Coming Out Aftermath and Bone Scan Results

April 20, 2015

Well, yesterday morning around 8 am I hit post. I was nervous what the outcome would be but tried to go on with my day. I glanced at Facebook quickly before leaving for church and was astounded at how many people had already responded. After church, more and more people. More and more private messages of people dealing with or having had dealt with their own struggles. Now, less than 24 hrs after hitting post, 173 people liked the status, 63 people have commented and I've received 12 messages, many of whom shared their own stories. To say this is a disease that does not resonate with people...well, that is inaccurate, plain and simple.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. I do feel freer, and although I know my feelings and physical issues won't disappear overnight, I've a support system. People offered such words of encouragement and hope, people shared openly their own struggles and miracles. It was a very humbling experience.

Now, in regards to my bone scan, my spine does show thinning of the bone. How much, I don't know yet. My doctor has referred me to an endocrinologist, instructed me to get at least 1500 mg of calcium and 1000 international units of Vitamin D a day and to increase my weight bearing exercises. Dr. Google, who I know I SHOULD avoid at all costs leads me to think I have osteopenia...at least I hope it isn't as severe as osteoporosis.

Do yourself a favor...don't google it. It's rather scary. A spine collapsing when you turn over in bed. Good grief. It DOES make me want to listen to my chiropractor who on my last visit was really harping on the need for him to do an xray. I was kind of brushing him off because I don't have money, but maybe he can incorporate treatment for this.

I'll keep you posted on my endocrinologist visit. I know they don't specialize in reproductive endocrinology, but maybe they have some tips or know how for POF. Can't hurt to ask, right?

In the mean time, I did look up a site that offers holistic methods for increasing bone strength and reducing bone loss. Check it out here. It talks about several herbs that can be used so I'll talk this over with my TCM on the next visit to see if they can add some of these into my mix. This site also stressed the importance of balance and coordination exercises to prevent falls that cause fractures in the first place so makes me want to be more proactive about setting aside time for yoga and pilates and like I spoke about in a past blog, I need to be more vigilant to set aside time to do cardio exercise and weight bearing exercise. The good thing is, I've already cut caffiene and alcohol (aside from an occasional drink) out and I've never smoked.

I am going to talk to my doctor about using NTX testing which is not an xray but a blood draw that shows the current absorption rate of your bones. I also need to speak with the endocrinologist about a few more hormonal levels.

I've been concentrating on my estradiol and FSH, but for bone health, I need to be looking at testosterone, progesterone, DHEA, IGF-1, D3 in addition to the estraiol. He has a good chart for telling the ideal numbers. I know I've touched on DHEA on the past and said I wasn't comfortable taking it, but that was not knowing my DHEA numbers and not being monitored. Under an endocrinologist care, I'm open to discussing supplementing that with him or her.

Who would've thunk I'd be dealing with osteopenia / osteoporosis talk as a 35 year old woman, right? Isn't this an old lady disease? Then again, never thought I'd be told I was menopausal before my 35th birthday.

Like I say with the POF diagnosis. No thanks. I'll use this information to make smart choices going forward and trust with knowledge brings power to change my situation.

God bless.

Bonds of Infertility

March 20, 2014

I feel like I've so much to update on. I got so busy I wasn't able to set any time aside. Forgive my rambling nature this post. I feel scattered today.

First off, instead of going to my TCM tomorrow, I went last week. My mom was in town and wanted to try acupuncture. She has a few issues with gallbladder, her upper arm had been bothering her and has tendinitis, so a ringing in her ears. She also had one nasty cold. She'd been complaining of a bit of nausea between the drainage from the cold and the pressure in her ears from flying. Best yet, my acupuncture session would be her treat.

*insert wheels peeling out of the drive*

Her treat. Yes Ma'm!

When we arrived my doctor was there to take her pulse and ask a few questions and then she went in to get poked. I asked if they'd mind my watching since I'd never actually seen it done before. Before he even started he reviewed her list of complaints. When she described the pain in her back wrapping around to the front he said "gallbladder." Apparently, that is what she'd thought it was, but her doctors said no. He, however, sat her down and pressed one pressure point on her leg. "This hurt?" It sure did! He told her that it was because that was the gallbladder point. So, she may have a few issues there afterall.

It was interesting to watch. He had such a gentle touch. He just kind of flicks the needle in. I was pretty astounded though, how far he pushed some in. I stood watching trying not to let my eyes bulge for fear my mom would react when he twisted those suckers in. "Sensitive? Does it hurt," he asked. "No." He actually gave a surprised look and went along his way flicking and pushing. He dimmed the light, set the music and we went along to do my session.

