Essential Oils

April 21, 2019

Happy Easter! I hope you all had a blessed day. He. Is. Risen.

I get a lot of messages regarding essential oils. If you've been following me for a time, you know I'm pretty much obsessed with them. We use them for everything. To support our sleep, immune systems, tummies, relaxation, stress, the list goes on...and on...and on.

People always want to know what oils I use FOR POF. Here's the thing. I don't. Way back when I was diagnosed, I started seeing a Chinese medicine doctor and he explained it so eloquently. Our bodies are pretty darn awesome. I'd been accustomed, and had been taught that you go to the doctor when something is wrong. Most people do. The problem is...something is wrong. We're slapping a bandaid on a symptom. Now, I am NOT opposed to the doctor. I am not opposed to medicines or therapies or any of that. My son was the result of science and good medicine (thank you Lord!) but I AM opposed to overuse of medications and "slapping a bandaid" on a condition that throws your body further out of line.

Essential oils are part of that mentality shift that I had that day. I started approaching my full body wellness from the perspective of taking care of myself. I equate it with a car. If you never change the oil, it runs out...the motor burns out. Investing in oil changes, inexpensive long term. If you never fill it with gas, it stops. If you never air the tires, it goes flat, bends the rims, big dollars, right?

Essential oils are an incredible support to help your body operate the way that it should. We use them to help support our immune systems before we are compromised. If your immune system is nice and strong, your IMMUNE system karate chops the germs it comes in to contact with. Will you never, ever, get sick, no. Let's be real, BUT, a strong functioning immune system means you are less susceptible, and if you DO get sick, it may not be as severe or as long. Before diagnosis, I was ill more than I was healthy. Now, not so. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten sick in the last five years. My son, hasn't missed a day of school in four years. My 2 1/2 year old has missed three days (and yes, he goes to daycare!)

Why do I think that is? We try to keep their little bodies running - we use our oils to support them, we diffuse, we pay attention to washing hands, slathering them up with hand purifier, we take our probiotics daily for healthy guts (hello, 90% of immune function resides in the gut) we add elderberry syrup during icky times of the year, we try to eat healthy foods (sweet, sassy molassy, today was a disaster on that front, and the amount of tantrums and tears reminded me WHY we don't eat that much sugar in this house!! Can I get an Amen?!?) We use oils in our diffuser ever night to help support sleep because a well rested body is a healthier body. We use them when we feel unfocused or stressed and are "spiraling" to help calm down. Lower stress levels help keep our bodies healthier.

If we have minor grievances, we reach for oils to help feel better, to help relax, to help drift off to sleep. So, no, I do not use oils to cure POF. I use essential oils to help my body stay in a place of wellness. Like my Chinese medicine doctor told me...if my whole body is health, my whole body is, well, healthy.

Now, that said, I do use a variety of their oils from their hormonal support line to help support my body. I love their Sclaressence, Lady Sclaerol and Progessence Plus. They've specific supplements like FemiGen, PD 80/20, Coristop, Endoflex, etc that are formulated to help support our endocrine systems, hormonal systems, etc. I feel like that should be a whole other blog post! If you are on Facebook, find the group Lucy Libido Says. Search hormones and there is a fabulous video! Only women are allowed in that group.

We are also vigilant about the products we use. We only use Thieves household cleaner, baking soda, vinegar and castile soap. I use all of Young Living's skincare and dental care, their makeup (honestly, that make up is crazy awesome.) I use a lot of their supplements and others I've listed throughout my blog. We use BPA free plastics, our little eco egg washer minerals (make sure you get FRAGRANCE FREE!! It does 720 loads and is less that $30)

We ditched all products with fragrance. Yup, no more candles, cleaners, dryer sheets (get wool dryer balls - ahhhmazing!) We use only mineral sunscreen - Young Living has an awesome one. We also like Think Baby. We try to do organic as much as we can, but strict to the clean fifteen and dirty dozen pretty religiously. I use EWG and Think Dirty almost daily and analyze ingredients to no end. People think I'm nutty, but doctors think this crazy disease was environmental, and looking at how prevalent infertility and a host of other things like autoimmune conditions, anxiety, depression, eczema, even cancers have become, why put any darn think on my or my children's bodies that have harmful ingredients when there are safer options.

And, I'm not saying all chemicals are toxic. Chemicals are good. You drink water right? Breathe air? Chemicals. What I am saying is synthetic garbage that is formulated in factories isn't intended to be broken down by our bodies. Not at the rate we are using them. Think of your body like a washing machine. If you are doing your laundry, it may seem like you never finish, and that washer may be going constantly, but it gets through those piles (I know, doesn't seem like it.) BUT, if the entire block was dropping off their clothing, pretty soon, you'd be overrun. Even if that washer is going constantly, it will never get through all the loads of laundry. Your body is like that. It can only go through so much.

Endocrine disruptions? Medically and scientifically proven. Cancers? Medically and scientifically proven. They list ingredients that are KNOWN to cause them. Still in your products. Still in your facewash and moisturizer and antiperspirants and shampoos and hairsprays and makeup and cleaners and the list goes on. So, I decided that as long as I can control what comes in to my home, I will.

The oils are use are Young Living's. I tried a ton. Many brands and many varieties. These were the ones that number one, worked the best for me, but also the company I trusted. You can read more about them here. 

Membership with them is easy, and there are no strings. It's simply 24% off retail. No monthly orders required. No selling required. You can do both of course, but it isn't required and you never get pressure. Pressure isn't my style. Learn what membership is here. We've a boatload of educational groups and you get me as your oily guru. I love helping people and educating them and am always available. Signing up with Young Living requires a sponsor - enter me. Follow this link to sign up directly. Or, follow this link to learn more about all the kit options.

