Aug. 17, 2015
Wow!
I feel like my blog is way, way overdue. I was out of town for a month and after returning swamped catching up with everything. Where to start...?
Well, I guess the first place to start is to tell you that no, no, I have not had a period yet. I'm on CD 148 and still, apparently going strong. I was really sick last week with the fever, aches, headache, soar throat, the whole nine yards. Part of me thinks I got hand foot and mouth because I had about a dozen canker sores in my mouth. They cleared up fast, so maybe it was just part of whatever little bug I got.
I also did the V-Steam a few weeks ago. My review is
here. I didn't go into great depth my experience as a whole while I was doing it because I was trying to keep it somewhat professional since I was reviewing a product, but here goes. I had the brilliant (note sarcasm here) idea to do the steam on a Sunday evening while my son was still awake. I thought I could quietly slip into the restroom with a *gasp* magazine. It sounded blissful.
So, I got my herbs a steamin', prepared the throne and got out some magazines to sit back and relax for an hour. About five minutes into it, my son starts pounding on the door, screaming bloody murder. No fear, his dad was here. I just heard him yelling "In here buddy. Leave mom alone." Um, come get him please. So the pounding continues and the crying gets louder. I'm a bit indisposed so I'm hollering to go play with his trash trucks and singing songs with him through the door.
My husband was able to wrangle him so I delve back into my magazine for about five more minutes. And, he returns. This time with a vengeance. I'd locked the door and he was trying desperately to get in. Trying to talk him down, I tried to open the door on my end thinking, "whatever, he can just come in." I just wanted to reach at least 35 minutes doing the steam. Problem is, the door is locked. Like, from the inside too. Um....
"Babe!!!" "Babe!!!" I keep yelling and nothing. Apparently, my husband has gone out to the garage. By this point my son is full throttle. And, I'm starting to panic. I'm stripped naked from the bottom down dripping from the steam, and we're both grasping at the door. Finally my husband comes in and thinks I'm joking. Um, no. So, he got the screwdriver and can't figure how to get it off. I'm trying to talk my son off the ledge through the door and trying desperately to realign the handle on my end so I can get out. Finally...success. He'd loosened the screws so loose, the handle misaligned and locked me in. We tightened that bad boy up.
You can read about all the awesome things it did in my review...I just had to share how unglamourous those final moments were. I'm thinking the next one will be when he's sound asleep or at daycare while I work. Not exactly releasing the inner goddess in me with a laptop working while I do it, but this goddess has to take it where she can get it.
I did go to a baby expo the other day. I was working at a booth, but I was baby crazy being there to say the least. All these brand new babies and pregnant mommas. These teensy tiny little clothes. Sooooo cute. While I was there, I did a Zyto scan at our booth wondering what it'd tell me this time. Third time, and again totally accurate.
Basically the only things out of whack for me was an oil recommended for estrogen imbalance and several for releasing negative emotions and people and a few for pursuing a dream. Estrogen out of whack? Clearly yes. Me hung up on negative relationships. Check. Me striving toward a dream. Check.
Not to get into too much detail, but I put forth too much effort in some relationships. I think we all do. I'm trying really hard to put my focus on people and positivity and just release all the negative crap. I was surprised the Zyto picked that up. It's something this past week I've really been struggling with and came to terms with. In the past, I've always told my husband "I won't sink to their level or change who I am." The reality is, I don't have to change the core of my being, I just don't have to put my focus there. Allowing myself to be negatively effected by people and things is what got me to this health crisis to start with, so *breathe in* *breathe out* I've released it.
The greater purpose? Again, long story short, my parents were kind enough to allow my husband and myself an overnight trip. Our conversation initiated as a fight because he was saying he wanted to move, that my acting career had been moving slow and he was sick of living paycheck to paycheck in the most expensive city it seemed on earth. Ok, lot of valid points there, but ouch! Instant tears and instant seething anger. It evolved into a very positive conversation though.
Once I explained his job takes him out of town five days a week leaving me absolutely no time to write my projects, run the workshops I use to do where I fostered all of my casting relationships, very little time to focus on any submissions or take meetings and left me scrambling to get my hours in for my "day job" after our son went to bed. It was really eye opening to me how frustrated I'd allowed myself to get and how stagnant I felt. Instead of celebrating my auditions, I was spending my energy panicked finding a sitter rather than focusing on the role.
We decided his looking for an in town job that will allow me to meet up with some writing partners to finally get the two ideas I have rolling. We also spit balled a few things off each other. I'm not sure I've mentioned it in here, but he's a Second City grad and very funny. We spent a few hours on the beach and went for a super long walk through the cemetery game planning and dreaming again. We used to spend hours every night walking and planning and talking.
Obviously, we haven't done that since our son was born, but it really reconnected the two of us. I felt like we were a couple again and had the same focus. He also got some clarity and is refocusing on commercial acting again once he can get in town employment. That was where he was successful before and I know he will be again. I think him being in town more will relieve some strain on our relationship and allow us to reconnect more.
It also really gave us some focus on all the fertility woes and the toll they've taken. We just feel so strongly things are going to work out. In my heart of hearts it just feels like things will work out with all the fertility treatments and transfers, but if that is our reality, that is God's plan and I know we'll be doubly blessed by it.
So, all in all, an extremely accurate Zyto. I'm always amazed at how those things work. Our bodies really are miraculous and intricate things, aren't they? It's amazing how negative thoughts or needing the extra confidence to lunge ahead...your body just knows what it needs.
Tomorrow is back to my TCM for herbs and acupuncture. I've been without herbs about a week and a half now. I stuck to my two a day the whole time I was back home with family. I had very few fertile signs there if any. I DID however get rather "fertile" after doing that V-steam. I've had on and off cramping and much more cervical mucus.
On a whim I took an OPK and it was extremely positive so I took a pregnancy test since I hadn't in about a month. It came back light positive. It didn't really excite me because, let's face it, light positives and I don't have a good history. I retook it four days later. Still light positive. So, my hormones were a bit whacky, but I was also sick, and I know my body goes haywire hormonally when I get sick. I'm hoping now that I'm better it will improve.
The thing that upset me about the fake positive was, it was pretty dark for a fake out. I feel stupid because I always let that "could it be" thought flash through my mind and then instantly chastise myself. Check it out. Top was last Monday, bottom was last Friday. I haven't checked since although I'm sure I will tomorrow before heading into acupuncture as a "just in case."
On the EA front, I'm getting a wee bit agitated. After three emails, our coordinator sent me a brief email saying the embryos were still ours, but she was out of the office and would check in tomorrow on how things were progressing. That was a week ago. I tried contacting her twice to see what she learned and try to request a rough time line of things.
Once we get the final green light, I still need to get medical tests done, we need to draw up a contract and figure out our course of action since I don't cycle. I know my TCM wants to do acupuncture weekly leading up for a few months as well.
So much to think about. Well, apparently since I haven't written in six weeks I just spewed it all at you in one looooooong blog entry. I'll try to write more often. If I have a few moments to do a TCM update I will later this week.
As always, God Bless.
