Acu Success "Gun How"

Sept 28, 2014

Well, yesterday was my last acupuncture treatment until my TCM doctors get back from China. It was all good news!! She said my pulse was as strong when I arrived as it was AFTER my session last time.

And, after my session this time, they taught me a new word. Well, two new words. Forgive my obviously incorrect spelling, but phonetically, it's "Gun How" which means very good! Now that, THAT is something that's been a while coming.

Acupuncture yesterday was very, very tender. OUCH! It seemed every needle, except those in my head, were painful going in, painful as she came in to turn them (she usually does this three times during the session) and equally painful coming out. I also got bursts of pain throughout.

As she was putting them in, I kept wincing. "Hurt?"

Um, "yes!"

"Good. You sensitive."

I asked why that was good and she said "body might near menstruating or ovulate."

So,  a sensitive body is a good thing during this particular treatment I suppose. Makes sense.

I snapped a pic again of my abdomen. As you can see, she went a bit crazy with needles down the line from my naval. I'm thinking she REALLY wanted to send the energy down to get things moving!!

Afterwards, I was filled up on three weeks of herbs and told to eat more "nutrition." Like, veggies and fruit? Because I eat a lot. To which they responded "Meat. Fish." So...I need more proteins to gain a bit more weight.

Fish last night. Burgers today. Not much goes better with football, right? Go Lions!

TTC - One year Down

Sept. 26, 2014

Well, Sept. 23 was our one year TTC (Trying To Conceive) anniversary. It's been a wild ride this year. Lots of ups and downs. The downs are rather obvious, but the ups, well, here you go...

1. I've grown closer to my Lord and Savior. I've come to the conclusion that without Him I am powerless. I'm continuing to grow in his word and have Faith. And my Faith tells me I will be a mother of CHILDREN, not CHILD.

2. I do not take my family for granted. My husband and myself have been through the ringer. We've been challenged physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and psychologically, but we've not only survived, but grown stronger. I value every single second with my son. He is truly a miracle and has been God's greatest gift to our family. Being his mother is my greatest privilege in life.

3. I've learned a wealth of information about my body. From studying Eastern medicine, to aromatherapy, crystals, yoga, meditation, chiropractic care, massages, etc. I thought I'd learned so much our first time trying, but the minimum I learned about charting, cervical mucus and cervix position was the tip of the ice berg. With my diagnosis came a whole new world, or perception of the one I was living in. I've broadened my perspective and understanding on so many conventional things in our society. It's been enlightening and invigorating.

4. We've made huge life long changes in our family to reduce toxic exposure. We eat healthier, are physically active, have done away with any toxins we can do without. I feel positive and confident that we are setting good examples for our son, and setting him off on the right foot. I wish him lifelong happiness without physically or neurological ailments that could have been prevented.

5. I've met some (excuse my language) real KICK ASS LADIES!! From my own personal friend who has struggled beside me in TCM fertility, to ladies in mother's groups to ladies in forums and online support groups. Although we may not all see eye to eye on treatments or outlooks, it's so encouraging to have people to turn to. They constantly make me think, reflect and learn. The grit, determination, faith, strength and humor of the ladies struggling with fertility is unparalleled. I've also found comfort and support within the small group of family and friends that are aware of my diagnosis. Their prayers, support and encouragement are precious and appreciated.

6. I live for the moment. True, I get caught up at times in the what if's, but the truth of the matter is, I have the here and now. I trust I WILL be pregnant, but wasting precious moments now fretting over how soon that will come has worn me down in the past and it's not worth it. My baby will come soon, and while I can, I'm enjoying spending extra time with my ONE son now before he has a sibling. Extra time with my husband NOW before we've another child. Extra time pursuing my career, before I've another year off gaining my footing again.

7. I have learned to reject my diagnosis. Who needs it. I'm a strong, healthy woman who likes being a momma, and ya know what? I pretty damn good at it. I'm just looking to add to be brood. So there!

