Acu Update

Nov. 13, 2014

Well, it was back to the TCM today and they seem to feel this is my "true" period. After chatting about my flow, she felt that my body was ridding itself of old blood, hence the long spotting from before. She saw the clear thermal shift on my chart, and since this blood was, well, like blood rather than thick and brown, it was a true flow. Not heavy, but there. Today it actually got a smidge heavier. I'm thinking the acupuncture may have done that.

When they took my pulse today, they said my "blood" is actually feeling pretty healthy. I was a bit confused, but you know me...I'm good at asking questions ;)

Basically, my right wrist is my Qi and my left wrist is my blood. My blood pulses were stronger today. My Qi channel is still low.

Acupuncture, as I've said before when I'm bleeding is super sensitive. The needle that really hurt today was the one over my right ovary. The left was definitely tender, but when she put the right one in, it felt like there was tremendous pressure in that area.

After acupuncture however, my Qi, per usual, it is drastically improved. I asked them if there is anything I can do to improve my Qi. Exercise? They told me that since I already exercise and am healthy that over exercising would actually deplete me more. They encouraged me once again to improve my "nutrition."

I've learned that this doesn't mean overall nutrition to them. It means proteins. She kept telling me to eat chicken soup. A bit confused I pressed the issue and they told me, "you know, boil a chicken."

"Ahhhhh. So, you want me to eat bone broth?"

Yes! They also said to make sure I am getting plenty of calcium, eggs, fish, meat and to add protein powder to my diet. My hubby has organic protein powder, so I'll be digging into that. She also told me to start eating my goji berries again.

So, off I went to the Asian market. Now, this part, gulp, will make you queasy.  I was already thinking in my head I should have ordered more organic goji berry powder or organic goji berries from Amazon, but figured I didn't want to wait for it to arrive, so I better just get it from the store. I was a bit uneasy them probably not being organic, but for a quick fix until I get my order in, they'd have to suffice.

I went in, got my berries and headed to the car. Thankfully, I went to open it since I hadn't had lunch and thought it'd be a nice snack on the way home. AND THERE WAS A MAGGOT IN THERE!!!! I almost lost my cookies.

I went back in and tried to discretely tell the woman working there what happened. She saw the smooshed critter right there in the bag, so she gave me a new bag. I just stood there in disgust. Um, what if there's one in here. "No, no, this is fresh batch" she said pulling it out of the freezer section.

All I could think on the way home is #1, I will not be telling my husband this happened, he will be appalled (hello sweetie if you ever read this...) and #2, I am either going to freeze these suckers or gobble them up before anything can hatch. And #3 - I am buying the organic powder from now on. I know nothing is hatching in there.

So, as I type this, I'm sitting with my feet soaking and my castor oil pack doing it's thing on my belly. I feel kind if refreshed that it's a true new cycle. I mean, I guess I will never know for sure, but it feels a lot more like a true cycle than that stint of spotting did.

I've still been reading my book It Is Finished by Nerida Walker, but not as quickly as I should be. It's been insanely hectic with work. I think I mentioned before my sister-in-law and I are thinking of opening an Etsy shop for all natural beauty care products? We've been making headway on it. Stay tuned, I'll post a link when it's up and running if you want to try any of our stuff.

Until then, hang in there and God Bless.

If any of you ladies reading want to ever share your journey, don't be a stranger. I know sometimes it's easier and safe to just read others journeys, but we can all learn and encourage each other.

Back to Acu and Herbs

Oct. 24, 2014

This morning I woke up, and although I intended to take an HPT and OPK because I was heading in to acupuncture, I completely forgot. It's been nice not worrying about that stuff. I did take one with second morning urine before I left, and Hallelujah, Praise God, the HPT AND OPK WERE NEGATIVE!!! Why do I get so excited by that? It's been FIVE MONTHS (!!) since both were negative. That means great things for my hormones!

That was where my excitement ended for the day. I went in yesterday for an appointment with my TCM. I was a bit disheartened that although she said my pulses were ok, they were a bit weaker than my last visit. I feel though in context, I should rewind and give a brief overview of my week.

Without going into mind numbing detail, my husband almost lost his job this week so my stress level was a bit high to say the very least. Someone at work had falsely accused him of some things and while the "investigation" was underway, tensions were high in the household. That was resolved Weds evening.

