Monitoring Visit 2

Feb. 4, 2016

Back to the clinic this morning. I was feeling good going in. I've been making sure to walk everyday to get the blood flowing and my son is big into the Pow Wows in the evening so lots of dancing there. I've also been drinking my POM juice, doing my femoral massage and abdomen massage and even threw in a castor oil pack and steam for good measure.

The good news is...my lining is at a 9! It was at a 9 for my last visit before transfer last time, so to be a week ahead is great news. It also had a beautiful triple stripe pattern. Yahoo! I'm to up my meds per protocol to get it nice and fluffy.

I talked to my doctor a bit about a new study that is out and how women shouldn't lay there after the procedure but get right up. Although the studies show that as best, he said he'd still like me to lay for about 10 minutes. The increase in pregnancy wasn't huge (although when you are dealing with infertility, a 5% risk looks astronomical) because he said sometimes the uterus is contracting from the catheter. My thought is, I can't control everything about this, so I'm just going to trust him. I have so far.

We did chat a bit more about bedrest though and he thinks strict bedrest is counter productive. He just told me to kind of be a couch potato and treat myself right the day of transfer and that I could get back to normal the next day if I wanted or just continue to take it easy. Getting up and walking around a bit was just fine. He said the female body isn't meant to be sedentary and that adequate blood flow is good to ensure proper implantation. I'm glad we were on the same page. Sounds good to me. My issue this go round is the NO STRESS! I had a work implosion last time and really let that stress me out to tears the day of transfer. This time. Nope.

Today I go into my new acupuncturist. We shall see how it goes.

We're still having the one versus two debate. Neither of us know at all. When I spoke to the doctor he told me frankly that he doubts there'd be any issue with my uterus that would prevent the implantation so it'd be issue with the embryo most likely to prevent a success. We're basically betting on the embryos. Do we risk just one again and have a no go and repeat this whole thing? If we transfer both and neither take, his thought is they were both duds and we saved ourselves another unsuccessful transfer? If they are both perfect...we may get twins. We put two in we've 21% chance of twins, but 70% chance of pregnancy. We put one in, we've 50%.  Decisions decisions.

We've just decided to pray about it and how we felt led jump in with two feet. As difficult as times have gotten in the past, I know there's always been a reason and I've never been dealt an issue we haven't faced head on, lived and learned from. If it's twins. It's twins and we'll count ourselves blessed.

A mommy friend who's experienced her own trials with infertility told me go for it. She said I put three in, three implanted, two had a heart beat and at the third appointment only one remained. You never know, so go for it and trust.

I had another woman in a mommy group reach out and offer me some of her unused meds as well. I am constantly surprised and humbled by people's generosity.

We haven't really told many people this time about our transfer. After the last, I just needed to experience this one privately. Well, except for all of you...and my mommy group...and my infertility groups...and... LOL You get the picture. My husband's parents at one time knew we were looking at Feb, but have never asked questions and neither of us have expounded. I just told my step mom and dad a few days ago. Other than that, a few close, close friends.

I'll keep you posted...

God Bless.

Transfer is Set. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

Oct. 7, 2015

Well, a bit has happened in the last few weeks. By the title, you can surmise we are A GO! Let me back track to get you all up to speed.

Last Thursday my coordinator called and verified the embryos were now in our "guardianship" or belonged to us rather. She emailed me the medical tests that we needed to get to proceed and set up a saline ultrasound and mock transfer for the following Weds (today) where she would give me my protocol and dates. First thing I did was email my doctor requesting labs be ordered so I could get my blood work done with insurance coverage. My coordinator also told me I would need to start taking a monophasic pill so I requested that order be placed through my insurance as well.

On Saturday, my husband and I went in for our labs. He had to get STD testing as well. Basically, those tests are required by the donating party and us to show that we don't have any STDs. If we didn't get the test we could "blame" I guess the embryos for us getting something. I think the clinic requires it more to cover themselves than anything.

I also went to get acupuncture that day and brought my father-in-law who was having some neck issues. I video taped his needles being placed and my son has taken great enjoyment out of watching grandpa get poked. Ha! I also had a session. I was happy that my pulses going in to my session this time were as strong as my pulses leaving my last session, so my body is stronger. Praise God! I need that in the coming months!

I also stocked up on herbs for the next month because my TCM is going to China. I talked over my upcoming November transfer and we decided as soon as he gets back to do weekly appointments. Now that I have my dates, we will schedule three. Two weeks out, one week out and that morning as long as my clinic can get me in a bit later in the morning for transfer.