The most common way to sign up is with a premium starter kit. There are four options. Makeup (our Savvy line is incredible!) Thieves thieves everywhere. Ningxia Red. Or, oils. Oils are usually the fan favorite because the kit is a $411 value and is only $165. It already HAS the diffuser and comes with 12 oils, the hand purifier, sample pack of the cleaner and two packs of Ningxia red. So, basically the whole shebang to get started. That membership gives you 24% off retail on ALL their products, not just oils, enables you to join essential rewards which allows you to earn up to 25% back, get cheaper shipping, additional monthly free promotional oils and rewards you loyalty oils at 3,6,9 and 12 months. You can also participate in their events, and it gives you access to all our member educational groups. It's a smokin' deal.

This is the premium starter kit with oils. I suggest the desert mist diffuser. It's absolutely gorgeous. It runs ten hours (yay if you have kiddos you want to help sleep) has 11 light settings, or dark and can run intermittently or steadily. The oils included are carefully selected to help support all your physical and emotional support needs.

So, there ya have it. Essential oils rock. Young Living rocks. All their lifestyle products and supplements rock. Everything I was buying elsewhere, now here. I'm an open book about oils, so feel free to message me anytime. I'm always excited when people take a step toward better health, so when you sign up, shoot me a message so I can add you to our Facebook groups and get you your welcome gift in the mail. It has some goodies and educational materials to get you started. Tell me "blogger" and I will place a $10 account credit on your account so you can try a healthier product on me.

I'll try to include more blog posts about essential oils. I didn't realize how many people wanted to know more about them. If you want me to focus on certain aspects of them, how they work, what they are which ones I use and how, lemme know.

God bless! I hope you had an incredible Easter and am super stoked for you all to find all the benefits these beauties offer.

Infertility Warrior

March 15, 2019

When I started this journey five years ago, I was broken. Completely and utterly broken. I was an emotional and physical wreck. When they say infertility destroys you...it does. Sure, I'm still dealing with some physical ramifications of my diagnosis, but emotionally, I'm on top. I kept meaning to come on here and talk about my experience speaking at a Young Living rally back in July, and, well, life got the best of me. But, it was incredibly powerful.

I was asked to speak at a Lucy Libido rally. Lucy is a fictional character that was derived from the experiences of dozens of women who transformed their lives through emotional and physical growth. "Lucy" knew I'd had an amazing journey, resulting in my beautiful son, and asked if I'd be willing to come give a 30 minute talk. Gulp. I would be speaking at the Grammy museum in front of a few hundred women. Now, some back story...I'm an actor. So, being in front of people hiding behind a character and script, totally cool. Standing up and talking about my most private and painful journey, terrifying as hell (pardon my language.)

I was asked if I'd share my infertility journey. That was it. Ok... Well, so many directions. So, after a lot of soul searching, I told it. No holds barred. I honestly didn't know how people would react, but often, what I have to say isn't that popular.

The reality is, there is no "reason" for my infertility. I have no autoimmune issues, I have no genetic ties, I have no history of chemotherapy or radiation. I was told that it was environmental. My journey started there. What did I do? You can read back for all the details, but the honest to God truth was I simply overhauled our lives and got rid of all the junk I felt was contributing to my issues. The candles, the fragrances, the personal care products I was slathering on my body, the foods that are simply riddled with chemicals, the horrendous cleaners... I simplified. What I found was, I started feeling better. In fact, my kidney function improved. Drastically.

One of the areas I branched out into, was essential oils and wellness products. I reached for cleaner products that I knew weren't going to jack up my endocrine system more than it already was. I wanted things that didn't create or worsen my overall health.  I found a preventative approach was far more ideal than chasing symptoms later on.

I won't regurgitate my speech, but here are the bullet points.

*Get rid of the junk. ALL the junk. Focus on clean products. Plant based safe cleaners, personal care products without the junk, wholesome foods. Simply, get rid of the junk. Anything synthetically derived, in most cases, is just not good for you. Yes, we have a liver. Yes, we have kidneys, but look at your body like your laundry. If you are doing your laundry, you can get to the bottom of the pile. But if your entire block keeps dropping their laundry off...no matter how many loads you do, you can't catch up. You keep piling up all that junk in your body, it gets overrun. It's called bio-accumulation. I have medical records where I watched my kidney function improve drastically over the last several years. It was a rise from impaired kidney function to great kidney function. I believe wholeheartedly it was from removing the superfluous crud in my home.

*Take care of your body. Exercise. Eat right. Focus on whole foods. If you can't do organic, stick with non-GMO, the clean 15 and dirty dozen. Choose supplements wisely, cleanly and ones that nourish. We all need probiotics. We need antioxidants. We need omegas.

*Take care of your emotional wellness. At the rally, an amazing speaker, Dr. Benjamin Perkus, was there talking about the Aroma Freedom Technique. The reality is, if you're dealing with infertility, you have a lot of emotional baggage. We NEED a place to release it. Let it go. I love what he has to say. If that isn't your cup of tea, go to a therapist. I do. I need a place to work through all my feelings. There is nothing shameful about self care.

*You are not a victim. Listen up. You are NOT A VICTIM. I was most worried about talking about this, but DAMN! Ladies, you are the strongest, most capable, amazing women! We can choose to let our diagnosis or the cruddy hand we are dealt ruin us...or we can choose to stand up straight and make it work. You want to be a mom. You will be. Do NOT let this crappy diagnosis rob you of your happiness. Do you hear me? There are so many ways to motherhood. Natural conception, donor egg, sperm donation, foster to adopt, adoption, surrogacy, embryo donation. I believe with my entire heart and soul my son was destined to be mine. MINE. This is MY son. Mine. I would not have him without POF and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Ever.

Speaking at that rally, was exactly what I needed. I met so many incredible women and it reminded me how painful it is when you are in the trenches. I saw women sobbing in the crowd. So many women came up to me after and shared their stories. I was later asked to speak in a Facebook group of 135k plus women and once again found such amazing women. I've been asked to speak at a rally this September in San Diego. I'm working out he dates now, but have found a great sense of fulfillment.

