Sick Again and the Supermoon

Aug. 10, 2014

So, turns out I'm sick again. My lethargy and aches weren't in my head. I went to my TCM yesterday thinking the herbs may be worsening whatever was wrong with me, and I was right. The herbs nourish the body and everything in it...including viruses.

My TCM pretty much told me every symptom I had before I was able to get the words out of my mouth. By checking my pulses and tongue she asked if I was tired? Check. Dry mouth and thirsty? Check. Achy? Check. I also told her I'd felt like a lump was in my throat for several days. It didn't hurt, just was annoying. Yesterday my throat was a tiny bit scratchy, but that was it.

She told me in abbreviated English that "medicine" made my immunity down. Translation? The meds for the UTI did a bang up job getting rid of the UTI. It also wreaked havoc on the rest of my body.

Isn't it fascinating? Western medicine (and don't get me wrong, I love Western medicine and everything it has to offer) works in the way it targets one thing. It's amazingly exact and precise which is wonderful, but the down side is, it only has ONE medication. Eastern medicine has a different philosophy. They prescribe herbs that will treat one condition as well as all the others that may come up from treating the condition. What do I mean? I know have a mix of about 35 herbs that will treat everything wrong with my body, while boosting my immune system and organ functions. It all works TOGETHER to ensure my body heals properly all while treating what is wrong.

I don't blame Western medicine for their philosophy because the fact of the matter is, a lot of medicines are powerful and work efficiently. The reason Western medicine doesn't treat the whole body in one pill is, it's mass produced. Western medicines are researched and distributed wide spread to keep cost down and be efficient. Eastern medicines are prescribed and measured precisely for each patient. It isn't cost effective.

Anyway, good news. No UTI - thank you Western medicine (although next time my TCM said they have a great UTI herb mixture without the side effects so I think I'll try it) and thank you Eastern herbs for getting me back on my feet. It felt like when I had Epstein Bar. So far, I took two doses yesterday (and went to bed at 8:45 pm) and one dose this morning and I already have more energy. I have one week of medicinal herbs and then back to my fertility mixture.

In other news. I had a HUGE temp spike yesterday which I though may be a low grade fever, and I was right. Today it dropped back down to 97.33. So, either a fall back rise, or I didn't ovulate afterall. I've had positive OPK's for about five days now so my body is REAAAALLLLLLYYYY trying. Tonight, however, is the supermoon? What is that you ask? A supermoon is when the moon is at it's closest to earth on it's elliptical access. It will be enormous and light up the sky.

http://earthsky.org/space/what-is-a-supermoon

Since full moons are synonymous with fertility, I'm hoping that the "super" moon will literally rip one of those eggs right outta there!! Sound a little "out there?" The lunar month is what the women's cycle is based on. Some fascinating stuff. Check out this article for an overview.

http://astrology.about.com/od/themoon/a/MoonFertility.htm

I'll be honest I really started to have anxiety this morning when my temp came down and my OPK was still positive. I started having a freak out moment of this is what happened when I was diagnosed. Fortunately 1. - my HPT yesterday was almost barely non existent so it WAS the high LH surge making it turn, not residual HCG in my system, and 2. I've reminded myself I've put this in God's hands. Trying to "time" things properly for a baby is silly. I've let God know I trust we'll conceive and since he's the one in charge of releasing the eggs anyway, he'll know the "appropriate" time to do so.

In the mean time, healing and remaining optimistic.

I'm Hot Hot Hot

June 5, 2014

Not only is it roasting in the triple digits here already, but turns out, I am literally hot! After my CP, I still haven't stopped bleeding so I called my TCM yesterday. We had a bit of a "loss in translation" between the phone / Chinese / English barrier so they wanted me to come in straight away. Because I didn't feel my blood loss was a lot, we agreed today would be fine.