Life is good. So, instead of grieving it's been a year, I am celebrating every positive thing that has come out of all this. It sounds cliche, but what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger.

Reducing Toxins

Sept. 21, 2014

Well, my pursuit to a healthy home and personal care environment continues. A few months back I posted I was making my own toothpaste and deodorant and love it. Did I mention, I love it?! I was always concerned it wouldn't work as well as store bought and it'd be time consuming to make, but the reality is it works way better than store bought (really!!) it takes me about 10 minutes total every 6-8 weeks to make BOTH batches and it costs pennies on the dollar compared to what I was spending, especially in comparison to the "healthier" brand options I was purchasing.

I can also give it a two thumbs up approval from both my husband (who I feared would be my worse critic) and my 22 month old son for the toothpaste. We tried the baby toothpastes and training toothpastes, but even the "natural" ones were basically sugar. I was skeptical coating his teeth in it, and it didn't do the trick. He, unfortunately, has a tendency to get staining at the gum line, so we had to resort to adult toothpaste once or twice a week and I hated him swallowing the fluoride and chemicals. On a whim, I suggested we try the homemade version thinking he'd hate it...and he didn't. He actually liked it and I have no guilt with him swallowing it. My husband, seeing he liked it, tried it himself and was shocked he liked it.

For skincare I've always used Origins, which I still stand by is a much healthier option than many on the market. It's a bit pricey and I know it isn't completely safe, so I thought I'd see what else is out there. There are options that come with huge price tags. Did I really want to spend $50 to "see" if one worked well?? So, I decided to just try coconut oil and see. I was nervous. Putting oil on my skin? Erm... Well, I did. And, no break outs. It absorbed easily and to be honest, my complexion looks great! Score!

It only takes a tiny, tiny bit, which I learned after night one. I still have a bulk of stock piled Origins from their fabulous sales which I still intend to use, but have decided that is my "travel" skincare. My trip this summer, reinforced the idea traveling with coconut oil is not a good idea. Reminder...it melts over 74 - 75 degrees. I had a DOP kit of coconut oil covered make up and products. Even in carry on, with the ziploc allowance, I'd be concerned of it heating and leaking.

My next feet was finding a lotion I could feel healthy about. My two choices I narrowed it down to were Honest and Earth Mama Baby Angel which were some of the safest on the EWG.org. However, they also came with the largest price tag. For my baby, I didn't mind spending it because he's a tiny guy and they lasted. For me...lots more coverage = lots more lotion.

I looked online and found some great recipes at Wellnessmama. The same place I found the deodorant and toothpaste. I had my shopping cart full of organic beeswax and organic shea butter and though, hm, well, coconut oil worked for my face. I wonder if it would for my body. Would it be too oil? Get on clothes? Furniture? Bedding?

I gave it a whirl. I little goes a long way, but that is all you need. It absorbed quickly and left no oil residue. It didn't get on anything. I just allowed it to soak in for a few minutes after I dried off after my shower. My skin feels soft and it's not dry. I should admit at this point, that I hadn't been using lotion for about six months now because I was creeped out by all the chemicals I was putting on, essentially, the largest organ of my body...my skin! As an added bonus, it does offer a wee bit of sun protection too. Not enough to do away with sunscreen, but a bit ;)

So, score there. No paying a hefty paycheck on lotion anymore. My jumbo size tub of organic coconut oil from Costco is well worth the money. If you don't have a membership you can get a decent price on Amazon.

I found a few ideas for face cleansers that I've yet to try. Some were oil cleaning (just using oil to clean your face) which I'm sure works great, but I've ingrained in my mind that foaming cleansers are what works. I have to stop thinking that way. Until I find something I love (I'm testing as I go) I still have my drawer of Origins that I'm relying on in the interim until it's delegated to travel cleansers.

The shampoo will be the interesting one. A lot of the recipes, since they are made out of ingredients, actually go bad if not used in the appropriate amount of time. I plan to start making small batches of different recipes until I know what I want to do. In the interim, I have a few organic shampoo and conditioner samples that I've tried. I have to once again get use the lack of lather. They leave my hair nice and clean, but it's the whopping price tag that has be bumming. I'm convinced I'll find a nice homemade one.

