CD3 (maybe?) Test

Oct. 29, 2014

Well, I'm not certain it was truly CD3 yesterday, but given I have been spotting since last Thursday evening and had about a two hour flow of blood, I decided this was as close as I was getting to a cycle for now and decided to call my doctor for the test to look at hormones. It's so funny because I'd been dreading do it, but my TCM requested it on Thursday and I started spotting. Talk about God nudging me, huh? When all is said and done, I prayed and felt that I could peacefully handle the news, good or bad, and it was what was medically needed to continue treatment with my TCM.

Drum roll please...

Hormones upon diagnosis last Jan.

HCG - 7
FSH - 136
LH - 98
Estradiol - <12

Hormones yesterday Oct 28, 2014

HCG - 1
FSH - 48
LH - not taken CD3, but OPK is negative
Estradiol - 89

So, huge improvement right?

The one side of me was a bit bummed because it still is within "POF" levels, but the other side (the angel on my shoulder) is reminding me that my body has healed tremendously.

If I want to really analyze, CD3 numbers on this, as grim as they appear are better than what they were. HOWEVER, if it was an anovulatory cycle and these aren't true CD3 numbers, that is better news for me yet as any other time in the cycle these numbers could feasibly be that high even for women without POF. I'm making a conscious decision to not analyze it anymore.

For CD3, doctors like to see FSH below 9 and estradiol below 80. If above 80, it could artificially suppress the FSH number slightly. It's funny, I wanted a higher estradiol last time because it was 0 and I essentially had no estrogen in my body, so in a way, I'm glad it's higher, I just wish it were later in my cycle.

And, my levels before were POSTmenopausal and are now technically Perimenopausal (under 50) so THAT is improvement, right?? So, I've hormones more of an upper 40 / early 50 year old versus a 120 year old. Talk about winding back the clock, eh?

So, from here, I'll bring my numbers to my TCM tomorrow or Saturday depending on my husband's work schedule. I guess we just proceed with what we are doing. It seems to be working, I feel great and have no POF symptoms. I just wish it didn't come at such a high price tag. It's really been taking a toll on us financially.

At this point, I just truly do have to trust and have faith in a miracle. As much as I want to "will" it to happen, God is in control, and I trust him and him alone. It gives me comfort because if I had to trust myself to make it happen, I know my faith would falter. It's easier putting my faith in God above.

As for me emotionally, I'm going in and out of being at peace with it, and just being a bit emotional. I'm having my fair shake of "it's not fair" and "why is this happening to me" but this time, it's not nearly as devastating. Far more than those moments, I have a calm about me that things are indeed improving, and I've an odd peace that it will all work out. It will be fine.

God Bless!

Quick Update

Aug. 8, 2014

Well, a quick update. I skipped my TCM this week. I called and told them I had about a week of herbs leftover still so they said to just wait and come in next week when I'm out. I think that's the best bet. I think we'll have a better idea if I should start acupuncture again by that point. And...it saves me four hours of driving there, appointment and driving home in glorious LA traffic, I'm all for it.

I'm feeling pretty good. Still bloody exhausted. I'm not sure what that is all about. The last two weeks have been awful. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't get any energy, and the irony is, it's the best sleep I've had in months. I resorted to putting a mini scoop of regular coffee in with my decaf yesterday. Also, I felt really achy for several days. I thought the flu was rearing it's ugly head, but I feel better today. I didn't take herbs yesterday morning and just did a half dose at night in case I was coming down with something. I know the super herbs can grow viruses as well as heal my lady bits.

I did get a very positive OPK yesterday, and then today...the mother of all positive OPKs!! Holy crap, right!??! The test line is on the top.

My sister in law suggested I take a HPT "just in case" since I've been feeling pretty punky and it's that darn faint positive again. A dark faint, but faint. My gut tells me it's from the huge LH surge and low residual HCG. (Interesting fact, they've proven a super LH surge can show a faint on an HPT test. Kind of like OPKs look positive when you are pregnant. They didn't think it worked in reverse, but if you test at exactly the right time, you can see a faint from the super surge...)

So, either A. my body is all whacked out, or B. my body is surging (like it should) right now and may kick out an egg. I'm really thinking B this time. Maybe it's my optimism, but my temps have been low the last two weeks and yesterday I got a little temp hike, and today a major. So, my thinking is I ovulated yesterday and the OPK today was because my body still detected the surge. Also, overall, I've been sleeping pretty good and no hot flashes or problems focusing, which all tends to happen when my body goes crazy.