Thursday was my appointment and it was honestly just one of those mornings where everything just was going wrong. It took me 25 minutes to get milk at the grocery store because of a faulty cash register. I was late getting on the road. Traffic was horrendous. I had a deadline to be home for my husband's workshop at school, and to top it off my TCM forgot about me. I called them and they hussled over, but my leisurely hour and a half appointment was reduced to 35 minutes.

When they read my pulse, I was frayed. As they started going on about how I should have my levels retested with the doctor because although I'm better than when I started, my channels will get stronger, than a bit weaker, than stronger, etc, but never up to perfect. Because it's been 9 months, they wanted to see the progress I'm making, I officially blurted out "Can my pulse be reading lower than it is from stress? I keep looking at the clock and I need to leave in 40 minutes."

Wide eyed they hussled me into the room and started poking me with needles as I frantically texted my husband to see if there was a workshop later in the afternoon he could take. Nope. Ugh.

She asked her questions and looked at my tongue while poking me.

To say I was trying desperately to hold back tears in an understatement. As soon as she walked out, they started pouring down my face. The gravity of what she said hit me. It's been nine months and they are feeling frustrated by lack of progress. She came back in to ask me how my appetite has been and I know she saw the tears. She didn't quite know what to say, and I felt like an idiot.

This session I kept repeating the mantra "I am healthy. I am healed" as I took deep breaths and reminding myself of some scripture passages that deal with fertility and fruitfulness. As it neared my 35 minutes, because that was all that time allowed, I was feeling a bit calmer about things. She came in to take my pulse and her eyes got wide, she gave me a smile and said "Better. Better. Good. It's good!"

We went back in the other room where I would pay and get my herbs and she told her husband, who translated to me that my pulse was a LOT stronger after my session. The circulation was much better and much stronger. They encouraged me to keep doing yoga and exercising to increase my circulation to get better blood flow to my reproductive organs, and I hustled out the door to fight traffic home with a new batch of herbs and to return next week for acupuncture.

The herbs this week are not pleasant. Sometimes it has a sweeter smell to it, but this batch smells more medicinal. It almost tastes like there is celery seed in there, but much stronger. Some batches are easier to swallow than others. This is not one of them.

I was feeling overly emotional and frustrated yesterday but I really took a moment to center myself yesterday. I feel good. I feel healthy. I've been praying and trusting and having faith this last month and it has brought me incredible peace and strength. Why was I letting my "natural" and "medical" circumstances doubt what I know to be true in my heart. I've put the negative feelings to the side and have decided to keep reminding myself and declaring to the universe, to God and everyone else that I am healed.

Last night, I started spotting. Just a tiny bit. I'm not entirely sure if that means my period is coming, or just breakthrough spotting again, but seeing my body "work" is such a wonderful thing.

In terms of my cycle, I still don't know what's happening. My temp today for instance was 97.18 at 4:10 am when I work, but I took it again at 6 am out of curiosity and it was 97.86. Make me wonder if my chart looks so erratic because the last week or so, some days I've been able to sleep until 5:15 or 5:30 which may inflate my temperatures more than I thought. If I use the BBT adjuster to allow for temping at different times, it isn't that wide a gap. My body just must run low until it hits a certain point in the morning.

So, nothing new to report really. I keep debating if I want to have the doctors run more tests. I know I don't want it midcycle because my LH and FSH will always look inflated then...they would with any woman. If I start my period, I may consider it on CD3, which is when all hormonal testing should be taken. But, in all honesty, I don't know if I want it. Will a medical measurement bring me peace or anxiety and stress? Part of me wants to just trust, know and believe that it will happen and not have any news that makes me doubt it. But, just hearing myself say that shows I must have doubt about what the numbers will present.

Anyway, I'm undecided. I see so many woman in these support groups agonize over their numbers and I can't imagine the stress being good.

God Bless!

Weak and Wiry

Aug. 23, 2014

Weak and Wiry. Groan. Those were the words my TCM used.