About halfway through my session I heard my mom call him from the other room, then it got quiet. He came in to check on me and adjust my needles and I asked how my mom was. "She's done." Wow, quick! "She threw up!"

"What?? Is she ok??"

"Now she is." Chuckle.

Me - groan. Poor mom!

Turns out the nausea she was battling got too much to handle when the needles opened up her energy channels. She did however say the ringing in her ears wasn't as loud and her back and shoulder felt a bit better. I hope I didn't scar her on the idea of acupuncture.

After my session he said my pulse was very good. "Very good, as in, very good for anybody? Or, very good for me?"

"Anybody. Strong. Very strong." He started going whoosh whoosh whoosh, strong! My left side was a bit weaker though so my blood needed more nourishment.

I also received my clary sage essential oil. I started putting a drop on each sole of my foot every night, but after three or four nights of not being able to sleep, I wondered if it was the oil. It's suppose to be calming, but apparently, on me, not so much. I've started putting it on my feet in the mornings with a carrier oil and it's helped. I sleep better at night. I've only been doing it for a week or so, so I don't now the effects yet. Fingers crossed.

A few things recently that really resonated. This morning, my son loves to see the garbage truck. Trash was running late, so we were killing time. It got much too late and I had to bring him into daycare so I could get some work done. As I was leaving I ran into a fellow mom who is scheduled for a C-section next week. I rarely see her because I drop off earlier. We got to chatting and she was getting so emotional talking about how difficult this pregnancy had done and how her little girl was a fighter, that I of course got emotional with her and started crying too. She asked if I planned to have more kids, and already in tears from talking to her, I broke down. I spilled our whole journey with her in the parking lot.

She wrapped me in a hug and said "Don't give up. Please don't give up. I never thought I'd get pregnant. I tried for four years to have our son. I exhausted every avenue. Like you, I did acupuncture, herbs, all the fertility treatments. My friends raised money for us to do an IVF. They started me on the medication to stop all my hormones, essentially shut my system down before restarting it to prepare for the cycle. The doctor called me and told me to sit down. They had no idea how it was even possible since they'd stopped all hormone production, but I was pregnant. We thought it was impossible to get pregnant this time around, and although we weren't preventing, we weren't trying. I said the words aloud to my husband, 'If I'm not pregnant by my 42nd birthday, we are going to start preventing to so I don't risk passing on any genetic abnormalities' and I was pregnant within weeks of vocalizing it. I feel like someone heard."

Infertility, and fertility struggles are really the pits, but one thing I've learned is there is nothing that forms a greater, tighter or more intimate bond with people who are essentially strangers than the bonds of infertility. I imagine those bonds feel much the same for cancer survivors. I found that same tight bond with other mothers when I had my son. Within struggle, there are so many wonderful, gracious and supportive people. I was so humbled to have spoken with her this morning on such a more intimate level than our casual "Hi, How are you" exchanges.

As a matter of fact, while writing this, she just text me. She had called her old fertility doctor and asked her about my issues. She said she'd be willing to see me, which she is. She closed with the text "If there is anything else, let me know. I'd be willing to go and hold your hand if it would help."

Tears. What a beautiful thing to offer.

The crazy thing is, it's the same clinic my friend went to for her IVF and the one she is scheduled at for her embryo transfer. Small world. Living in Los Angeles, there are hundreds of fertility clinics and the two women who have referred me, said to go to the same one. I'm starting to feel like I want to talk to one. I may contact them to see what labs they need so next CD3 I can have my OBGYN order them. This way, the labs will be covered by insurance, even if the consult at a fertility specialist isn't.

The other thing that struck me today was a woman in the Mothers with POI/POF group posted about how she's always been extremely thin. She gained 6 lbs at the prompting of her family and found her cycles resumed, but she felt fat so she lost the weight again and all her POF symptoms returned. I really think a lot of infertility issues have to do with weight. I know when I was diagnosed I was I believe 96 lbs which is gaunt, so extremely thin.

I will be honest that I have struggled with body image in the past. In high school I did, as well as the profession I'm in (acting) there is a pressure to be rail thin. The camera adds pounds, so everyone always wants to avoid extra weight gain. The last year or so, I can honestly say I've let go of that. I feel like I'm more secure in who I am. The reality is, this industry needs people of all sizes. As I age more, I feel ok being a bit heavier (and I know I'm not heavy, I mean carrying more weight than I use to) because I know it's better for me. I've more energy, my body works healthier, my hair has been growing in thicker, my skin is clear. My focus has been on getting healthy, and it's been liberating to let go of my inhibition.

