Bleeding again

Nov. 12, 2014

So, excuse my obsessing, but here's a run down. Four days ago I noticed light pink when I wiped. If I didn't over analyze every swipe, twinge or cramp of my body, I'd have never known, but it was there. Same the following day. Then, yesterday, I started spotting, very noticeably. It was enough to wear a liner and consistent throughout the day. It was red blood. Today, the same.

As I was glancing at my chart, I noticed my temps have been consistently high, which I attributed to the time change, but the first two days after the time change, they were still low, so I went to Fertility Friend and switched my CD1 which, if you remember was about an hour of bleeding, to spotting (which it truly was, but it was the most I'd seen in over five months so I made an audible and called it CD1) and ta-da! My chart shows I ovulated between 11-14 days ago. Sooooo..... I may have actually ovulated around the time all the other spotting occurred, and this could conceivably by my "real" period.

Obviously, I will never really know, but if that IS the case, that means my numbers from CD3, were actually the middle of my cycle. An FSH of 48 mid cycle, although still high, is not as scary as CD3...but really...not so scary compared to my initial numbers anyway (gulp!)

That would also mean my LP may have extended. My longest since diagnosis has been 9. So this time, it'd be between 9-12 days. I've also had some pretty bad cramps yesterday and today, which obviously means something's working in there to cause it.

Anyway I look at it...it is what it is. I go back to TCM tomorrow. I kind of hope this is my period is now so I can just look at this as a whole new fresh cycle. It feels better in my mind than another bout of mid-cycle spotting. Either way, nothing changes I suppose. Just keep living and trusting ;)

Kicking the Cold and Determining O

May 27, 2014

I hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend. To all the soldiers who have lost their lives and to their families, my heartfelt thank you. I cannot imagine that sacrifice.

Well, my TCM confirmed Saturday that I ovulated. Which day, we aren't entirely sure. We're waiting to see the charting pattern overall once AF arrives. According to the FAM method (Fertility Awareness Method that states three high temps after six lower you ovulated) it was last Sunday. If you base it solely on the OPK it was anywhere from Weds-Friday... Fertility Friend placed it at CD16 on Friday, but I know that isn't accurate because my cervical mucus and cervix weren't fertile. All my previous cycles I had those signs at least through ovulation and sometimes extending into the next day.

My gut tells me it was either CD13 or CD14. I typically ovulate just before I can read an OPK (I know not the norm, but I only can catch a surge in the morning, so if it began the day before when my urine was too diluted, I can't read it until the next morning) or the day of a positive OPK. I wouldn't care so much which day it was except we are working so hard on extending the LP. Ah well. I'll just rejoice I ovulated again and concern myself with that further on down the road.

So basically I'm either 9DPO, 6-7 DPO or a mere 4 DPO (which I don't believe for a chance.)

My visit with my TCM on Saturday was great. Although I have a cold (which yes, they were able to detect through my pulse, and they knew it was in my sinuses without my telling them) my pulse was still stronger than last time. Dare I say, very good :) Yahoo! How did they know about the cold? They said my pulse was floating and rapid. Interesting, huh?

Depending on when I start menstruating, they think we will begin acupuncture again next visit. I inquired more and they said four visits to get my blood flowing really well to my reproductive organs and then three sessions to "prepare for pregnancy." So, seven total. They will be weekly, however since I'm planning a three week vacation at the end of June, I'll ask if they prefer we wait to start acupuncture until I get home.

I did ask if I were to conceive before the sessions were done if it'd be detrimental to the baby or increase my chance of miscarriage, and they said no. If I were to get pregnant, that means my body is strong and ready to carry a baby, so they'd just discontinue my treatments. IF there were any problems during the pregnancy, call them and we'd address if acupuncture can help.

My last pregnancy I had low amniotic fluid and was monitored very closely my last four weeks of pregnancy. I have to remember next visit to ask them about this and if there is anything I can do to help prepare my body to avoid that, or if it were to occur next time, if there is anything they can do to address that problem.