That dark line makes me think my body is screaming at my ovaries to just spit one out already!

The next few days, I'm sure will make things clearer, and if not...I'm pretty use to living in limbo right now ;) I'll have an answer for sure in two weeks if I ovulated or not, right?

In other news, acting has been going great recently. I've been keeping busy filming and auditioning, so it makes the "baby journey" a lot easier to swallow when I'm not being forced to think of it all the time. Good distractions. A watched pot never boils right?

**Just a quick edit. I started feeling sick again today. Achy all over. Exhausted. Constantly thirsty. I had to take a nap. I never nap on my work days. It honestly does feel like when I was pregnant with my son and had morning sickness, but according to my temperature, open cervix and negative tests, I know that isn't possible. Maybe I do have a touch of something. If I'm not better in a week or two, I'll go in and have everything checked out. I know they ran thyroid and autoimmune tests during my initial diagnosis, so I don't think it's that. Sucking it up and hoping I feel better soon. How stupid I feel a bit under the weather and I already jump to conclusions with hormones. Snap out of it, Em!

I called my TCM and am heading in tomorrow to adjust my herbs.

Mid Cycle Confusion

May 21, 2014

Well, I'm not exactly sure what is going on with my cycle, but I'm fairly certain I ovulated or am about to. This is the third day of raised temps, but my cervix was still SHOW (soft, high, open, wet) and I still had fertile cervical mucus so I wasn't completely sold on ovulating quite yet, than this morning I got a positive OPK. I'm not entirely certain what could have caused my temps to rise (my son was sick, maybe a slightly elevated temp battling germs??) but I think I ovulated late last night or early this morning. I know for most people a positive OPK means impending ovulation, but for the last two charts and my chart that I conceived my son, I ovulated that day or the day before my positive OPK.

Why? Basically, I think I have short surges. I drink a lot of water during the days, so the only true time I can get a reading is FMU (first morning urine.) Since LH doesn't surge until mid-day, which is why they recommend mid day testing (I've tried, I drink way too much and can never get a concentrated sample) I have to test in the morning. So, whenever I get a positive, it is usually the day after ovulation and I am catching my LH surge trailing off. Sometimes, I can catch it just before I ovulate. They say ovulation impending in 12-48 hrs...with the average 24-36, but I just think I'm closer to the 12 hr window. I did test last night. My urine was quite diluted and there was a relatively dark test line, so not quite positive, but again, I think the dilution was the cause. After getting my positive today, I'm pretty sure that test would have been positive had I not had 32 oz of water between dinner and testing ;)

I guess we'll see what my temps do over the next few days to know for sure. The good news is, all signs point to O again. This will be three cycles in a row. And, if ovulation was yesterday that would be two charts in a row with a CD13 ovulation. It's nice to see a pattern emerging. Let's hope for a longer LP this time. Although, my funky temps may make it difficult to get a true read on it's length. I'm cure my TCM will analyze my chart and get a better feel than I.

Happy or Sad?

May 8, 2014

It's funny. A few months ago I would have been ecstatic to get my period, and part of me still is (ok, a huge part of me still is)...but, it's surprising how quickly my expectations have multiplied. It's almost since I had a period, I just expected I'd easily fall pregnant this month. Nope.

So, today, AF arrived. This morning my temp took a drastic drop and I got that foreboding feeling. I kept trying to tell myself there was a chance it was an "implantation dip" at 9 DPO, but knowing how short my LP was last month, I figured AF was around the corner. I noticed a little spotting a bit earlier and then after lunch a very light flow started. I also had some pretty serious cramping and backache. I don't really recall serious cramping before when trying to conceive but I only actually had two cycles off birth control and then "Viola" baby! So, I've little to compare it to. Besides, my hormones were VERY out of whack starting this whole process, so I've no clue what my new normal is.

An implantation dip is a drastic dip, I think they say at least .3 degrees within the days of implantation, typically 6-12, most likely around 7-9. Some people believe in it, some don't. It happens far more on pregnancy charts.

The scientific basis is that you have another estrogen surge after ovulation around the time that progesterone, the hormone that increases your temperature in case fertilization occurs, drops. In pregnant women, sometimes that estrogen surge is stronger. Once the egg implants, it releases HCG which tells the corpus luteum to keep producing progesterone until the placenta takes over later in pregnancy. I deduce the dip appears more on pregnancy charts because it shoots back up once the corpus luteum gets the memo to up the progesterone production again.  All I know is that when I charted before I never had a dip until I conceived my son. It dipped on his chart 7 DPO and it went triphasic, meaning the temps after the dip raised above my post ovulation temperatures from days 1-6.