When I conceived my son (before diagnosis) I was heavier than I had been, it being just after Christmas when I'd put on some weight and was 105. I noticed when I fall back to around 100, my cycles get more erratic than when I'm closer to that 104/105 mark. I've been consciously trying to add more fats to my diet. I think my adding coconut oil to my smoothies (something I knew to do, but never remembered until another mom in that group reminded me by posting her smoothie with coconut oil) helps me get those good fats into my diet.

I've no real update for this cycle. I'm CD 62 and I don't think I've ovulated. I will say I took an HPT on Monday and it was stark white, so that is great. That means my LH and HCG aren't inflated from POF. I've felt great too. I really feel like although this is a long cycle, there will be a strong ovulation.

As always, God bless!

Reducing Toxins

Sept. 21, 2014

Well, my pursuit to a healthy home and personal care environment continues. A few months back I posted I was making my own toothpaste and deodorant and love it. Did I mention, I love it?! I was always concerned it wouldn't work as well as store bought and it'd be time consuming to make, but the reality is it works way better than store bought (really!!) it takes me about 10 minutes total every 6-8 weeks to make BOTH batches and it costs pennies on the dollar compared to what I was spending, especially in comparison to the "healthier" brand options I was purchasing.

I can also give it a two thumbs up approval from both my husband (who I feared would be my worse critic) and my 22 month old son for the toothpaste. We tried the baby toothpastes and training toothpastes, but even the "natural" ones were basically sugar. I was skeptical coating his teeth in it, and it didn't do the trick. He, unfortunately, has a tendency to get staining at the gum line, so we had to resort to adult toothpaste once or twice a week and I hated him swallowing the fluoride and chemicals. On a whim, I suggested we try the homemade version thinking he'd hate it...and he didn't. He actually liked it and I have no guilt with him swallowing it. My husband, seeing he liked it, tried it himself and was shocked he liked it.

For skincare I've always used Origins, which I still stand by is a much healthier option than many on the market. It's a bit pricey and I know it isn't completely safe, so I thought I'd see what else is out there. There are options that come with huge price tags. Did I really want to spend $50 to "see" if one worked well?? So, I decided to just try coconut oil and see. I was nervous. Putting oil on my skin? Erm... Well, I did. And, no break outs. It absorbed easily and to be honest, my complexion looks great! Score!

It only takes a tiny, tiny bit, which I learned after night one. I still have a bulk of stock piled Origins from their fabulous sales which I still intend to use, but have decided that is my "travel" skincare. My trip this summer, reinforced the idea traveling with coconut oil is not a good idea. Reminder...it melts over 74 - 75 degrees. I had a DOP kit of coconut oil covered make up and products. Even in carry on, with the ziploc allowance, I'd be concerned of it heating and leaking.

My next feet was finding a lotion I could feel healthy about. My two choices I narrowed it down to were Honest and Earth Mama Baby Angel which were some of the safest on the EWG.org. However, they also came with the largest price tag. For my baby, I didn't mind spending it because he's a tiny guy and they lasted. For me...lots more coverage = lots more lotion.

I looked online and found some great recipes at Wellnessmama. The same place I found the deodorant and toothpaste. I had my shopping cart full of organic beeswax and organic shea butter and though, hm, well, coconut oil worked for my face. I wonder if it would for my body. Would it be too oil? Get on clothes? Furniture? Bedding?

I gave it a whirl. I little goes a long way, but that is all you need. It absorbed quickly and left no oil residue. It didn't get on anything. I just allowed it to soak in for a few minutes after I dried off after my shower. My skin feels soft and it's not dry. I should admit at this point, that I hadn't been using lotion for about six months now because I was creeped out by all the chemicals I was putting on, essentially, the largest organ of my body...my skin! As an added bonus, it does offer a wee bit of sun protection too. Not enough to do away with sunscreen, but a bit ;)

So, score there. No paying a hefty paycheck on lotion anymore. My jumbo size tub of organic coconut oil from Costco is well worth the money. If you don't have a membership you can get a decent price on Amazon.