Basically, they were under the impression I was having an active miscarriage. I kept trying to explain the test was barely visible as positive and I was having very little blood loss...just it was still red and bleeding. What they heard was positive and blood. When I got there today, I came fully prepared with my charts printed out, my barely there positive pregnancy test and a pantyliner to show them that was sufficient for my blood loss.

Ah hah. Crisis averted. They now understood...kinda. They thought the liner was for my WHOLE period, so it took a bit more explaining for them to understand that I had a few days of heavier flow, then it tapered off. Today and yesterday it actually got a bit heavier, but mostly when I used the bathroom, not during the day....make sense because I'm actively contracting the muscles to release blood. TMI I'm sure, but this blog covers all that, so why not be honest...because that is what this journey is.

My pulse and tongue showed that I was "hot." What does that mean? My blood is flowing too freely. Makes sense. We went over all my diet and analyzed what is different this cycle. The only difference is the royal jelly. We toyed with the idea of my going down to using it every other day, but my TCM said she was prescribing herbs based on me NOW, so not to change anything. The herbs would cool me to offset the royal jelly while still giving me the benefits of that supplement.

Basically, they were giving me energizing herbs and royal jelly is an energizer, so my blood really, literally, got pumping!

I also spoke with them about wild yam. They'd told me to take it several months ago, but there is so much varying information out there. I'd done a lot of research and it appears that you can use it from menstruation to ovulation to support fertility through helping ovulation. Or, you can use it ovulation to menstruation to help the luteal phase. BUT, using it throughout the entire cycle may act as birth control. Not what I want!

Now, the doses for contraceptive use are MUCH MUCH higher than what I am taking. About a sixth of the pharmaceutical dose is what I was taking, but it still made me leery month long.  They told me they are not as experienced with wild yam as their herbs (they told me they know those inside and out) but only know wild yam can help women with POF and menopausal symptoms.  Based on my research and what they DO know they suggested I use it the first half of my cycle in the small dose I've been taking and discontinue after ovulation.

Because I don't even want to risk and contraceptive use of it this cycle I'm discontinuing it CD9. For those looking at a contraceptive (I don't know how well it works, so weigh the pros and cons before using it) it's 1250 mg - 1500 mg twice a day non-stop. I was taking one 500 mg dose. You can read more about it here.

http://www.sisterzeus.com/wildyam.htm

I also asked about evening primrose oil. They said they know a little about it, that it is good to nourish the liver, but again, are not well versed enough to recommend using or not using it. For now, I won't use it. If my luteal phase doesn't seem to improve, I may revisit it with them and with their consent try it for a month. I'd used it my first time TTC with my son for increased egg white cervical mucus, but knowing what I know now, it can also help support a longer luteal phase.

I have added back into my regimen from trying for numero dose my daily juice blend of grapefruit (for increased cervical mucus and vitamin C) and POM juice (said to increase endometrial lining.) Both good for antioxidants too if anything else.

For now, I'm taking my cooling herbs and avoiding warming herbs like black pepper, cumin, etc. Still avoiding ice cream too, sigh. I did ask permission to eat some on vacation from some local ice cream parlors that make their own. They thought I was rather hysterical but agreed I can have small helpings. Between my hubby and son, that's all I'll get I'm sure ;)

I'll be going out of town for three weeks so I'll have one last visit before I go with three weeks of herbs with me. When I get back, depending on my charts, they think we will start the acupuncture. They didn't want to begin it until I can go for seven consecutive weeks. I asked a few more questions. The first four they basically redirect my energy channels to so blood and energy flood my reproductive organs. The last three sessions they tweak the energy channels to tell it to "hold on." That means to create a hospitable environment to accept and "hold on" to sperm that will fertilize the egg, and to "snag" the fertilized egg.

So, bad news, I'm bleeding too long, but good news is, in January I had no endometrial lining, so nada blood. Now, we're just tweaking things, but I'm doing well. My blood was too "high" but my Qi is still improving.

