Feb. 2, 2018
Well, the update on the lump is there is no update. They couldn't see it. At all. To tell you the truth, I went into the appointment pretty peaceful. Random moments of what if, but overall, feeling pretty good. I'd get an answer. Bad news with how to proceed, or good news to put my mind at ease. Instead...nothing. No.Thing. Grrrr.
I arrived early and met with the genetic counselor who gave me a little box to take to the lab. Because my grandma, maternal and paternal aunt, and maternal cousin have had breast cancer (cousin at 42) they decided to run a full panel of 27 genes for breast cancer, ovarian cancer and colon cancer. It was free, so I said why not. I see no disadvantage. I was able to give her the paperwork from my aunt and cousin's genetic testing as well.
I'd spoken in advance with my genetic counselor and she arranged with the lactation department to rent a pump if they needed a bilateral mammogram. She was incredibly helpful.
So, I showed up to my appointment and was ushered in by a tech all business. I told her I had a bottle if I should express milk and she said don't bother. Just put the robe on open side up and lay down. Easy enough. I felt like I had a bit of milk, but trusted her. She did a quick look at my right breast (with the lump) and left breast and said nothing abnormal. I looked at her like, are you nuts. It was two minutes total, if that.
"Well, the doctor said if it was nothing you'd be able to tell."
Silence.
"If there was a cyst or something else there, wouldn't you be able to see it?"
"Yes."
"Well, something is there. I'm a little concerned you can't see anything one way or the other."
Silence.
I asked her if I could express some milk to feel the lump better, so she excused herself for about two minutes. I emptied about 1.5 oz and she came back in. Put the wand up and said all normal. I had to literally take her hand and put it on the lump. "Do you feel that?" "Yes, it's small."
Yeah...but there. She did a quick scan again and said all clear. At this point, I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable about all this. Something should show. Something. She dismissed it as normal breast tissue or a duct.
"Well...a duct should empty and fill, right?"
"Yes."
"Why does this stay the same then? And, small and hard?"
"I don't know, but nothing shows up."
At this point, she tells me she can't do a mammogram because I'm nursing and says if I want to wean, I can come back in a few weeks and they will do one. I told her I've no desire to wean if it's not a medical necessity and she tells me...I kid you not... "Aren't you suppose to wean by one anyway?"
I literally felt my blood pressure rise. "No. They encourage you to breastfeed UNTIL one years old at a minimum, but you can nurse as long as you like."
She smirks. "Well, he's old enough, you can wean whenever."
Me shooting daggers. My internal monologue is "I don't want your parenting advice, thank you very much. Just do your job and find the damn lump." *apologies for the language*
So, what to do?? Wait and see? She said just monitor it. If it gets larger, ask my doctor for another referral. Ooookkkaaaayyyy... Very uneasy. I left. She took the initial images from her two minute ultrasound to the radiologist who saw nothing, so what else can I do?
I emailed my doctor saying they didn't see anything, did she feel it warranted a second opinion? Watching and waiting? An MRI? My aunt and cousin, both breast cancer warrior survivors really are pushing for the MRI. I went on a few forums last night trying to see people who had a lump and it not showing up on an ultrasound and it was unnerving. Advice - never go into cancer forums before bedtime. yeesh.
So, I wait for the doctor. I don't like being a "problem patient" but with my history, I'd feel much more calm with an official, it's nothing to worry about, the MRI was unnecessary than a "you should have pursued this sooner six months or a year down the road."
So, as it stands I will obsessively feel my lump assessing any changes.
Non lump related, I'm looking forward to a little family time this weekend. It's been incredibly warm here, so perhaps a nice hike.
God bless.
Well, the update on the lump is there is no update. They couldn't see it. At all. To tell you the truth, I went into the appointment pretty peaceful. Random moments of what if, but overall, feeling pretty good. I'd get an answer. Bad news with how to proceed, or good news to put my mind at ease. Instead...nothing. No.Thing. Grrrr.
I arrived early and met with the genetic counselor who gave me a little box to take to the lab. Because my grandma, maternal and paternal aunt, and maternal cousin have had breast cancer (cousin at 42) they decided to run a full panel of 27 genes for breast cancer, ovarian cancer and colon cancer. It was free, so I said why not. I see no disadvantage. I was able to give her the paperwork from my aunt and cousin's genetic testing as well.
I'd spoken in advance with my genetic counselor and she arranged with the lactation department to rent a pump if they needed a bilateral mammogram. She was incredibly helpful.
So, I showed up to my appointment and was ushered in by a tech all business. I told her I had a bottle if I should express milk and she said don't bother. Just put the robe on open side up and lay down. Easy enough. I felt like I had a bit of milk, but trusted her. She did a quick look at my right breast (with the lump) and left breast and said nothing abnormal. I looked at her like, are you nuts. It was two minutes total, if that.
"Well, the doctor said if it was nothing you'd be able to tell."
Silence.
"If there was a cyst or something else there, wouldn't you be able to see it?"
"Yes."
"Well, something is there. I'm a little concerned you can't see anything one way or the other."
Silence.
I asked her if I could express some milk to feel the lump better, so she excused herself for about two minutes. I emptied about 1.5 oz and she came back in. Put the wand up and said all normal. I had to literally take her hand and put it on the lump. "Do you feel that?" "Yes, it's small."
Yeah...but there. She did a quick scan again and said all clear. At this point, I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable about all this. Something should show. Something. She dismissed it as normal breast tissue or a duct.
"Well...a duct should empty and fill, right?"
"Yes."
"Why does this stay the same then? And, small and hard?"
"I don't know, but nothing shows up."
At this point, she tells me she can't do a mammogram because I'm nursing and says if I want to wean, I can come back in a few weeks and they will do one. I told her I've no desire to wean if it's not a medical necessity and she tells me...I kid you not... "Aren't you suppose to wean by one anyway?"
I literally felt my blood pressure rise. "No. They encourage you to breastfeed UNTIL one years old at a minimum, but you can nurse as long as you like."
She smirks. "Well, he's old enough, you can wean whenever."
Me shooting daggers. My internal monologue is "I don't want your parenting advice, thank you very much. Just do your job and find the damn lump." *apologies for the language*
So, what to do?? Wait and see? She said just monitor it. If it gets larger, ask my doctor for another referral. Ooookkkaaaayyyy... Very uneasy. I left. She took the initial images from her two minute ultrasound to the radiologist who saw nothing, so what else can I do?
I emailed my doctor saying they didn't see anything, did she feel it warranted a second opinion? Watching and waiting? An MRI? My aunt and cousin, both breast cancer warrior survivors really are pushing for the MRI. I went on a few forums last night trying to see people who had a lump and it not showing up on an ultrasound and it was unnerving. Advice - never go into cancer forums before bedtime. yeesh.
So, I wait for the doctor. I don't like being a "problem patient" but with my history, I'd feel much more calm with an official, it's nothing to worry about, the MRI was unnecessary than a "you should have pursued this sooner six months or a year down the road."
So, as it stands I will obsessively feel my lump assessing any changes.
Non lump related, I'm looking forward to a little family time this weekend. It's been incredibly warm here, so perhaps a nice hike.
God bless.
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