I found a few ideas for face cleansers that I've yet to try. Some were oil cleaning (just using oil to clean your face) which I'm sure works great, but I've ingrained in my mind that foaming cleansers are what works. I have to stop thinking that way. Until I find something I love (I'm testing as I go) I still have my drawer of Origins that I'm relying on in the interim until it's delegated to travel cleansers.

The shampoo will be the interesting one. A lot of the recipes, since they are made out of ingredients, actually go bad if not used in the appropriate amount of time. I plan to start making small batches of different recipes until I know what I want to do. In the interim, I have a few organic shampoo and conditioner samples that I've tried. I have to once again get use the lack of lather. They leave my hair nice and clean, but it's the whopping price tag that has be bumming. I'm convinced I'll find a nice homemade one.

So, we are now an all vinegar and baking soda cleaning household with an occasional Better Life cleaner. It's much cheaper at Sprouts or Whole Foods. We got rid of all our candles (nasty nasty toxins, unless they are pure organic beeswax and have all organic cotton wicks) and air fresheners. Well, almost all. My husband refuses to give up his one in his bathroom ;) I need to just make him up spray with essential oil to see if I can convince him at works as well without all the gunk.

My personal care journey is doing well on eliminating and limiting toxins. All in all. I feel pretty good about it.

The next thing I've been thinking and praying on is a fast. Raised a Catholic, the extent of fasting I did was to not eat meat on Fridays during Lent, not snack during Lent, and to give something up. Other than that, we weren't big fasters. I know a lot of people do. What kind, I don't know.

There is a fertility juice cleanse fast that my friend swears by. I may have mentioned her in the past. She and her husband tried for ELEVEN YEARS (!!!) to get pregnant. Numerous failed IUIs and IVFs. Nothing seemed to help. A bishop at her ward (church) said he'd counseled many infertile couples to try this fast and it had worked for everyone. Extremely doubtful, she and her husband did it. Two weeks later...pregnant! If I didn't know her personally, I'd give that story the side eye and say "Yeah, right!" But, I DO know her personally and I DID see this happen in her life.

She sent me the info. My hesitation? It's two weeks. How with working full time and raising a child will I do this? It's to drink a gallon of water and a gallon of fresh organic juice everyday. Fruit and veggies all day and only veggies in the PM. It also has some supplements, but since I am on TCM, I don't think those supplements are necessary. I looked at the ingredients, and a lot I'm already taking on my own, or my TCM herbs have similar ones included.

To be honest, I'm already considered underweight (even though I've gained 10 lbs in the last nine months) at 105 lbs. And that 105 lbs was with my sneakers and jeans, so it's probably a little less. Will a juice fast be too detrimental on my system? My friend gave me the name of the woman who promotes it and said she called several times with questions. They were very good to get back to her and never charged any type of consultation fee.

I was thinking if I do embark on this, to use the Nutribullet to get maximum absorption and fiber and possibly put in some seeds or nuts to get protein, but I'd have to run it by the woman if it'd do any good. I won't do the fast without it though. I can't lose weight, and I'm borderline hypoglycemic, so too much sugar with no protein is bad news.

Anyway, it sounded like an idea to explore for health benefits but also as a spiritual journey with fasting. If I don't think I can handle two weeks, maybe start with three days? I'll keep you posted.

Still reading my book by Nerida Walker and taking more time with my Bible and the word. I've been incredibly peaceful. It's so interesting, but really, since taking the time to explore my relationship with God, ask myself the tough questions and grow in my faith, my diagnosis doesn't seem insurmountable. It's a worldly diagnosis.

As always, God bless.

UTI Back with a Vengeance

July 27, 2014

Well, my UTI diagnosis was apparently accurate. Bad news...it never went away. Just got a whole. lot. worse.

I started having lower back pain on my left side on Tuesday and started feeling pressure on Weds in my abdomen. Every time I went to call or email my doctor though, it'd feel better and I figured, why cry wolf? It started getting worse, but was mainly in my back so I thought I may have pulled something or been holding my son strangely. Thursday morning, it was undeniable. A whole lotta pain!

I saw one of those over the counter tests at Target to test, so I thought, well, before I hand over my $40 co pay at the lab I might as well give it a try. It said to hold your urine for 4 hrs to get an accurate result, but it hurt so I went after about an hour and a half hold and it couldn't turn any darker. I had the darkest positive you could get. An email to my doctor and I had a prescription waiting. She had me leave a sample at the lab, but didn't want me in pain waiting for it to process.

