Heart Fire, Healing and Health

April 25, 2015

Well, my labs are rolling in and so far no surprises. The things I knew were high, iron and FSH, are high. The thing I knew was low, estrogen, is low. There are a few on the cusp or too high or too low, but most are smack dab in the middle. My vitamin D is on the low end of normal so I think she'll suggest a higher dose.

It was back to my TCM today for acupuncture and a reload of herbs. I brought up the osteopenia and he said he'd add some herbs for that, but it all ties into my kidney channel. The kidney channel controls bone, which is what also controls reproduction. Makes sense. It controls ovaries which control estradiol production which controls how bones absorb calcium.

He also said after looking at my tongue, that the tip was red which meant heart fire. He asked if I'd been emotional. Why yes, yes I have. He also asked if I'd had a bit of dizziness of nausea. Why yes, yes I have. I'd actually written about it a week or so ago wondering if it was one of the oils I was using.

He said it's called heart fire because ancient Chinese thought he heart controlled emotion, much like we did too. When you're sad, you are heartbroken. Same thing. It has nothing to do the with heart organ itself, but the emotions. He said he'd add some things to my herbs to calm my emotions.

When he did the acupuncture, he explained to me the fire spots that go from the tip of your middle finger to the inner arm near the elbow. They are the line of fire. The tip of your finger is wood, in the palm is fire, on the wrist is earth, near it metal and up your warm water. He put needles in the earth (ash) and water position to poor water on my emotions and depression so there was ash. Basically, to get rid of it. Pretty cool.

As long as I'm paying for this, I'm having him take care of everything. I was a bit like a porcupine today with 44 needles ranging from fertility, to depression to carpal tunnel. Those carpal tunnel ones are killers. They send shock waves up your whole hand right up your finger. I have to say I despise those ones, but I haven't been having pain anymore so I trust they are working.

He also explained to me that when my other doctor returns from China next week that her needles where too high on my abdomen. They should be one inch above my pubic bone. Apparently she was too shy to pull my pants down far enough.

When they both feel I'm ready they will do the "pregnancy hold" acupuncture which is apparently just five needles. One in the stomach, two on the calves (I think that's where he pointed) and two in the ankle. He said right now they are busy increasing energy all over, but when I'm strong enough, that will really zero in on that one area and it is powerful.

Honestly, I find TCM fascinating. It really is incredible how the whole body ties into itself. It seems rather obvious, but when you think how one small things sets off a chain reaction. Amazing.

He did ask how my temp was and I had to admit I haven't been temping. He said a mental break was good for my emotional well being, but I get the sense he'd like me to start again at some point. I will. For now, the break is good.

As I write this I'm busy doing my oil pulling. Not as bad as when I first started. I do need to start with my castor oil packs again at some point. It's really quite relaxing, I just need to get into my rythym. My husband has been traveling and between working full time, taking care of my son and keeping things moving on the acting front, I just haven't had the time. I need to change that.

My mother in law called the other day saying her sister, a nurse on a maternity ward, tracked down an OBYN at a conference who knew about POF. This doctor was adamant that the first thing I should have been tested for was celiac. That they are finding major ties between it and POF and infertility in general. I emailed my OB, who I think took a bit of offense because she instructed me to contact my regular doctor very curtly. I figure they've been testing me for everything else, one more test can't hurt.

It's not surprising really. The wheat in this country is appalling. It's nothing like the ancient wheat our ancestors use to eat. It's even harvested too early (for higher profit) making the chemical make up completely different. Makes me shudder, our food industry.

I know a lot of blood tests for celiac come up false negative and the biopsy is the only way to tell, but regardless my result (if they allow it) I may give it up for a while to see how it impacts me. A lot of women in the infertility forum have had tremendous improvement once kicking gluten. Makes me wonder...

I'm attending an essential oil event. I also want a new Zyto scan. Remember, my last one said heart (emotional) health was impaired and inner child (emotional conflict from past.) I'm curious in light on what my TCM said, what it is now.

I've also really delved back into the word. There was a passage in Nerida's book (who you know I love) that said to stop saying you have the condition you have. Your tongue is a powerful sword and what you say is, IS. So, I've been talking to my body every morning and every night. "Body, you work perfectly. Body, you are healed. Ovaries, you have plentiful eggs that are growing. Body, you hormones are the correct levels. Body, you are in line with what God said, that you should be fruitful and multiply." May sound silly, but I believe the spoken word and the mind are powerful.