Listen ladies, and gentlemen. Infertility bites. Ok. It bites. But, we can CHOOSE if we let it destroy us. We can choose how we react to things. We can choose if we will still be parents. Please, do not let infertility rob you of motherhood or fatherhood. Genetics are NOT the be all end all. They aren't. They simply aren't. I have a biological child. I have one through embryo donation. I will say with 100% certainty. I love both my children the same. I have the same mama bear love, devotion and bond with both children. I am grateful, yes grateful, for my POF for that reason. Do I love the side effects or health issues, no. Would I trade them? No. I will take my son over perfect health any day. Any day.

If you are still hurting...I extend my heart and ear to you. Reach out. You are a warrior and you will come out on top.

God bless.

16 months old!

March 13, 2018

Wowza! Our sweet boy turned 16 months old a few days ago. I'm reeling. I'm not entirely sure how he's that old already. When they say it goes fast, it goes FAST! He's a smart, inquisitive, stubborn, hilarious, delightful little man. He's running, jumping, dancing and CLIMBING...oh, so much climbing. He's very chatty and talks a lot. His vocabulary is crazy impressive. He not only repeats everything, but uses it intentionally. Sentences and all. It's nice he's so communicative because he can tell us everything he wants. And, he'll tell us over and over and over...and is not thrilled when we don't oblige ;)

He loves helping and it sweet to see him mimic chores, patterns and get things for me like his shoes when it's time to go or his oils when it's time for bed. He's obsessed with Elsa and Ana after a recent Disneyland trip and Alexa plays it on repeat all day long. If it's not playing, S continually says "Ana Ana Ana Ana" until we turn it on. Loves puppies. Puppies puppies everywhere. He loves books and imitates how his brother plays with cars and trucks with them beeping and backing up.

It's been incredible to see the boys together. Our oldest son is wonderful with him. Includes him, cares for him, helps with him. Sometimes I have to remind him to not play so hard with him, but it's hard to enforce when S is giggling uncontrollably and tackling him back. I've a feeling these two will be quite the hand full. When R is at school he'll ask over and over "Where's "R"?" and giggles uncontrollably and dances when he gets home. His favorite is playing in R's classroom when we go to pick him up.

Me, I'm glad to have gotten back into acting. I got new headshots and have been fortunate enough to have a few auditions. It feels nice to be back in the swing of things. Walking into a casting office is just invigorating. Some actors hate auditioning...I love it. Granted, I like booking and working more, but the auditioning doesn't bum me out. I'm grateful for each call. Every time I walk on a studio lot I say a big thank you to the Lord above that I'm actually doing it and pursuing the dream that seemed impossible to the girl in Michigan growing up.

Work has been tough. There's not enough hours. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in this bizarre dynamic of a stay at home / work at home mom, but fill time working mom, but mom. I can't describe it. I know every mom works her tail off. I just wish I could be one or the other.

The boys go to daycare three days, so I try to fit as many hours as I can in there, but the rest are after bedtime. Once I get them fed, to bed, things cleaned up, lunches packed, the house picked up...I'm tired. Absolutely exhausted, yet I have to work. Then I'm up at night nursing, back up in the morning with the kids to do it all over.

I've been transitioning more to focusing on educating about essential oils. Fortunately, that has been covering some gaps for us financially, and, I'll be honest. I love it. Love it. I know so much of the health turmoils I faced was from the junk in my home, foods, products...I love offering an alternative to people who want safer products. My ultimate goal is to JUST act and teach about healthy choices. I'm reaching for them more and more. I've always used a ton of the oils and transitioned all my personal care, makeup, cleaners to Young Living a while ago, but I'm incorporating more and more of the supplements now. I can happily say that as everyone around us was dropping like flies, our family stayed relatively healthy. Aside from a minor cold for my baby and husband, we're all healthy as can be. And, looking at the little sleep I've gotten...three cheers for that. I also can't say enough about elderberry syrup. Legit.

The bummer is, some POF symptoms have started to creep in. More irritability, brain fog and hot flashes. My night sweats started, but I've been using a serum called Progessence Plus to support my hormonal health and they are no more. For hot flashes, I've started using Sclaressence. I either make a capsule with a drop of Sclaressence vitality and take it immediately after nursing my son in the morning, or use the Sclaressence on my ankles throughout the day if I feel I need extra support. I've kept things manageable. Oddly enough, I've turned to the oils for irritability and brain fog as well. They've a lot of emotional support oils that have been good for me to just release pent up emotion and I diffuse peppermint or rosemary and orange when I'm feeling really scattered.

Fortunately, our housing crisis was averted. We thought we were losing our lease, but our landlords opted not to sell, so we are here two more years. A rent increase, but stability. Hallelujah! It works out great because our oldest started Kindergarten next year and it will be directly across the street.

Other than that...nothing big to share. I look at my little family and think sometimes how I'd love to have another child. I know my husband isn't there now, so I keep those thoughts fleeting, but my babies are so incredibly special. If it were up to my, if we had no financial concerns, I'd absolutely have another. My oldest son asks me several times a week when his sister will arrive. I keep trying to explain to him I'm not pregnant, and he says he knows, but he's going to have a sister. Sometimes from my belly, sometimes from somewhere else... I can't help but wonder what God has in store. I'd still be very open to foster to adopt, but I'm not sure my husband would like that. Kids, let's face it, can be exhausting. A lot of children in the foster system come with issues that would require certain patience and understanding, parent visits, red tape, foster workers...it'd be a lot.

I just ask God everyday to set our path. Professionally. Personally. For our family. For our impact and outreach for others. Today though, I savor the moments with my babies. They are growing so fast, and I'm desperately trying to be present in each moment.

God bless!

Mindful Living

Jan. 16, 2018

I was heading to bed last night, and while I was praying, this blog kept coming to my mind. When I started it, it was all about healthy living and changes to support my health. It was more focused on fertility at the time, but my attitude of the TCM philosophy of whole body wellness certainly has carried over into my family's day to day life.

