First Beta

Feb. 29, 2016

Happy leap day! It was also beta day! Sooooo much better than the last one.

Are you ready for it? Drum. Roll. Please....

HCG 1468!
Estradiol 1344
Progesterone 52.84

My doctor said my levels were right on target and my HCG was high for my date. 13dp5dt or the equivalent of 18 days past ovulation. I'm just excited to know this little guy / gal is burrowing in and getting snugly for the long haul.

I have to go back Weds to check on doubling. Ideally, HCG doubles every 48-72 hrs; however I read that once it's over 1200 it slows down a bit. We shall see what the number is Weds - praying for good numbers.

My husband is out of town, so once I got my son dropped off to school I hopped in the car and headed to my draw. The traffic was a bit of a nightmare and it took me over an hour to get there, but I knew it'd be quick to do the blood draw and I could head home to work. The lab tech was my usual woman, so sweet.

When I went to check out the receptionist asked me if I'd cheated and this time I was able to say yes with a smile :) "Congrats! From here on out you pay out of pocket."

LOL, funny how that is the second thing out of their mouth. Yeah yeah yeah. I get it.

I was getting rather agitated I didn't hear sooner from the doctor's office. They close at 5 and it wasn't until 4:30 that I finally heard back from the nurse. I know first betas they usually make the call between noon and 1, so once it hit 4 I emailed and left a voice message. My coordinator finally called me back and gave me a long explanation for why she hadn't called sooner just leaving me on the phone rolling my eyes like "get to it already." She started with my estradiol, then my progesterone and then I hear "Where did I put your HCG, I swear it was right here."

COME ON ALREADY!!!

1468! Yippee!

So, back on Weds for a second draw, then I believe a week later for a third and then back for my first ultrasound the following week. I don't know the date for sure, but if they are working on weeks, I'd be 6 weeks 6 days for the first ultra sound on March 16.

Pray for a good doubling number for me! I'm so excited. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!

10dp5dt

Feb. 26, 2016

Getting so close to beta day! So many ladies go in at 9dp5dt or 10, but my clinic has been holding strict to 12, and since that is a Sunday, 13 it is. I'm feeling good though. Other than tender breasts and being incredibly tired, which I think has more to do with all the hormones than pregnancy this early in the game, I'm completely symptom free.

I haven't been too crazy testing. I test originally 4dp5dt and then again on 5 days, 7 days, 9 days. My line has always darkened. The last two days weren't crazy different, but significant enough to know it was progressing. I don't completely trust the "ink" on these Wondfos anyway. A lady in my EA forum completely freaked because hers was super light after being dark - sure enough she dipped another and it was dark again.

The top was 4 day and bottom was 9 day. I thought I was out of tests, but I found two mixed in with my old OPKs today. I might just go crazy and test again tomorrow ;) My OPKs I'll ship out to another Mama trying with hopes it'll bring her luck.

I'm down to my last Lovenox tonight. A friend had said she was sending me some, but it never arrived. Apparently her husband forgot to send them. I called around to all the area pharmacies and YOUCH! Some charge as much as $48 per vial (one vial per day.) Costco was the best bargain. I actually had my coordinator send a script for heparin because it was cheaper but figured why not give it a go with my insurance.

Turns out Lovenox IS covered, but ONLY if my Kaiser doctor prescribes it. After a bit of back and forth, she agreed to put in a prescription for two weeks. She doesn't understand my RE's decision to prescribe it to me, but honestly, she isn't a fertility doctor. He's one of the best and I trust him, so I'm going with what he says. I got the impression, I won't need it all through pregnancy, but just up until a point he feels certain my body won't reject the embryo. I'm sure I'll chat more with him in a few weeks at our first ultrasound about when that is.

I realized that I didn't tell you about my "spilling the beans" with my in-laws. Apparently, my husband who was with them for his grandma's funeral was having questions fired at him. They were unaware we'd transferred. I'd told them a month out, but with everything going on, I just think they forgot completely. Anyway, they asked when we were transferring and he said "We already have."

Then the questions started. How is it done? What is the procedure? When would we know? My poor hubby was just sitting there knowing all the while that we'd tested positive the day before. He finally text me "You have to call and tell them. I'll tell my mom you are calling to tell her about the procedure."

