July 22, 2014
So, interesting day today. We were having our carpets cleaned today (all organic and free of chemical) when one of the workers walked up to me and said "I see in your home. You're Christian." I answered, "Well, yes, I am." And he told me he'd known before he stepped in. Before he saw our Christian decor and bookshelf. He shared that he too is Christian and between bringing in equipment and stain fighting shared his spiritual journey while I sat at the table and worked.
Odd, perhaps. But, he was so innocent and charming and really spoke words of wisdom. Maybe naive, or just brazenly honest he asked the last time I really felt God's presence. I told him last night. I had a calmness come over me. And get this, he asked WHY?
Um, well, I'm dealing with some health issues and have really been struggling and questioning recently. He went on to share some stories and experiences and as he was holding the cords as his fellow worker did the cleaning in our living room had the audacity to ask me what my health problems were. With, no apology. Normally, I'd be aghast, but the sincere and honest way he asked...I ANSWERED! To a complete stranger!
Here, I've been dealing with this diagnosis for six months and really, no one knows about it other than a handful of close friends and family. I write this blog half anonymous because I can't even bare the thought of telling people or opening myself to criticism, and here I shared in my kitchen with a young 20 something man who is studying to be a preacher that I can't have kids.
He shared his experiences with God healing people and I struggled to keep myself in check. My eyes were tearing up. As he gathered things up, he told me that sometimes God hands us the most difficult thing we can imagine so we absolutely hit rock bottom and can open our lives to him to lift us up. Pretty powerful words from someone so young.
As his co-worker was loading the truck. He came in. Asked my name. Asked if he could pray with me. He told me he felt moved by God to tell me two things. 1. God loved me. 2. God was working in my life to heal me. He then placed his hand on my shoulder and prayed. A real prayer. A moving prayer. They were words that left me speechless and crying. He prayed for the life within me. Not only "my" life, but the life growing in me. I know I can't express all the things he asked, but it was very moving, in a very odd way.
I've never been good at sharing prayer. Yet, this boy was so unapologetic. He was so certain. He was so inspired. As he left, he locked eyes with me and said there is a reason I got my carpets cleaned. With this company. On his day working. God used people to give us courage, strength, hope and new life. He would keep me in his prayers and he trusted with every instinct in him that my prayers would be answered.
It was an odd day. A moving day. A day that left me rather mentally exhausted. I know his prayer will come back and strike me throughout the coming weeks.
When I woke this morning, I was feeling frustrated. Still faint positives. And, what drives me crazy is I "think" they are getting darker, but don't want to let that "hope" in. I was devastated before. If I did ovulate, I'm 9 DPO. Here is a picture of the last few days "progression." I had been testing once or twice a week to see if A. I really did get a positive and B. hoping the false line would leave. Without a clear picture of where I was in my cycle seemed like the safest bet given I take herbs and supplements. Since one day it looked darker, I checked the next few days to see if they progressed at all.
So, interesting day today. We were having our carpets cleaned today (all organic and free of chemical) when one of the workers walked up to me and said "I see in your home. You're Christian." I answered, "Well, yes, I am." And he told me he'd known before he stepped in. Before he saw our Christian decor and bookshelf. He shared that he too is Christian and between bringing in equipment and stain fighting shared his spiritual journey while I sat at the table and worked.
Odd, perhaps. But, he was so innocent and charming and really spoke words of wisdom. Maybe naive, or just brazenly honest he asked the last time I really felt God's presence. I told him last night. I had a calmness come over me. And get this, he asked WHY?
Um, well, I'm dealing with some health issues and have really been struggling and questioning recently. He went on to share some stories and experiences and as he was holding the cords as his fellow worker did the cleaning in our living room had the audacity to ask me what my health problems were. With, no apology. Normally, I'd be aghast, but the sincere and honest way he asked...I ANSWERED! To a complete stranger!
Here, I've been dealing with this diagnosis for six months and really, no one knows about it other than a handful of close friends and family. I write this blog half anonymous because I can't even bare the thought of telling people or opening myself to criticism, and here I shared in my kitchen with a young 20 something man who is studying to be a preacher that I can't have kids.
He shared his experiences with God healing people and I struggled to keep myself in check. My eyes were tearing up. As he gathered things up, he told me that sometimes God hands us the most difficult thing we can imagine so we absolutely hit rock bottom and can open our lives to him to lift us up. Pretty powerful words from someone so young.
As his co-worker was loading the truck. He came in. Asked my name. Asked if he could pray with me. He told me he felt moved by God to tell me two things. 1. God loved me. 2. God was working in my life to heal me. He then placed his hand on my shoulder and prayed. A real prayer. A moving prayer. They were words that left me speechless and crying. He prayed for the life within me. Not only "my" life, but the life growing in me. I know I can't express all the things he asked, but it was very moving, in a very odd way.
I've never been good at sharing prayer. Yet, this boy was so unapologetic. He was so certain. He was so inspired. As he left, he locked eyes with me and said there is a reason I got my carpets cleaned. With this company. On his day working. God used people to give us courage, strength, hope and new life. He would keep me in his prayers and he trusted with every instinct in him that my prayers would be answered.
It was an odd day. A moving day. A day that left me rather mentally exhausted. I know his prayer will come back and strike me throughout the coming weeks.
When I woke this morning, I was feeling frustrated. Still faint positives. And, what drives me crazy is I "think" they are getting darker, but don't want to let that "hope" in. I was devastated before. If I did ovulate, I'm 9 DPO. Here is a picture of the last few days "progression." I had been testing once or twice a week to see if A. I really did get a positive and B. hoping the false line would leave. Without a clear picture of where I was in my cycle seemed like the safest bet given I take herbs and supplements. Since one day it looked darker, I checked the next few days to see if they progressed at all.
I'm back to my TCM tomorrow so will ask them about my levels. I'm trying hard not to be concerned and trying to take comfort in my carpet cleaner's wisdom. I can't fix this. Only God can.
In other news. I've fully embraced my crunchy side. I've been using homemade toothpaste for a few weeks now and love it. The recipe I found, once you add a bit of peppermint essential oil, really doesn't taste much different than the store bought kind. It doesn't suds up like that one, but really does make my mouth feel clean. Longer actually.
My newest obsession is my homemade deodorant. Again, a little out there for some folks, but I swear to you. It is AWESOME!!! How I didn't do this all along I will never know! I'd switched to Toms deodorant to get a bit more natural, but it didn't cut it for me. I took to dusting my pits with baking soda and an old blush brush several times a day. My homemade with a hint of lavender. Problem solved!! No chemicals and better than any store bought I've ever had. Bonus - it does't stain clothing like aluminum based ones do.
Well, ladies. It's been a humbling week for me. I felt like I was doing so well and have come to the embarrassing conclusion that "I" wasn't doing well. GOD was. It sounds simple, and I knew that, but I didn't KNOW it. Every moment of every day I need to keep reminding myself to "Let go and let God." It's the hardest lesson I have ever had to do.
Keep the faith.
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