Nov. 28, 2015
Thank you for all the kind words and inspirational stories. So many people messaged me to keep hope alive of stories of negative HPTs and positive betas. Thank you. I DO know it is possible and there will always be a shred of hope I carry with me. I'm just trying to prepare myself in case there is a negative outcome. And, if there is, we'll just dust ourselves off and move forward and try again.
I will admit taking those shots last night plain sucked. I'd lie to say I wasn't bitter doing it last night. I just kept telling myself if it IS negative I only have tonight and tomorrow night left...if it does turn out to be positive, I'll happily continue for as long as necessary.
My one friend who had offered to sell me the rest of her leftover meds which I was going to buy when I got my positive texted me last night they are mine for my next cycle. I was really touched she offered to give them to me. That'll take some burden off when we begin our next round.
We also took the plunge and have our fundraisers. I'm still not ok asking people for money publicly. I just have a very difficult time asking people in that capacity. Our Bravelets fundraiser is doing double donations this Tuesday Dec. 1. Instead of a $10 donation per item, it will be $20. Considering the bracelets start at $25 not a bad deal.
And we have our Equal Exchange fundraiser as well if people are buying Christmas gifts for others.
I believe everything will work out.
I spent the greater part of last night lying awake thinking of everything I possibly did wrong. My husband and myself had a lot of tense moments the day of the transfer and an argument before. My boss, who I told I would not be working for two days sent me a rather rude email criticizing my work and I did five hours of free work for her reviewing a claim I'd submitted. Was all that anger and negativity bad for the baby? Should I not have gone to that audition? Was it not eating the stupid pineapple right away? Not listening to my TCM who told me to wait until I was stronger (bear in mind they've been saying this for two years - when, seriously will I ever be...) Was it my being too light? I've gotten back down to under 100. Day of transfer I weight myself at my friends and I was 100 lbs 8 oz with jeans and a sweatshirt on.
Probably none of the above. I know this mentally. I did use my oils liberally last night for sleep and even resorted to melatonin. Thankfully my husband let me take a nap this morning and I crashed for an hour and a half.
I'm feeling better today and more optimistic. If my beta isn't positive (like I said, shred of hope) I'm interested to hear if I can do a cycle back to back. I posted the question in my EA support forum and most people were able to do so. With the Christmas holiday, I'm not sure if it will be feasible. I just really wanted to avoid having to do another round of birth control in between. Knowing I'd have a solid bleed and start from scratch sounded promising.
On the flip side, like my husband said, if I can't do a back to back cycle, I will live it up this holiday and enjoy some spirits. Probably not the best way to physically prepare my body, lol. But, I admire his attitude.
I also have it all playing in my head what in the world should I do with our healthcare. I have to pick a plan and I was hoping to pick a low deductible plan for pregnancy. However, if I'm not pregnant, continue on the cheaper plan with the high deductible. The options for Covered CA are pretty miserable. None are good. I'm sickened how much out of pocket costs there are. I know the whole Obamacare helped a lot of people - it just really hit us hard. It raised our co-pays, deductibles and out of pockets and our premiums went up considerably in the process. So many things to think about. I still don't know what we will do for healthcare next year. I have to decide if we'll pay the big bucks for a plan that will cover pregnancy not leaving us $10,000 in out of pocket. Or pay $1000 a month for a plan that will only leave us with co-pays and no deductible. The options for self employed are grim.
Anyway, thank you again for your sweet stories. I was amazed how many of you have little miracles running around from late low betas, or slow doublers that your clinics cautioned you with not being optimistic. Amazing how life finds a way.
Monday will tell us how we'll more forward, and regardless what that news is...move forward we will. Thanks for the love.
God bless!
Thank you for all the kind words and inspirational stories. So many people messaged me to keep hope alive of stories of negative HPTs and positive betas. Thank you. I DO know it is possible and there will always be a shred of hope I carry with me. I'm just trying to prepare myself in case there is a negative outcome. And, if there is, we'll just dust ourselves off and move forward and try again.
I will admit taking those shots last night plain sucked. I'd lie to say I wasn't bitter doing it last night. I just kept telling myself if it IS negative I only have tonight and tomorrow night left...if it does turn out to be positive, I'll happily continue for as long as necessary.
My one friend who had offered to sell me the rest of her leftover meds which I was going to buy when I got my positive texted me last night they are mine for my next cycle. I was really touched she offered to give them to me. That'll take some burden off when we begin our next round.
We also took the plunge and have our fundraisers. I'm still not ok asking people for money publicly. I just have a very difficult time asking people in that capacity. Our Bravelets fundraiser is doing double donations this Tuesday Dec. 1. Instead of a $10 donation per item, it will be $20. Considering the bracelets start at $25 not a bad deal.
And we have our Equal Exchange fundraiser as well if people are buying Christmas gifts for others.
I believe everything will work out.
I spent the greater part of last night lying awake thinking of everything I possibly did wrong. My husband and myself had a lot of tense moments the day of the transfer and an argument before. My boss, who I told I would not be working for two days sent me a rather rude email criticizing my work and I did five hours of free work for her reviewing a claim I'd submitted. Was all that anger and negativity bad for the baby? Should I not have gone to that audition? Was it not eating the stupid pineapple right away? Not listening to my TCM who told me to wait until I was stronger (bear in mind they've been saying this for two years - when, seriously will I ever be...) Was it my being too light? I've gotten back down to under 100. Day of transfer I weight myself at my friends and I was 100 lbs 8 oz with jeans and a sweatshirt on.
Probably none of the above. I know this mentally. I did use my oils liberally last night for sleep and even resorted to melatonin. Thankfully my husband let me take a nap this morning and I crashed for an hour and a half.
I'm feeling better today and more optimistic. If my beta isn't positive (like I said, shred of hope) I'm interested to hear if I can do a cycle back to back. I posted the question in my EA support forum and most people were able to do so. With the Christmas holiday, I'm not sure if it will be feasible. I just really wanted to avoid having to do another round of birth control in between. Knowing I'd have a solid bleed and start from scratch sounded promising.
On the flip side, like my husband said, if I can't do a back to back cycle, I will live it up this holiday and enjoy some spirits. Probably not the best way to physically prepare my body, lol. But, I admire his attitude.
I also have it all playing in my head what in the world should I do with our healthcare. I have to pick a plan and I was hoping to pick a low deductible plan for pregnancy. However, if I'm not pregnant, continue on the cheaper plan with the high deductible. The options for Covered CA are pretty miserable. None are good. I'm sickened how much out of pocket costs there are. I know the whole Obamacare helped a lot of people - it just really hit us hard. It raised our co-pays, deductibles and out of pockets and our premiums went up considerably in the process. So many things to think about. I still don't know what we will do for healthcare next year. I have to decide if we'll pay the big bucks for a plan that will cover pregnancy not leaving us $10,000 in out of pocket. Or pay $1000 a month for a plan that will only leave us with co-pays and no deductible. The options for self employed are grim.
Anyway, thank you again for your sweet stories. I was amazed how many of you have little miracles running around from late low betas, or slow doublers that your clinics cautioned you with not being optimistic. Amazing how life finds a way.
Monday will tell us how we'll more forward, and regardless what that news is...move forward we will. Thanks for the love.
God bless!
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