God Bless.

Acu Update

Nov. 13, 2014

Well, it was back to the TCM today and they seem to feel this is my "true" period. After chatting about my flow, she felt that my body was ridding itself of old blood, hence the long spotting from before. She saw the clear thermal shift on my chart, and since this blood was, well, like blood rather than thick and brown, it was a true flow. Not heavy, but there. Today it actually got a smidge heavier. I'm thinking the acupuncture may have done that.

When they took my pulse today, they said my "blood" is actually feeling pretty healthy. I was a bit confused, but you know me...I'm good at asking questions ;)

Basically, my right wrist is my Qi and my left wrist is my blood. My blood pulses were stronger today. My Qi channel is still low.

Acupuncture, as I've said before when I'm bleeding is super sensitive. The needle that really hurt today was the one over my right ovary. The left was definitely tender, but when she put the right one in, it felt like there was tremendous pressure in that area.

After acupuncture however, my Qi, per usual, it is drastically improved. I asked them if there is anything I can do to improve my Qi. Exercise? They told me that since I already exercise and am healthy that over exercising would actually deplete me more. They encouraged me once again to improve my "nutrition."

I've learned that this doesn't mean overall nutrition to them. It means proteins. She kept telling me to eat chicken soup. A bit confused I pressed the issue and they told me, "you know, boil a chicken."

"Ahhhhh. So, you want me to eat bone broth?"

Yes! They also said to make sure I am getting plenty of calcium, eggs, fish, meat and to add protein powder to my diet. My hubby has organic protein powder, so I'll be digging into that. She also told me to start eating my goji berries again.

So, off I went to the Asian market. Now, this part, gulp, will make you queasy.  I was already thinking in my head I should have ordered more organic goji berry powder or organic goji berries from Amazon, but figured I didn't want to wait for it to arrive, so I better just get it from the store. I was a bit uneasy them probably not being organic, but for a quick fix until I get my order in, they'd have to suffice.

I went in, got my berries and headed to the car. Thankfully, I went to open it since I hadn't had lunch and thought it'd be a nice snack on the way home. AND THERE WAS A MAGGOT IN THERE!!!! I almost lost my cookies.

I went back in and tried to discretely tell the woman working there what happened. She saw the smooshed critter right there in the bag, so she gave me a new bag. I just stood there in disgust. Um, what if there's one in here. "No, no, this is fresh batch" she said pulling it out of the freezer section.

All I could think on the way home is #1, I will not be telling my husband this happened, he will be appalled (hello sweetie if you ever read this...) and #2, I am either going to freeze these suckers or gobble them up before anything can hatch. And #3 - I am buying the organic powder from now on. I know nothing is hatching in there.

So, as I type this, I'm sitting with my feet soaking and my castor oil pack doing it's thing on my belly. I feel kind if refreshed that it's a true new cycle. I mean, I guess I will never know for sure, but it feels a lot more like a true cycle than that stint of spotting did.

I've still been reading my book It Is Finished by Nerida Walker, but not as quickly as I should be. It's been insanely hectic with work. I think I mentioned before my sister-in-law and I are thinking of opening an Etsy shop for all natural beauty care products? We've been making headway on it. Stay tuned, I'll post a link when it's up and running if you want to try any of our stuff.

Until then, hang in there and God Bless.

If any of you ladies reading want to ever share your journey, don't be a stranger. I know sometimes it's easier and safe to just read others journeys, but we can all learn and encourage each other.

Acu update, Spotting and Investigating Adoption

Oct. 30, 2014

Well, onwards and upwards. It was back to TCM today to share with them the "period" and my new labs. They were happy with the progress. Although they'd have liked heavier blood flow, something is better than nothing. My sentiments exactly. My pulse was a bit stronger today, and nice and strong after my session.

She told me a peculiar thing though. To keep my feet warm. I had no idea that could alter a menstrual cycle, but she showed me how she always wore pantyhose even with sandals because your feet should always stay warm. Out of curiosity, I googled it. Apparently when you bleed you are most vulnerable so TCM says to not go barefoot and avoid swimming in cold water. Here is a link.

https://www.acufinder.com/Acupuncture+Information/Detail/ABCs+of+Fertility+Acupuncture,+Babies,+Chinese+Medicine+-+Part+1

I go around barefoot all the time, so I guess I'll be more conscious of that. I do love my slippers in the winter though, so just another excuse to get my annual pair of Snoozies. Have you tried this things?? You will fall in love.

