16 months old!

March 13, 2018

Wowza! Our sweet boy turned 16 months old a few days ago. I'm reeling. I'm not entirely sure how he's that old already. When they say it goes fast, it goes FAST! He's a smart, inquisitive, stubborn, hilarious, delightful little man. He's running, jumping, dancing and CLIMBING...oh, so much climbing. He's very chatty and talks a lot. His vocabulary is crazy impressive. He not only repeats everything, but uses it intentionally. Sentences and all. It's nice he's so communicative because he can tell us everything he wants. And, he'll tell us over and over and over...and is not thrilled when we don't oblige ;)

He loves helping and it sweet to see him mimic chores, patterns and get things for me like his shoes when it's time to go or his oils when it's time for bed. He's obsessed with Elsa and Ana after a recent Disneyland trip and Alexa plays it on repeat all day long. If it's not playing, S continually says "Ana Ana Ana Ana" until we turn it on. Loves puppies. Puppies puppies everywhere. He loves books and imitates how his brother plays with cars and trucks with them beeping and backing up.

It's been incredible to see the boys together. Our oldest son is wonderful with him. Includes him, cares for him, helps with him. Sometimes I have to remind him to not play so hard with him, but it's hard to enforce when S is giggling uncontrollably and tackling him back. I've a feeling these two will be quite the hand full. When R is at school he'll ask over and over "Where's "R"?" and giggles uncontrollably and dances when he gets home. His favorite is playing in R's classroom when we go to pick him up.

Me, I'm glad to have gotten back into acting. I got new headshots and have been fortunate enough to have a few auditions. It feels nice to be back in the swing of things. Walking into a casting office is just invigorating. Some actors hate auditioning...I love it. Granted, I like booking and working more, but the auditioning doesn't bum me out. I'm grateful for each call. Every time I walk on a studio lot I say a big thank you to the Lord above that I'm actually doing it and pursuing the dream that seemed impossible to the girl in Michigan growing up.

Work has been tough. There's not enough hours. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in this bizarre dynamic of a stay at home / work at home mom, but fill time working mom, but mom. I can't describe it. I know every mom works her tail off. I just wish I could be one or the other.

The boys go to daycare three days, so I try to fit as many hours as I can in there, but the rest are after bedtime. Once I get them fed, to bed, things cleaned up, lunches packed, the house picked up...I'm tired. Absolutely exhausted, yet I have to work. Then I'm up at night nursing, back up in the morning with the kids to do it all over.

I've been transitioning more to focusing on educating about essential oils. Fortunately, that has been covering some gaps for us financially, and, I'll be honest. I love it. Love it. I know so much of the health turmoils I faced was from the junk in my home, foods, products...I love offering an alternative to people who want safer products. My ultimate goal is to JUST act and teach about healthy choices. I'm reaching for them more and more. I've always used a ton of the oils and transitioned all my personal care, makeup, cleaners to Young Living a while ago, but I'm incorporating more and more of the supplements now. I can happily say that as everyone around us was dropping like flies, our family stayed relatively healthy. Aside from a minor cold for my baby and husband, we're all healthy as can be. And, looking at the little sleep I've gotten...three cheers for that. I also can't say enough about elderberry syrup. Legit.

The bummer is, some POF symptoms have started to creep in. More irritability, brain fog and hot flashes. My night sweats started, but I've been using a serum called Progessence Plus to support my hormonal health and they are no more. For hot flashes, I've started using Sclaressence. I either make a capsule with a drop of Sclaressence vitality and take it immediately after nursing my son in the morning, or use the Sclaressence on my ankles throughout the day if I feel I need extra support. I've kept things manageable. Oddly enough, I've turned to the oils for irritability and brain fog as well. They've a lot of emotional support oils that have been good for me to just release pent up emotion and I diffuse peppermint or rosemary and orange when I'm feeling really scattered.

Fortunately, our housing crisis was averted. We thought we were losing our lease, but our landlords opted not to sell, so we are here two more years. A rent increase, but stability. Hallelujah! It works out great because our oldest started Kindergarten next year and it will be directly across the street.

Other than that...nothing big to share. I look at my little family and think sometimes how I'd love to have another child. I know my husband isn't there now, so I keep those thoughts fleeting, but my babies are so incredibly special. If it were up to my, if we had no financial concerns, I'd absolutely have another. My oldest son asks me several times a week when his sister will arrive. I keep trying to explain to him I'm not pregnant, and he says he knows, but he's going to have a sister. Sometimes from my belly, sometimes from somewhere else... I can't help but wonder what God has in store. I'd still be very open to foster to adopt, but I'm not sure my husband would like that. Kids, let's face it, can be exhausting. A lot of children in the foster system come with issues that would require certain patience and understanding, parent visits, red tape, foster workers...it'd be a lot.