I went in this morning for my bi-weekly appointment and they frowned. I haven't started my period, my temps are being uncooperative, and my pulse was weak and wiry. Am I nervous? Worried? Stressed? Changed my diet? I just sat there stunned. Um, no. I'm always a bit worried under the surface about my fertility, but, am I now worried? Yes. Hands down, yes.

I asked, "Well, but better than when I started right?" Pause. "No, pretty close. Your Qi and blood are really low."

Gulp. Groan. Sigh. Sniff.

I had to really hold back tears this time. Seven months of treatment in and I'm back to square one? The world does not seem fair. They just keep repeating the words "relax relax relax" to me as they talk about how weak I am. Um, that's not relaxing to hear.

As they began mixing herbs, she took me to the acupuncture room and began my fertility acupuncture. Apparently, they think the needles will open my energy channels to improve my Qi and they are giving a "wake up" call to my reproductive organs. I get the impression, the focus on the herbs these next few weeks is to nourish my Qi, build my blood and send the big "WAKE UP!!"

Today, it hurt! I guess when your Qi is low it can be more painful because it's really opening things up. The ones in my head were tender, between my thumb and forefinger, I barely felt, but the ones in my abdomen? Yowie!! The legs and feet were ok. Typically, there may be a slight poke as they go in, but this time, I'd actually get sporadic bursts of pain throughout the session. It really did feel like a bolt of energy.

As I laid there I tried so hard to relax, but what did I do? Worry. Worried about the fact I ran out of organic decaf and had two cups of "normal" decaf this week. Worry about the fact we never typically eat out, but ate out three times this week, one of those being Taco Bell. Gulp. Worry about the fact I was letting financial stress get hold of me. Worry about the fact my son has peanut and nut allergies now and I have to have a Epi Pen strapped to me at all times.  Worry about I had ice cream, twice, this past week. Worry about the fact I was up late crying with my friend and comforting her through some problems.

Which one of those things set me over the edge? I had to do a mental head slap. Seriously, Em. Two cups of not organic decaf coffee aren't enough to hit rock bottom. So, last week wasn't the best. Most likely, everything came to a head and my body was tired today. That doesn't mean it's rock bottom. Just a crappy day.

My temps are just weird. Not high. Not low. In the middle. They were high but then dropped. My thinking, because I was sick, they were elevated before. According to other fertile signs, I could have ovulated last Tuesday. Or, my body is doing a fake out, which I'm rather accustomed to.

I'm suppose to go back next week for acupuncture, but I'll be out of town, so I'll go the following midweek. I'm hoping this session, getting back on track this week and being back on the fertility herbs full time now will mend whatever is broken.

My friend sent me the scripture "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not into thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and He shall direct thy path." A good reminder. Stop worrying about how to fix it. Trust it IS being fixed. My understanding is so limited and because I can't logically or scientifically figure out how things will right themselves, I start to doubt they will. But, that's what faith is, isn't it? Having no idea how it's POSSIBLE, but KNOWING it is.

In theory. Simple. In practice. Really, REALLY hard.

On the upside, we had an amazing family day. We went to a Family Sports Event for the family. It was really, quite incredible. Area vendors were there, all with activities for children. Our son jumped right in. Literally. It was a fun day!

Another woman in a Mommy Group of mine is also struggling with infertility. She kindly sent me a link to her blog. It was sad and beautiful all at the same time looking at her past entries. She tried for THREE YEARS to conceive her daughter trying various fertility treatments and the one cycle off. Wham! Pregnant. That cycle, her pulse was very weak. She'd sent it to me to be uplifting and it was such a blessing she let me in to her years of struggle. I really appreciated being part of her journey.

To all you ladies out there struggling with any kind of infertility. My heart aches with yours. Such a devastating and isolating thing. May you find peace and success growing your family in whatever way you choose. Biological child. DE IVF child. Adopted child. Fostered child.

God Bless!

About to Enter Phase Three

May 10, 2014

Well, good news. I'm "normal." My pulse is within the range of a normal, ovulating and menstruating, healthy woman.

My doctor was back from China, a bit jet lagged as she got home last night, but delved right in. I had printed off my two charts for her so she began analyzing them while she took my pulse. My first chart (remember, I was cut off when I hit 180 days so I had to start a new one, and even that one was over 60 days) showed the 5 day LP. My second chart, looked actually quite a bit more promising showing a good thermal shift and showed the 8 day LP. So, really, I guess I've only had one "true" cycle to base things off of, but we analyzed them both because we are really looking at the LP right now.

