurance. All good by me. I want to make sure all goes well. I had low amniotic fluid last pregnancy, so I want to make sure that is monitored as well.

She then checked my cervix, felt my abdomen and off we go with the ultrasound. And TWO sacs show up. WHAT?!?!? "Whoa whoa whoa" she said, "It's the machine. It's a mirror image. Not twins."

Husband - DEEP SIGH OF RELIEF.

The nurse switched out the probe and apparently, it was a defective probe because we were back to a singleton pregnancy. The baby was noticeably bigger today and we saw that little flicker of a heartbeat. She turned it on so we could hear. That sound never gets old.

At first when she measured the baby looked 7 weeks 3 days, but she found a clearer angle and 7 weeks 6 days, right on target. She also searched for the SCH and there it was. She kind of maneuvered the probe around to get a better angle and the best measurement she could get was 2.43 cm. She told me it'd most likely be reabsorbed into the body eventually.

I asked if there was heightened risk and she pretty much said, if you were going to lose the baby, you'd have lost it. The baby survived the first bleed so chances are VERY slim you'll have any issues going forward. She also mentioned if it was a large SCH she'd be more alarmed, but since it's smaller, she thinks it'll be fine.

Although she didn't have the measurements of the first and second u/s, I did bring in the hard copy for her and she thought it looks noticeably smaller from the first one.

She told me I didn't have to be on bedrest, but that I will be on pelvic rest (sorry hubby, no sex) could not lift more than 20 lbs, should avoid running and exercise and try not to over exert myself. I asked if walking was ok and she kind of paused and said ok, but to limit it to 15-20 min of a casual stroll. No fast walking.

So, my life feels more normal again. I still want to keep reminding myself to take it easy though. I'm kind of an overachiever and I'm well aware this is NOT the time to be so. When I called my mom to update her she kept saying "don't over do it. A messy house is ok. Not cooking dinner every night is ok. Putting your feet up is ok."

So, my next appointment is in two weeks. Typically, it's four weeks, but with the SCH she does want to monitor it carefully, so I'm appreciate of the extra monitoring. AND, best part, that means I can skip the 10 week out of pocket appointment with the RE. My OB also put in a script for progesterone for me. It'll take 1-2 weeks for them to compound, but if I still need it at that point, I can switch to a covered med.

From there off to the lab. I had to do the 1 hr glucose test (which I passed with flying colors) but choking down that horrid orange drink is just disgusting. Especially when you are queasy to start. When I stood up, I almost threw up and the lab tech said "If you throw up you have to drink another one and start over." Deep breaths - out to the sunshine. I laid on the grass for 45 minutes and chatted with my mom on the phone.

Back inside I went. They drew 12 vials of blood and I was done for the day. So now, I wait. I emailed my coordinator at the fertility clinic my u/s photo and the measurement of the SCH and will send her my estradiol and progesterone tomorrow.

I had to go get my son from school. The first time I've stepped out my front door in two weeks and the furthest I've walked. And it was WONDERFUL! Sun was shining, fresh air....ahhhhhh!

The one other thing my doctor stressed was eating. Somehow I've actually lost weight instead of gained any since transfer and am down to 103. Not ideal starting technically "underweight" to begin with. I just have such a hard time eating right now. I feel so ill every time I put something in my mouth. She suggested upping my B6 to 25mg twice a day instead of once and I've a feeling if I don't gain by 10 weeks she will prescribe medication...I really don't want that. I don't like meds to begin and while pregnant, no thanks. As I down all my fertility meds...hmpfh.

So, all in all. Baby looks great. Couch rest is lifted to just taking it easy and I'm just so peaceful tonight after seeing that little bean growing so well in there. It's barely 8:30 and I am EXHAUSTED though so off to take my shot for the night and head to bed.

God bless!