I just ask God everyday to set our path. Professionally. Personally. For our family. For our impact and outreach for others. Today though, I savor the moments with my babies. They are growing so fast, and I'm desperately trying to be present in each moment.

God bless!

How is my baby almost 13 months?

Dec. 8, 2017

Oh my gracious! How is my sweet boy almost 13 months old? I meant to update at a year and somehow another month passed. We had an incredible celebration. S had a Mickey Mouse party and was just so precious. He wasn't quite certain what to do with his cake, but flung it on his brother who didn't might licking it up in the least. These two are quite a handful. Quite the pair. I couldn't be more blessed.

It has been just incredible watching these two together. R is so, so so patient and kind with his brother. He had a birthday just 11 days after and S of course wants every single toy he grabs. Watching him graciously give everything to S is just so sweet. He has such a tender heart. And, S wants to be just like him. In every way. Their dynamic is so sweet.

He's doing great. He's settled into going to daycare a few days a week so I can work. A new teacher came in, and she has such a gentle spirit. S responds so well to her. He's running around, and WOW, such a climber. My first boy was nothing like that. S, anything he can scale, he will. He's such a determined and resolute little guy. He knows exactly what he wants and will not settle for less. He also has a little temper. If he doesn't get his way, he just throws his little body. I have to be careful he doesn't hurt himself.

On the flip side, he has such a good sense of humor. He's happy and easy going and plays well with others and quietly by himself. His happy place is outdoors and he could go for walks and play out there all day long. We have a back patio with a sliding glass door, and he always whips it wide open to go play in the sandbox. He's sleeping pretty good. The last few weeks, just one wake up per night, so that's a-ok by me. I listen to some women complain, but after R...wow. One wake up, is NICE. R would wake up 10-12 times per night. I was exhausted!!

We're still nursing and that is going strong. He is hit and miss on food. It's ironic, because early on he wanted EVERYTHING. Once he started teething though, he's become very picky. He's on the upper ranges for weight and height though, so I'm not concerned.

Our life is a bit of an upheaval right now. We are renters and our landlords told us they want to sell. We've spent the last several months looking at townhomes for purchase or places to rent. I'm praying the perfect opportunity presents itself. I'm emotional about moving. This was the place we got married, got pregnant, took our babies home. It will be hard to leave.

Work has been busy. My day job is for an inventory specialist and it's been chaotic with all the fires out here in SoCal. Young Living is going great, and I celebrated hitting Silver last month. It's been so fulfilling helping so many people find healthier options in their life. Such a God thing - I'm grateful it was placed in my path. Acting has been sloooooooow. I'm really needing to get my hair cut and some new headshots. One of my goals for the New Year.

On the baby front, I have moments where I'd really like another child. Financially, I know that isn't the most ideal situation. I think my husband is just overwhelmed by the whole idea. I'm sure as time plods on, it will be clear for both of us. Until then, I'm enjoying and thanking God for my two greatest blessings.

Health wise...I feel good. I've been trying to exercise - mostly pushing the stroller, but my hormones don't seem too wacky side effect wise. I take my progessense plus religiously as well as my Biosil, calcium (Young Living's is the bomb dot com) and prenatal (sans iron thank you very much.) I feel good. Just tired...but I credit that to the boys and work. lol

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season.

Blessings!

Almost One Year

Nov. 2, 2017

Wow. This is the one year anniversary of my due date. Granted, he decided to chill in there a little longer until eviction, but I'm amazed. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it all. It still feels so vivid and recent that he was born. He's such an amazing kid. He's walking, talking more everyday. Watching him play with his big brother, honestly, it just brings tears to my eyes. They love each other so much. R, my oldest, is just incredible with him. An amazing big brother. And S, our little snowflake, just adores big brother. Always trying to do exactly what he does...which can be dangerous...literally and figuratively. I'm constantly chasing him making sure he doesn't hurt himself. He's fearless.

It's been a wild ride. I look at him everyday and thank my lucky stars. Wow, God knew what he was doing. Our life would NOT be complete without him in it. He has the most boisterous, lovely laugh, and so smart...oh, so smart. When he wakes up in the morning, when I get him out of the crib, he gives me the biggest bear hug. Feeling those arms wrapped around me...there is nothing like it.

