30 weeks 6 days

August 31, 2016

Almost to 31 weeks. Woohoo!!! We'll be hitting the road tomorrow for a long weekend with my in-laws which means a loooooong car ride. Hopefully my son is well entertained and I'm not too uncomfortable.

I'm starting to realize this pregnancy is a lot more uncomfortable than my first. Maybe I glossed over it, maybe pushed it out of my mind, but I remember feeling chipper and mobile to the very end last time. This one...I already feel like I'm waddling and carting around a full grown baby. I'm also having terrible insomnia (I got up last night and worked half the night because I was so irked just lying there) and have, apparently, restless leg syndrome this go round.

I've been doing a bit with my oils to calm down and have been doing some hypnosis with Hypnobabies at night to try and focus my mind, but I think it has more to do with I just can't get comfortable and it's just a reality of this pregnancy. I did read online that doing squats before bed helps with the RLS so I was busy squatting at 1:30 in the morning last night.

I'm still a bit paranoid of over doing too much because of the whole bed rest and limited activity for the first half of my pregnancy and the strong braxton hicks, so I try not to over exert physically, but I cannot for the life of my deal with that creepy crawly feeling in my legs and trying to get comfortable to sleep.

I also upped my magnesium so hopefully that helps. A month ago it was constant charlie horses, now, they just want to move move move.

Well, I just realized what a griping post this was. Sorry, lol. The up side is this little bugger is on the CONSTANT move. Although it can get a bit uncomfortable or even painful at times, it's so reassuring and really, a neat feeling overall. I forgot how neat it was to be able to feel his little feet drag across my belly or feel his fingers right down there in my pelvis. It truly is amazing...there is a little person in there. Quite a miracle.

A director friend of mine called today. We'd worked on a film several, well, I guess about ten years ago and she is directing a music video that deals with infertility and wanted to chat a bit. It was so nice to catch up and a rather cathartic conversation. I hope her project brings the "taboo" subject to light.

Well, I hope everyone has a blessed Labor Day.

High Anxiety and Pushing Through

April 28, 3014

Ug. Last night I slept horribly. Up every 20-30 minutes. I tried back tracking to the last time I slept poorly, last week and realized I’d eaten the same thing that night. I’d made a batch of chocolate chip peanut butter oatmeal cookies and subbed coconut oil for the butter. Out of curiosity, I went AGAIN, to Google. Coconut oil gives your body a jump start, so if you are prone or easily susceptible to things like that it isn’t recommended before bed. Who knew? I guess that’s an easy fix at least.

I think partly because I am sleep deprived, I have some high anxiety and stress today. I’m suppose to avoid it at all costs, but with the first of the month coming, and staring at this pile of bills, the reality of all my “treatments” and how much it all costs is really stressing me out. That combined with I updated our CoveredCA plan with my husband’s new job and our health insurance is jumping by $180 each month.

I think I will talk to by chiropractor tomorrow and let him know I will have to cut back to visits every three weeks versus two. I know he won’t be thrilled about that. He was very hesitant to go from weekly to bi-weekly, but the reality is, none of this is covered by insurance. Between the chiropractor visits, herbs and supplements… Yikes! At least right now, I’m not getting acupuncture also.

I need to just keep repeating “Let go and let God.” I know these treatments are helping me body to work correctly on it’s own. The goal is to use these as short term solutions to assist my body in doing it all on its own. The expense, in the long run is minimal when you think of all the money I will save from a lifetime of HRT and further health complications.

And, to top it off I am bloated and just plain cranky. I've gained a little weight since beginning all of my treatment and weaning, which I am happy about, but as a woman, we get caught in this rut of hating to do that. Sad, isn't it? I was sick, literally sickly thin, and yet, I'm still far underweight by the "doctor's scale" and I feel gross because I've gained a few pounds. I'll chalk it up to the bloated feeling today making me feel this way. Honestly, I should be happy about about that. It's hormones that make you retain water in your cycle right? Cranky is a flux of hormones, right? I should embrace this feeling. Me, my bad attitude and my extra water just means things are a workin'. Pardon me while I unbotton my top button...

Suck it up, Em. Keep plowing through.

My Pep Talk Numero Dos (And a rehash for my sanity)

April 20, 2014

Happy Easter!! What an amazing day. I’ve always been humbled by God’s sacrifice to send his only son to suffer, die and be risen to redeem us from our sins, but this year it really hit home. As I sat and read Reed the Easter story, I started to cry. I was holding my own son, who is so dear to me. That sacrifice is beyond compare. I am so happy and grateful to have a Creator that loves and treasures us so much. We are saved and healed by the stripes Jesus wore.