7 weeks 3 days

March 20, 2016

Just checking in. Pretty much exhausted and feeling sick all the time, so that sounds like good news. My biggest struggle right now is staying hydrated. I'm not throwing up, but water and liquids just make me feel ill. I'm trying to mix it up with sparkling juice and waters. As for food, just trying to eat often and small. A slice of cheese is sometimes all I can handle, but that's ok. Just nibbling every few hours so my blood sugar doesn't drop. I just feel full, like I ate five plates at Thanksgiving and want to vomit full, All. The. Time.

As for the bed rest, or couch rest, I've let up a bit. As my doctor said, with no bleeding, I can get up on my feet and do some slight excursions or activities for 15 min or so. Although nothing crazy, I stopped by a friend's baby shower Friday night and promptly parked myself on the couch and went to a baby expo Saturday and made myself homey in a glider that was for sale. I will say I started to feel a bit crampy on the last outing, so we took it easy today. I did go to a friend's church to watch her son speak, but that was literally walking from the door to a chair and back again. I'm really hoping Weds brings good news about moving around a bit more. I miss my walks and I think they helped last pregnancy manage morning sickness.

Not a whole lot of food sounds good perse, except carbs, which I know really means I need more protein, so I've been trying to stick with protein. The only food that DOES sound good all the time in pickled green beans that my parents can. Silly, but oh my goodness. Spicy and salty...sooooo good. Thankfully they are coming to visit in a month so I'm trying to savor the two jars I have.

Other than that, waiting to go in Weds and praying to see a nice strong heartbeat and healed SCH.

God bless.

Bedrest

March 11, 2016

Well, I guess this was my second day of bedrest. The good news is I've stopped bleeding entirely. My doctor did prepare me that it'd most likely happen again and there'd probably be cramping and clotting. For now though, I'm feeling good.

I feel sick every time I eat, but I was that way with my first pregnancy as well. A walk outside in the fresh air always helped, but for now, just have to suck it up. Totally fine with it. After everything, morning sickness and bedrest, not gonna complain.

My hubby is struggling a bit. Just with the "I need to work" stress - he travels out of town, but can't at least until I go back for a checkup and we are able to game plan. The reality is though, he was job hunting in town this week anyway, so while our son was at daycare he was able to turn in a few applications. It would be an answer to our prayers for him to get in town employment! For me, I work from home on the computer, so I can still work.

I had to let my agency know about the pregnancy and bedrest. I was hoping to hold off until I was undeniably showing this time because auditions disappear when they know, but out of decency, I let them know what was up. I don't want them pitching me for roles that I can't legitimately go out and audition for. I think if this rectifies soon and I can get back in the game for a month or two before I'm really showing they will still submit me. Maybe...fingers crossed.

My husband is also struggling because I think he's realizing how much of the day to day stuff I typically did. Having to do it all is kind of a rude awakening. All in all, he's handling it really well. Our son is understanding mommy needs to rest and to be careful climbing around me so baby is ok. He gave my belly a kiss goodnight. My husband's been a good sport to carry me up and down the stairs so I can shower. This will be my first night back in my bed and I cannot wait.

I'm trying to let go of the I need to do everything guilt. A friend of ours ran to Costco today and I had her pick us up several of their prepared meals to just pop in the oven. My we need to eat everything healthy attitude is a bit to the wayside right now. As much as I want healthy food, the reality is we need food on the table and I can't prepare it. If this is long term, we'll try and figure something out, but for now, prepared meals it is. It was a pizza night for dinner. I had no complaints.

Other than that, not much to update. I go back in Tuesday for an ultrasound and monitoring. Have a wonderful weekend!

God Bless!

Highs and Lows

March 10, 2016

Well, the last 36 hrs have been a roller coaster.

Everything stated out great yesterday. I went it for my third beta and my coordinator called with great news.

Estradiol 1560
Progesterone >60
HCG 14,497

Awesome numbers for being almost six weeks along. So, happy dance.

A few hrs later though, I started bleeding bright red...a lot. And, I freaked. I called the doctor who was closed and got their answering service. Because "blood" was mentioned they patched me through to the on call doctor who happened to be mine.

I think he was seriously debating driving in last night to meet me at the office. Instead, we decided feet up, lots of fluids and bedrest for the night. I'd come in first thing today.