R is thriving in school. He's in TK now and I'm shaking my head how that happened. He'll be five next month. I look at S turning one and then think, how in the world have five years gone by. I remember starting this blog four years ago, traumatized by having to wean him. Four years I've been here. Amazing. It really makes me think over this whole journey. There were some hard times. Lots of tears. But, oh so worth it. If you are reading - so. worth. it.

I'm going to make an effort to check in here more often.

God Bless!

Dear Embryo Donor

Dear Anonymous Embryo Donor,

You don't know me. I may just look like an average woman on the street. Maybe you see me hurried to get my son to school or hear my laughter ring out. You may see me smiling with friends or waiting in a grocery line. But, that isn't all of me.

You haven't seen my tears or seen me crumble in a pile asking God why. You haven't heard my prayers or glimpsed the pain in my eyes at yet another negative test. You don't know the burden on my heart or my marriage... You changed that.

You have blessed me. You have dried my eyes. You have answered my prayers. You have put a glint of happiness in my eyes and joy into my heart.

Dear donor, you have allowed me to once again feel that optimism of a positive pregnancy test. You have allowed me that moment of utter delight and tears or joy to see that flicker of a heart and hear that beautiful beat. You've given me the chance to experience the exhaustion, the sickness, the discomfort of growing a baby, and I'm grateful. You have allowed me to feel my baby move around inside me, taking my breath away with each kick. You have allowed me the utter amazement as I look at an ultrasound and count ten little fingers and ten little toes. See a little nose and mouth, legs and arms. You have given me the gift of childbirth - each mind boggling contraction bringing forth absolutely raw emotion and unmatched strength I didn't know I was capable of. You allowed me to see my incredible boy being brought into this world. To hold his slippery little body against my chest as his cord stopped pumping. For his father to cut the cord and stare at amazement at his son. To look into his big brown eyes and kiss every inch of his perfect little body. You have allowed me to feed him and sustain him. To hug him and cuddle him.

You have allowed me the honor or waking up to feed him, calm him, change him and love him. Utterly exhausted, I'm still grateful to catch a glimpse of his sweet face as he nurses by moonlight, to breathe in his unmistakable scent as I rock him to sleep, to feel that soft tickle of his hair against my chin.

You have allowed me the honor of calming him when he is tired. Hugging him when he is scared. Consoling him when he is inconsolable. You have granted me the privilege of caring for him when he is sick, fighting for him when he is helpless and loving him with every ounce of my being.

You have graced me with the gift of his laughter and his wide bright smile that lights up a room. You have let me be amazed by his strength, his easy demeanor and his endless chatter.

Dear donor, I will never be able to look you in the eyes and thank you from the very core of my being for such a selfless gift. You undoubtedly questioned what to do. You most likely wondered if a family could love your babies as much as you could. You may have considered destroying your embryos or donating them to science. You may have wavered wondering if you could do it. Let them go. You may have cried, questioned, cursed, yelled.

Thank you for your selflessness. Thank you for blessing our family with the gift of a child. Thank you for blessing our son with a life. An opportunity to grow, love, live. We will always let him know he was conceived, in love. You loved him so much you gave him an opportunity at life. He was wanted from day one. By you. By us. He will know how much we yearned for him. Prayed for him. He will know he is loved by all of us.

I look at my son and tears spring to my eyes on a daily basis knowing had you made a different decision, he would not exist. That is unfathomable to me. He is perfect. He is special. He is loved. I know with every fiber of my being our son was intended for us by God. He is with us for a reason.

Dear donor. Thank you. We love you. We pray for you.

You may look like an average man and woman on the street...but you are more. You are our angels. God bless you always.

Our new arrival!!

Nov. 30, 2016

I am VERY over due updating my blog. It's been hectic around here!

At my last doctor's appointment my doctor told me an induction was necessary as the placenta became less efficient after 41 weeks. I consented to it as I chatted about in my last post.

When we arrived to the induction on the 10th they didn't have a room ready so I grabbed a bite to eat and we walked around the hospital. I had high hopes I'd suddenly start labor while meandering the halls. As we got checked in, I went into my spiel with each nurse, doctor and midwife my horrible experience last time and how I really was scared for this induction and wanted a better experience. Everyone seemed receptive!

They hooked me up to the monitor and checked how dilated and effaced I was. Still around 1 1/2" - 2" dilated and the same effaced as my prior appointment. I was contracting however on a regular basis and they said that even if I had not had a reaction to Cytotec last time, they couldn't use it. Basically, I was not dilated or effaced enough for pit, but contracting too steadily for Cytotec or Cervidil. Fine by me, I'd already told them I refused the Cytotec.