They did give me two separate batches of herbs while I was there. One week to address my cold and the second week back to fertility. I asked why and he explained that the herbs they use for fertility are to nourish me, so if I took them while I was sick, I would be nourishing the virus too, extending how long I am sick. I never thought of it that way before. The taste is definitely different in the "cold blend." I will say, it really kicked my cold's butt though. It's Tuesday and I feel good as new. Typically, I'm prone to sinus infection and once it sets in, it's tough to kick it, so I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I'll keep you posted. For now, I'm three for three. Not bad for the woman who they told had dead ovaries ;)

FertilityFriend is your Friend

April 30, 2014

People have asked me "How do you know you ovulated?"

Charting! If you don't, do. Basically, OPK's are only so reliable. They can show that you have an LH surge to release an egg, but cannot verify your body followed through. Same with tracking your CM and cervix. I found that Fertility Friend is the most comprehensive site. And, unless you want all the bells and whistles, it's free. Here is a link to my chart, so you can reference what I'm talking about all the time in my blog. Feel free to look around the site.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3915bc

If you type a question in the search bar, most likely you will find the answer you are looking for. The other think I really like about this site is you can analyze hundreds of other charts and even search things like "high FSH" or "perimenopausal" or "checking cervix" etc. It's a nice reference to use and great for those "down" days when you think it will never happen, because you can search pregnancy charts with similar criteria and see the positives :)

There is a JOIN NOW - FREE button at the top of my chart.

Find YOUR Happiness

April 5, 2014

Well, I’m 13 days past when Fertility Friend says I ovulated. 12 days past my positive OPK. So…if I DID ovulate, anywhere from 11-13 days past ovulation, or DPO in the TTC (trying to conceive) world. Negative pregnancy test. Well, I “think” I saw a slight tinge of a line, but realistically, it’s probably my mind playing tricks on me. And, after my false positives, until I see the line progression as it gets darker, I won’t get too excited. I am excited to see that my temps stayed above cover line though. Fingers crossed.

I’m feeling a bit discouraged this morning by negativity in the POF community. Someone in one of the support groups vented about hating seeing people post pregnancy stuff on FaceBook and someone replied that they’ve deleted and lost countless friends from posting too much about pregnancy. Come on ladies!! 

Let’s throw that negativity out. Yes, we all have the right to get hurt, discouraged, fed up, etc, but the key is to feel and process those feelings and then rise above it. Faulting someone else for their happiness is silly.

Can you imagine, if you deleted all your friends in relationships if you were single? Friends that ran marathons if you were paraplegic? Friends that were chefs or foodies if you were diabetic? You’d have none left. It can get obsessive making everyone feel like they have to walk on eggshells, handle you with kid gloves or hide parts of their lives and happiness from you.

The realistic approach is EVERYONE has their own trials and tribulations. Ours may be infertility and it sucks. BIG TIME! But, there are people dealing with cancer, death of loved ones, debt, depression, abuse, etc. We just don’t know what lies in people’s hearts or in their paths. Instead of faulting people who are celebrating their pregnancies or babies, let’s rejoice with them and hope and pray that we may follow in their footsteps, sooner than later. And, if you can’t do it, just “hide” their posts. Losing friends over our own internal struggle with acceptance, or, in our case, PATH to fertility and healing is silly and selfish. Life is too short to dwell on that.

I wrote a few weeks ago about the tinge of sadness I had over a friend’s pregnancy announcement. It was short lived, and wasn’t the pregnancy itself, but the eerie coincidence of it all. If I’d let myself mull over that, I’d be surrounded by negativity. That’s NOT healthy. And, it’s not Christian. Since then, a few other friends have announced their impending bundle of joy and I can honestly say I was elated with every single one. I guess until that woman posted in that support group about “deleting friends” as they got pregnant or rejoiced in their pregnancy, it never even occurred to me how many women feel that way.

Perhaps it is different for me because I DO have a healthy baby. Perhaps I am naïve. But, I know my “loss” was real when I heard the doctor diagnose me. BUT, I refuse to accept that diagnosis. Only the Lord can see who is barren, and it says right in the bible no man or woman shall be. I trust he will honor his promise. For those of you that aren’t religious, take heart that, scientifically, our bodies were created to heal themselves.

Long post short. Rejoice with others as they rejoice. Let’s not let our own sorrows deflate others. We’re bigger than that. Allow yourself to feel sorrow and grieve, yes. However, find your own happiness. Focus on healing. Focus on health. Focus on less stress. Focus on what you LOVE.

God Bless.