So, I called. When I got on the phone with her and she asked about it, I said "Well, Bryce wanted me to explain you'd be a grandma again in November."

Silence.

"Wait. What? Wait. It worked? It took?"

"Yes!"

She was overcome with emotion and having just said goodbye to a loved one, I think it was really an extra special thing for them to know a new baby would be blessing the family. Before she could tell Papa, I told her, let's FaceTime so my son could tell him. And boy did he ever. He just kept screaming "Big Brother" again into the phone.

My son is adamant we are having a girl. He tells me everyday "I want a girl." And, he's always pulling up my shirt and rubbing my belly and kissing it. I hope for his sake it's a girl...and if not, we will have several months trying to convince him how awesome a baby brother would be ;)

Anyway, just wanted to jump on and give you all an update. I'm feeling very peaceful and that God is in control. I've no fear for this pregnancy. I'm very hopeful for a nice strong beta and beautiful doubling. This little snowflake is well loved and cherished and we are so incredibly excited.

God bless!

Spilling the Beans

Feb. 21, 2015

Well, I woke up to a much stronger line. Top was yesterday, bottom was today. It darkened as it dried. I shot off a text to my hubby who is out of town who could notice right away it was darker. If man eyes can see it, everyone can see it :) I joked, do you want me to take the First Response to compare as well? "Sure!"

Instead I dug out a digital I didn't even know we had with an expiration this may and figured why not...

Undeniable.

This morning before church, my son and I called my mom to ask if they could skype however my son started screaming into the phone "Big Brother. I'm going to be a Big Brother." So...as of this moment, my mom knows, but not my step dad or sisters. She was at the bowling alley with them all when it happened. I told her she could tell, but I'd prefer to tell them myself so she swore she'd keep it under wraps until we can skype with my step dad.

Next, we Facetimed my sister and parents (dad and step mom - in case all the parental references are getting confusing) and she ran downstairs so my son could share his message. He screamed "Big Brother at them about a half dozen times." They stared clueless but I could hear my sister, who worked for years at a daycare start laughing and translate for them. Instantly, tears flooded my step mom's eyes and there were a lot of cheers!

My son recorded a special message for all his aunt's and uncles. Sadly, I don't think anyone can understand the little guy screaming Big Brother into the phone, but I did say if you need a translation let me know. We were going to try to skype or Facetime everyone individually, but I know everyone's schedules are hectic and wanted to ensure they all found out today.

I'll totally admit I let my best friend know yesterday as well as my friend who has also done EA. They both were ecstatic and my childhood friend called a flurry of emotion. I could tell she was crying.

It's funny. Last time we planned a wonderful and sentimental announcement near the end of first tri. With this one, we will do something to let people know more widespread, but for our family, we needed them to know right away as they've literally been there, praying every step of the way with us. Strength in numbers. Strength in prayers.

My husband's family doesn't know yet. He did tell me his brother does because he asked how things were going and he let him know we got a positive. As for his parents, they don't know. Today is his grandma's visitation, and the funeral is tomorrow. His parents are very peaceful with her passing. She was a strong woman of faith and her suffering is over. I know this unexpected joy would be received as good and comforting news to them.

I'm just so excited! I pray for this little baby, that he or she continues to grow strong. I pray for a great doubling beta, a strong heartbeat, a happy and healthy nine months, an uncomplicated pregnancy, a fantastic birth and a long, healthy life for this little person. That's not too much to ask for is it?? lol

We've been full of such peace and hope this time around. We've had such support and encouragement. We are blessed.

PREGNANT!!!!!

Feb. 20, 2016

We are PREGNANT!!! You're reading this blog a tad late, because I am writing it now, but am waiting to publish it until we tell everyone who needs to be told personally. I've a few family members and friends that read this, and a blog isn't the ideal way for them to hear ;) Although, I've been getting texts this morning that no one has heard from my blog and for an update...

It is 4dp5dt. We had NO intention of testing today, but my husband's grandma passed away. My husband is traveling, and since my son and I can't join him and he won't be back until next Tuesday night, we could have waited until 9dp5dt to test or wing it today. He really wanted to be the one to dip the stick this time. So, on a whim, I set some urine aside and when he woke said "Hey, almost no chance it'd register yet, but if you want to give it a try, go ahead."