Lesson learned? Although my TCM said the meds wouldn't interfere with herbs, I'm not so certain the herbs didn't interfere with the meds. So, off my herbs for the next five days. There are no dangerous interactions - just maybe lessened the effectiveness of the meds. Also, the UTI meds from before were for when I was nursing so different than a standard scrip.

The good news is as soon as I started taking the meds Thursday, my body seems to be falling back into a rhythm. It's funny how even one little imbalance in your body can throw the whole thing off. My last visit with the TCM they said my kidney channel was weak - well, sure makes sense now. The kidney channel is responsible for all reproductive and urinary function. With one awry, it easily throws off the other. I started noticing fertile signs immediately. So, good news. We'll wait and see if my hormones are going to pull through.

Oddly enough, even with the UTI, the last week my sleep has been AMAZING!! I don't know what it is, but the best sleep I've had for as long as I can remember. Then again, I've been doing a lot of praying, so that may be the reason. Handing over my stress and problems = no mind running during sleep.

I'm feeling thankful today. Thankful for my sleep. Thankful my body is falling back into a rhythm. Thankful for my amazing family. Nothing beats a year and a half year old covering you with kisses.

**Just an update. The doctor called this morning and my cultures showed a bacteria that was drug resistant so they are putting me on a different medication. Bummer is, it'll be seven more days...so ten days off the herbs. This will be interesting to see how my body responds. We'll see if it's regulating on it's own a bit or still relying heavily on the herbs. Hmmmm.

Postulating Carpet Cleaners and Embracing my Crunchy Side

July 22, 2014

So, interesting day today. We were having our carpets cleaned today (all organic and free of chemical) when one of the workers walked up to me and said "I see in your home. You're Christian." I answered, "Well, yes, I am." And he told me he'd known before he stepped in. Before he saw our Christian decor and bookshelf. He shared that he too is Christian and between bringing in equipment and stain fighting shared his spiritual journey while I sat at the table and worked.

Odd, perhaps. But, he was so innocent and charming and really spoke words of wisdom. Maybe naive, or just brazenly honest he asked the last time I really felt God's presence.  I told him last night. I had a calmness come over me. And get this, he asked WHY?

Um, well, I'm dealing with some health issues and have really been struggling and questioning recently. He went on to share some stories and experiences and as he was holding the cords as his fellow worker did the cleaning in our living room had the audacity to ask me what my health problems were. With, no apology. Normally, I'd be aghast, but the sincere and honest way he asked...I ANSWERED! To a complete stranger!

Here, I've been dealing with this diagnosis for six months and really, no one knows about it other than a handful of close friends and family. I write this blog half anonymous because I can't even bare the thought of telling people or opening myself to criticism, and here I shared in my kitchen with a young 20 something man who is studying to be a preacher that I can't have kids.

He shared his experiences with God healing people and I struggled to keep myself in check. My eyes were tearing up. As he gathered things up, he told me that sometimes God hands us the most difficult thing we can imagine so we absolutely hit rock bottom and can open our lives to him to lift us up. Pretty powerful words from someone so young.

As his co-worker was loading the truck. He came in. Asked my name. Asked if he could pray with me. He told me he felt moved by God to tell me two things. 1. God loved me. 2. God was working in my life to heal me. He then placed his hand on my shoulder and prayed. A real prayer. A moving prayer. They were words that left me speechless and crying. He prayed for the life within me. Not only "my" life, but the life growing in me.  I know I can't express all the things he asked, but it was very moving, in a very odd way.

I've never been good at sharing prayer. Yet, this boy was so unapologetic. He was so certain. He was so inspired. As he left, he locked eyes with me and said there is a reason I got my carpets cleaned. With this company. On his day working. God used people to give us courage, strength, hope and new life. He would keep me in his prayers and he trusted with every instinct in him that my prayers would be answered.

It was an odd day. A moving day. A day that left me rather mentally exhausted. I know his prayer will come back and strike me throughout the coming weeks.

When I woke this morning, I was feeling frustrated. Still faint positives. And, what drives me crazy is I "think" they are getting darker, but don't want to let that "hope" in. I was devastated before. If I did ovulate, I'm 9 DPO. Here is a picture of the last few days "progression." I had been testing once or twice a week to see if A. I really did get a positive and B. hoping the false line would leave. Without a clear picture of where I was in my cycle seemed like the safest bet given I take herbs and supplements. Since one day it looked darker, I checked the next few days to see if they progressed at all.

I'm back to my TCM tomorrow so will ask them about my levels. I'm trying hard not to be concerned and trying to take comfort in my carpet cleaner's wisdom. I can't fix this. Only God can.