It's funny, but this whole health crisis has done so much good for our life. Ironic, isn't it? The thing that just devastated me...saved me. I remember HATING the phrase "everything happens for a reason" and although I don't like it, because it diminishes actual pain and hurt you are experiencing at the time, there is an element of truth to it.

Without POF, I would never have analyzed our lives and found healthier solutions. I certainly wouldn't have our son. I cannot FATHOM that! We rid our lives of so many unnecessary toxins like candles, air fresheners, cleaners, personal care products with known endocrine disruptors (HELLO INFERTILITY RED FLAG!!!) We've attempted to eat whole, organic foods, although I will admit, I am not as good as I once was in this department. Working full time, taking care of the kids, I fall prey to more packaged foods than I care to, but I AM more conscious of the ingredients that are in them at least.

Premature Ovarian failure was my wake up call. Although this blog is all about my journey with fertility and embryo donation, it started as my journey back to health and wellness, so I'm taking the reigns again...although I may not be taking back my ovaries, I am sharing how I took back my life!

Bookmark www.ewg.org This will be your new bible. Download Think Dirty on your smart phone. You will scan scan scan all your products at the store with this.

First - get rid of the crap in your home. Seriously. Get rid of it. Any candle, air freshener, fragrance warmer - trash it. TRASH it! These are the LEADING causes of infertility and indoor pollution. You want lovely scents, stick with a diffuser.

Next, get rid of your cleaners with harsh chemicals. They are bad for you. They are bad for your kids. They are bad for your pets. They are bad for the environment. You do NOT need harsh chemicals to have a safe, clean environment. Vinegar, baking soda, non toxic cleaners will be your best friend. I make no secret, I love Young Living, and Thieves cleaner is where it's at. Seriously. It's like $22 wholesale for a bottle of concentrate that makes 20 bottles. It works out to about a buck a bottle and it is SAFE. It's BY FAR the best cleaner I've ever used and if you look up clinical studies it cleans as effective as bleach, lysol or any others on the market. You will not find an organic, plant based, non toxic cleaner anywhere that cheap. It smells awesome, and my five year old is in charge of cleaning.

Your dryer sheets. Trash them. They release harmful chemicals, are horrid for the environment and have endocrine disrupting fragrances that you not only breathe in while you dry your clothes, but then you actually WEAR them against your skin. Use wool dryer balls like these. These will shorten your dry time by 15 minutes or so and reduce static cling. If you have issues with static, put a safety pin in one. If you like your clothes to smell good, drop some essential oil on there. Some of my favorites are Purification, Lavender or Orange. Buy them here.

Stick with safer laundry detergents. Thieves laundry detergent is great. Rockin Green detergent in great. We love using our Eco Egg. Make sure you get the fragrance free - it uses minerals and you can do about 720 loads for under $40. Super cheap and effective.

Essential Oils are the big thing in our family we use to support our wellness. Things like Thieves, which has clove (high on the ORAC index for antioxidant) is something we use to support our immune systems daily. These are the essential oils I hold near and dear after experimenting with a lot of brands and doing a lot of research. You can do more research on this brand here. I choose oils for my family's wellness because they can literally support every single body system naturally, effectively and safely when used properly. A brief 101 email course is here.

I always encourage people starting out to invest in a Premium Starter Kit because it's affordable and takes the guess work out of what you need starting out. It already has the diffuser, and has eleven essential oils and blends that are the most popular, daily use oils. As a wholesale member you're privvy to 24% off retail pricing on all their oils, wellness products, supplements, cleaners, personal care, makeup, etc. You also can opt to enroll in their essential reward program and can be plugged in to all our educational groups. It's the introductory offer Young Living has where you get about $360 worth of products for $160. Well worth the investment in my opinion (and by now you know how thrifty I am...) It's literally supported every single body system including our immune, respiratory, limbic, hormonal, endocrine, skeletal, muscular,etc helped promote restful sleep, supported concentration, focus, energy, mood...did I mention one of the blends is literally called Stress Away.

We also use elderberries as a way to support our immune system. I buy them whole and make syrup, but you can purchase it premade as well here. I follow the wellness mama's recipe for syrup as well as the gummies. I've tweaked her recipe to include NingXia and Thieves.

Elderberry NingXia Red Thieves gummies

1 cup elderberry syrup
1/4 cup NingXia red
1/4 cup hot water
1/4 cup gelatin powder
Thieves vitality essential oil
silicone gummy bear molds

Add gelatin to 1/4 cup room temperature NingXia Red and whisk together. Add 1/4 cup hot water to dissolve. Add one cup elderberry syrup and add five drops Thieves vitality.

This usually makes enough to fill the above gummy molds and two mini muffin pans halfway. I give my five year old three gummies, one year old one gummy, and my husband and myself have a muffin tin gummy.

As far as things I use to support my body overall, I've continued taking my Smarty Pants prenatal vitamins. I like these in particular because they use folate not folic acid. They also do not contain iron. As someone with hemochromatosis, I can't have iron.  Other pregnant and breastfeeding women supplement with other iron supplements in addition to this. Some popular ones I've heard of are Rainbow Light  or Vitmamin Code.

I take an awesome bio available calcium supplement called Super Cal Plus sourced from red algae. It's a Young Living product. I was also very happy with Garden of Life calcium. Both of those option have the appropriate D3, K2 and magnesium to make absorption of the calcium possible in your body. Do NOT take a calcium supplement without those three additional vitamins. It can lead to calcification of the arteries. Your body does not absorb in into the bones.

Another thing I've learned in regards to bone health is the important of silica. When I learned about POF and heard all the horror stories about osteopenia and osteoporosis, everyone just stressed calcium. They are all not the same (see above) but no one told me about the PRECURSOR to your bones building themselves. They need silica to convert into collagen to convert into bones. Mind blown. A lot of the meds on the market harden your bones. What does that do...well, think of a vase. You drop it. It shatters. Do you want your bones doing that? Bones should be malleable. You want them strong, but they are living.