Fast forward to today. I had a bit of trouble sleeping last night because so many thoughts were racing through my head. I'm crazy emotional. I ended up taking two melatonin and used my essential oils in full force to get some sleep. This morning, my in-laws who were leaving agreed to bring our son to daycare so we could get moving to our 8 am appointment. Somehow with traffic we were still ten minutes late. I called in advance and they didn't seem overly concerned.

We got there and my nerves were in full force. After signing a consent for the saline ultrasound, they led me back to exam room 3 where I disrobed from the waist down. The nurse was rather cranky to say the least. Our doctor walked in, and within one minute flat had the tube inserted. Now, when I signed the consent I saw in bold lettering it'd be good to take ibuprofen or Advil an hour before the procedure. This message was NOT relayed to me. Take my advice, if you aren't opposed to it, take the meds. It hurt! Maybe it's because my cervix is clamped so shut because of POF or what, but they had to jimmy it in there. Yowza!

Once the tube was placed, they pumped saline in so the doctor could look for any polyps or scar tissue that'd prevent proper transfer or implantation. My uterus was given the all clear and he measured where he'd deposit the embryos at transfer. He did show me both ovaries which I am happy to report are still there and still average size. He actually pointed out two potential follicles, which is more than we've ever seen :)

I won't lie, the whole birth control pills don't prevent pregnancy in POF women ran through my head. All I can think is, let that be true. If the extra estrogen does make me pop out an egg, let us time it right. As thrilled as I am with EA, au natural would still be pretty awesome!

After he was done, he told me to put on a pad and take a few extras because I would be leaking for a few hours. Lovely. At least it was just saline (although I have had some light spotting) and told me to get dressed and meet him in the conference room.

He kind of came in, said my uterus looks great and we're on schedule. Soooo.... What is the schedule? At this point, our coordinator came in and said she'd take over. He stood to go and shake my husband's hand and I was like "wait wait wait." Awkward silence. "So, um, based on the embryos, do you have any suggestions for how many we should transfer?" Silence. "Like, percentages? Statistics?" I mean, seriously, are we the only people who ask these things? Shouldn't they be prepared for this?

You know what he told me? "Transfer as many as you want kids."

Gee. Thanks. I tried to explain without sounded completely cheap that we want to maximize our chances while still being reasonable. We prefer a singleton, but prefer twins over none. He asked our coordinator the age of the egg donor and said "60% chance if you transfer one, 80% if you transfer two and about half of those cases are twins. Anything else?" And got up and left.

Sigh.

Once he left our coordinator basically said for me to start my birth control today to hopefully prompt a period. Take my last active pill the 25th, come in on the 29th for a baseline ultrasound and to start my meds. She said at that visit she would show us how to mix the meds properly and give me the shot. Apparently, I will be taking estrogen orally with a shot every three days.

Once I start progesterone, five days before transfer, I start taking progesterone shots daily which she said she needs to teach my husband to do. She said since I am so slim (5'4" 100 lbs) that she wouldn't hold any punches. It would hurt. She said if I had a bit more meat on my bones, there'd be more places to stick it, but the needle is an intramuscular needle and we'd run out of space very quickly. She said I'd be taking that at least through the first trimester and by that point, I'd have no where to sit. BUT, it was a smaaaaaall price to pay for such a large blessing. She has a point.

All I could think was though is my husband travels. I'm going to be doing some crazy gymnastics searching for a spot that isn't black and blue to stick myself when he's gone.

I did try to clarify the donor height and she said he most likely was 5'10" but she double check. We were given a pile of consent forms and told to come back on the 29th. I did ask her for my prescription, but she was very hesitant to give it to me. She said she would order it through their pharmacy. I tried to explain without fertility coverage, I want to price it everywhere and anywhere for the most cost effective place. She said she'd send me the order and I could call the other fertility pharmacies (she listed three or four) to get pricing and I could transfer it if I wanted.  I don't think she understood completely that my intention is to buy EACH one at the cheapest place, but I will fight that battle when I have to. She wants me to order everything at one. My thought is if one clinic has this one cheap and this one has that one cheap, that is my intention.

After that, we were ushered to finances. Youch! $895 for a mock transfer. sigh. My husband I could see was starting to twitch. I'm really trying not to stress about all this money. She said my meds would be about $1500 for the transfer and about $1500 more for the pregnancy. Our transfer with the discount is $2695. Thankfully, our embies are hatched already so we don't have to pay $495 for assisted hatching. Seriously, things are spinning. :(

We left and I was just kind of silent in the car. We talked a bit and I think we are set on transferring one, but I have that nagging feeling what if it doesn't work. I need to put that thought out of my head.