She said my cycles were too short, which I was already aware of, but did agree the three additional day LP was a step in the right direction. The "first" cycle I also only menstruated for two days. This cycle I'm on day three. All very light bleeding, but that is also a step in the right direction.

She started writing with a fury on my chart. She took note of the severe abdominal and back cramping and went through various other symptoms, the color of the blood, the amount, if there were clots, etc. Red. Light. No clots.

I asked about egg health and she said that is one of the goals now. To improve egg health and lengthen my cycles. She told me to begin taking the royal jelly, but only one capsule, once a day. She doesn't like many supplements (ironic because of all that I am on) but said to take the minimum dose as it should help my eggs.

I counted 29 herbs in this concoction. I have yet to drink it. I will tonight, but when I smelled it, it was sweeter. It didn't have an overly bitter smell to it like some past mixtures have.

She discussed with me their plan for phase three. Phase one was acupuncture while I was in the process of weaning my son. Phase two was the herbs to regulate my hormones and nourish my blood and organs. Phase three will begin most likely after this cycle with the hopes it will extend a bit. Phase three will be a two part acupuncture cycle. The first part will be a "wake up" call to my reproductive organs and uterus. The second part will prepare me for pregnancy and to carry a baby.

How it all works, I'm not quite sure, but I usually go armed with questions so hopefully I will get some answers. My mom, also brought up a point about my previous pregnancy to discuss with them. I had a very healthy pregnancy, but around 36 1/2 weeks I had to go to the hospital for possibly induction because I had low amniotic fluid. With minimal bed rest, a huge intake of water, and daily, then every other day NST (neonatal stress test) and AF (amniotic fluid) tests I was cleared until almost 41 weeks. My doctor had told me because of the low fluid at 41 weeks she would induce me and at 40 1/2 weeks my amniotic fluid dropped to dangerous levels. I was sent to the hospital and immediately induced. 

It was a miserable and painful labor. I'd sworn I'd go natural with no meds but after over 25 hrs, the nurse ran in to stop pitocin because I was just having one LOOOOOONG contraction with no breaks and they feared my uterus would rupture. I gave in and got an epidural when talk of a possible C-section was brought up. That is a story for another day.

I wonder if they could better prepare my body in some way to avoid that the next go round? I'll ask. If not, if there is any talk of an induction for a future pregnancy, I'll me giving them a holler to possibly stimulate my body through acupuncture to get labor in motion naturally. No more of those synthetic drugs!

Anyway, I digress. I feel pretty happy. This cycle, we hope will elongate. The herbs will continue to nourish and aid my hormones to their appropriate levels. It will also help my egg health. As discussed previously, egg health is really determined the last three months it's growing before it's released from a follicle. I've already been helping it along with the herbs and the supplements I'm taking, but this will step it up a notch.

I'll keep you posted how this cycle goes and when acupuncture begins. I feel so calm right now. Instead of hoping for a positive pregnancy test this month, I've completely allowed myself to let go and let God heal me. The positive will come, and come soon, when the time is right. I can only prepare the field and trust.

Overall, I'm feeling very optimistic. My body is responding well to treatment. And, the beautiful thing is, the "treatment" is not interfering with my own body's hormones. It is gently assisting them by making me healthy. Isn't that cool? Our bodies are miraculous!

God bless!

Almost Normal

April 26, 2014

What a busy day! My day started out right with a mommy and son date to the Mother’s Day breakfast at his daycare that he attends two day s a week. Quite the handsome little man!

Then, off to acupuncture. My doctor, Dr. Li is in China so her husband (who normally translates for her) was treating me today. I was wondering how it would go since he’s never taken my pulse and had only her notes to compare it to, but it went well. She apparently takes very detailed notes, and he’s been there translating for three months now, so I think he gets the “gist” of things.

He said compared to her notes, my pulse was much stronger today. When I pushed and prodded a bit more, he said “good.” And when I pushed and prodded even more asking about specific channels, he said that my pulse was actually almost “normal.” Almost normal! Music to my ears.