My session was definitely more relaxed today. I was early, no stressors and I could just lay there. It heart like the dickens though. I won't like. The needles over my ovaries felt like daggers going in! "Hurt?" she asked. "Yes!!" I asked if it was because I was bleeding and she said yes. I'm very sensitive right now because of it. Sweet sassy molassy! She was right!

She was also happy with my labs. Although no beautiful numbers, they were drastically better than last time. And the beauty is, it was done naturally coaxing my body back into health without meds to mask symptoms. I like that.

Something else I feel I should share, full disclosure and all, is I started sending away for information on adoption. The cost of it all makes me want to cry, but we've never been opposed to adopting. I found a few nice Christian agencies (not that we are opposed to others, but these are non profit and I've moral issues with going some of the larger ones that work for profit) in this area. Some of which foster to adopt.

Fostering to adopt is something I'm not certain we want. The big reason - my heart can only handle so much heartache and bringing a child into our family that could leave would devastate me.

Adopting costs upwards of $35,000. A lot of agencies look a lot lower until you read into the "additional" costs. An adoption that looks to be $25,000 after the agency "fees" in usually about $10,000 more. It's all very overwhelming.

I did email our accountant though to discuss the adoption tax credits and how they are applied, so I do know we could get tax dollars back the year it is finalized. There are also numerous grants for me to research if we do decide to proceed in this direction.

There is also the adoption to adopt an embryo. I know my doctors had told me DE IVF, which is donor egg IVF with the egg fertilized with my husbands sperm, but I didn't realize how many families have undergone IVF and are putting their other embies up for adoption. I like that. Because otherwise, those little babes would never have a chance. But again, it is about a $10,000 fee to adopt them (none of which goes to the family by the way - just the agencies!!) and then you pay for the IVF procedure.

The funny thing is, before I never wanted to look seriously into the matter because I felt I was "giving" up on conceiving, but now all of a sudden, I don't feel that way at all. I feel very at peace with we will have another biological child, but this whole journey, with all my prayer, has also given me a certain peace bringing a child into our home another way. I just wish it wasn't so much money. It's staggering really.

So, after all that rambling, I don't know if adoption is a realistic avenue for our family, but I want to research it as best I can. I know we've a spot in our heart and family for a child. I've an odd peace we will conceive and have a healthy baby, but I've always been a bit type "A" in preparing for every outcome.

So, it is CD5 and I'm very optimistic this cycle. I feel good. I'm encouraged my estrogen levels are higher increasing my odds to ovulate, and I'm ensuring I eat well, get good rest and do my best to center myself mentally and spiritually.

Since I KNEW I had not ovulated recently and am not pregnant, I started my castor oil pack yesterday. I did it while I was working. Thankfully my husband was at class, otherwise I'm sure he'd have given me a strange look to come down stairs and find me without pants sitting on a garbage bag (to catch castor oil) with a pack sitting on my stomach! I also started taking my evening primrose and red raspberry leaf tea again. I never do when I even think I may have ovulated because I want to avoid uterine contractions.

I also got an early Christmas present. A nutribullet!! I've been juicing for the past few months, but my motor was shot and it's been tough to schedule with my friend juicing, so I researched different options and decided on the nutribullet because I think drinking the fiber is important too. So, I've been downing my organic veggies for easy absorption the past few days. Nice thing is, my family is hooked too, so it's a good way to get a variety of vitamins and minerals down the hatch. I know proper eating is essential to fertility!!

I've also been listening to Nerida Walker a lot. I play her in the background while I work to center myself when I need to. I think her ministry is amazing!

Off topic, I've continued making my homemade items and I'm falling in love with all of them. My sister-in-law has been doing the same. We've tossed around the idea of starting to sell some small scale to see how people like them. Who knew all these health problems would open so many doors, right? She has three kids and we're both adamant we give our kids the best outlook at a healthy future. I don't want my child to ever suffer health problems from exposure to toxins like I have. I know they come into contact with thousands a day, so if I can do a small part to limit that, you can be assured I will!

God Bless!

An athletic "Old" lady

Oct. 2, 2014

October already? How did this happen?