At first, he was bummed because it didn't pop up right away and left the room so I could use the restroom, but as I glanced over "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaabe?!?! Grab the First Response test in the closet. There is a line. I swear there is a line."

"No way!"

I ran the test out to him and he said "There is, but it's super light." So, we dipped the First Response and again he got frustrated it didn't pop up right away. So, I came in. "It's RIGHT THERE!!" "What?" There!! That line!!"

"Well, yeah, but it's not as dark as this one."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!"

He told me he still wasn't convinced because it was light. Hold on, let me post it in my mom group... He had to laugh because instantaneously people started chiming in their congrats. "Seeeeeeee!"

I understand his hesitation with all our false positives in the past, so we agreed we aren't telling anyone until we see it darken. I'll test again tomorrow.

It is just such a joy and relief. I had no intention to see a positive this early which is why I tested. I could have easily passed it off as too early if it was negative. The positive was just way too exciting and unexpected.

Two days ago, I did have a spot of pink blood on my liner when I changed it. I kept trying not to get my hopes up that it could be implantation spotting, but of course that's where my mind went. I've been feeling good though. No cramping since the day after transfer.

I'll keep you posted as things progress. Today, just enjoying being pregnant and singing my praises to God!

1dp5dt

Feb. 17, 2016

Well, one day down. Almost. Feeling good. Having really bad cramps. I'm trying to remember last time if they were this bad. Since it was a negative last time, I assume it was either from the procedure or the embryo had implanted and just arrested. I'll never know. I DO know that today, I'm having really bad cramping. It started super low like little bursts and has just morphed into really bad menstrual like cramps all over. Just dull and achy. Whenever I get up, I just feel sore and like there is a lot of pressure.

Other than that, I feel good. I didn't do the whole bedrest thing this time. I took it easy yesterday and was a couch potato watching shows, but I refused to work to limit stress. It was nice! My son came and snuggled with me before bed and I read him stories on the couch. I slept downstairs as well. I did want to avoid the stairs the first day - maybe a silly precaution, but that was one thing my RE was rather adamant about and I didn't want those "what if" feelings. I will admit it was nice to sleep without my son waking me. Fell to dad last night ;) Hm...maybe I need another night without the stairs, eh?

Last night it was very sweet. My husband pulled out the photo of the embryo at dinner and explained to our son that we called it a "snowflake" and it was tiny tiny and hopefully someday would be a baby. We explained it was in mommy's tummy and mommy couldn't pick him up for a little bit. After dinner, when we were on the couch, he lifted up my shirt and laid his head on my tummy. He kissed it. Melts my heart. I hope that little guy / gal in there is snuggling in deep. He / she has an amazing big brother waiting for them.

This morning, my son came down to wake me and we snuggled and watched cartoons and I got him ready. My husband dropped him at school, but I'm picking him up tonight. I've just been working from the couch today making sure to get up every few hours to get the blood pumping.

I started the Lovenox last night. Not too bad. I will say it stings to push that needle in, but it does to the rear as well. The Lovenox goes into your fat in your stomach. You have to basically squish it up and stab it in there. I think it actually stings more because you are watching it go in and have to give it a good shove. It did bruise a tiny bit - it just looks like a blood blister. It bled more than the intramuscular ones in my butt. I'm thinking the nurse was right and I'll have to move to my legs at some point. I'll have to take a photo later into this process. My stomach will be riddled with bruised dots. lol

An amazing thing yesterday. We received an anonymous donation. It came with a beautiful hand written note. Someone's uncle had passed away. They decided to give us a portion of the estate he left as he'd have wanted to gift it to a couple seeking the adoption process. They commented how he may not have understood this method, but getting with the times and all... lol. It was neat to hear about his life and his quirky personality. I've saved it to put in a memory box for our little Snowflake. We've so many things to share with him or her when they are older about how wanted they are, how blessed we are to have them in our family.

It was really neat to get and my husband and myself continuously find ourselves thanking God and amazing at how blessed we've been. A month ago, I remember crying and not knowing how we would do all this. I honestly made a decision one day to lay it at God's feet and found peace. I will never stop being amazed at how God works. There is no problem to big or too small.

Well, gearing up for my next shot and keeping my feet up and warm while I finish out the work day and can go get my son.

God bless!

PUPO

Feb. 16, 2016

Well, we are officially PUPO again! Hopefully with a better outcome this time.

