PUPO

Feb. 16, 2016

Well, we are officially PUPO again! Hopefully with a better outcome this time.

Last night I got my last acupuncture session and we had dinner outside on the patio. It was a wonderful evening with my guys. Last night was a bit restless. My son's sound machine is going downhill and decided to come on full volume at midnight so that was the first wake up. Second was him needing to go potty at 2. Third was when he decided 4:45 was an appropriate wake up time. Fourth was when he decided 5:45 was REALLY the best wake up time. At that point, I sent my hubby with him so I could get an extra 45 minutes of sleep.

I got him off to school and took a nice walk to clear my head. Had a shower, hubby made breakfast and paid a few bills, then off we went. I put on my nice little Snowflake leggings for luck :)

We had no traffic and had left with plenty of time so there was no stress upon arrival. We actually we directed to wait in the "special" waiting room. Apparently there is a side waiting room. It's fancy and secluded. I'm thinking that is where people go before procedures to limit stress.

When they called us in, my bladder was very full. I got undressed, shimmied up on the table and she took a peak "Whoa! Your bladder is VERY full!"

Um, yup. Let's get this pony show on the road. 

After about ten minutes, I told my husband I had to empty at least part of my bladder. The nurse said no doubt and it was full enough I could count between 10-15. Sure enough, still plenty full when I got back to the room.

The doctor walked in and pulled out the photo of our wee one. One beautiful, hatched little embryo that looked perfect. He held up the photo to my and asked my husband "Looks just like her, right?" I really like our doctor. After my firing a few questions at him we found out that it was thawed last night. At that time it was just hatching, and by this morning, it was fully hatched and thriving. Our little guy / gal is ready to snuggle in.

They called back to the lab and had them bring in our babe. He inserted the tube into the catheter and it was the coolest thing. Last time, there was a bit of a glimmer on the screen, but today, there was a big white snowball that shot out of the catheter and snuggled in. I looked at the time on the monitor and it said 11:24:44. Come to find out, the clock on that was all wrong, because when I looked at my phone well after it was done it was 11:09. So...who knows the for sure time. I do know, both my husband and myself thought it was a magical moment.

After the all clear our tube was empty, I was instructed to lay for about ten minutes and then empty my bladder. So, waddle waddle waddle I went and took care of it.

After I got dressed, we had a nurse snap a photo of us before heading out. Here is our baby's first photo :)

We headed from there to acupuncture. It was a new woman there today who was very sweet. She did a few points on my head, ear, arms and legs and put a head lamp over my feet. She asked if I was cold and I said a bit so she pulled out this lovely, warm, snuggly fleece that lo and behold was covered in snowflakes. It made me smile.

After acupuncture, home again home again jiggidy jig. My friend had dropped off soup for us last night, so we warmed that up and watched a few of our favorite comedy shows to just relax and laugh. My hubby was so sweet to hook me up with some warming pads for my feet to keep them toasty warm.

Snuggle in wee one. We love you already.

PUPO

Nov. 16, 2015

We are PUPO!!! Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!

The last few days were, I admit, a bit stressful and probably a bit hormonal and emotional on my part. I know my body is just rampant with hormones and to be honest, my butt is incredibly sore. The PIO injections are a little painful to do, but tolerable. It's the next day that is really killer. I think the left side is the worst because I'm not ambidextrous. Inserting it is ok, but when I pull back to check for blood I think I jostle the needle a bit too much causing bruising. With everything building up...it was a tense weekend.

Saturday I did acupuncture so they put the "hold" acupuncture on me :) They told me to finish my herbs, which I completed that night and they'd wait until I found out if (when!) I'm pregnant to adjust. They told me it is fine to take while pregnant and they are nourishing herbs to energize and strengthen me. I'm praying on that. I feel funny taking anything when pregnant. I'm hoping my body kicks in on it's own.

Sunday I went in for a massage which was glorious. Trying to explain to the masseuse why I had two large black circles drawn on my butt was interesting with her jilted English. She may have caught the grasp of what I was saying. If not, I'm sure she's seen crazier things.

Sunday night was a flurry of getting everything ready for my son and packing. We decided I'd stay at my friend's house overnight this evening and during the day tomorrow so I could get some proper rest. After my shower, it'd been raining and chilly so my husband suggested I put on my fleece pjs. I grabbed them without thinking and was wrestling with my son when I caught a glimpse of them...snowflakes!!! What a good omen. Frozen embryos are nicknamed "snowflakes" because they are frozen and each one is unique. It brought a tear to my eye!