I was suppose to host an event with my friend tomorrow so I text her explaining what was going on, and she of course didn't care about the event. She was so sweet. They are LDS and in their faith, her husband holds the rite of "priesthood" and she offered him to come say a prayer over me. I was so touched I accepted so he and another friend, also LDS, came and anointed me with oil and said a prayer.

They were very sweet to explain what they were doing and why. Growing up Catholic, I wasn't weirded out my anointing or prayers. My husband and myself found it very comforting. I'd actually picked up a book before they came and was reading over scriptures about comfort and God's promise regarding no one shall miscarry.

When they left, I felt peaceful. I knew everything would be ok. Worry kept creeping in, yes and totally woke me several times, but by this morning, the bright red flow was pink spotting. Greatly reassuring.

My friend offered to watch our son so my husband could come to my appointment with me. When we arrived they decided to run my blood work again to check all my levels and after a wait, we finally got to go in. Everyone was very reassuring that bleeding is pretty common after IVF procedures.

As soon as he inserted the wand, I could see the sac in my uterus and we saw the tiniest of tiny babies. And, wait for it, a flicker! None of us expected to see a heart beat. I am only 6 weeks today. But there it was. He enlarged it and it was the most beautiful site. He turned up the volume and tears just erupted. I'm sure he sees that all the time, but I didn't even care what he though. He shows us the yolk, the baby, the heart beat and explained the baby looked perfect.

he then showed me the dark line and explained that it was a rip between the placenta and the uterus. He said there was a minimal chance of miscarriage, but that these tend to resolve themselves with close monitoring and bedrest. He told me for the next week to stay on bedrest, avoid any lifting, or strenuous reaching or exercise and absolutely take it easy.

He told us to keep our Tuesday appointment and to rest until then. So, here I am feet up.

Since that was my fertility doctor, I emailed my OB as well. I wanted it on record the issues I was having and also to see if it required any closer monitoring there. In all honesty, if my OB can do the bulk of monitoring it'd be SO much cheaper since it's all covered. Today, just going in and having labs run with an u/s was $445. I'm soooooo glad I did though. Money well spent. Reassurance and his expertise worthy way more than gold!

We're not certain what we are going to do in regards to my husband working. He travels out of town and obviously if I'm restricted to bed, that won't work. He is staying in town through next week. After that, we have a few options if the bedrest continues. Put our son in full time daycare when he's traveling and try to arrange for someone to come in the evenings or just have my son and I camp out in the living room every night (since I can't use the stairs) or see if some family will come out. I spoke with my mom briefly and she's willing to come if need be.

For now, rejoicing in hearing that little bean's heart. Feeling so grateful and relieved. I know this little one will be just fine. I just need to rest and take care of myself and the baby.

God Bless!

Update: My clinic just called and my numbers are great.

Estradiol 1228
Progesterone 44.7
HCG 18.379 which is a 70 hr doubling. Way ahead of the projected 96 hr doubling at this point.

Second Beta

March 2, 2016

Today was beta 2 day! I wasn’t as nervous going in this time knowing I had a strong number Monday, and I’d gone to the pharmacy to pick up my meds yesterday and taken a pregnancy test at Kaiser which turned immediately despite diluted urine, so I felt my numbers must be increasing.

Estrogen 535

Progesterone 42

HCG 2743

At first I got a bit uneasy because my numbers were slightly under the 48 hour doubling rate – 193 to be exact. I had a 89% doubling rate meaning my doubling time was closer to 52 or 53 hours. But, Google happy that I was, all the medical sites clearly stated doubling was 48-72 hrs when your HCG is up to 1200 and 72-96 hrs 1200-6000. After that it is >96 hrs. So, I’m still on the higher end of that.

Now, totally wish my coordinator had said that, but she DID tell me it’s a great number and not to worry it was slightly under. Still think the whole 72-96 hr doubling rate would have been worth mentioning, but ah well.