Last night I got my last acupuncture session and we had dinner outside on the patio. It was a wonderful evening with my guys. Last night was a bit restless. My son's sound machine is going downhill and decided to come on full volume at midnight so that was the first wake up. Second was him needing to go potty at 2. Third was when he decided 4:45 was an appropriate wake up time. Fourth was when he decided 5:45 was REALLY the best wake up time. At that point, I sent my hubby with him so I could get an extra 45 minutes of sleep.

I got him off to school and took a nice walk to clear my head. Had a shower, hubby made breakfast and paid a few bills, then off we went. I put on my nice little Snowflake leggings for luck :)

We had no traffic and had left with plenty of time so there was no stress upon arrival. We actually we directed to wait in the "special" waiting room. Apparently there is a side waiting room. It's fancy and secluded. I'm thinking that is where people go before procedures to limit stress.

When they called us in, my bladder was very full. I got undressed, shimmied up on the table and she took a peak "Whoa! Your bladder is VERY full!"

Um, yup. Let's get this pony show on the road. 

After about ten minutes, I told my husband I had to empty at least part of my bladder. The nurse said no doubt and it was full enough I could count between 10-15. Sure enough, still plenty full when I got back to the room.

The doctor walked in and pulled out the photo of our wee one. One beautiful, hatched little embryo that looked perfect. He held up the photo to my and asked my husband "Looks just like her, right?" I really like our doctor. After my firing a few questions at him we found out that it was thawed last night. At that time it was just hatching, and by this morning, it was fully hatched and thriving. Our little guy / gal is ready to snuggle in.

They called back to the lab and had them bring in our babe. He inserted the tube into the catheter and it was the coolest thing. Last time, there was a bit of a glimmer on the screen, but today, there was a big white snowball that shot out of the catheter and snuggled in. I looked at the time on the monitor and it said 11:24:44. Come to find out, the clock on that was all wrong, because when I looked at my phone well after it was done it was 11:09. So...who knows the for sure time. I do know, both my husband and myself thought it was a magical moment.

After the all clear our tube was empty, I was instructed to lay for about ten minutes and then empty my bladder. So, waddle waddle waddle I went and took care of it.

After I got dressed, we had a nurse snap a photo of us before heading out. Here is our baby's first photo :)

We headed from there to acupuncture. It was a new woman there today who was very sweet. She did a few points on my head, ear, arms and legs and put a head lamp over my feet. She asked if I was cold and I said a bit so she pulled out this lovely, warm, snuggly fleece that lo and behold was covered in snowflakes. It made me smile.

After acupuncture, home again home again jiggidy jig. My friend had dropped off soup for us last night, so we warmed that up and watched a few of our favorite comedy shows to just relax and laugh. My hubby was so sweet to hook me up with some warming pads for my feet to keep them toasty warm.

Snuggle in wee one. We love you already.

We are a Go!

Feb. 11, 2016

Well, we are a go. Full steam ahead. My last monitoring visit was today. My lining is 9.7mm. Not as thick as I anticipated it being, but the doctor seemed pleased. He said it was almost ideal and the pattern was beautiful.

Last night, my husband got home from his business trip and we had the one versus two conversation again. He was leaning more towards two now. When he left it was a one. I feel like there's never a perfect answer. We both decided after chatting way too late about it, to pray, sleep on it and make the call this morning.

We decided that if it was a perfect embryo we will do one. If it degrades, we will do two. I wanted to chat with the doctor for his advice about when we should move on to two.

Traffic was a nightmare and I was a few minutes late, but it didn't seem to matter. The place is always packed, no matter what time I go. Thankfully, I did get a parking spot today. Sometimes I have to park down the street and walk in.

The doctor came in and during my exam we had the chat. I told him ideally we want a singleton pregnancy. It's safer, less stress and better financially. However, we want to be smart and of course will be blessed and happy if we have twins. I told him if we had the perfect lining and the perfect embryo again we'd do one, but are open to two if the embryo isn't great. He said ok and I kind of pushed, "what is your definition of not great." He told me the embryologist would grade them after thawing.

He said we could actually make the call the day of if we wanted to if the embryo was on the verge of good/great. I asked him flat out, your recommendation, when do we move to two. He said if it's "good" do two. The difference between excellent and good is immense when it comes to embryos. So...there we have it.