I also requested no IV yet, just a block for when we needed it. My hubby was in the background setting up our little diffuser and oil selection :) And, we kept that baby working throughout the entire labor, delivery and post partum during our stay. In fact, several nurses got my contact info it was so helpful.

We agreed on a cooks balloon. Basically, it's like an empty water balloon with a spot that inflates on the inside of your cervix, and one on the outside. They would insert it, then fill it with water and the pressure would make me contract more heavily and hopefully dilate me.

Inserting it was brutal. They had a resident try and after about six failed attempts the doctor took over. She was did NOT have a delicate touch. She tried about six or seven times as well. Youch! Once it was finally inserted and filled with water, it was to stay in place for 12 hrs. During that time, I could walk around as much as I wanted and eat with hourly monitoring on and off.

Once I had an hour monitoring, my hubby and I started walking the halls. We did so on and off for about seven hours until we decided around 11 to try and get a bit of rest as the balloon would be removed at 3:50 am. Trying to get comfortable with a balloon hanging out of you and constant contractions is for the birds. I maybe got an hour rest in.

At 3:50 they came in to remove the balloon and the nurse said she'd let me rest until 6 am when the doctor would come examine me. Well, five minutes later, the doctor burst in, flipped on the lights in and in a HORRENDOUS mood gave me the most uncomfortable dilation check of my life.  I was 4 cm and about 70% effaced.She then snapped to start the pit immediately. Um...no.

"Could I take a quick shower and eat something before we start the pit? I know once it's started I can't really move or eat." She didn't take too kindly to that. Um, where did the nice receptive doctor at check in go?!? She consented to let me shower and the nurse pressed her to let me have a cold sandwhich to which she curtly said "Fine. Don't take too long in the shower and I refuse to let you sit around for breakfast at 6."

As soon as she left, I turned to my nurse and asked why the pressure to speed this along and reiterated that there was no emergency, the baby was looking great on the monitors and that I wanted this to go smoothly without risking the baby's safety or my uterus. After a frank discussion, she went back to consult the doctor and returned stating I had an option to break the water or start the pit. "Can I move around if you break the water?" The doctor said no. So...no sense in doing that.

The doctor returned in a much better mood and we discussed everything again. I consented to starting the pit at 2, but only raising it by 1, not 2, every 30-45 minutes versus 20-30 that was standard. I also asked that once contractions were steady we spread it out more allowing my body to work on it's own. She seemed irritated, but I didn't care...she agreed. So it began.

At shift change, an AWESOME midwife and nurse came on and they were 100% behind me. They actually let me call the shots when we increased the meds as long as contractions were 2-3 min apart. They also were very cool with me bouncing on my ball and moving around a bit in front of the monitor. My nurse was lovely to bring Popsicles often and ice chips and water. I also had brought in NingXia Red, which is a Young Living drink (shameless plug for YL oils which helped me immeasurably throughout labor and pregnancy which you can buy here!) and a few snacks that I ate freely. And, lo and behold, my contractions got stronger each time I ate something. Go figure. I was also applying clary sage to help intensify them.

As the day wore on, I upped the pit dose a few times and the midwife checked on me a few times. She told me when I was ready, they could break my water if I wanted to intensify things. After raising the pit once more, we decided to go ahead with that plan. I would have to lay on the bed for 30 minutes to ensure the water was clear. THAT was difficult. I had been moving to manage contractions up until this point, and once the water went, it was full steam ahead. I was at a 6 when they broke my water at 7 pm. At 7:30 I literally rolled out of bed, leaned against it and with my hypnobabies tract playing on my ipod managed to breathe and "relax" through each contraction. I will not lie. Most intense sensation I've ever felt.

My husband was awesome to rub lavender on my back and shoulders to help me relax and kept giving me cold packs for my forehead and back of neck. I vaguely remember him trying to feed me and my chasing him away. The nurse, who just came on at 7 kept trying to ask questions which I ignored every one...my husband finally told her to communicate through him, I was obviously "doing my thing." The only time I spoke to her was to request they drop the pit down a bit. She decreased it two notches. About 15 min later seeing how much pain I was in, she dropped it some more. Within minutes, I was telling her I needed to be checked.

She checked me and I was at a nine with a lip of cervix. I got to my knees just as another contraction hit and went limp over my husband's shoulders and shouted to her "I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I know I'm not suppose to, but my body is pushing." She laid me back down to check me and I was fully dilated and effaced. On the next contraction she told me to give one push. I heard her on the phone requesting the midwife and staff saying "She's a good pusher. The baby is coming."