In other news. I've fully embraced my crunchy side. I've been using homemade toothpaste for a few weeks now and love it. The recipe I found, once you add a bit of peppermint essential oil, really doesn't taste much different than the store bought kind. It doesn't suds up like that one, but really does make my mouth feel clean. Longer actually.

My newest obsession is my homemade deodorant. Again, a little out there for some folks, but I swear to you. It is AWESOME!!! How I didn't do this all along I will never know! I'd switched to Toms deodorant to get a bit more natural, but it didn't cut it for me. I took to dusting my pits with baking soda and an old blush brush several times a day. My homemade with a hint of lavender. Problem solved!! No chemicals and better than any store bought I've ever had. Bonus - it does't stain clothing like aluminum based ones do.

Well, ladies. It's been a humbling week for me. I felt like I was doing so well and have come to the embarrassing conclusion that "I" wasn't doing well. GOD was. It sounds simple, and I knew that, but I didn't KNOW it. Every moment of every day I need to keep reminding myself to "Let go and let God." It's the hardest lesson I have ever had to do.

Keep the faith.

Present Day

April 25, 2014

Alright ladies and gentlemen. Today is my actual first day as a blogger. All the blogs up until now were my own private diary on my computer. I post dated everything so you could see in chronological order my craziness, doubts, fears, pep talks and treatments. I've finally found the confidence to come out as just "Emily" on her path to health and pregnancy.

Thanks for coming along on the journey. May we support each other along the way.

God bless!

My Blog. My Safe Place.

April 19, 2014

Well, my flow has been rather light. Yesterday, was more like heavy spotting or super light flow and today was just a tad of spotting, and my temp went back up. I’ll test for the heck of it tomorrow, although even if I was preggers, it’d most likely be too early to register at 9 days post ovulation.

 I’m testing for nostalgia purposes really. It was two years ago exactly tomorrow that we announced we were expecting Reed. If I were to get a positive, it would just make it that more special. That, and it will be Easter Sunday. Jesus rose from the dead. My ovaries firing an egg seems rather insignificant in comparison.  

If negative, I’ll test later in the week, to be more cautious than anything. It’s most likely so low and so soon after ovulation because my hormones are wacky and trying to balance out, but there is just that inner voice telling me to test to be sure.

There is a small chance it could be implantation bleeding and if there is any chance there is a little bambino in there, I want to make sure to stop my supplements and herbs immediately. As my TCM assured me, it is safe, but I don’t like the thought of any unnecessary herb, supplement, medicine, alcohol, caffeine, whatever floating around in there longer than there needs to be once my little bean is leaching from my blood supply. 

The good thing is, until I got my first period and knew I was pre-ovulation, I’d already decided against the castor oil pack which is really the thing I was most concerned about. Once my cycles regulate, I’ll add that back in if I don’t get a positive first.

I shared in a Facebook mommy group, that has been immensely supportive of my health issues that my period came back and mommies came out of the woodwork with excitement and congratulations. One in particular encouraged me to share my journey and alternative heeling route. When I said I was a big fat chicken because not all online communities are as open minded and supportive (ironically, some of the most critical of alternative healing and the desire to beat POF are the POF support groups) she suggested I write my blog anonymous and turn off the comments if I was concerned about people getting nasty. Not a bad idea. I’m mulling over the anonymous or public…

I think I’ll keep the comments on. I want people to be free to ask questions and share their journey and experiences.  I’ll just delete the ones that get me riled up. My biggest obstacle in this whole journey was reducing stress and anxiety. I’m not going to let criticism put me back in a negative place. I’m at peace now.

I want my blog to be a safe place where people can think outside the box. If it’s not their cup of tea, I totally get it, and I really do support people using traditional means to treat their symptoms if that’s what they want to do. However, people need to understand, it treats their symptoms, and although it does lessen their risk of horrible future problems like osteoporosis, heart disease, stroke, increased cancer risk, etc (which is FANTASTIC and thank God it is out there!!) but it does not treat the disease itself. What saddens me, is when people use traditional means and become miserable and depressed because that is all they think is out there. It makes me sad to see people settle for a life without children when that is all they’ve ever dreamed about because that is what their doctor said they’d have.

There should at least be an option to explore other means. I get it won’t work for everyone, but it will work for some. When I was diagnosed, I searched high and low for hope. If my blog can be home for one single person out there…it’s served its purpose.