I got dressed, we met up in the office with a coordinator who wasn't typically mine (she was on vacation) and he put in the chart if it's excellent, thaw one. If good to fair, have them check with him to look at it and he'd make the call to do a second. I'd said right to my husband this morning "I just wish someone could tell us what to do." And, he did. So, poof! Thank you, God.

I LOVED this coordinator today. She is actually in charge of all the nurses there and is fabulous. She was soooooo sweet. We went over my meds, she gave me a few hints to make it less painful and avoid knots of oil in my muscle (massage and heat!) She also asked if I was combining my delestrogen and PIO shots so I could take one instead of two. Um, what? This is a possibility?

She went and snagged a few syringes and needles and showed me. You draw the delestrogen and PIO like normal. Draw air into the PIO so there is a large bubble on top and remove the needle. Take the delestrogen, put the end of the needle into the PIO and squirt it in. Put the needle to inject into the PIO and get the air bubbles out like normal. How did I not think to do this? Genius! She said she'd been trying to train her nurses to do this, but they never want to tell patients thinking they'll screw it up. She told me she'd done IVF herself in her 30s and knows how painful it is so if she can eliminate some of the shots and pain, she was all for it.

She also showed me how to inject the Lovenox and Heparin. Because I am slender, she told me it may be better for me to inject on my thigh. I guess they have a real tendency to bruise and get painful and she said I'd run out of stomach. Fortunately, I've got a lotta thigh ;)

Next, I they drew my blood. The woman wasn't my normal lab tech and she went through both sides of my vein. She couldn't figure out why blood wasn't coming out. Um, pull the needle back a smidge. Bingo. Turns out my estradoil is in a much better range than last time. My coordinator emailed it was ideal. Yay!

This evening, I went to acupuncture. I got along much better with the woman who does it. She did my needles and there were a few sensitive areas today. It's funny how she can insert a needle and I get tinges or little pains in other areas. When she put the one in the middle of my rib cage, but further down my stomach it was like electricity shot through in a cross pattern. Very strange. I really relaxed today. I'm going back Monday night at 6 pm then after my transfer Tuesday.

I'm feeling really good about things. I know it's all in God's hands and I just have to trust. I've a lot of wonderful women praying and sending positive thoughts.

God bless!

Blessed

Feb. 10, 2016

Today I am an overemotional, sappy, crying mess. But, today, I can't blame the meds. Well, maybe I'll blame the meds for the extra snot bubbles, gasps of air and overall magnitude of how I reacted.

There is a mom group that I've been blessed to be a part of since I was pregnant with my son. There's been highs and lows, births and deaths, disagreements, excitement, laughter and tears. I've had the good fortune of meeting some of these women outside the group here local to me and on a trip to MI 12 of us strong got together with all our little ones. And everyone, everyone is as amazing as I've thought they would be through knowing them in cyberspace. Many of them, I haven't had the good fortune to meet...yet.

Today, I literally broke down in big heaping sobs. These women got together and raised $850 for me. Somehow, someway, they not only did it from within the group, but from my personal friends and family as well. As I was reading through the list, I saw my sister, best friend and friend from highschool who I know also has had her share of heartbreak with infertility. The money, don't get me wrong is awesome. And, I'm so grateful for it, and it does relieve so much stress, but the sentiment behind it...I cannot even put into words. I'm crying again. Let me get a hold of myself...

The sweet gesture of them to do this and to write such loving, supportive things. I know so many of these ladies have their own trials, tribulations, angst or hardships...for them to come together and support me, I just, I have no words.

From day one when I was diagnosed, it was this group I turned to. Every tear, they comforted me, made me laugh, gave me courage to try the next step. It's amazing to me that a group of women, the majority I've never met have become such a strong part of my life. This was the group of kick ass (pardon my language) women that I turned to. They were there before all the support groups. They were there when my husband just didn't know how to react or comfort me. They were there when my own personal friends and family didn't know about this yet or were at a loss what to say or do. These women. These women are fabulous. If I could go to every single one of them and give them a giant, snotty faced hug, I would.

Tomorrow I head in for my final appointment before transfer. I head in knowing 176 women strong are praying and hoping and wishing me the best. That's powerful. For that, I am grateful. For that, I am blessed.