This month, my goal is to buy the Diva cup. It sounds like a good environmental purchase, but also I've limited so much toxic exposure, I'd like to stop using tampons and pads altogether. I try to buy unscented and unbleached, but I'd feel better about using the Diva cup I think. The added bonus is I can tell them exactly how heavy my flow is versus trying to gauge it by how much blood appears to be on a pad or tampon. (I'm adding this in after the fact, but I ended up getting a Sckoon cup. It's more flexible and not as long.)

For now, I'm signing off, trying to "cool" down and continuing to nourish and take care of myself.

Baby steps (literally!) ;)

**edited update - For the record, when I spoke with my TCM and they expressed concern over my bleeding, I did contact my doctor (OBGYN) too to update her on my status. She said it was most likely a chemical pregnancy with no issues. She said she'd order blood work. Since there is no trace of a positive on my test anymore, I didn't think it necessary and told her if the bleeding increased or I started cramping I would go in for the blood work and call her to schedule an appointment. 

Almost Normal

April 26, 2014

What a busy day! My day started out right with a mommy and son date to the Mother’s Day breakfast at his daycare that he attends two day s a week. Quite the handsome little man!

Then, off to acupuncture. My doctor, Dr. Li is in China so her husband (who normally translates for her) was treating me today. I was wondering how it would go since he’s never taken my pulse and had only her notes to compare it to, but it went well. She apparently takes very detailed notes, and he’s been there translating for three months now, so I think he gets the “gist” of things.

He said compared to her notes, my pulse was much stronger today. When I pushed and prodded a bit more, he said “good.” And when I pushed and prodded even more asking about specific channels, he said that my pulse was actually almost “normal.” Almost normal! Music to my ears.

They had explained to me early on that my Chi would always be a little lower because of my small stature, so I get that. I’m not quite sure how my TCM pulse points and actual pulse / blood pressure according to Western Medicine measure up, but I’ve always had very low blood pressure. During pregnancy, my blood pressure was alarmingly low. At one visit, they retook it four times because my doctor was convinced it was wrong. She said I’d be comatose with a blood pressure reading like that. I’m not quite sure if it went up because it had been measured incorrectly the first three times, or I was getting freaked out and it spiked.

But, almost normal sounded like great news to me! He checked my tongue and nodded. I’ve never gotten more explanation that a nod when they check my tongue. I’ll inquire more next time. He reviewed her notes and put a few markings down for some slight changes to my mixture for the next two weeks.

As he was measuring the herbs out I started asking him about specific ones in the mix and could tell he was getting flustered. I was literally asking what they were, but I could tell he misunderstood that I was asking what each one DID. He told me her prescription was very scientific. Some herbs were for the heat element, some cooling, some damp, etc. He said that some herbs were only for specific organs and others were added in for other organs or to prevent a certain herb from acting on the wrong organ, etc. He said “very, very complicated.” His wife, my doctor, was the true “chemist” when it came to that so he let her be in charge of that. He said he’d only tweaked her mixture VERY slightly according to my symptoms this week.

I discussed with him my light period and he didn’t seem too concerned. He said the fact I GOT a period was a good sign. The ultimate goal is to get me to menstruate around 4-5 days. Out of curiosity I looked back at my chart from the cycle I conceived my son and I had bled for three days. I had also ovulated day 12 that cycle, so, a bit earlier than average, but totally within a normal window. Judging by my fertility signs this cycle, I anticipate ovulating around that time this cycle too (fingers crossed my ovaries kick one out!!)

For now, I’ll take “almost normal.” On my way!

Let the Poking and Prodding Begin

Jan. 29, 2014

Well, I had my first consult and acupuncture session with my TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine.) They pretty much told me I was a washed up rag doll. My Chi was low. My pulse was ridiculously weak and my kidney and liver channels were pretty bad.

Liver - emotions and stress
Kidney - Reproductive

So, they were right on target. First thing, they told me to wean my son as soon as possible. That I was too weak to give him "life" from nursing and maintain my own. My ovaries had shut down because I couldn't maintain everything.