Look into a high quality silica. I use Biosil. I buy the drops like this and put them in capsules like this. You can also buy premade capsules of Biosil like this...making my own is just more cost effective ;) You can also drink Diatomaceous Earth. That's right - dirt!! It's incredibly high in silica which is beneficial for bones, teeth, nails and hair. Also, very cheap! Be sure you get food grade! You can also mix a grass fed collagen like the gelatin powder listed in the gummy recipe to up your collagen intake as well. A lot of people are deficient in magnesium so if the calcium above still don't do the trick, I recommend epsom salt baths (magnesium is absorbed best through the skin) or using Natural Calm Magnesium. You can also get a magnesium oil to rub on your feet at night before bed.

I take a high quality fish oil. I use Young Living's OmegaGize, but you can also get a great plant based DHA/EPA called Deva that is a vegan formulation. I like the OmegaGize also has CoQ10, which was important to my health before. I do take Vitamin C from Young Living as well, but I'm sure there are some great additional ones on the market.

I have started to embrace Apple Cider Vinegar. Bragg is an excellent brand that is raw and unfilited. It has the mother in it. I didn't put a link, because it's cheaper at a grocery store than online. You can just drink a bit in warm water with honey.

I love love love Progessence Plus. It is a Young Living serum, and it contains wild yam. Do your research on wild yam and see if it'd be beneficial to you. There are several supplements they have to support hormonal health, but as a nursing mom, I choose to wait until I wean my son to do anything that'd support hormonal function. I'm trusting God is keeping things running smoothly to keep my milk coming.

Whew...I think that is all the key things. I'm sure throughout the next few days I'll keep thinking of more and come back to edit and add. We've really come to view our bodies as things we support BEFORE there are issues. I equate it to a car. You fuel it up. It runs. You change the oil. It keep ticking. You rotate and air the tires. They work. You don't...disaster. The engine burns out. You get a flat tire. A small $2 fix turns into a $2000 fix.

I encourage you to get some exercise. Get your sleep. Meditate or pray. Practice preventative care. Find your happy. I started this journey to find health and happiness, and although it's a constant journey, I've learned so much along the way about self love.

In other news, I've a chest full of milk and found a wonderful organization called Human Milk 4 Human Babies. If you are on Facebook and overproduce, or under produce, look up your state. I feel so at peace that some of my excess milk is helping a little guy who was born 12 weeks premature. There are so many babies in need and so many moms who want to help people out who don't produce enough.

God bless!

How is my baby almost 13 months?

Dec. 8, 2017

Oh my gracious! How is my sweet boy almost 13 months old? I meant to update at a year and somehow another month passed. We had an incredible celebration. S had a Mickey Mouse party and was just so precious. He wasn't quite certain what to do with his cake, but flung it on his brother who didn't might licking it up in the least. These two are quite a handful. Quite the pair. I couldn't be more blessed.

It has been just incredible watching these two together. R is so, so so patient and kind with his brother. He had a birthday just 11 days after and S of course wants every single toy he grabs. Watching him graciously give everything to S is just so sweet. He has such a tender heart. And, S wants to be just like him. In every way. Their dynamic is so sweet.

He's doing great. He's settled into going to daycare a few days a week so I can work. A new teacher came in, and she has such a gentle spirit. S responds so well to her. He's running around, and WOW, such a climber. My first boy was nothing like that. S, anything he can scale, he will. He's such a determined and resolute little guy. He knows exactly what he wants and will not settle for less. He also has a little temper. If he doesn't get his way, he just throws his little body. I have to be careful he doesn't hurt himself.

On the flip side, he has such a good sense of humor. He's happy and easy going and plays well with others and quietly by himself. His happy place is outdoors and he could go for walks and play out there all day long. We have a back patio with a sliding glass door, and he always whips it wide open to go play in the sandbox. He's sleeping pretty good. The last few weeks, just one wake up per night, so that's a-ok by me. I listen to some women complain, but after R...wow. One wake up, is NICE. R would wake up 10-12 times per night. I was exhausted!!

We're still nursing and that is going strong. He is hit and miss on food. It's ironic, because early on he wanted EVERYTHING. Once he started teething though, he's become very picky. He's on the upper ranges for weight and height though, so I'm not concerned.

Our life is a bit of an upheaval right now. We are renters and our landlords told us they want to sell. We've spent the last several months looking at townhomes for purchase or places to rent. I'm praying the perfect opportunity presents itself. I'm emotional about moving. This was the place we got married, got pregnant, took our babies home. It will be hard to leave.

Work has been busy. My day job is for an inventory specialist and it's been chaotic with all the fires out here in SoCal. Young Living is going great, and I celebrated hitting Silver last month. It's been so fulfilling helping so many people find healthier options in their life. Such a God thing - I'm grateful it was placed in my path. Acting has been sloooooooow. I'm really needing to get my hair cut and some new headshots. One of my goals for the New Year.

On the baby front, I have moments where I'd really like another child. Financially, I know that isn't the most ideal situation. I think my husband is just overwhelmed by the whole idea. I'm sure as time plods on, it will be clear for both of us. Until then, I'm enjoying and thanking God for my two greatest blessings.

Health wise...I feel good. I've been trying to exercise - mostly pushing the stroller, but my hormones don't seem too wacky side effect wise. I take my progessense plus religiously as well as my Biosil, calcium (Young Living's is the bomb dot com) and prenatal (sans iron thank you very much.) I feel good. Just tired...but I credit that to the boys and work. lol

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season.

Blessings!

Almost seven months

June 5, 2017

Wow! It's hard to believe, but we are less than a week away from 7 months. SEVEN MONTHS!! How did that happen? Our sweet boy is growing fast and he is such a sweet kid. He has the biggest belly laugh and his smile literally lights up the room. He's perfect in every way. He's a big guy! We got to his doctor's appointment tomorrow, but he's well over 19 lbs now and last appointment he was in the 96th percentile for height.

