Sometimes God has a different path in store for us. After being diagnosed with POF, I set out on a journey to "repair" my body and get pregnant naturally. Somewhere along the line, although pristine health and self care is my goal, the necessity to "prove" the doctors wrong became less important and we sought the perfect solution to grow our family. We decided on Embryo Donation / Adoption. Read about our journey. Blessings!

16 months old!

March 13, 2018

Wowza! Our sweet boy turned 16 months old a few days ago. I'm reeling. I'm not entirely sure how he's that old already. When they say it goes fast, it goes FAST! He's a smart, inquisitive, stubborn, hilarious, delightful little man. He's running, jumping, dancing and CLIMBING...oh, so much climbing. He's very chatty and talks a lot. His vocabulary is crazy impressive. He not only repeats everything, but uses it intentionally. Sentences and all. It's nice he's so communicative because he can tell us everything he wants. And, he'll tell us over and over and over...and is not thrilled when we don't oblige ;)

He loves helping and it sweet to see him mimic chores, patterns and get things for me like his shoes when it's time to go or his oils when it's time for bed. He's obsessed with Elsa and Ana after a recent Disneyland trip and Alexa plays it on repeat all day long. If it's not playing, S continually says "Ana Ana Ana Ana" until we turn it on. Loves puppies. Puppies puppies everywhere. He loves books and imitates how his brother plays with cars and trucks with them beeping and backing up.

It's been incredible to see the boys together. Our oldest son is wonderful with him. Includes him, cares for him, helps with him. Sometimes I have to remind him to not play so hard with him, but it's hard to enforce when S is giggling uncontrollably and tackling him back. I've a feeling these two will be quite the hand full. When R is at school he'll ask over and over "Where's "R"?" and giggles uncontrollably and dances when he gets home. His favorite is playing in R's classroom when we go to pick him up.

Me, I'm glad to have gotten back into acting. I got new headshots and have been fortunate enough to have a few auditions. It feels nice to be back in the swing of things. Walking into a casting office is just invigorating. Some actors hate auditioning...I love it. Granted, I like booking and working more, but the auditioning doesn't bum me out. I'm grateful for each call. Every time I walk on a studio lot I say a big thank you to the Lord above that I'm actually doing it and pursuing the dream that seemed impossible to the girl in Michigan growing up.

Work has been tough. There's not enough hours. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in this bizarre dynamic of a stay at home / work at home mom, but fill time working mom, but mom. I can't describe it. I know every mom works her tail off. I just wish I could be one or the other.

The boys go to daycare three days, so I try to fit as many hours as I can in there, but the rest are after bedtime. Once I get them fed, to bed, things cleaned up, lunches packed, the house picked up...I'm tired. Absolutely exhausted, yet I have to work. Then I'm up at night nursing, back up in the morning with the kids to do it all over.

I've been transitioning more to focusing on educating about essential oils. Fortunately, that has been covering some gaps for us financially, and, I'll be honest. I love it. Love it. I know so much of the health turmoils I faced was from the junk in my home, foods, products...I love offering an alternative to people who want safer products. My ultimate goal is to JUST act and teach about healthy choices. I'm reaching for them more and more. I've always used a ton of the oils and transitioned all my personal care, makeup, cleaners to Young Living a while ago, but I'm incorporating more and more of the supplements now. I can happily say that as everyone around us was dropping like flies, our family stayed relatively healthy. Aside from a minor cold for my baby and husband, we're all healthy as can be. And, looking at the little sleep I've gotten...three cheers for that. I also can't say enough about elderberry syrup. Legit.

The bummer is, some POF symptoms have started to creep in. More irritability, brain fog and hot flashes. My night sweats started, but I've been using a serum called Progessence Plus to support my hormonal health and they are no more. For hot flashes, I've started using Sclaressence. I either make a capsule with a drop of Sclaressence vitality and take it immediately after nursing my son in the morning, or use the Sclaressence on my ankles throughout the day if I feel I need extra support. I've kept things manageable. Oddly enough, I've turned to the oils for irritability and brain fog as well. They've a lot of emotional support oils that have been good for me to just release pent up emotion and I diffuse peppermint or rosemary and orange when I'm feeling really scattered.

Fortunately, our housing crisis was averted. We thought we were losing our lease, but our landlords opted not to sell, so we are here two more years. A rent increase, but stability. Hallelujah! It works out great because our oldest started Kindergarten next year and it will be directly across the street.

Other than that...nothing big to share. I look at my little family and think sometimes how I'd love to have another child. I know my husband isn't there now, so I keep those thoughts fleeting, but my babies are so incredibly special. If it were up to my, if we had no financial concerns, I'd absolutely have another. My oldest son asks me several times a week when his sister will arrive. I keep trying to explain to him I'm not pregnant, and he says he knows, but he's going to have a sister. Sometimes from my belly, sometimes from somewhere else... I can't help but wonder what God has in store. I'd still be very open to foster to adopt, but I'm not sure my husband would like that. Kids, let's face it, can be exhausting. A lot of children in the foster system come with issues that would require certain patience and understanding, parent visits, red tape, foster workers...it'd be a lot.

I just ask God everyday to set our path. Professionally. Personally. For our family. For our impact and outreach for others. Today though, I savor the moments with my babies. They are growing so fast, and I'm desperately trying to be present in each moment.

God bless!