I'm trying to see the silver lining. I went from no period and being told (basically) I would never get one nor ovulate, to ovulating after my body geared up several times with a short LP phase of 5 days (technically since I started menstruating on day 6 it would only be five) to this cycle, my body gearing up ONCE and following through with a successful ovulation and my luteal phase extending to 8 days with my period starting 9 DPO. If my body can gear up, ovulate and extend my LP again by 3 days I will be just about "normal."

So as crummy and disappointed as I feel right now, my body is actually healing quite nicely. I will be honest though. I just want to have a good cry. It's so unfair. In the grand scheme of things, I know I've been dealt a great hand overall and I feel so incredibly selfish I'm getting so woe is me over this, but it Just. Plain. Sucks.

I'm back to my TCM on Saturday so I'll discuss with them my short LP and go over with my doctor if I should start any supplements like royal jelly to start assisting my egg health. She's back from China this week, so it'll be good to get her input on my cycles and how my pulse feels.

My OBGYN had said after 6 months she'd be happy to retest my levels to see how the TCM was working out. My last test she ran was on Jan. 25, 2014. I started acupuncture on Weds Jan. 29 and herbs the following month on Fri. Feb. 21. My six months from the diagnosing blood draw will be July 25. If no BFP by then, I will request an updated lab. This time, I want it drawn on the appropriate CD3 (cycle day 3.) That is the most accurate day to measure LH and FSH. Since I'd had no period before, we just worked with what we had.

Plodding on. Happy and sad.

And, a BFN and no O

March 21, 2014

Well, I didn’t ovulate last go round, but I’ve gotten two more LH surges. Who knows if I did this time. I keep temping, but my night waking throws a wrench in that. Most mornings, I have to temp at 4 or 4:30 when I first wake so my temps look so low. I keep hoping, but only time will tell. The upside is, my body is having fertile changes so I feel like it’s at least trying. There are waves of fertile CM with a raise soft, open cervix along with the positive OPK’s, so maybe one of these times, it’ll just shoot an egg out.

I’ll keep you posted.

Never say Never

March 7, 2014

I’m one step closer to “going live” on this blog. I’m a member of several forums and support groups and I just had a mom thank me for directing her to a website with information regarding herbs.  She said about her TEEN daughter “She is beyond the point of no return with her POF but herbal remedies might help with some of the physical issues.”

Are you kidding me right now?? Past the point of no return?? A TEEN!?!

Maybe she is. Maybe she was just born incredibly unlucky, but MAYBE SHE ISN’T!! This is why I’m so saddened by the medical profession. They don’t understand, your body is a WHOLE. Your body needs to be healthy through and through for it to function properly. How many teen girls out there are told they will never have functioning ovaries and just suck it up and get medicine for the rest of their life? It makes me sad and it makes me MAD!

No teen girl should be handed a diagnosis like that. You know what?  My numbers were past the point of no return by ALL medical stand points!! I’m one of the “worst” cases.

FSH 136.5

LH 98

Estradoil not even recognizable

AMF <.03

But, I don’t believe that nonsense. They handed me that “diagnosis” without even asking anything going on in my life. No symptoms, stresses, etc. My TCM listened to everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. They want to know all your stresses, how you handle them, any discharge, how often you have a bowel movement, what you eat, exercise, etc. The list goes on and on.

Please please please. No matter your age, NEVER let them tell you your case is hopeless. I just started reading The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis, and if you struggle with any type of infertility, please do yourself a favor and read this book. It will open you eyes. Your body is a WHOLE. It is not a part. Treat your WHOLE body right and your fertility will be restored.

God bless you. All of you out there struggling with infertility and especially this “disease.” With POF, you are written off as hopeless. Do not let them. Do not. Do not. Do not.

My LH was 98! 98!! Within a month I brought it down to not even register on an OPK. And you know what, I think I may have actually ovulated this month. My body surged last week but I never saw a temp shift. Well, two days ago, I got another positive OPK, fertile CM and a high soft cervix. This morning, my temp shifted by .38 degrees up. We will see if it stays up there and what the next two weeks brings, but six weeks ago I was told it was impossible. Hang in there!