Feb. 7, 2014
Normally I try to keep my posts uplifting, but I'm just in such a cruddy place emotionally. I just feel absolutely defeated, lost and extremely emotional. A lot is coming to a head financially, my stress level is capping out and I feel like my cycles are shifting again. It's so tough to remain optimistic.
I had a decent acupuncture session today. I was exhausted going in, and I think she could tell. I slept poorly and my son has been getting up early around 5:30 everyday. I've been staying up late working every night. It's so hard for my mind to shut off at night. I just worry which leads to insomnia which throws my cycle off. My husband is without work and has been for almost six months and our resources are running dry. I know so many can relate. It's a problem for a lot of people and I'm so sorry for others encountering it.
The told me to eat more goji berries. I told them I'd been eating powder but not as much as I should because it's pricey. I said I'll increase the dose but they were leery of it. They don't trust retailers and thought perhaps it was mixed with something else. I told them it was a reputable company, organic and 100% pure. He wanted me to eat the whole berries and when I explained my maggot experience, they suggested I wash them well and bring them next time and they will put them under their UV light while I have my session to kill any eggs. When I'm out of powder I'll do that.
During my session, she brought her husband in who will be doing my sessions while she is in China. She explained all the areas she places needles. I soooo wish I understood Chinese because she was detailing what each one does. He does speak English rather fluently, so maybe next time I'll ask him more questions about each point when he sticks me.
I was also a bit thrown because another client was there for the same time as myself and was charged half of what I was. Driving home I decided that as a client who has been with them for over a year now I have to sit down and discuss if they can work with me financially. They don't take insurance and acupuncture isn't included on my plan anyways, so I'm hoping we can reach some type of compromise.
I'm just giving it to God at this point. In my heart of hearts I know I'm suppose to be a mommy to more than just my son. He is suppose to be a big brother. He yearns for other children to play with. He's such a gentle spirit who engages all the other children around him. My hurt hurts that I've failed him, my husband and myself. I just don't understand how I can't do the only thing nature has literally designed me to do.
I'm sorry for the downer of a post. I'm just struggling. I'm crying as I type this. It seems like such a selfish thing to want in light of all the other things going on in the world. I know tomorrow will be a brighter day.
God bless.
Normally I try to keep my posts uplifting, but I'm just in such a cruddy place emotionally. I just feel absolutely defeated, lost and extremely emotional. A lot is coming to a head financially, my stress level is capping out and I feel like my cycles are shifting again. It's so tough to remain optimistic.
I had a decent acupuncture session today. I was exhausted going in, and I think she could tell. I slept poorly and my son has been getting up early around 5:30 everyday. I've been staying up late working every night. It's so hard for my mind to shut off at night. I just worry which leads to insomnia which throws my cycle off. My husband is without work and has been for almost six months and our resources are running dry. I know so many can relate. It's a problem for a lot of people and I'm so sorry for others encountering it.
The told me to eat more goji berries. I told them I'd been eating powder but not as much as I should because it's pricey. I said I'll increase the dose but they were leery of it. They don't trust retailers and thought perhaps it was mixed with something else. I told them it was a reputable company, organic and 100% pure. He wanted me to eat the whole berries and when I explained my maggot experience, they suggested I wash them well and bring them next time and they will put them under their UV light while I have my session to kill any eggs. When I'm out of powder I'll do that.
During my session, she brought her husband in who will be doing my sessions while she is in China. She explained all the areas she places needles. I soooo wish I understood Chinese because she was detailing what each one does. He does speak English rather fluently, so maybe next time I'll ask him more questions about each point when he sticks me.
I was also a bit thrown because another client was there for the same time as myself and was charged half of what I was. Driving home I decided that as a client who has been with them for over a year now I have to sit down and discuss if they can work with me financially. They don't take insurance and acupuncture isn't included on my plan anyways, so I'm hoping we can reach some type of compromise.
I'm just giving it to God at this point. In my heart of hearts I know I'm suppose to be a mommy to more than just my son. He is suppose to be a big brother. He yearns for other children to play with. He's such a gentle spirit who engages all the other children around him. My hurt hurts that I've failed him, my husband and myself. I just don't understand how I can't do the only thing nature has literally designed me to do.
I'm sorry for the downer of a post. I'm just struggling. I'm crying as I type this. It seems like such a selfish thing to want in light of all the other things going on in the world. I know tomorrow will be a brighter day.
God bless.
You aren't alone! I have felt many of those same feelings, and I know too well the desire to give your child a sibling.
ReplyDeleteYou have not failed him!
I am sorry you are feeling low.