Sometimes I just catch myself staring at him and thinking about this whole journey. When I started this blog, I couldn't fathom it would end up here, but man am I blessed. I shake my head now...I wouldn't have written our story any other way.

I never mentioned his name...we'll call him S. Big brother is R. S is a delight to watch. I love this age. Watching them learn things is simply amazing to me. You can literally see the thought process in his little face as he tries something new. He's sitting up, trying to scoot around, feeding himself. Isn't it crazy how much babies learn in the first year? They go from one cell to an ENTIRE baby in 9 months...then that first year they evolve from a helpless little baby to a thinking, rationalizing little individual. Amazing.

Our boys are best buds. S screams every time his big brother leaves the room. He absolutely adores him. Just these last few weeks to the two have started playing together. Not just R entertaining his baby brother...legit playing together. I got teary eyed last night watching. I remember so distinctly R asking me for a baby and holding back tears just a few short years ago.

Adjusting to life with two has been an adventure. In a lot of ways, it was much easier than I anticipated. I think the age gap was ideal. R is old enough to be a great helped and can entertain himself when need be, and fortunately we have a pretty easy going little guy. He sleeps decent. Typically, he wakes once or twice at night. I kind of giggle listening to people get horrified he's still waking at night...but, to be honest, our first son woke anywhere from 6-12 times per night up until 14 months...sooooooo, once or twice, totally doable.

Logistically there are small challenges with time, trying to put S to bed and get R fed at the same time. Basically, what every mother struggles with. I sometimes feel bad for our older son because I know he doesn't have as much one on one time or feels left out. I really try to make sure we get quality time, especially at night once S is in bed. Story time and snuggle time are special. We finally got S accepting a bottle occasionally, so I want to make sure R and I hang a bit more. He needs that one on one time with me. Thankfully, he gets a lot of quality time with daddy.

Balancing work and finances have really been our biggest hurdles. I'm simply unable to pull as many hours so things have been tight. My husband has been working as our associate youth pastor at church and catering and bartending when shifts are available, but it is just SO tight. It is just so darn expensive here. I look at real estate listings back home and for 1/3 our rent, we could have a huge beautiful home with land. Kills me.

S starts daycare three days a week next month and just thinking about it gets me misty eyed. I simply don't want to send him...but it's one of those ya gotta do it situations in order to make ends meet. I've been really putting a lot of focus on building my Young Living oil business (shameless plug - go here for oils) so I can leave my "day job" and just be a mom, educate about oils and focus on acting again. It's been months since I've had any great auditions, and sadly, I've just not had time or energy to spend the necessary time on it. I really, really miss it. It's why I moved here. I need that little wiggle room to make it work, and quite honestly, I'm a total oil dork who loves using them and learning more about them everyday. I've taking to listening to lectures in the background while I'm working and I seriously am amazed by how powerful they are. Talk about God made everything with purpose.

As for my POF, I'm still asymptomatic. The only thing I could say I have is brain fog, but I think that is more "mom balancing 4298 things" fog than anything else. I was losing hair by the handfulls, like, horrid, and I'm not sure if that was JUST post partum hair loss or something else, because someone recommended I get a good fulvic mineral supplement and a silica supplement and my hair magically stopped falling out. My friend works for some of the leading supplement manufacturers and suggested the Vital Earth Fulvic-Humic blend and Biosil for silica.

As I researched silica, it's actually a collagen generator which is why it's so good for nail and hair health, but what's more, with my osteopenia history, it's great for bone health. Win win. I started taking a really good natural raw calcium when I was pregnant too that I like by Garden of Life. The doctor actually called me for my Dexa scan, but since I was nursing, they told me that bone loss is usually so gradual that I should call back once my son weaned and we'd do it then. I'm really hoping using the silica and raw calcium will increase my bone density.

All in all. Life is good. My boys are my world and I have to pinch myself how lucky we are.  I emailed our clinic a while back to ensure our coordinator was holding our extra embryo. We still are uncertain if we will transfer it, but I want that option available. In my heart, I know I'd transfer 100%. My husband however...still very uncertain. And, realistically, right now, financially that isn't feasible. But, it's amazing how God takes care of us. Every time I question how something will work and actually STOP trying to figure it out on my own and give it over to him...he always has a way. I mean, honestly, that's how we ended up here. I tried to "fix" my body for years, gave it over to God and he brought this amazing, incredible little boy into our lives and I would not change a single thing. So blessed.

Our new arrival!!

Nov. 30, 2016

I am VERY over due updating my blog. It's been hectic around here!

At my last doctor's appointment my doctor told me an induction was necessary as the placenta became less efficient after 41 weeks. I consented to it as I chatted about in my last post.

When we arrived to the induction on the 10th they didn't have a room ready so I grabbed a bite to eat and we walked around the hospital. I had high hopes I'd suddenly start labor while meandering the halls. As we got checked in, I went into my spiel with each nurse, doctor and midwife my horrible experience last time and how I really was scared for this induction and wanted a better experience. Everyone seemed receptive!

They hooked me up to the monitor and checked how dilated and effaced I was. Still around 1 1/2" - 2" dilated and the same effaced as my prior appointment. I was contracting however on a regular basis and they said that even if I had not had a reaction to Cytotec last time, they couldn't use it. Basically, I was not dilated or effaced enough for pit, but contracting too steadily for Cytotec or Cervidil. Fine by me, I'd already told them I refused the Cytotec.

I also requested no IV yet, just a block for when we needed it. My hubby was in the background setting up our little diffuser and oil selection :) And, we kept that baby working throughout the entire labor, delivery and post partum during our stay. In fact, several nurses got my contact info it was so helpful.

We agreed on a cooks balloon. Basically, it's like an empty water balloon with a spot that inflates on the inside of your cervix, and one on the outside. They would insert it, then fill it with water and the pressure would make me contract more heavily and hopefully dilate me.