Today my temp dropped again so I’m rather confident I’ve started a new cycle. I did take an HPT in case, and it was negative. I’ll give it one more day to make sure my temp stays low tomorrow then start doing my castor oil packs and Epsom salt baths again until I ovulate. I feel refreshed. It’s a clean slate and I feel like I’m getting a handle on how my body is working. Ever since I ovulated, my OPK tests are extremely negative barely showing a second line at all, so I feel good knowing my LH is under control. I’ve no idea where my FSH is, but knowing one hormone dropped and that I ovulated, I’m confident it’s lower. I’m also almost three months into my treatment, so more than halfway to the 150 mark where my dormant follicles should be “awake.” Yahoo!

http://natural-fertility-info.com/increase-egg-health

I believe I listed it before, but here is a link to their POF page. I started with the supplements they suggested for the first few weeks, but a few weeks into treatment I talked more with my TCM and they suggested stopping all of these and letting their herbs work their magic. Because my problem was a hormonal imbalance, they said I was very delicate, and they didn’t want anything to interfere or more importantly hurt me in anyway. After my next cycle, I may ask them more about some of the supplements suggested here like Royal jelly to help with egg health too.

http://natural-fertility-info.com/premature-ovarian-failure.html

That site listed above has been my go-to through this whole journey. I research their info on other sites too and then speak with either my doctor or TCM to verify it will help my situation, but even for knowledge sake…most every fertility supplement is broken down somewhere eon there listing both the benefits and risks, dosage sizes, and excellent explanations for how each ones can help.

As I research my POF further, I really think it was caused by adrenal fatigue. Here are few links to it…

http://natural-fertility-info.com/is-my-adrenal-health-affecting-my-fertility.html

http://wynyardchiro.com.au/the-adrenals-and-pregnancy/

At the time I was diagnosed, my son (a miserable sleeper) had been up, quite literally every night almost all night long from birth. From the months of September to January, I was lucky to get 3-4 hours of sleep a night, which was interrupted – consisting of 45 minute segments. In November and December, I rarely got more than 2 hrs of sleep. My husband often traveled when he did have work, so I had no night time help and when he was in town, he often catered which meant he’d work late and then sleep.

My son would only sleep if being held or his back rubbed in the crib. With my severe lack of sleep, I was also his primary care giver and struggling to work 30 hrs a week during his naps and after he went to bed at night. Often times, because it was just me, I’d have toast or cereal at night. My healthy diet I prided myself on, went out the window the last six months before my diagnosis. 

I was also the primary bread winner, as my husband was out of work the last three months before diagnosis. We were travelling, I was sleep deprived and highly stressed. As I’m watching my hormones fall back into line, I believe without a doubt my POF was adrenal failure. My hormones were wacky and my initial tests showed elevated pitocin levels which they attributed to breast feeding. The goods news is, if it was adrenal failure, I am now sleeping a full night (8 hrs), eating almost all organic and nutritious, meditating and exercising to reduce stress and my husband now has a full time job in town to help around the house and contribute more financially. No wonder my hormones are falling back in check.

Sorry for the repetitive nature…as things are getting back into swing, I took time to review all that has happened and how far I’ve come and reassure myself that it takes time. I’ve been patient thus far, and can remain so for total healing.

Take a Chill Pill, Em

March 14, 2014

Well, my insomnia is kicking my butt. My mom sent me a link to sound therapy and I tried it last night. It was peaceful , but I couldn’t fall asleep. I resorted to 1 mg melatonin, but woke up wide awake at 1 am. I’m sure my husband was grateful because I came downstairs and started a batch of steel cut oatmeal in the crockpot. I took another melatonin to finally get back to sleep. I hate taking those stupid pills, but sleepless nights and then full days of chasing Reed and working takes a toll.

I saw a link today posted on a POF support site about the worst foods to eat on Dr. Oz. Fascinating stuff. Really makes me question everything I’ve ever eaten. I can’t believe how the FDA allows so much junk in our foods. It’s been proven to lead to infertility and yet, nothing is done. I get it…it’s too “expensive” to not use the chemicals, hormones, pesticides, etc, but when are we going to wake up and realize it’s our health?

How frustrating that eating “healthy” foods actually does the most harm because there is so much pesticide on them.  I’m feeling guilty already for not buying the organic blueberries for my son to eat. Gulp. And all the canned goods we had stocked in there before switching to Organic. I never knew tin cans needed to say BPA free. Who knew BPA was in metal canned goods? I thought it was only in plastics. Arg. I’m learning as I go. I just hope not too late. Bad Emily! No negativity. I’m HEALING. HEALING. HEALING.

Anyway, just venting my frustration.

God Bless!