Well, I had my first dentist appointment since starting my own toothpaste regimen. And although I needed a minor filling along my gum line for over brushing (receded gum line that was exposing a nerve) he said my teeth looked excellent and very white. First time he'd actually said "very white." My gums were exceptionally healthy. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was making my own.

Side note - I read an interesting and scary article last night about how horrible some toothpastes and cleansers are to the environment. Check it out. I'm a Michigander, so very scary stuff.

http://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2014/09/18/great-lakes-pollution-microbeads-soap/15817501/

Also at the dentist this morning, they checked my blood pressure. 98 over 53 which is standard for me, but if you look at the blood pressure chart, that is where an athlete is.

So, hormones of a 120 year old decrepit woman, vitals of a young athlete. Go figure.

I also want to show off my pedicure. I haven't painted my nails since January because of all the chemicals in nail polish, but my husband's friend is the owner of piggy paints and I love the idea. And really, who says adults can't use the stuff, right??

http://www.piggypaint.com/

or you can get it on Amazon

Other than that, still plodding along. I'm still reading that excellent book, It is Finished by Nerida Walker, taking my herbs and keeping up with my yoga and meditation. Before my appointment, I did take a HPT in case since I knew they were x-raying and the positive was fainter. The OPK was in your face and my other fertile signs are a go. We'll see what happens.

God Bless

A Peace

Sept 10, 2014

My last blog I posted about Nerida Walker. Since then, I've watched several of her sermons, or rather listened to them while I was working, and the unbelievable peace, calm and trust they've brought me...there are no words. For those religious and spiritually minded, I do encourage you to listen. For those that aren't, I still do encourage you to listen. I think there is healing to be found in her words. I posted a link to her youtube channel before.

She did a three part series on fertility - Oct 11, 12 and 13, 2013. It not only deals with fertility, but any sickness or "unnatural" occurrence in the body. She views infertility as just that, something that is wrong in the body, but through the word or God and the covenant he gave us, we are healed from all that. She spoke about how we can be "do-ers" and try everything in our power to heal ourselves, but we are ALREADY healed. She spoke about resting in faith and trusting the Lord to perform the miracle he has already promised us. It is only in that calm, that rest, that we are fully trusting the Lord and the Lord alone.

Wow. I've been a busy "do-er." Treatments, supplements, prayers. Begging, yelling, pleading, commanding the Lord to heal me. But, I AM healed. Although I will continue my treatments and herbs and supplements, I do it with a new peace knowing that although I am making my fields fertile, it is through God and his miracle alone that I will become pregnant.

It brought me such peace to realize that I don't have to DO anything. All I need is faith that God will fulfill what he has already promised. I copied this quote down from one of her sermons because it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks.

"Faith does not move God. Faith moves you into what God has already freely provided to you. For you. Faith is our response to God's grace." - Nerida Walker

Wow. I've sought the Lord and his counsel for how to right what is wrong. Instead of searching for answers, she encouraged that yes, seek the word in the bible, but NOT for answers, but for a stronger relationship with God. Seek God. Seek a relationship. I don't need answers. There aren't any. 

The calm that washed over me last night was something that I have never felt. God is in control. I will have a baby because that is what is intended. 

It's so interesting because even with my TCM, they always pushed for "relax relax relax." And, that is exactly what she said, just instead of "relax" she used the word "rest." All my herbs and acupuncture without resting in God's word (or meditation as they would use prayer and meditation interchangeably) would not be successful without that "rest." 

If you aren't religious minded, I encourage you to "relax relax relax" and trust in the universe, the higher power, or whatever you seek and find calm. I also encourage you to explore a relationship with God outside the context of whatever your past history with church or religion has been. Sadly, churches, institutions and even those "well intentioned" religious folk sometimes do more harm than good.

On a somewhat more shallow note, I received my fertility bracelet. I kind of laughed when I got it because here I was "doing" again, but I decided to wear it anyway. Yes, I do believe crystal can be healing, and it may work in conjunction with God's plan, but it will be my reminder to let go.

It's funny, when I checked out I could choose one of three fertility symbols, or a cross for the end, and I choose a cross. Now, that decision makes so much more sense in light of my new knowledge.

Here are some pictures.

Here is a chart for what each stone does for fertility.

Interesting enough, my temps went back up today. What that means, I don't know, but I'm just sitting back right now and enjoying the ride. I'm back to acupuncture Sat, so most likely I will test before then to make sure before they are stimulating my uterus with needles unnecessarily.

God speed.