Next thing I knew, everyone, including residents were there and I was pushing. I sputtered out to bring the mirror so I could see the baby as I knew I'd push better. He was cockeyed in there so I had to roll to one side so he could come out. And all of a sudden, there he was. The cord was wrapped around his neck, so I had to do controlled pushes and breathing until they were able to unlatch it, and out he came. Our beautiful baby boy! He arrived at 8:54 pm after a 29 hour labor.

We had skin to skin where they checked his vitals from my chest. I remember shushing him and the nurse saying no, let him cry! Since the cord had been around his neck, they wanted to ensure he "pinked" up. I love our hospital now allowed the cord to stop pulsing on it's own which was something I had requested when they asked my birth plan. Probably about 15 min later, the midwife had us both feel the cord to see if it was done pulsing and my husband clipped it. They had to take a small blood sample from it because a blood test had shown my son was at risk for anemia and jaundice.

I did start to hemorrhage, so they took my son to weigh him and attend to him while they fixed me up. The cytotec that I had wanted to avoid, I got a huge dose of as well as pit to ensure the bleeding stopped. Once I was doing better and stitched up from a tear, they brought out little guy back in and a big plate of food for me to eat.

I was shivering so badly they wrapped me in about six warm blankets and gave the baby to my husband for skin to skin. Apparently blood loss and adrenaline does that to you! It took about two hours for me to stop shaking. The nurse said I was shaking the whole bed. She did give me mad props for doing an induced delivery with no meds. And, I will say, the recovery is a ton easier without an epi. Intense as all get out during it, but after so much better.

All in all, we had an awesome experience. We had a few issues with latching during nursing which resulted in bleeding nipples (I know other mamas can relate) and severely engorged breast for the first week, but we've found our rhythm.

Our other son, finally got to meet his baby and came marching through the hospital in a lab coat wearing his stethoscope proudly carrying flowers for mommy. Watching him meet his brother and hold him was one of the most touching moments of my life to date. He's been exceptional with him.

I find myself feeling bad at times restricted to the couch or rocker nursing the baby and not giving our other son our full attention, but I'm doing the best that I can.

You know, it's funny. Three years ago when I was diagnosed with POF, I felt a part of me died. Now, looking back, I know in my heart of hearts this journey was intentional. Without it, we would not have our son. I love him so incredibly much and every tear I cried, every frantic moment, doubt and angry word I sputtered at God...it was for a reason. I believe our family is intentional and this child was meant to be with us. In my heart of hearts, I know it was all for him to be with us. I will never be upset over my diagnosis again. Do the side effects suck? Yeah. Was it worth it to welcome this child...yes. For all you women out there who feel a loss, please consider embryo donation, adoption or foster to adopt. I can attest that genetics does NOT make a family. The love you will have for your child no matter how they come, will be immeasurable. Much love to you all.

God bless.

40 weeks 6 days

Nov. 9, 2016

Well, 41 weeks tomorrow. And, induction day. Not my ideal. But, when it comes down to it, I do know after 41 weeks there are higher risks and after all we fought for, healthy baby is priority uno. I was able to chat with my doctor though at my appointment Tuesday regarding my concerns. My last induction was a nightmare. I reacted poorly to all the meds, almost ruptured my uterus...long, painful. This time, she told us to be firm with the hospital staff we don't care how long it takes. Low and slow is the game plan.

Last time I was emergency induced for extremely low fluid. This time, the fluid is fine, baby looks fine, so if it takes longer, it takes longer. I'm arguing against cytotec and LOW LOW LOW doses of pit and taking me off when labor is established. My hubby even recorded my doctor and my discussion so if there is any issue we can play it. She said to ensure they don't give me more than 50% of the maximum dose, so no more than 10 units of pit throughout the whole process. I'm aiming for MUCH lower. I'm feeling more positive about it. Last time we rushed there, were first time parents and slightly panicked for our child's welfare. This time, we feel like we have a game plan and our OB's backing so we can talk more about options.

My in laws are in town and mother just text her plan just landed (hubby is getting her now) so our son will be well taken care of which is a giant stress relief. No worries about arranging midnight childcare or how long the process is. I did say I don't want visitors in the labor room. Once he's here, welcome all, but I really just want it to be chill. I don't want to make small talk between contractions.

We've been doing a lot of walking. Before my in-laws arrival we were doing nightly walks with our son, and since they've been here we've taken a few with him, but were fortunate enough to get a nice long hilly one in tonight. It feels so good, both to walk and enjoy the slight chill in the air. In SoCal were still in the upper 80s during the day, but at night it drops so it feels a bit like fall and I love, love love it!