They had explained to me early on that my Chi would always be a little lower because of my small stature, so I get that. I’m not quite sure how my TCM pulse points and actual pulse / blood pressure according to Western Medicine measure up, but I’ve always had very low blood pressure. During pregnancy, my blood pressure was alarmingly low. At one visit, they retook it four times because my doctor was convinced it was wrong. She said I’d be comatose with a blood pressure reading like that. I’m not quite sure if it went up because it had been measured incorrectly the first three times, or I was getting freaked out and it spiked.

But, almost normal sounded like great news to me! He checked my tongue and nodded. I’ve never gotten more explanation that a nod when they check my tongue. I’ll inquire more next time. He reviewed her notes and put a few markings down for some slight changes to my mixture for the next two weeks.

As he was measuring the herbs out I started asking him about specific ones in the mix and could tell he was getting flustered. I was literally asking what they were, but I could tell he misunderstood that I was asking what each one DID. He told me her prescription was very scientific. Some herbs were for the heat element, some cooling, some damp, etc. He said that some herbs were only for specific organs and others were added in for other organs or to prevent a certain herb from acting on the wrong organ, etc. He said “very, very complicated.” His wife, my doctor, was the true “chemist” when it came to that so he let her be in charge of that. He said he’d only tweaked her mixture VERY slightly according to my symptoms this week.

I discussed with him my light period and he didn’t seem too concerned. He said the fact I GOT a period was a good sign. The ultimate goal is to get me to menstruate around 4-5 days. Out of curiosity I looked back at my chart from the cycle I conceived my son and I had bled for three days. I had also ovulated day 12 that cycle, so, a bit earlier than average, but totally within a normal window. Judging by my fertility signs this cycle, I anticipate ovulating around that time this cycle too (fingers crossed my ovaries kick one out!!)

For now, I’ll take “almost normal.” On my way!

Let the Poking and Prodding Begin

Jan. 29, 2014

Well, I had my first consult and acupuncture session with my TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine.) They pretty much told me I was a washed up rag doll. My Chi was low. My pulse was ridiculously weak and my kidney and liver channels were pretty bad.

Liver - emotions and stress
Kidney - Reproductive

So, they were right on target. First thing, they told me to wean my son as soon as possible. That I was too weak to give him "life" from nursing and maintain my own. My ovaries had shut down because I couldn't maintain everything.

Second, I have to limit my stress big time. They said I was highly anxious and stressed out. Yup!

I keep saying "They." Let me explain. My doctor was trained in China by her father who is a pretty big deal there, as pretty high up as they come in the TCM world. She moved to the United States, but her English is limited. Her husband, translates for us. He is also a doctor, but her specialty is fertility, so although I refer to them as "my doctors" it is mainly her insight and practice and his translation I am referring to. That being said, he has been instrumental in teaching me about meditation.

First, they took my pulse. There are three pulse points near each wrist. Here is a link to give you an overview.

http://www.emperors.edu/qiblog/2012/08/pulse-power-understanding-tcm-pulse-diagnosis/

Next, she looked at my tongue. They look for coating, color and the size. I couldn't for the life of me understand it all when they explained, but of course went to Mr. Google when I got home. Here is a recap.

http://www.sacredlotus.com/diagnosis/tongue/

Interesting stuff, yes? After taking a million notes and asking me questions regarding symptoms, do I got hot, have night sweats, anxiety, trouble sleeping (yes to all of that) they asked if I have regular bowel movements, lubrication down there, etc, they started my acupuncture session.

The doctor ushered me in to a room and, not thinking, I'd worn jeans, I took off my pants so they could apply the needles. They applied a few in each wrist, my temples, around my midsection, on my legs and feet. Opening my channels. I didn't quite understand all the meridians they spoke about, but he said it was a "wake up call" to my reproductive system. The meridians stretch throughout our whole body which is why a needle in between your toes can awaken something in your reproductive system. A hypothesis is when we were embryos and our cells were dividing, cells that formed together still maintain basic energy paths. I'm summarizing it, probably not in the correct scientific way, but it is rather fascinating how it all works out.

Dr. Li left me with my needles for about 35 minutes with a heat lamp on, the lights dimmed and gently music playing. When she came back, I will admit to feeling oddly calm.