High Anxiety and Pushing Through

April 28, 3014

Ug. Last night I slept horribly. Up every 20-30 minutes. I tried back tracking to the last time I slept poorly, last week and realized I’d eaten the same thing that night. I’d made a batch of chocolate chip peanut butter oatmeal cookies and subbed coconut oil for the butter. Out of curiosity, I went AGAIN, to Google. Coconut oil gives your body a jump start, so if you are prone or easily susceptible to things like that it isn’t recommended before bed. Who knew? I guess that’s an easy fix at least.

I think partly because I am sleep deprived, I have some high anxiety and stress today. I’m suppose to avoid it at all costs, but with the first of the month coming, and staring at this pile of bills, the reality of all my “treatments” and how much it all costs is really stressing me out. That combined with I updated our CoveredCA plan with my husband’s new job and our health insurance is jumping by $180 each month.

I think I will talk to by chiropractor tomorrow and let him know I will have to cut back to visits every three weeks versus two. I know he won’t be thrilled about that. He was very hesitant to go from weekly to bi-weekly, but the reality is, none of this is covered by insurance. Between the chiropractor visits, herbs and supplements… Yikes! At least right now, I’m not getting acupuncture also.

I need to just keep repeating “Let go and let God.” I know these treatments are helping me body to work correctly on it’s own. The goal is to use these as short term solutions to assist my body in doing it all on its own. The expense, in the long run is minimal when you think of all the money I will save from a lifetime of HRT and further health complications.

And, to top it off I am bloated and just plain cranky. I've gained a little weight since beginning all of my treatment and weaning, which I am happy about, but as a woman, we get caught in this rut of hating to do that. Sad, isn't it? I was sick, literally sickly thin, and yet, I'm still far underweight by the "doctor's scale" and I feel gross because I've gained a few pounds. I'll chalk it up to the bloated feeling today making me feel this way. Honestly, I should be happy about about that. It's hormones that make you retain water in your cycle right? Cranky is a flux of hormones, right? I should embrace this feeling. Me, my bad attitude and my extra water just means things are a workin'. Pardon me while I unbotton my top button...

Suck it up, Em. Keep plowing through.