It's been such a bizarre day. To begin, everyone has been beyond nasty, belligerent, judgmental and just so mean spirited regarding the election. I told Bryce I thank my lucky stars our sweet boy didn't come today. He would have been overshadowed by hate. I'm not sure how much better it will be tomorrow or the following day, but I'll be happy he has at least a scrap of distance from it all.

I've just been very emotional and hormonal. This evening, tucking my son in, I walked out of his room with a tear in my eye. Knowing it was the last time I kissed and hugged my son good night as an only child really resonated with me. I know there is so much love in my heart for our new little babe, but I somehow wonder HOW I can love another human as much as I love my one son already. I remember talking to my mom and she said your heart only grows bigger. I am so proud of him and how sweet, loving and caring he is. He will be the best big brother ever and I think one of the most exciting and emotional times in my life will be to see him walk into that hospital room and hold his baby brother for the first time.

Tomorrow I plan to have a big ole' breakfast and fuel up before the 1 pm induction. Maybe a walk in the morning and to just take it easy. I've got all my oils packed to help with the delivery and post partum, snacks for myself and hubby and son for when he visits and a little gift for him from the baby. We're ready to rock.

Well, the next time I post, I will have our sweet baby boy here with us and not jousting my bladder, ribs and various internal organs. We're so curious and excited to meet him. If I may ask for your prayers and blessings on easy and successful delivery.

God bless.

36 weeks 1 day

October 7, 2016

We are cruising along here! I can't believe in less than a week I will technically be "full term" although we'd like to let baby bake a few weeks longer. I feel like the last month or two has been a whirlwind, but things are starting to take shape.

My older son is now settled into his big boy room. Aside from some decor we want to get done, he's got a bed, mattress and sheets, so score. The baby's room is set and ready to go. Fully stocked with laundered clothing and diapers, crib reset and bedding washed. All our baby "stuff" like swings, bouncers, blankies...all washed, all disinfected.

Now, I turn to deep cleaning the house and freezing meals. We have a bit more decorating to do in my son's room and the nursery, so fingers crossed I can get that done. I also really need to put my hospital bag together. Tonight, I'm blending my postpartum spray getting crafty with my oils. I wanted a more natural approach to assist with my healing "down there." If you want to know what oils I suggest, go here. I'm doing a blend with lavender, frankincense, clary sage and helichrysum in witch hazel.

As for the baby, he is an ACTIVE bugger. This kid never stops moving. At my appointment Weds, I had a new doctor because mine left for the rest of the month to go be with her daughter giving birth, and she asked if I'd been doing kick counts. I started laughing. There was no need because he never stopped moving. She did an u/s quickly to check my fluids and concurred. He was just go go go. She didn't take a measurement, but said they looked fine. The week prior it was 11.2 which is still in the ok range. Next week I have to start NST and AFI testing because of my "advanced age" and prior history with low fluids. Thankfully, I was able to schedule my appointment right after my normal weekly appointment.

At 35 weeks, my doctor had estimated the baby to be between 5 1/2 - 6 lbs so thought he'd be around 7 1/2 - 8 lbs at term. That's a pound heavier than my son, and I completely believe it. I can tell this bugger is larger.

I'm feeling pretty good overall. I'm still getting sick after eating, but I'm actually getting use to that. I don't remember what it feels like to eat and not feel sick. I will relish it after our little guy's arrival. My back is a bit out of wack, but that's pretty typical I think. And, the insomnia, well, again, pretty typical. The up four times a night using the bathroom paired with the unable to get to sleep bit is cutting into my zzzz's. All in all though, I've been very fortunate.

My son is PSYCHED to meet his brother. He's already talking about holding him, kissing him, helping out. I look at him and have moments of fear having to share myself with another child. I assume that's pretty typical for most moms having another baby. I worry will I have enough love to go around. I remember sharing that fear with my mom and she said your heart only grows bigger. I have to imagine that is the truth. I know how tender and loved our little snowflake is, and that love will only grow and grow from the moment I hold him in my arms.

Well, I should try to get some rest. Lots of work to get done. Tomorrow a few of my friend's are having a little sprinkle in my honor. Very sweet of them to celebrate our little man.

God Bless!

28 weeks 4 days

August 15, 2016

WOW! Where has the time gone?? I realize I am PAINFULLY late in updating this blog. We have been so so so so busy! Let's backtrack.