Inserting it was brutal. They had a resident try and after about six failed attempts the doctor took over. She was did NOT have a delicate touch. She tried about six or seven times as well. Youch! Once it was finally inserted and filled with water, it was to stay in place for 12 hrs. During that time, I could walk around as much as I wanted and eat with hourly monitoring on and off.

Once I had an hour monitoring, my hubby and I started walking the halls. We did so on and off for about seven hours until we decided around 11 to try and get a bit of rest as the balloon would be removed at 3:50 am. Trying to get comfortable with a balloon hanging out of you and constant contractions is for the birds. I maybe got an hour rest in.

At 3:50 they came in to remove the balloon and the nurse said she'd let me rest until 6 am when the doctor would come examine me. Well, five minutes later, the doctor burst in, flipped on the lights in and in a HORRENDOUS mood gave me the most uncomfortable dilation check of my life.  I was 4 cm and about 70% effaced.She then snapped to start the pit immediately. Um...no.

"Could I take a quick shower and eat something before we start the pit? I know once it's started I can't really move or eat." She didn't take too kindly to that. Um, where did the nice receptive doctor at check in go?!? She consented to let me shower and the nurse pressed her to let me have a cold sandwhich to which she curtly said "Fine. Don't take too long in the shower and I refuse to let you sit around for breakfast at 6."

As soon as she left, I turned to my nurse and asked why the pressure to speed this along and reiterated that there was no emergency, the baby was looking great on the monitors and that I wanted this to go smoothly without risking the baby's safety or my uterus. After a frank discussion, she went back to consult the doctor and returned stating I had an option to break the water or start the pit. "Can I move around if you break the water?" The doctor said no. So...no sense in doing that.

The doctor returned in a much better mood and we discussed everything again. I consented to starting the pit at 2, but only raising it by 1, not 2, every 30-45 minutes versus 20-30 that was standard. I also asked that once contractions were steady we spread it out more allowing my body to work on it's own. She seemed irritated, but I didn't care...she agreed. So it began.

At shift change, an AWESOME midwife and nurse came on and they were 100% behind me. They actually let me call the shots when we increased the meds as long as contractions were 2-3 min apart. They also were very cool with me bouncing on my ball and moving around a bit in front of the monitor. My nurse was lovely to bring Popsicles often and ice chips and water. I also had brought in NingXia Red, which is a Young Living drink (shameless plug for YL oils which helped me immeasurably throughout labor and pregnancy which you can buy here!) and a few snacks that I ate freely. And, lo and behold, my contractions got stronger each time I ate something. Go figure. I was also applying clary sage to help intensify them.

As the day wore on, I upped the pit dose a few times and the midwife checked on me a few times. She told me when I was ready, they could break my water if I wanted to intensify things. After raising the pit once more, we decided to go ahead with that plan. I would have to lay on the bed for 30 minutes to ensure the water was clear. THAT was difficult. I had been moving to manage contractions up until this point, and once the water went, it was full steam ahead. I was at a 6 when they broke my water at 7 pm. At 7:30 I literally rolled out of bed, leaned against it and with my hypnobabies tract playing on my ipod managed to breathe and "relax" through each contraction. I will not lie. Most intense sensation I've ever felt.

My husband was awesome to rub lavender on my back and shoulders to help me relax and kept giving me cold packs for my forehead and back of neck. I vaguely remember him trying to feed me and my chasing him away. The nurse, who just came on at 7 kept trying to ask questions which I ignored every one...my husband finally told her to communicate through him, I was obviously "doing my thing." The only time I spoke to her was to request they drop the pit down a bit. She decreased it two notches. About 15 min later seeing how much pain I was in, she dropped it some more. Within minutes, I was telling her I needed to be checked.

She checked me and I was at a nine with a lip of cervix. I got to my knees just as another contraction hit and went limp over my husband's shoulders and shouted to her "I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I know I'm not suppose to, but my body is pushing." She laid me back down to check me and I was fully dilated and effaced. On the next contraction she told me to give one push. I heard her on the phone requesting the midwife and staff saying "She's a good pusher. The baby is coming."

Next thing I knew, everyone, including residents were there and I was pushing. I sputtered out to bring the mirror so I could see the baby as I knew I'd push better. He was cockeyed in there so I had to roll to one side so he could come out. And all of a sudden, there he was. The cord was wrapped around his neck, so I had to do controlled pushes and breathing until they were able to unlatch it, and out he came. Our beautiful baby boy! He arrived at 8:54 pm after a 29 hour labor.

We had skin to skin where they checked his vitals from my chest. I remember shushing him and the nurse saying no, let him cry! Since the cord had been around his neck, they wanted to ensure he "pinked" up. I love our hospital now allowed the cord to stop pulsing on it's own which was something I had requested when they asked my birth plan. Probably about 15 min later, the midwife had us both feel the cord to see if it was done pulsing and my husband clipped it. They had to take a small blood sample from it because a blood test had shown my son was at risk for anemia and jaundice.

I did start to hemorrhage, so they took my son to weigh him and attend to him while they fixed me up. The cytotec that I had wanted to avoid, I got a huge dose of as well as pit to ensure the bleeding stopped. Once I was doing better and stitched up from a tear, they brought out little guy back in and a big plate of food for me to eat.

I was shivering so badly they wrapped me in about six warm blankets and gave the baby to my husband for skin to skin. Apparently blood loss and adrenaline does that to you! It took about two hours for me to stop shaking. The nurse said I was shaking the whole bed. She did give me mad props for doing an induced delivery with no meds. And, I will say, the recovery is a ton easier without an epi. Intense as all get out during it, but after so much better.

All in all, we had an awesome experience. We had a few issues with latching during nursing which resulted in bleeding nipples (I know other mamas can relate) and severely engorged breast for the first week, but we've found our rhythm.