We drove straight to the pharmacy for me to grab my pills and I took the first one. I grimaced at the pack because I'm so anti pill. When I got home I happened to fall upon this article talking about how the pill has been shown to lower AMH and reduce ovary size. For normal women, they bounce back after 6 months to a year, for those with POI or POF, it's fertility suicide. I feel a bit miffed I'm taking the pill that could have in part led to my troubles to save my family. I keep telling myself it's for three weeks. Three weeks.

While we were there we had our medical records printed out to give to our clinic to proceed.

My mind is spinning. Such a long road it's been and now it's all happening at once. For each question that is answered about five more pop up and my coordinator seems so dismissive and short. It's frustrating. I get it's business for them day in day out, but I've never done this.

Looking at our calendar, my parents will be here for one of my appointments, and I've a feeling my mom will LOVE to come and put eyes on everything that is going on. Our transfer is the 16th. My original due date for my son was the 18th and he had a birthday on the 22nd so I could actually test that day and maybe get a result. To test and risk disappointment for his birthday or give him the grandest present...to be determined.

Well, that is my long update on how things are proceeding. I keep telling myself to keep the faith transferring one. My body snagged the embryo last time and I wasn't taking nearly as good care of myself as I am now. I'll be doing castor oil packs and steams up to transfer as well as acupuncture and herbs. My body should be primed to latch on. Right? Right??

God bless!

TCM, Moxa, and Embryos Oh My!

Sept. 28, 2015

I feel like my updates are lagging. I intended to post after my last TCM appointment, but it's been nearly two weeks since I went, so, here goes.

My appointment once again began with a flurry of back and forth between my doctors with me trying to catch random words I've picked up over the last year and a half. I had two sets of hands checking my pulses and the general consensus was it was better than the previous week. My kidney channel was still weaker than they liked. So, off to the acupuncture table.

This time, they decided to really pull out all the stops and do Moxa. Now, they told me it was sage, but as I read up on it when I got home, traditionally Moxa is done with mugwort. I'll clarify next time. Sometimes the language barrier loses a bit in translation. You can learn more about Moxa here. The basic 411 is it brings warmth to my lady bits and mugwort (if that is what they used) is great for the uterus. A lot of TCM's use it for a stagnant or "cold" uterus and considering it's been almost seven months since my last period...it's rather stagnant.

There are different ways of doing it apparently, but they had a little contraption that looked like a little house with a chimney. The moxa stick went through the chimney, and it had elastic around it to tighten it to my body. There was a little screen on the bottom, lying on my stomach to catch any ash that fell. She still put needles in all the other spots that she traditionally did it in.

After about a half hour she came in and removed the moxa and applied needles where it was and turned on the heat lamp to ensure my abdomen was still being warmed. Afterwards, she told me to drink a lot of water as it had a detoxifying effect.

Since then, I've been strict with my supplements, my essential oils and castor oil packs. I did get my second batch of Yoni Steam in the mail so I've been using that as well.

I did get an update from my clinic with the embryo adoption. I'd contacted a few attorneys that agreed a contract was out of the question without a second party and that I would need a letter of release. If the clinic did not have one or would not draft one, I could hire them to do so. I sent all that info to my coordinator who then asked for examples. I found four clinics online that posted their contracts and sent it.

A lot of the verbiage had to do with FET or IVF in general so I said I thought most would be covered in their contracts, and suggested they use a similar letter of remittance the donors use and change the language for a recipient. They contacted their legal team and all of this was approved. So, thankfully, we don't need an attorney.

I spoke with my coordinator today who said the clinic is transferring ownership to us and as soon as that is updated in their computer, we can proceed. I'm waiting on her to order medical testing so I can contact my doctor to put in the order. After that, we need to establish our timeline with the doctor for transfer. Her estimate is November transfer and we should know if we are pregnant by or during December.

I'm hoping some of my meds are covered by my insurance. There appear to be nine medications that are traditionally used for FET. Doctors usually choose a few that they are most comfortable with. All, seem to be used for HRT for POF, so I'm hoping with my pre-existing condition that some are covered. If not, I applied for a discount pharmacy card at this site http://www.npsncard.com/

You know I'll be calling every pharmacy in town and checking every price online for the best deal ;)

I've been a bit overly emotional the last few days. I think everything has kind of hit me. I know November isn't far off, but I just want to move on with our lives. I feel like we've been suspended for over two years now and I keep catching myself in "woe is me moments" and shaking them off.