So, at our 18ish week appointment, we found out, great news, no more SCH and our partial placenta previa had moved up. Three cheers! I was taken off restrictions - still cautioned to not lift much and since the placenta was still low lying to continue pelvic rest. Here are some amazing photos of our little guy!

Everything was measuring on target, however we were surprised to hear his arms and legs were measuring about a week ahead. They said to expect some long appendages. Made us kind of raise our eyebrows and wonder if the initial report of the donor father being 6'10" was the legit height. We'd assumed with the weight at 155 that it was a typo and should have been 5'10"...wonder if it was 255 at 6'10". Hmmmm.

Fast forward two weeks and I was back to my OB and she again checked the position of my placenta since the specialist had said it was still low lying. It was 3 cm over my cervix, so officially not "low lying" just low. She advised me to start on aspirin again, although since my specialist had said not to, I've been kind of lax about taking it daily. I got the all clear to go to MI to visit family for a few weeks.

We had a wonderful time! Since there were so many fires right in our home town in CA and the air quality was so poor, my son and I stayed there an extra week. Since getting back, it's been full steam ahead trying to get everything ready for the baby. We're converting the office into our older son's room and I've been busy selling, donating and giving away all the stuff that has accumulated. That and organizing. Let's just say the nesting has set in and it's been NUTS this time!! I was up late washing couch cushion covers because it just HAD TO BE DONE...NOW! I've also started slowly stocking our freezer.

I was back at my doctor last week for my 28 week 1 day appointment. I told her I'd been having some strong braxton hicks and pelvic pressure so she did a quick scan and my cervix still is long, so not to worry. She did however think I was measuring a bit small, so I go in on Weds for a growth scan. I'm not too worried. They did the same last pregnancy and all was well. I think I just carry differently than most women.

My appointment also revealed that even though I typically have way too much iron with hemochromatosis, I am actually quite anemic this pregnancy. All this exhaustion, light headedness and shortness of breath make sense now I suppose. FEED ME!! It also makes sense I've been craving burgers non stop. I still refuse to take the iron in prenatal or iron pill form because of how sick it made me before - think toxic to my liver and can cause my organs to stop functioning, not queasy whining, we decided for me to get it from food sources like, well, lots of burgers (hello In 'N Out) and I've added blackstrap molasses into my diet as well. We'll test in a few weeks to see where I'm at.

It's funny how much more this baby depleted my iron resources. When I had my son I got slightly anemic last time near the end, but my levels right now are at where I was after labor with blood loss - very low. My glucose was also much lower this time as well. Close to the bottom of the acceptable scale - again, dizziness, shortness of breath, etc. My blood pressure continues to be very, very low as well.

Other than all that, still plugging along. He is a wild one in there and my stomach is constantly moving from his shenanigans. He's already head down and I've been getting some hard jabs into the ribs already. I didn't remember it that high up until later last time, but they did say he has those nice long legs ;)

We are about 99.9% certain on our name. We aren't sharing because we don't like unsolicited opinions, lol, but we're pretty happy with it. Our older son told me an assortment of baby names this morning ranging from school bus, to pillow to milk. He thought it was hilarious. He has been so sweet snuggling and praying and kissing my belly. He also knows I can't get up very well anymore from the ground and is always insisting he help me up...basically makes me work about 200% harder to get up without putting any weight on him, but makes me smile every time...such a gentleman.

We also made tentative arrangements with my in-laws. Being six hours from us, they've said they'd be "on call" when I go into labor to come immediately. With no family and a toddler, it's hard to try and figure out childcare. We've a few friends that are happy to help, but I hate to impose on them longer than a few hours for them to get here. Our son's preschool also said he could come on his days off if I go into labor one of those days.

My mom arranged her flight out for a week after I'm due, so she may be here for the labor, or before, maybe after. Who knows. lol

Well, I promise I will be better about updating the blog. I took a few belly bump photos, but realized I needed to blur a few things out before posting ;) I'll save those for another day.

God bless!

17 weeks 1 day

May 27, 2016

Our little bambino is doing well. I was back to my OB today for a checkup. Heart rate was good at 154. We went over my weight gain, which she was happy to see went up a bit, but she wants me to focus on getting more calories. She actually said high carbs, which I wasn't expecting...I was thinking more proteins. My heart did a happy dance to hear "don't be afraid to indulge." What my mind heard? "Ice cream."

Honestly though, I remember last time I didn't start gaining weight until further into my second trimester as well and there was one week in particular it was like I packed on 6 lbs or something. The following week 1/2 lb. I know it's all so variable with water weight, time of day, yada yada yada. I've no worries. I gained enough last time and my son was a healthy weight.

