Sometimes God has a different path in store for us. After being diagnosed with POF, I set out on a journey to "repair" my body and get pregnant naturally. Somewhere along the line, although pristine health and self care is my goal, the necessity to "prove" the doctors wrong became less important and we sought the perfect solution to grow our family. We decided on Embryo Donation / Adoption. Read about our journey. Blessings!

Almost seven months

June 5, 2017

Wow! It's hard to believe, but we are less than a week away from 7 months. SEVEN MONTHS!! How did that happen? Our sweet boy is growing fast and he is such a sweet kid. He has the biggest belly laugh and his smile literally lights up the room. He's perfect in every way. He's a big guy! We got to his doctor's appointment tomorrow, but he's well over 19 lbs now and last appointment he was in the 96th percentile for height.

Sometimes I just catch myself staring at him and thinking about this whole journey. When I started this blog, I couldn't fathom it would end up here, but man am I blessed. I shake my head now...I wouldn't have written our story any other way.

I never mentioned his name...we'll call him S. Big brother is R. S is a delight to watch. I love this age. Watching them learn things is simply amazing to me. You can literally see the thought process in his little face as he tries something new. He's sitting up, trying to scoot around, feeding himself. Isn't it crazy how much babies learn in the first year? They go from one cell to an ENTIRE baby in 9 months...then that first year they evolve from a helpless little baby to a thinking, rationalizing little individual. Amazing.

Our boys are best buds. S screams every time his big brother leaves the room. He absolutely adores him. Just these last few weeks to the two have started playing together. Not just R entertaining his baby brother...legit playing together. I got teary eyed last night watching. I remember so distinctly R asking me for a baby and holding back tears just a few short years ago.

Adjusting to life with two has been an adventure. In a lot of ways, it was much easier than I anticipated. I think the age gap was ideal. R is old enough to be a great helped and can entertain himself when need be, and fortunately we have a pretty easy going little guy. He sleeps decent. Typically, he wakes once or twice at night. I kind of giggle listening to people get horrified he's still waking at night...but, to be honest, our first son woke anywhere from 6-12 times per night up until 14 months...sooooooo, once or twice, totally doable.

Logistically there are small challenges with time, trying to put S to bed and get R fed at the same time. Basically, what every mother struggles with. I sometimes feel bad for our older son because I know he doesn't have as much one on one time or feels left out. I really try to make sure we get quality time, especially at night once S is in bed. Story time and snuggle time are special. We finally got S accepting a bottle occasionally, so I want to make sure R and I hang a bit more. He needs that one on one time with me. Thankfully, he gets a lot of quality time with daddy.

Balancing work and finances have really been our biggest hurdles. I'm simply unable to pull as many hours so things have been tight. My husband has been working as our associate youth pastor at church and catering and bartending when shifts are available, but it is just SO tight. It is just so darn expensive here. I look at real estate listings back home and for 1/3 our rent, we could have a huge beautiful home with land. Kills me.

S starts daycare three days a week next month and just thinking about it gets me misty eyed. I simply don't want to send him...but it's one of those ya gotta do it situations in order to make ends meet. I've been really putting a lot of focus on building my Young Living oil business (shameless plug - go here for oils) so I can leave my "day job" and just be a mom, educate about oils and focus on acting again. It's been months since I've had any great auditions, and sadly, I've just not had time or energy to spend the necessary time on it. I really, really miss it. It's why I moved here. I need that little wiggle room to make it work, and quite honestly, I'm a total oil dork who loves using them and learning more about them everyday. I've taking to listening to lectures in the background while I'm working and I seriously am amazed by how powerful they are. Talk about God made everything with purpose.

As for my POF, I'm still asymptomatic. The only thing I could say I have is brain fog, but I think that is more "mom balancing 4298 things" fog than anything else. I was losing hair by the handfulls, like, horrid, and I'm not sure if that was JUST post partum hair loss or something else, because someone recommended I get a good fulvic mineral supplement and a silica supplement and my hair magically stopped falling out. My friend works for some of the leading supplement manufacturers and suggested the Vital Earth Fulvic-Humic blend and Biosil for silica.

As I researched silica, it's actually a collagen generator which is why it's so good for nail and hair health, but what's more, with my osteopenia history, it's great for bone health. Win win. I started taking a really good natural raw calcium when I was pregnant too that I like by Garden of Life. The doctor actually called me for my Dexa scan, but since I was nursing, they told me that bone loss is usually so gradual that I should call back once my son weaned and we'd do it then. I'm really hoping using the silica and raw calcium will increase my bone density.

All in all. Life is good. My boys are my world and I have to pinch myself how lucky we are.  I emailed our clinic a while back to ensure our coordinator was holding our extra embryo. We still are uncertain if we will transfer it, but I want that option available. In my heart, I know I'd transfer 100%. My husband however...still very uncertain. And, realistically, right now, financially that isn't feasible. But, it's amazing how God takes care of us. Every time I question how something will work and actually STOP trying to figure it out on my own and give it over to him...he always has a way. I mean, honestly, that's how we ended up here. I tried to "fix" my body for years, gave it over to God and he brought this amazing, incredible little boy into our lives and I would not change a single thing. So blessed.

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