We are SO blessed. This has really taught me to slow down and treasure every second with my son, my husband, family, friends... And, to not take a second of my health for granted. I know a year from now I'll be reading back over this with a baby in my arms and all these moments of doubt and grief will seem insignificant.

My in-laws are coming to town this week so my husband and myself can sneak away for two nights together. It'll be really nice to reconnect and have adult conversation away from work, stress and "infertility" junk. I don't think people outside our "community" quite grasp how draining that is. For the most part, we are really balanced and I think handling it really well, but it does take a toll.

Before we head out I'll head to acupuncture on Saturday. Once we have a for sure transfer date, I'll begin weekly sessions with them to prime the pump so to speak.

God Bless.

EA and TCM

June 6, 2015

Well, big news yesterday!! Our clinic called and we have a probable match. All the fine details need to be worked out, but if all goes according to plan, we may be adopting three beautiful little embies come August or September.

A couple is donating 7 embryos, and they are splitting them, four to a couple ahead of us in line, and three to us. God was shining down, they are three fully hatched blasts that come from a donor egg situation and have all been genetically tested. The odds of hatched blasts? Slim. The odds of embryos from a healthy, young donor egg? Slim. The odds of genetically tested embryos? Slim. The odds of all three? Nearly impossible.

Why does this all excite me so? Here's a breakdown. When a couple does IVF, a certain percentage of the eggs fertilize. Of those, some go on the grow and by day three some have arrested. Of those, some of those typically arrest by day 5. Of those, some have cells that aren't grouped correctly or may not hatch. ALL of these are hatched.

Why am I excited it was a donor egg? Many couples who go through IVF have their own set of fertility issues. Some are from older women where the eggs may not be as young. As women age, there is a higher risk that there are genetic abnormalities in the eggs. A bleak statistic is 80-90% of eggs women over 40 have aren't "good eggs." You know how I feel about statistics. I throw that out the window. I think it has more to do with overall health, but the reality is, when you're in your 20s, your eggs are more healthy.

The genetically tested? That REALLY gets me excited because we've already ruled out most genetic issues the embryos could have. Most miscarriages are caused because the embryos have genetic issues that impede implantation or correct development. Knowing the embryos don't have those issues, increases the chances of a live, healthy birth significantly.

I'll keep you posted how all this unfolds. For now, it's an exciting possibility.

I went back to TCM today. As expected, my pulse was a bit wiry. They were concerned if I'd been dealing with some emotional things or was tired. Well, yes to both. My husband has been traveling five days a week and although I'm relieved and feel blessed for the work, anyone can tell you that leaves some pressures and stresses to the parent at home who also works full time. Is what it is. I'll just keep trying to relax.

They also stressed that I need to eat more. More fats. More proteins. So, I have to concentrate on that as well. The acupuncture itself was fine. I had to chuckle. I know I've talked about what a character my male doctor is. He came in midway through my session and said, "Emily, are you Mormon." You'd be surprised how often I get asked that! I said, "No, why?" "Just wondering," and he left.

I inquired after why he asked. My friend who introduced me to him is Mormon and he went on to tell me that he used to be Mormon. The missionaries in Taiwan were the ones who taught him English. I swear this man has done everything. Black belt, pizza restaurant owner, Ex-Mormon, now Buddhist chanter, meditator and acupuncturist TCM. I love his stories!

I told him about the EA and he was confused. He thought I was attempting IVF and was trying to tell me not to waste my money right now, I wasn't ready. Once he understood it wouldn't be my eggs, he said I should want my own child. Erm. Thanks for input. I laugh it off. It's generational and cultural. He DID say however that if we go that route, they can help us with the transfer and "holding" the baby there.

All in all, is what it is. I'm home, about to make a big ole protein smoothie and catch up with work before my son wakes from his nap.

I feel good about things though. I feel like there is no pressure. If we conceive, awesome. If not, knowing we have 3 possible embryos is exciting. My husband and I both knew right away this was right for us, because we were elated with the call. It's moving faster for us than they typical couple I imagine because we had no preference for ethnicity, so we jumped in front of quite a few waiting couples. For us, a healthy baby is our priority.

We'll see if my ovaries get antsy and make one last Hail Mary ;)

God Bless!