She did say my estrogen had dropped, but asked if tonight was my delestrogen shot. She said that was the reason. The day before my last draw I’d taken it, so it was on the lower end today because I’m due for it again. As far as my progesterone dropping a bit, I was a bit worried, but she said that they want it over 25, so even though it dropped, at 42, it’s still well over their mark they shoot for.

It’s so bizarre. This whole TTC journey is just so nerve-racking. I feel good and confident (after I talked myself down) but I just need to trust. So far this baby is growing nicely, so keep on little one.

My nurse from my OBs office called. Again, we went through the when was your last menstrual cycle. I’m not certain how many times I will have to say it doesn’t matter, I did a frozen embryo transfer on the 16^th. I don’t think that is an option to plug into their computer, and they instinctively treat that as “ovulation” day projecting my due date, but I have to keep restating the embryo was 5 days old. She kept insisting I was exactly 4 weeks and I was saying, “No, I’m 4 weeks 6 days.”

Ah well, it will get sorted out. I go into my OB on the 23^rd, so I will be 7 weeks 6 days. It will be exactly one week after my ultra sound with my RE. I wanted to try and push it a week, but they really were adamant I go between 7 and 8 weeks, so I think it’ll be fine. I still have to drive in for the blood draws at my fertility clinic because my insurance won’t cover them. The nice thing about this, is all my prenatal visits are covered, so I’m going to double dip as this for my second ultra sound so I don’t have to pay out of pocket at my RE for the second one.

I just can’t wait to hear the little heartbeat. There is such peace in knowing the heart is beating strong.

For now, I’m pregnant. The betas are looking good! My boobs are very sore, that is for sure and I’m tired. Other than a few moments of nausea this afternoon, I’m feeling great.

God bless! 

First Beta

Feb. 29, 2016

Happy leap day! It was also beta day! Sooooo much better than the last one.

Are you ready for it? Drum. Roll. Please....

HCG 1468!
Estradiol 1344
Progesterone 52.84

My doctor said my levels were right on target and my HCG was high for my date. 13dp5dt or the equivalent of 18 days past ovulation. I'm just excited to know this little guy / gal is burrowing in and getting snugly for the long haul.

I have to go back Weds to check on doubling. Ideally, HCG doubles every 48-72 hrs; however I read that once it's over 1200 it slows down a bit. We shall see what the number is Weds - praying for good numbers.

My husband is out of town, so once I got my son dropped off to school I hopped in the car and headed to my draw. The traffic was a bit of a nightmare and it took me over an hour to get there, but I knew it'd be quick to do the blood draw and I could head home to work. The lab tech was my usual woman, so sweet.

When I went to check out the receptionist asked me if I'd cheated and this time I was able to say yes with a smile :) "Congrats! From here on out you pay out of pocket."

LOL, funny how that is the second thing out of their mouth. Yeah yeah yeah. I get it.

I was getting rather agitated I didn't hear sooner from the doctor's office. They close at 5 and it wasn't until 4:30 that I finally heard back from the nurse. I know first betas they usually make the call between noon and 1, so once it hit 4 I emailed and left a voice message. My coordinator finally called me back and gave me a long explanation for why she hadn't called sooner just leaving me on the phone rolling my eyes like "get to it already." She started with my estradiol, then my progesterone and then I hear "Where did I put your HCG, I swear it was right here."

COME ON ALREADY!!!

1468! Yippee!

So, back on Weds for a second draw, then I believe a week later for a third and then back for my first ultrasound the following week. I don't know the date for sure, but if they are working on weeks, I'd be 6 weeks 6 days for the first ultra sound on March 16.

Pray for a good doubling number for me! I'm so excited. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!

Spilling the Beans

Feb. 21, 2015

Well, I woke up to a much stronger line. Top was yesterday, bottom was today. It darkened as it dried. I shot off a text to my hubby who is out of town who could notice right away it was darker. If man eyes can see it, everyone can see it :) I joked, do you want me to take the First Response to compare as well? "Sure!"

Instead I dug out a digital I didn't even know we had with an expiration this may and figured why not...

Undeniable.