Second, I have to limit my stress big time. They said I was highly anxious and stressed out. Yup!

I keep saying "They." Let me explain. My doctor was trained in China by her father who is a pretty big deal there, as pretty high up as they come in the TCM world. She moved to the United States, but her English is limited. Her husband, translates for us. He is also a doctor, but her specialty is fertility, so although I refer to them as "my doctors" it is mainly her insight and practice and his translation I am referring to. That being said, he has been instrumental in teaching me about meditation.

First, they took my pulse. There are three pulse points near each wrist. Here is a link to give you an overview.

http://www.emperors.edu/qiblog/2012/08/pulse-power-understanding-tcm-pulse-diagnosis/

Next, she looked at my tongue. They look for coating, color and the size. I couldn't for the life of me understand it all when they explained, but of course went to Mr. Google when I got home. Here is a recap.

http://www.sacredlotus.com/diagnosis/tongue/

Interesting stuff, yes? After taking a million notes and asking me questions regarding symptoms, do I got hot, have night sweats, anxiety, trouble sleeping (yes to all of that) they asked if I have regular bowel movements, lubrication down there, etc, they started my acupuncture session.

The doctor ushered me in to a room and, not thinking, I'd worn jeans, I took off my pants so they could apply the needles. They applied a few in each wrist, my temples, around my midsection, on my legs and feet. Opening my channels. I didn't quite understand all the meridians they spoke about, but he said it was a "wake up call" to my reproductive system. The meridians stretch throughout our whole body which is why a needle in between your toes can awaken something in your reproductive system. A hypothesis is when we were embryos and our cells were dividing, cells that formed together still maintain basic energy paths. I'm summarizing it, probably not in the correct scientific way, but it is rather fascinating how it all works out.

Dr. Li left me with my needles for about 35 minutes with a heat lamp on, the lights dimmed and gently music playing. When she came back, I will admit to feeling oddly calm.

Intro

Where to begin… I suppose a brief intro and overview is in order. I'm post dating this to Jan. 1, 2014, so the order of my blog posts (which I had been writing privately as a POF diary for myself initially saved to my computer) are in the correct order. For your record, it is April 24. It took me over three months to process this diagnosis and be in a positive place sharing my story. So, don't beat yourself up if you need time. I also have not shared with anyone outside my immediate family circle aside from three close friends. It's still a bit too raw and I don't want any negativity, backlash or questioning of my motives or decision for treatment from anyone, especially those that are close. I'll let you know when I am able to make that personal and public announcement outside my own blogosphere so you can share in that "journey" too. 

My name is Emily and I am blessed by one incredible son and an awesome husband. My journey with secondary infertility began at the start of this year. Or, shall I say, my knowledge of my infertility slapped me in the face. Happy New Year to you too!

My son was born November 22, 2012. He was our Turkey Baby born at 11:12 pm, just in time for me to shovel in some pie after snacking on ice chips all day long. We had no trouble conceiving him at all. Married May 2011, ditched the birth control and started trying in November and after a wonky cycle or two of my body not relying on birth control to man the ship for 14 years and regulate it's cycles, conceived on our third cycle. We got our BFP, big fat positive, on the test March 9^th, 2013. So, this baby making stuff is easy! Right?!

Gulp.

After having my son, I was just convinced that my period hadn’t returned since I was breast feeding. He was a horrible sleeper and nursed constantly through the night, so the constant nipple stimulation was keeping it at bay. Or, so I thought. My hubby and I started trying in September for a baby thinking maybe we’d just “catch that first egg.” And, we thought we had.

When we got back from our Christmas vacation, I thought before taking a sip of New Year champagne, why not take a test to make sure. And it was positive! And so were eight others over the next few days, but they never darkened and finally disappeared. I was heartbroken thinking I’d had a chemical pregnancy, or early miscarriage. But, I never bled.

