July 16, 2014
Today has been an emotional and trying day. I tested last Saturday because AF still hasn't come and got a positive. Still faint so I was thinking the POF again and after testing again today...still faint...so back to POF fake outs. Very sad. For any other woman, seeing a faint line on there would be cause for cheer, but for me, it's a "well, it could be a super early positive pregnancy test let me wait on pins and needles for the line to darken, or my body is being stupid again." One step forward two steps back.
I feel like my body was really co-operating and it's struggling again. I'm trying so incredibly hard to stay positive, but days like today just knock me down. I want to have a good cry, but I've a ton of work, it was like WWIII trying to get my son to take a nap who just so happens to be under the weather, I feel like a giant failure in the "acting" world right now unable to even secure auditions and my husband is wanting to throw in the towel here in CA and move to somewhere less expensive (meaning no more acting for me) and I'm all kinds of emotional because my hormones are awry.
To top it off I have, I think, a UTI. I can't even go to the doctor to get it checked out (long story short, CoveredCA, or, Obamacare had a system error and cancelled our health insurance on us. They admitted the glitch and sent a notification to our insurance, but it will take 10-14 days to get fixed. In the mean time...nada insurance) without paying hundreds of dollars for a stupid sample of urine to be tested. Luckily, I have my prescription from last time I had one. It was refilled and I didn't need it. I know...never assume, but I'm in some serious pain here.
I'm posting because I know so many others of you struggle day to day with the emotional and psychological aspects of this. It just sucks.
I will tack on here that my boobs are a bit achy. Kind of hot and tingly at the nipples. I remember they use to get that way, well, they did early in pregnancy, but I recall that feeling as I approached my period before. My chart is all out of whack, but I think I may have ovulated eleven days ago. I guess I'll know for sure in the next few days if I did or my temps are just higher than normal. If my hormones are going berserk that could by what is making my temps look off. FF has me 27 dpo which is obviously not accurate.
In the mean time, I keep taking my herbs, doing my exercises, eating healthy, meditating, praying and trusting that the Lord is working all this out for me because it is not the slightest in my hands.
Today has been an emotional and trying day. I tested last Saturday because AF still hasn't come and got a positive. Still faint so I was thinking the POF again and after testing again today...still faint...so back to POF fake outs. Very sad. For any other woman, seeing a faint line on there would be cause for cheer, but for me, it's a "well, it could be a super early positive pregnancy test let me wait on pins and needles for the line to darken, or my body is being stupid again." One step forward two steps back.
I feel like my body was really co-operating and it's struggling again. I'm trying so incredibly hard to stay positive, but days like today just knock me down. I want to have a good cry, but I've a ton of work, it was like WWIII trying to get my son to take a nap who just so happens to be under the weather, I feel like a giant failure in the "acting" world right now unable to even secure auditions and my husband is wanting to throw in the towel here in CA and move to somewhere less expensive (meaning no more acting for me) and I'm all kinds of emotional because my hormones are awry.
To top it off I have, I think, a UTI. I can't even go to the doctor to get it checked out (long story short, CoveredCA, or, Obamacare had a system error and cancelled our health insurance on us. They admitted the glitch and sent a notification to our insurance, but it will take 10-14 days to get fixed. In the mean time...nada insurance) without paying hundreds of dollars for a stupid sample of urine to be tested. Luckily, I have my prescription from last time I had one. It was refilled and I didn't need it. I know...never assume, but I'm in some serious pain here.
I'm posting because I know so many others of you struggle day to day with the emotional and psychological aspects of this. It just sucks.
I will tack on here that my boobs are a bit achy. Kind of hot and tingly at the nipples. I remember they use to get that way, well, they did early in pregnancy, but I recall that feeling as I approached my period before. My chart is all out of whack, but I think I may have ovulated eleven days ago. I guess I'll know for sure in the next few days if I did or my temps are just higher than normal. If my hormones are going berserk that could by what is making my temps look off. FF has me 27 dpo which is obviously not accurate.
In the mean time, I keep taking my herbs, doing my exercises, eating healthy, meditating, praying and trusting that the Lord is working all this out for me because it is not the slightest in my hands.
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