So, we are now an all vinegar and baking soda cleaning household with an occasional Better Life cleaner. It's much cheaper at Sprouts or Whole Foods. We got rid of all our candles (nasty nasty toxins, unless they are pure organic beeswax and have all organic cotton wicks) and air fresheners. Well, almost all. My husband refuses to give up his one in his bathroom ;) I need to just make him up spray with essential oil to see if I can convince him at works as well without all the gunk.

My personal care journey is doing well on eliminating and limiting toxins. All in all. I feel pretty good about it.

The next thing I've been thinking and praying on is a fast. Raised a Catholic, the extent of fasting I did was to not eat meat on Fridays during Lent, not snack during Lent, and to give something up. Other than that, we weren't big fasters. I know a lot of people do. What kind, I don't know.

There is a fertility juice cleanse fast that my friend swears by. I may have mentioned her in the past. She and her husband tried for ELEVEN YEARS (!!!) to get pregnant. Numerous failed IUIs and IVFs. Nothing seemed to help. A bishop at her ward (church) said he'd counseled many infertile couples to try this fast and it had worked for everyone. Extremely doubtful, she and her husband did it. Two weeks later...pregnant! If I didn't know her personally, I'd give that story the side eye and say "Yeah, right!" But, I DO know her personally and I DID see this happen in her life.

She sent me the info. My hesitation? It's two weeks. How with working full time and raising a child will I do this? It's to drink a gallon of water and a gallon of fresh organic juice everyday. Fruit and veggies all day and only veggies in the PM. It also has some supplements, but since I am on TCM, I don't think those supplements are necessary. I looked at the ingredients, and a lot I'm already taking on my own, or my TCM herbs have similar ones included.

To be honest, I'm already considered underweight (even though I've gained 10 lbs in the last nine months) at 105 lbs. And that 105 lbs was with my sneakers and jeans, so it's probably a little less. Will a juice fast be too detrimental on my system? My friend gave me the name of the woman who promotes it and said she called several times with questions. They were very good to get back to her and never charged any type of consultation fee.

I was thinking if I do embark on this, to use the Nutribullet to get maximum absorption and fiber and possibly put in some seeds or nuts to get protein, but I'd have to run it by the woman if it'd do any good. I won't do the fast without it though. I can't lose weight, and I'm borderline hypoglycemic, so too much sugar with no protein is bad news.

Anyway, it sounded like an idea to explore for health benefits but also as a spiritual journey with fasting. If I don't think I can handle two weeks, maybe start with three days? I'll keep you posted.

Still reading my book by Nerida Walker and taking more time with my Bible and the word. I've been incredibly peaceful. It's so interesting, but really, since taking the time to explore my relationship with God, ask myself the tough questions and grow in my faith, my diagnosis doesn't seem insurmountable. It's a worldly diagnosis.

As always, God bless.

Acupuncture, Cockroaches and Spiritual Reading

Sept. 19, 2014

Well, it was back to acupuncture yesterday. I arrived a couple minutes early and noticed a cockroach scurrying in the hallway. Before you get the heeby jeebies, it was not in my TCM's office. They share a building with a dentist office. They hadn't arrived yet, and I was sitting in the hallway that divides the two. I saw it was hurt and had a moment of, do I squish him and put him out of his misery or try and shoo him outside. Before I made my decision they arrived.

Why do I mention the cockroach? As my TCM was taking my pulse, her husband, who translates for me was sitting at the desk transfixed on this beast in the hallway. Out of the blue he started telling me about the cockroaches anatomy and how they are pretty much invincible on the top of their bodies because their shells are almost impenetrable making them very tough to get rid of. Then he told me, that on their anatomies, insecticides work through their abdomen which is why people spray the ground. They drag their bodies over it and it ends up killing them.