This morning was a madhouse getting everyone out the door on time, and in fact we were late. I was soooo stressed. We made it to the clinic with one minute, that's right ONE MINUTE to spare until my OR prep. My husband dropped me at the door and I ran in while he parked. They called me back just as he walked into the waiting room.

Our transfer room was remarkably calming though. Dim lights. Relaxing music. I'd been instructed to have a full bladder and boy did I ever! The nurse told me to undress from the waist down and they'd be in to check my bladder. About five minutes later, she came in, fired up the u/s and said "wow! yes, full bladder!" So, off she and her assistant went to get the doctor. My husband and I took a moment to hole each other's hand and saw a quick prayer.

When he came in about ten fifteen minutes later he brought this beautiful photo of our little embryo! The mass on the right is our embryo. The circle to the left is it's shell. It was almost completely hatched and it's cells looked great.

He said it was PERFECT! He was thrilled with how our little bugger thawed. He gave me a big hug and answered some last minute questions.

He said it was a hatching 5AA embryo and beautiful quality!! We are so thrilled. We worried about degrading quality and instead got one awesome little snowflake to transfer!

He got me all set in the saddle (no modesty here folks) and showed us on the screen my uterus. I had a cm lining so it grew since my last appointment by almost a whole mm. He said it was a great lining and offered a cushy spot for our wee one. Once we were all set, they sent word to bring in the embryo.

A nurse came in with a long tube and cover and he inserted it into the catheter and showed us as our little babe was placed in my uterus and my hubby and I held hands and smiled in wonder. There was a gentle little flash of white. They then took the tube back to the lab to verify the embryo wasn't stuck in the tube. And that was it!

Our doctor told me to lay flat for about ten minutes, then go empty by bladder and come back for about 20 minutes to just let things settle in. They brought me a nice heated blanket and turned off the air since it was a bit chilly in there. I felt pampered.

Our doctor was wonderful. He was so warm and my husband commented how it was so nice to feel included. He looked to my husband, ensured we both saw what was going on, on the monitor. Such a warm man.

We snapped a photo (I scribbled out the office and names) and we were on our way. We had a little lunch date and he left me to nap and rest at my friends who was so cute to set out food, remotes, blankets. I'm being taken well care of.

During all of this, it's been incredibly touching and humbling. A mother's group I'm in was pulling for me and there were so many words of prayer, support, well wishes and baby dust being sent my way. An embryo group I'm in, I posted a photo of us PUPO and within hours there were almost 100 likes and so many words of encouragement. I know we live in a society nowadays where the internet can have such a bad connotation, but for journeys like this, those communities are so strong and encouraging. For something that started as isolating and desolate for us, we've found friendships and unconditional support...many of those relationships that we've taken into real life with phone calls, texts and in face meet ups. God has such an amazing way of working.

A month or so ago when my in-laws were visiting I found a medallion on my dresser when they left. It was of St. Gerard, who is the patron saint of fertility. They aren't Catholic so I was surprised...but I was raised Catholic and always still consider myself part Catholic even though my husband and I attend a Presbyterian Church. It also had special meaning to me because my dad's middle name is Gerard. I've been carrying this little medal with me to every fertility appointment and it came with us today. Ever since learning the Hail Mary when I was younger, I feel power when reaching out to Saints. I remember my mom praying to St. Joseph when they were selling my grandma's house. They buried the statue in the ground.

 So, for now, I rest, pray and wait. Our Beta is November 30. I know I'll cheat and test sooner, but I don't know when. My son's birthday is Sunday 6dp5dt (6 days past 5 day transfer) so I may be able to get a glimmer of a positive, but it's still early and I don't want to get bummed over a false negative or a real negative. I want it to be my son's happy day!

I'll keep you posted. And for everyone out there, it is National Embryo Adoption Awareness Day on November 25th!!! Get the word out what a blessing this is. So many couples who have done IVF are unaware donating their embryos is an option. What a tremendous gift to so many waiting families and what a beautiful thing to give your babes on ice a chance at life.

If I could ask anyone out there reading to offer a prayer or send a sticky baby vibe our way, I'm so grateful for it.

God bless you!! Always!