This morning before church, my son and I called my mom to ask if they could skype however my son started screaming into the phone "Big Brother. I'm going to be a Big Brother." So...as of this moment, my mom knows, but not my step dad or sisters. She was at the bowling alley with them all when it happened. I told her she could tell, but I'd prefer to tell them myself so she swore she'd keep it under wraps until we can skype with my step dad.

Next, we Facetimed my sister and parents (dad and step mom - in case all the parental references are getting confusing) and she ran downstairs so my son could share his message. He screamed "Big Brother at them about a half dozen times." They stared clueless but I could hear my sister, who worked for years at a daycare start laughing and translate for them. Instantly, tears flooded my step mom's eyes and there were a lot of cheers!

My son recorded a special message for all his aunt's and uncles. Sadly, I don't think anyone can understand the little guy screaming Big Brother into the phone, but I did say if you need a translation let me know. We were going to try to skype or Facetime everyone individually, but I know everyone's schedules are hectic and wanted to ensure they all found out today.

I'll totally admit I let my best friend know yesterday as well as my friend who has also done EA. They both were ecstatic and my childhood friend called a flurry of emotion. I could tell she was crying.

It's funny. Last time we planned a wonderful and sentimental announcement near the end of first tri. With this one, we will do something to let people know more widespread, but for our family, we needed them to know right away as they've literally been there, praying every step of the way with us. Strength in numbers. Strength in prayers.

My husband's family doesn't know yet. He did tell me his brother does because he asked how things were going and he let him know we got a positive. As for his parents, they don't know. Today is his grandma's visitation, and the funeral is tomorrow. His parents are very peaceful with her passing. She was a strong woman of faith and her suffering is over. I know this unexpected joy would be received as good and comforting news to them.

I'm just so excited! I pray for this little baby, that he or she continues to grow strong. I pray for a great doubling beta, a strong heartbeat, a happy and healthy nine months, an uncomplicated pregnancy, a fantastic birth and a long, healthy life for this little person. That's not too much to ask for is it?? lol

We've been full of such peace and hope this time around. We've had such support and encouragement. We are blessed.

PREGNANT!!!!!

Feb. 20, 2016

We are PREGNANT!!! You're reading this blog a tad late, because I am writing it now, but am waiting to publish it until we tell everyone who needs to be told personally. I've a few family members and friends that read this, and a blog isn't the ideal way for them to hear ;) Although, I've been getting texts this morning that no one has heard from my blog and for an update...

It is 4dp5dt. We had NO intention of testing today, but my husband's grandma passed away. My husband is traveling, and since my son and I can't join him and he won't be back until next Tuesday night, we could have waited until 9dp5dt to test or wing it today. He really wanted to be the one to dip the stick this time. So, on a whim, I set some urine aside and when he woke said "Hey, almost no chance it'd register yet, but if you want to give it a try, go ahead."

At first, he was bummed because it didn't pop up right away and left the room so I could use the restroom, but as I glanced over "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaabe?!?! Grab the First Response test in the closet. There is a line. I swear there is a line."

"No way!"

I ran the test out to him and he said "There is, but it's super light." So, we dipped the First Response and again he got frustrated it didn't pop up right away. So, I came in. "It's RIGHT THERE!!" "What?" There!! That line!!"

"Well, yeah, but it's not as dark as this one."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!"

He told me he still wasn't convinced because it was light. Hold on, let me post it in my mom group... He had to laugh because instantaneously people started chiming in their congrats. "Seeeeeeee!"

I understand his hesitation with all our false positives in the past, so we agreed we aren't telling anyone until we see it darken. I'll test again tomorrow.

It is just such a joy and relief. I had no intention to see a positive this early which is why I tested. I could have easily passed it off as too early if it was negative. The positive was just way too exciting and unexpected.

Two days ago, I did have a spot of pink blood on my liner when I changed it. I kept trying not to get my hopes up that it could be implantation spotting, but of course that's where my mind went. I've been feeling good though. No cramping since the day after transfer.

I'll keep you posted as things progress. Today, just enjoying being pregnant and singing my praises to God!