God bless!

Why so sad?

Feb. 8, 2016

Can I blame the hormones? Yeesh! I have no idea what in the heck is wrong with me, but I sit here with tears literally streaming down my face. For. No. Reason. I just am sooooo sad today. I didn't sleep well and laid awake for several hours despite using all my go to oils and even after resorting to melatonin. It's like every thought it going through my head.

I know I can't say I feel isolated, because I know I've a few people who have offered to chat, but I really have nothing to say other than have a good cry. I'm just so emotional. I know it has to be the meds. My husband is supportive, but just not the type to deal with sadness or emotional outbursts well. He doesn't like chatting about the procedures or events of the cycle. He shows his support in other ways like putting music on so I could take a bath last night, but my getting emotional just stresses him out which stresses me out which makes me cry more.

I went back to acupuncture today and he put like four needles in my stomach and a few in my legs. When I asked why there were so few he said he doesn't specialize in fertility, but those are the main points. Oh really? Why yes, here is my $65 to guesstimate what I need. Again, the meds.

This time my breasts are more tender, my pelvis feels heavy which I can only attribute to a faster building lining. I don't remember feeling this emotional last time. Maybe I need to reread my blog. Maybe I just needed a good cry.

I guess there was no real point to this blog post other than me to journal and get a grip. Oddly enough, I do feel better now. Maybe I can focus on my work.

My New TCM

Feb. 5, 2016

My new TCM and I didn't gel very well. She's very competent and friendly, just has some strong opinions about my treatment. I get it. She wanted me here six months ago and she wants me coming every other day. Well, I wasn't there and not gonna happen. When I tried to tell her that she just flat out said "Why?"

"Um, well, I work, and have a child to care for and no insurance coverage."

"Well, you need to."

"Um, again, I work, and have a child so I don't have childcare that often, and once again, no insurance coverage. This is expensive."

"Well, you need to."

You get the idea. We could have gone around in circles all day.

When I walked in, it was a nice clean office and had about six or so acupuncture rooms. Much nicer than my old place. She walked in and was very fluent in English. I can also tell she does indeed specializes in fertility because she read my chart and knew and understood exactly what I was doing as opposed to my other TCM's (who I adore.)

She wanted me coming every other day to stimulate my blood flow and build my uterine lining. I get it. But, I also know these visits are $65 a pop. I tried explaining to her that I'd been going to acupuncture for 2 1/2 yrs so I wasn't starting at ground zero. I made the decision to do what I can and trust it will help. Her response?

"One visit will do nothing for you."

Well, ok then. She pretty much informed me I'd be coming three times next week, the day before transfer (since they aren't open early enough for me to come that day) and then directly after transfer. I'd go home and lay flat for three days without moving and then come back in ten days in a row. Um, not gonna happen.

So, she put the needles in, pretty much all the same main points as my other TCM so it was nice to verify they both knew what they were doing. She didn't do any of the hands or head points though. What really bothered me is she never checked my pulse. Not before or after which seemed bizarre to me. After she put my needles in and put the heat lamp on, she left. No nice music like my other place. I just lay there in the dark trying to relax but becoming increasingly stressed out and upset about all the money these stupid sessions were going to take. By the time she came back in, I was over it.

I went to pay and she pushed for me to come back Saturday, Monday, Thursday, Saturday and then Monday / Tuesday. I flat out told her I can't and again she pushed me. BECAUSE! I HAVE A CHILD AND NO CHILDCARE. I WORK. AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO COME THAT MUCH! Seriously lady! I agreed to TWO visits next week and the day before and day of. All the studies I read stress the before and after transfer so I'm focusing on that.

I also told her I would not be lying flat for three days and that I'd discussed it with my doctor. She told me "That's opposite of what other doctors say." "Well, studies show lying completely still restricts blood flow and lessons implantation" To which she responded "That makes sense I agree with your doctor." I figure I'll fight the ten visits in a row battle with her later. I didn't have the energy.

I really just wanted to go back to my old TCM and have her do the after transfer visit. I'm tempted. The problem is it's an hour drive both ways there (more with traffic) and an hour visit. It's so much quicker here since she's right in town. If my husband is in town next week maybe I'll have them do my acupuncture for my Thursday visit when I have my last ultrasound.