After going back and forth a dozen times with an incompetent midwife who assured me my test was wrong (Hello lady, I took NINE!!) and my period would come when it normally does despite my trying to explain I hadn’t had a post partum period yet so I wouldn't even know when that would be, I finally contacted another doctor. She ran an HCG test and my level was 5. Less than 4 is not pregnant. 5 is typically borderline pregnant. She told me most likely it was a CP and I’d start to bleed anytime. I didn’t.

When no period came, they started to take me a bit more seriously. She referred me to another doctor in the OBGYN department. The doctor I met with, who I shall refer to as “Jack Knob” because my other references to him aren’t PG enough for your web browsing eyes to see, came in and with no emotion took a gander at my ovaries in an ultra sound, which he said looked fine. He told me my endometrial lining was 2 mm so wouldn’t sustain the pregnancy if there was indeed a pregnancy. He assured me he’d run some tests and let me know what they said. He promised he’d call to discuss the outcome.

Well, my test did come back. My HCG level was 7 (four days later) so it was going up, but not at the rate of a viable pregnancy. And, that is just what he told me. He put it in some fancy doctor lingo in an email that took me to google to translate, but basically said the high LH as well as slightly elevated HCG in my blood had been giving me the false positives on the pregnancy tests.

I, however, saw my FSH and LH levels and about fell out of my chair. My FSH was 111.8 and my LH was 65.3. FSH in a normal, healthy woman should be UNDER 12!! 12!! Mine was 100 higher. LH levels ebb and flow. It’s the hormone that tells your egg to pop out, and that was a high number, but the two high together meant bad news. I’d gone to Google and boy, oh boy, was that a mistake. Either Premature Ovarian Failure, aka, you are done, no babies for you, or a Pituitary Tumor, aka brain tumor. Well, Happy Flippin’ New Year.

When this moron didn’t make the connection, I emailed him back saying I was alarmed by those two high numbers, much more than the HCG.  I asked to have further testing to rule out a brain tumor. He EMAILED me saying it was most likely ovarian failure and he’d repeat the tests in four weeks. Um, four weeks?? Yeah, right. I asked him to please run a prolactin test and estrogen test for me. He called and callously told me it was probably POF. When I asked what treatment there was, he said “None. Your ovaries don’t work anymore.” My response, sobbing like a baby.

My estrogen levels came back undetectable and my prolactin showed a slight elevation most likely from breastfeeding. I sought another opinion.

This time, I meant with a very frank, but nice and thorough doctor. She went through my chart with me and took a lot of information to consult with an infertility specialist friend of hers. Infertility isn’t covered by my health plan. She also did a u/s and said my lining was paper thin.

The lab results this time, absolutely devastated me. 

HCG 7

FSH  136.5

LH 98.8

AMH <.03

I was basically told I was a 100+ year old post menopausal woman. My options were egg donor or adoption. Through tears, I asked what my options were and she said birth control pills to regulate hormones. Trying to keep it together I explained that I’d researched POF and there were rare people who ovulated. Birth control would take away that possibility. She told me, sometimes women with POF do squirt out an egg here or there and maybe “God would throw me a bone.” Oddly enough, I know she meant that as my chances were nil, but I found it reassuring. Yes, he would!

My AMH levels basically said I had no eggs and no follicles left. Hmph. Since then, I’ve done a lot of research, and this isn’t exactly true. Yes, there are no follicles in the beginning stages growing, but that really doesn’t have anything to do with how many eggs you have left or their quality. The doctors assume you don’t because none are growing, but in theory, if you are under duress, your ovaries, non essential organs, are one of the first to shut down. Given my lack of sleep and high stress, it’s conceivable, that’s exactly what they did.