Our other son, finally got to meet his baby and came marching through the hospital in a lab coat wearing his stethoscope proudly carrying flowers for mommy. Watching him meet his brother and hold him was one of the most touching moments of my life to date. He's been exceptional with him.

I find myself feeling bad at times restricted to the couch or rocker nursing the baby and not giving our other son our full attention, but I'm doing the best that I can.

You know, it's funny. Three years ago when I was diagnosed with POF, I felt a part of me died. Now, looking back, I know in my heart of hearts this journey was intentional. Without it, we would not have our son. I love him so incredibly much and every tear I cried, every frantic moment, doubt and angry word I sputtered at God...it was for a reason. I believe our family is intentional and this child was meant to be with us. In my heart of hearts, I know it was all for him to be with us. I will never be upset over my diagnosis again. Do the side effects suck? Yeah. Was it worth it to welcome this child...yes. For all you women out there who feel a loss, please consider embryo donation, adoption or foster to adopt. I can attest that genetics does NOT make a family. The love you will have for your child no matter how they come, will be immeasurable. Much love to you all.

God bless.

36 weeks 1 day

October 7, 2016

We are cruising along here! I can't believe in less than a week I will technically be "full term" although we'd like to let baby bake a few weeks longer. I feel like the last month or two has been a whirlwind, but things are starting to take shape.

My older son is now settled into his big boy room. Aside from some decor we want to get done, he's got a bed, mattress and sheets, so score. The baby's room is set and ready to go. Fully stocked with laundered clothing and diapers, crib reset and bedding washed. All our baby "stuff" like swings, bouncers, blankies...all washed, all disinfected.

Now, I turn to deep cleaning the house and freezing meals. We have a bit more decorating to do in my son's room and the nursery, so fingers crossed I can get that done. I also really need to put my hospital bag together. Tonight, I'm blending my postpartum spray getting crafty with my oils. I wanted a more natural approach to assist with my healing "down there." If you want to know what oils I suggest, go here. I'm doing a blend with lavender, frankincense, clary sage and helichrysum in witch hazel.

As for the baby, he is an ACTIVE bugger. This kid never stops moving. At my appointment Weds, I had a new doctor because mine left for the rest of the month to go be with her daughter giving birth, and she asked if I'd been doing kick counts. I started laughing. There was no need because he never stopped moving. She did an u/s quickly to check my fluids and concurred. He was just go go go. She didn't take a measurement, but said they looked fine. The week prior it was 11.2 which is still in the ok range. Next week I have to start NST and AFI testing because of my "advanced age" and prior history with low fluids. Thankfully, I was able to schedule my appointment right after my normal weekly appointment.

At 35 weeks, my doctor had estimated the baby to be between 5 1/2 - 6 lbs so thought he'd be around 7 1/2 - 8 lbs at term. That's a pound heavier than my son, and I completely believe it. I can tell this bugger is larger.

I'm feeling pretty good overall. I'm still getting sick after eating, but I'm actually getting use to that. I don't remember what it feels like to eat and not feel sick. I will relish it after our little guy's arrival. My back is a bit out of wack, but that's pretty typical I think. And, the insomnia, well, again, pretty typical. The up four times a night using the bathroom paired with the unable to get to sleep bit is cutting into my zzzz's. All in all though, I've been very fortunate.

My son is PSYCHED to meet his brother. He's already talking about holding him, kissing him, helping out. I look at him and have moments of fear having to share myself with another child. I assume that's pretty typical for most moms having another baby. I worry will I have enough love to go around. I remember sharing that fear with my mom and she said your heart only grows bigger. I have to imagine that is the truth. I know how tender and loved our little snowflake is, and that love will only grow and grow from the moment I hold him in my arms.

Well, I should try to get some rest. Lots of work to get done. Tomorrow a few of my friend's are having a little sprinkle in my honor. Very sweet of them to celebrate our little man.

God Bless!

Doctor Consult

May 4, 2015

Well, by endocrinologist called with my results. Other than my elevated LH and FSH and low estrogen, all my labs were normal. She even commented that my iron levels, although higher than normal, were far, far lower than she anticipated. She said I'm doing an excellent job managing my hemochromatosis.

She did say her recommendation was estrogen therapy to stop the bone loss. However, she told me until we were done trying to have children, that was out of the question as HRT would do nothing to prevent my bone loss. Interesting because that is what everyone seems to recommend for POF. She said HRT was a low dose estrogen, usually given to post menopausal woman to help with symptoms like hot flashes, but it was not a high enough dose to prevent bone loss in a 35 year old woman. She would put me on birth control pills, which is a much higher dose estrogen until I was 51, at the typical menopausal age.

I think a lot of POF advocates would disagree with the above assessment as HRT is touted as helping to prevent bone loss. I honestly just don't know who or what to believe. In my heart, I don't like the idea of a lifetime of pharmaceuticals that have a list a mile long of side effects.

I did appreciate she didn't push the subject. She said I have to be ready to give up the thought of having a baby first. We scheduled a dexa scan for in two years. She said without therapy she didn't anticipate it getting better, but with calcium, vitamin D and weight bearing exercises hopefully it wouldn't worsen too much.

I did ask her about just having bone loss in the spine and she said there was a bit in my hips as well. They define bone loss as two standard deviations away from another woman my same age. So, -2 is the cut off. My hips were -2.1 and my spine -2.3. So, although it does show bone loss, I don't think it's too alarming to be so slightly below. Given my petite size and low body mass, it's typical to be on the low end of that bell curve.

I really don't like the thought of birth control for the rest of my life. I blame part of my issues on being on it for 15 years to start with. For now, I think I'll just concentrate on being healthy and supplementing. There are a few oils and supplements that are phytoestrogens that I'd like to try to incorporate (slowly so as not to disrupt a good thing I've got going here) to try and elevate my estrogen levels to prevent bone loss naturally.

But, as always, just trusting my body will get things in gear on it's own with God's healing hand.