He was telling me that a good pesticide is detergent or cleaner because it eats into their body and dissolves their lipids. He then proceeded to pull out a bottle of 409. He squirted the guy three times on his abdomen and within minutes, he was dead. Moral of my story?? 409 killed this impenetrable beast! It really made it sink in why we did away with cleaners in our household. It's just a small example, but think of all the cleaners we "clean" with, how many chemicals we spray in our homes with air fresheners, we burn candles, we clean our teeth, hair, faces, bodies with them. Yikes!

The visit itself went well. When she read my pulse yesterday there was no frown. She said "Ok" and proceeded to say in Chinese the diagnosis. He translated that I was getting stronger. My pulses were much better today. Not necessarily strong, but not bad. For a normal person, they were "ok" and in my book, I'll chalk that up to a win.

She did the same main points, but I saw a few things switch up. She put a needle into the top of my skull. It is suppose to draw my energy down to connect with the needles in my reproductive points to help menstruation flow. She also moved the needles in my left hand to my right, and put a needle in my ring finger in the left hand. I couldn't really get a translation what that was for, but I know we put our rings there because it's suppose to symbolically lead to our heart so my assumption is something for my Qi.

I literally felt the energy today. I had a hot flash in the middle, which normally, I'd be a bit concerned by with a POF diagnosis, but my whole body felt like it swelled up and coursed with energy. It felt like when you wear a ring in the hot summer and it feels too small...that's how my whole body felt for a minute. Very bizarre.

Afterwards, my pulse was even better. She filled me up on herbs for a week. One more acupuncture visit and a replenish of herbs next week before they go to China for three weeks. When they return, most likely back to weekly acupuncture.

On this visit, I remembered they'd told me to start taking resveratrol a few weeks back because it's a high antioxidant and is suppose to help with blood flow. It's the chemical found in grape leaves which is why sometimes you hear people say a glass or red wine will prevent heart disease. It's the resveratrol, not the wine ;)

So, I ordered some. I did a bit of research and did find that it has been linked to fertility. Basically, it helps protect the eggs from prematurely aging, as with the rest of your body. An interesting thing I found, especially for those with POF is that it helps prevent osteoperosis. When you have POF, your body literally drains your bones of calcium, which is why a calcium supplement is so important, and why doctors often prescribe HRT. The HRT helps prevent bone loss. What they are now finding is resveratrol works just as well as some HRT regimens at protecting your bones.

Here is an interesting article. There are dozens more in you goodle resveratrol and fertility of health benefits, but this one spoke specifically about HRT.

http://www.naturopathiccurrents.com/articles/resveratrol_uncovering_the_health_benefits_of_red_wine

The fertility dosage I was able to find is 400 mg, however, I hate starting at the top. I began 200 mg dose yesterday. I found a good deal at iHerb that is non GMO and guaranteed to not have chemicals and not have had any pesticide. Here is a link to that supplement. Use coupon POD190 for $5 off your first order any price of $10 off $40. The other thing I like about that site is their warehouse is climate controlled, which it isn't at other facilities like Amazon.

http://www.iherb.com/Paradise-Herbs-Resveratrol-60-Veggie-Caps/4232#p=1&oos=1&disc=0&lc=en-US&w=resveratrol&rc=443&sr=null&ic=7

(just an update to the above, that blend does not have very high resveratrol - here is the brand I use now

In other news, I read the book Inconceivable that I'd talked about ordering in a previous post. It was a nice book about someone's journey through secondary infertility. I really connected to her in parts because people automatically assume that since you had one child, it makes the diagnosis somehow easier. Not so. It's also hard to find support within the infertility community because people are struggling to have any child, and your having one is sometimes met with confusion and even hostility. It also makes you feel guilty at times that you are being so "greedy" to want another when some people have none. In this book, the author dealt with all those emotions.