In my fervent research of the disease I learned that over the course of 10 years, there is a 5%-10% chance a woman can spontaneously get pregnant with POF. Yes, my numbers were way, way higher than most POF women so my chances were slimmer, but there was one. My own rational was, my doctor immediately wanted to prescribe birth control. How many women with POF follow that directive and take it? So, they are automatically removing themselves from the pool for spontaneous pregnancy. Further more, how many make fertility minded changes in their life with diet? Exercise? And, as I researched further (I'll get to that) with acupuncture, chiropractic care and herbs and supplements? How many of these women that just spontaneously got pregnant were actually trying to better their odds? If 5-10% of all women, most of whom aren't actively trying or preparing their bodies can get pregnant, my odds were looking a lot better. Because, I was doing it all!

I had her refer me to an RE who refused to see me because I didn’t have infertility insurance. When I pressed the issue saying I was at increased odds for osteoporosis, heart disease, stroke and cancer without the correct hormones in my body they woman relented a bit on the phone and admitted that yes, my “infertility” put me at severe health risk. She then gently told me, pushing for a visit was a waste of money because they would tell me my situation was helpless. She gave me the adoption or donor egg speech. The third doctor to tell me this. Sigh.

I did more research and learned about HRT, hormone replacement therapy, but I didn’t like the idea of a lifetime of pumping pharmaceuticals into my body. And then, I came across some blogs and articles about alternative, holistic approaches. The more I read, the more I was intrigued.  

Western and Eastern medicines approached reproductive issues, POF especially very differently. Western medicine, as brilliant as it is, treats the symptoms and tries to prevent future complications like osteoporosis. Eastern medicine treats the overall body and tries to correct overall health which in turn will gently prod your body into doing what it should be doing.

The first few weeks after my diagnosis, I was barely functional. I was listless and downright pissed. Yes, I was blessed with an amazing little boy, but I’d always dreamed of a big family. I had dreams for him to grow up with a brother or sister. I grew up with many and couldn’t imagine not. My husband was very supportive, but it wasn’t until the last test that the gravity of what happened sunk in. I thought he didn’t care, but in reality, he hadn’t believed it until then.

I decided to open up to my mom, and three close friends, one of whom was dealing with infertility herself. Her and I had a heart to heart and she told me about an acupuncturist / herbalist she went to. I made an appointment to join her on her next visit. They told me I was basically depleted. My pulse was extremely weak and I had depression of the liver. The liver channel isn’t the “liver” but I had a lot of anger, resentment, stress and negative emotion built up in my body blocking my hormonal flow. They told me I was extremely unhealthy and weak. They suggested I stop breastfeeding first and foremost because I was literally giving all my energy and nutrients to my baby. This was an emotional struggle. One, I will deal with in future blogs. Second, they told me to limit my stress and immediately. Third, they told me they needed to tell my ovaries to ‘wake up’ and started acupuncture that day. Once I weaned, they would give me herbs to nourish my body.

I also started seeing a chiropractor because a healthy alignment is important to your nervous and endocrine system, which is really what fires the messages for your body to produce and release hormones. After my initial consult, my spine was really out of whack. Most likely from stress, exhaustion and, his words, basically motherhood destroys the body. The nursing, crouching, cuddling, lugging kids and diaper bags and car seats around...all takes a toll.

My husband and I decided to turn our path to God. We've always had faith, but this problem was far to great for us to even think of handling on our own.

We also decided to reevaluate and take stock. My body was exhausted and weak. My son, now 13 months had yet to sleep through the night. The three months leading up to my diagnosis, I rarely slept more than 2-3 hrs a night, never more than an hour or two at a time. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was trying to work as close to full time as possible during all his naps and at night in addition to the two full work days I had while he was in daycare. We were struggling financially and my husband had been working sporadic part time jobs for the last three months of the year. I was at my breaking point, and my body just gave out.

We decided I needed to limit stress. God answered our prayers by assisting with my sons sleeping. He’s now a champ and sleeps all through the night and for lengthier naps. My husband, thankfully, got a job in town. He used to travel so when he was working, I single parented it at home. His job meant he was here to help, and a consistent income.

I began reading about all the things that affect your fertility. Diet. Toxins. The list seemed endless but I decided to make some big changes…