The irony is, I feel like I've gained quite a bit this time. But it's just my belly is much larger than last time. I was looking at photos, and I think I'm about two weeks ahead. I know that's common with second pregnancies, but I didn't expect to pop so soon. Sometimes I get to wondering how large this baby will be. My husband and myself are rather petite, so no one was too surprised our last baby wasn't huge. BUT, these aren't my genetics. This baby could really be any size. It's so funny, but I forget.

Before transfer I always had that lingering fear that this pregnancy would feel "different" or I'd feel differently toward this baby and that isn't the case at all. Instant connection. I know this baby is ours. And, he'll always know who his mommy and daddy and brother are.

My friend who also did EA gave birth two weeks ago. It was such a joy to go see them in the hospital and spend time with them when they got home. Any baby snuggles - nothing better! I get such a chuckle because people commenting on his photo on Facebook say "Oh, he looks just like his mommy." The nurses in the hospital thought he looked just like his daddy. It's so funny people perceive what they want to see, and also I'm a big believe in epigenetics. I'm actually taking a workshop in it next month at a conference. I'm pretty excited!

I had to get my second trimester blood test for the genetic screening and thankfully I read through their paperwork because the nurse forgot to mark the "donor ovum" box. I'm not sure how much that would have screwed up the interpretation, but they were grateful I caught it. I head to the geneticist in two weeks for the anatomy scan and all my fingers and toes are crossed the SCH has resolved and the partial previa has moved up. I've been slowly doing more physically, but still trying not to push it. I'd like more liberties to do some light workouts or longer, more brisk walks. I've always been a very physical and active person and it's therapeutic for me. If not, totally fine, no need to push it, but it'll be reassuring to know it's all better.

My doctor also chatted with me about starting aspirin, but we're holding off until the SCH is cleared. Apparently since I'm an "elderly pregnant" woman and all it should help reduce the risk of preeclamsia. considering my blood pressure has been in the 84/51 to 91/54 range (you'd think I was comatose) I'm fairly certain that won't be an issue, but I'm no doctor. Another of her concerns why she'd like the baby aspirin is in my last pregnancy I was induced for low amniotic fluid. Actually, they wanted to induce me several times, but with persistent daily, then every other day NST and AFI testing, we avoided it for over four weeks. She thinks with an aspirin regimen, it may increase blood flow to the placenta and reduce the risk of low amniotic fluid. If that is the case, then bring it on. I'd rather not have that stress, concern and risk to the baby for the last month.

All in all, our wee one is doing great. I feel him squirming around in there. Sometimes more than others, nothing too consistent. I'm waiting for the punches, kicks and movement on the outside. I know how exciting that will be for my son.

Until next time...God bless!

16 weeks 1 day

May 20, 2016

I realize it's been a long time since I updated. I guess the reasoning is, not too much new stuff to chat about ;) I know they say each pregnancy is different, but this one has royally kicked my tush so far. The exhaustion and nausea were far worse. I'm not sure if it's because I'm older, the meds and supplemental hormones early on, or just this little bean, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I started feeling better about a week ago, but have had a few set back days, but all in all, much better.

I'm also growing much faster this time. I feel like I'm definitely starting to show. I compared photos with my son at 16 weeks and I think I'm more around my 18th week marker from last time. The baby was measuring ahead at the last ultra sound so maybe that's part of it...and the fact they say you show sooner on subsequent pregnancies.

At my last appointment his heart rate was around 152, so very good. No ultra sound at that one. I chatted with my OB more about the SCH and the partial placenta previa and she expects good outcomes at my 19 week scan. I'll be in to see her once more before that one - next week - so 17 weeks.

I've cravings for meat and protein this pregnancy. Typically I love sweets, but I can take them or leave them right now. Although, ice cream always sounds good which sounds very stereotypical. I think its the cold...everything cold soothes my stomach, which is exactly what my TCM said to avoid, but at this point, being able to operate day to day is pretty important too.

And emotional...did I mention emotional?! The feel good commercials and Facebook videos get me teary eyed, slights from family or friends leave me obsessing and sad. Par for the course I suppose.

So, no big updates. My son is snuggling his baby brother everynight and singing and talking to him. Absolutely warms my heart. We think we are settled on a name. We've a lot of time to go back and forth though. We're also starting to plan how to maneuver our home to make room for another baby. So much to start to think about.

Loving the journey so far. Very excited to see this wee one growing!

God bless!