I liked she explored many of the same things I'm doing and it reminded me the benefits of yoga. I'd kind of put them aside when I started meditating at night, but it reminded me that it also has to do with increased blood flow and body strength as well as quieting the mind. I've reincorporated that into my life the last few days. Just three poses really. I do them in the morning, in the afternoon if I remember and at night before bed. My son has actually started "kind of" doing them also :)

I do The Supported Shoulder Stand, The Supported Bridge Pose (both not to be done during menstruation because they are considered inverted, and during menstruation you don't want to send blood the wrong way) and The Cobra. Here is a good link to six poses and how they are good. I open my hip flexors at night during meditation similar to the Butterfly, but lying down on my towels.

http://magkaye.hubpages.com/hub/The-6-Best-Yoga-Poses-for-Fertility

I also got the first of Nerida Walker's books. Well, actually it's her second, but it arrived first, so I started reading it last night. I LOVE IT!! She really has been a blessing in my life and I'm so eager to read more and dig into the word. I've been trying to be still and rest in God's provisions for my life. I know places like Barnes and Noble and Amazon carry them, but I always buy second hand at Abe Books or Alibris.

I'm doing better. I'm still doing my "regimen" of sorts but it really has come with more of a peace. If I forget something, there is no panic, and I've eased up on taking the OPKs. I do them every 2-3 days, and they are still glaring positive at me, so my hormones are in over drive. What that means is my body really, really wants to ovulate, but things aren't really cooperating. In the mean time, trying to center myself. Miracles can happen, but they are most miraculous when the odds seem impossible I suppose. Maybe this will just make my testimony all the more powerful for someone who needs believing.

God Bless!

Acu Update and Faint Positives

Sept. 15, 2014

Well, Saturday was back to acupuncture. Good news, my pulses were stronger at the start, and even stronger after the pricks. Still not perfect, but going in the right direction. She added another needle to the formation which was about one inch above my belly button. I still haven't quite found that point in any of my fertility books or online, but she seems to know what it's for. I have to remind myself she's treating the whole body, not just fertility. She tells me every time it's to increase Qi, menstruation and pregnancy.

I had my husband snap a picture of my stomach post treatment. This time, they seem to be more red, and one actually bruised. Ironically, the only one that really hurt, you can barely see.

Here is a link that will help you identify the points and why they are stimulated. The photo of the abdomen is almost identical to where she poked me except she did the three points above my naval. About one inch above center and two pokes about two inches above and to either side.

http://www.natural-health-for-fertility.com/acupressure-for-fertility.html#.VBb9f_ldU1I

If you scroll down she also did the Epang II spots as well as one spot directly above the Yintang but into my hairline.

The following images are from the book The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis, which I've recommended time and time again. She shows ALL the various fertility points and what they do. I'm just using these images to show which my acupuncturist used.

She used the LV point, in previous visits when she KNOWS I have not ovulated, she has also used the KI4

This visit, she used the SP 10, SP 8 and ST 36, she has used numerous others on other visits, including Ki 3,Sp 6. I've used acupressure on SP 9 before under their direction.

Although they have not done acupuncture in my ear before, I do stimulate both of these spots every night during meditation. They are good for stress relief.

My acupuncturist also does two spots between my thumb and forefinger to increase Qi.

The Infertility Cure is excellent because it shows all the spots, gives detailed information about each spot, how it should be stimulated and WHEN and also discusses which spots should be used for each specific condition of infertility.

Amazing stuff! I go back next Saturday again for acupuncture and a new batch of herbs. Then back one more time. They go to China for three weeks following that and will stock me on herbs and we will decide if I need more sessions of acupuncture when they return.

In other news, I tested last week to faint positives. My in-laws, awesome as they are came to town to watch my son on Saturday night so my husband and I could do a mini overnight vacation to see a comedy fest. I decided not to use OPK's or pregnancy tests all weekend and just relax.

I did test this morning and still faint positives and a blaring positive OPK. So, I'm just riding this out. I think I'll just test OPKs every few days now since I think I'm having a POF LH surge. Best not to waste my money and no reason to create anxiety.