I also had to drive back to the clinic today. The coordinator called and someone had brought in 11 Lovenox. so yay! 11 less to buy. Interesting fact, you actually insert a giant air bubble into yourself with this shot. I'm so use to making sure all the air gets out that it surprised me. I'm glad she explained it because I would have instinctually removed it. She also stocked me on syringes and needles since I was about out. I chatted with the financial folks there because I'd remembered seeing a sign that prices increase March 1. Given my beta is Feb 29...that'd suck if this was an unsuccessful transfer. Here's to hoping this little babe or babes snuggle in.

I just have to share...my shot last night, it was like a geyser. I was so relieved my son wasn't there when I did it. I must have hit a vein because when I removed the needle, the blood absolutely shot across the room. After I grabbed my alcohol swab to stop the bleeding and mop up the floor I started laughing. It was like a cheesy horror film.

I did my castor oil pack while I sat here and worked today. My abdomen feels heavy. I think it's the meds and how the lining is building so quickly, but I don't remember that feeling last time so early in the cycle.

Anyway, I'm using a gift certificate to a massage tomorrow. Now that I fought off the aggressive TCM I'm going to relax and de-stress. When I meet her head on next week I'll flat out say, this is what I can do. I think some is better than none, so let's work with it.

God bless!

Monitoring Visit 2

Feb. 4, 2016

Back to the clinic this morning. I was feeling good going in. I've been making sure to walk everyday to get the blood flowing and my son is big into the Pow Wows in the evening so lots of dancing there. I've also been drinking my POM juice, doing my femoral massage and abdomen massage and even threw in a castor oil pack and steam for good measure.

The good news is...my lining is at a 9! It was at a 9 for my last visit before transfer last time, so to be a week ahead is great news. It also had a beautiful triple stripe pattern. Yahoo! I'm to up my meds per protocol to get it nice and fluffy.

I talked to my doctor a bit about a new study that is out and how women shouldn't lay there after the procedure but get right up. Although the studies show that as best, he said he'd still like me to lay for about 10 minutes. The increase in pregnancy wasn't huge (although when you are dealing with infertility, a 5% risk looks astronomical) because he said sometimes the uterus is contracting from the catheter. My thought is, I can't control everything about this, so I'm just going to trust him. I have so far.

We did chat a bit more about bedrest though and he thinks strict bedrest is counter productive. He just told me to kind of be a couch potato and treat myself right the day of transfer and that I could get back to normal the next day if I wanted or just continue to take it easy. Getting up and walking around a bit was just fine. He said the female body isn't meant to be sedentary and that adequate blood flow is good to ensure proper implantation. I'm glad we were on the same page. Sounds good to me. My issue this go round is the NO STRESS! I had a work implosion last time and really let that stress me out to tears the day of transfer. This time. Nope.

Today I go into my new acupuncturist. We shall see how it goes.

We're still having the one versus two debate. Neither of us know at all. When I spoke to the doctor he told me frankly that he doubts there'd be any issue with my uterus that would prevent the implantation so it'd be issue with the embryo most likely to prevent a success. We're basically betting on the embryos. Do we risk just one again and have a no go and repeat this whole thing? If we transfer both and neither take, his thought is they were both duds and we saved ourselves another unsuccessful transfer? If they are both perfect...we may get twins. We put two in we've 21% chance of twins, but 70% chance of pregnancy. We put one in, we've 50%.  Decisions decisions.

We've just decided to pray about it and how we felt led jump in with two feet. As difficult as times have gotten in the past, I know there's always been a reason and I've never been dealt an issue we haven't faced head on, lived and learned from. If it's twins. It's twins and we'll count ourselves blessed.

A mommy friend who's experienced her own trials with infertility told me go for it. She said I put three in, three implanted, two had a heart beat and at the third appointment only one remained. You never know, so go for it and trust.

I had another woman in a mommy group reach out and offer me some of her unused meds as well. I am constantly surprised and humbled by people's generosity.

We haven't really told many people this time about our transfer. After the last, I just needed to experience this one privately. Well, except for all of you...and my mommy group...and my infertility groups...and... LOL You get the picture. My husband's parents at one time knew we were looking at Feb, but have never asked questions and neither of us have expounded. I just told my step mom and dad a few days ago. Other than that, a few close, close friends.

I'll keep you posted...

God Bless.