Although FF still has my temps as O'ing 16 days ago, I'm fairly certain I didn't. My cervix is still firm and closed, but I am assured with that since it spent the last two months wide open. My feeling is, my body is sorting itself out and regrouping. Next time it opens, I hope will be the real deal.

Until then, I've really reflected on the message about resting in the Lord, and I have. Oddly enough, I've had no anxiety about it. My baby is around the corner. I know it.

A Peace

Sept 10, 2014

My last blog I posted about Nerida Walker. Since then, I've watched several of her sermons, or rather listened to them while I was working, and the unbelievable peace, calm and trust they've brought me...there are no words. For those religious and spiritually minded, I do encourage you to listen. For those that aren't, I still do encourage you to listen. I think there is healing to be found in her words. I posted a link to her youtube channel before.

She did a three part series on fertility - Oct 11, 12 and 13, 2013. It not only deals with fertility, but any sickness or "unnatural" occurrence in the body. She views infertility as just that, something that is wrong in the body, but through the word or God and the covenant he gave us, we are healed from all that. She spoke about how we can be "do-ers" and try everything in our power to heal ourselves, but we are ALREADY healed. She spoke about resting in faith and trusting the Lord to perform the miracle he has already promised us. It is only in that calm, that rest, that we are fully trusting the Lord and the Lord alone.

Wow. I've been a busy "do-er." Treatments, supplements, prayers. Begging, yelling, pleading, commanding the Lord to heal me. But, I AM healed. Although I will continue my treatments and herbs and supplements, I do it with a new peace knowing that although I am making my fields fertile, it is through God and his miracle alone that I will become pregnant.

It brought me such peace to realize that I don't have to DO anything. All I need is faith that God will fulfill what he has already promised. I copied this quote down from one of her sermons because it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks.

"Faith does not move God. Faith moves you into what God has already freely provided to you. For you. Faith is our response to God's grace." - Nerida Walker

Wow. I've sought the Lord and his counsel for how to right what is wrong. Instead of searching for answers, she encouraged that yes, seek the word in the bible, but NOT for answers, but for a stronger relationship with God. Seek God. Seek a relationship. I don't need answers. There aren't any. 

The calm that washed over me last night was something that I have never felt. God is in control. I will have a baby because that is what is intended. 

It's so interesting because even with my TCM, they always pushed for "relax relax relax." And, that is exactly what she said, just instead of "relax" she used the word "rest." All my herbs and acupuncture without resting in God's word (or meditation as they would use prayer and meditation interchangeably) would not be successful without that "rest." 

If you aren't religious minded, I encourage you to "relax relax relax" and trust in the universe, the higher power, or whatever you seek and find calm. I also encourage you to explore a relationship with God outside the context of whatever your past history with church or religion has been. Sadly, churches, institutions and even those "well intentioned" religious folk sometimes do more harm than good.

On a somewhat more shallow note, I received my fertility bracelet. I kind of laughed when I got it because here I was "doing" again, but I decided to wear it anyway. Yes, I do believe crystal can be healing, and it may work in conjunction with God's plan, but it will be my reminder to let go.

It's funny, when I checked out I could choose one of three fertility symbols, or a cross for the end, and I choose a cross. Now, that decision makes so much more sense in light of my new knowledge.

Here are some pictures.

Here is a chart for what each stone does for fertility.

Interesting enough, my temps went back up today. What that means, I don't know, but I'm just sitting back right now and enjoying the ride. I'm back to acupuncture Sat, so most likely I will test before then to make sure before they are stimulating my uterus with needles unnecessarily.

God speed.

Acu Update & Holy Healing

Sept. 8, 2014

Well, I was back to my acupressure session on Saturday and an adjustment for my herbs. Good news, my pulses were much stronger. After my session, stronger yet. They seemed very happy with my progress. My TCM also looked at my chart and I told her about the light spotting I had for five days. With the temp rise and timing of spotting she thought it was conceivable I ovulated.

I noticed when she did the acupuncture this time she switched the spots a bit. She did two pokes about two inches above my naval to the left and right. When I asked her about it, she said in broken English "impregnate." So, I gathered those were the "hold" spots they were talking about before. I didn't think those were suppose to start until the fifth session, but given I potentially ovulated and was in the 2WW, I think she triggered them just in case.

She also didn't do my inner calf or the spots near my heals. From reading about acupuncture and acupressure in The Infertility Cure I know those aren't to be stimulated after ovulation "just in case" so it was interesting she avoided them.

I was going to try to snap a picture of the treatment, but that would be counter productive to relaxing, and trying to reach my camera made my abs tighter which = pins moving. Ow. They also were moving in my head when I reached. So, you will have to settle for the aftermath. I took two shots and if you look carefully you can see the pattern on my stomach - red dots above the naval, down the center line and on either side above my ovaries and uterus.

She also switched what side the needles between my thumb and pointer finger were on from the right to the left.

My herbs this week are again for my Jayu (again, probably murdered the spelling on that, but it means power) increased Chi, blood, and kidney channel.

As for my temps, it is CD9 according to FF, but in reality it could be as late as CD11 or as recent at CD8 IF I did really ovulate afterall. My temps have been haywire before, so no true way of knowing for another week or so. The bummer, they dipped today, so we'll see if AF shows, it shoots up tomorrow, or continues to go down with no period which would mean just wacky still.

I'll keep ya posted.

I was also introduced to a great faith based fertility person named Nerida Walker. A woman in a POF group suggested her based on how I love Terry Mize. A lot of what Nerida says is exactly the same thing, but more current. She preaches today. Here is a link to her youtube channel. 

https://www.youtube.com/user/newlifem777

Her prayers are empowering and her journey with infertility is powerful. After her husband was told he was completely sterile and infertile, they decided to reject a medical diagnosis and trust what the scripture told them. That we are meant to be fruitful and multiple. She not only got pregnant within six months but went on to have FOUR children in the span of four and a half years. His doctors were in disbelief. 

She wrote two books God's Plan for Pregnancy and It Is Finished. I ordered them so I'll give you a review soon. Peace.

Please take a moment to listen to her prayer if you feel so moved. 

Upper Cut

Sept. 4, 2014

Ok, not so Christian, but I'm feeling feisty. I was at the park and my friend who is pregnant through IVF after a year and a half of trying and one failed IVF treatment was talking to myself and another girl. This "other" girl was going on and on about how DIFFICULT it was for her to get pregnant and she knows EXACTLY how we feel... I was on the outskirts of the conversation because I didn't want to get into my whole diagnosis. I asked, "I'm so sorry, how long did it take you to get pregnant?"

"FOREVER!!!!!"

"Oh, how long?"

"Six months!!"

Birds chirping. Silence. Car drives by.

She then added, and then "my son was a surprise." So, first baby, six horrific months of timing things (and no, there was no OPKs or temping involved) and second baby, no trying. But, how horrible it spilled into a new deductible year.

You know, I can honestly say, even after diagnosis, I've never for one second been unhappy for anyone who has announced a pregnancy or birth. I've taken great joy in all the announcements, and used it as a catalyst of good baby juju. But today, I actually wanted to smack her. I left before I saw the reaction of my friend who has spent tens of thousands of dollars and several years of her life trying to have children.

Very petty and un-Christian of me, so please forgive me. I just hope anyone who reads this will be more empathetic in the future to how they talk about fertility. Six months when you are trying can feel like eternity, but in retrospect, it's a drop in the bucket. Until you go through fertility problems, don't presume you have more heartache.

On a different note. My temp went up four days ago, but it dropped slightly today. We'll see over the next few days if it stays up or drops and it was a "false" alarm. The one good sign though is my cervix dropped low, hard and closed yesterday, and it hasn't been in that position for almost two months, so I'm really hoping that is a positive sign I did ovulate. My OPKs remain positive though so, blah.

Ah, I feel much better after unloading to you all. This blog can be so therapeutic. Saves me from backhanding unsuspecting broads in the park if nothing else.