Nov. 30, 2015
NEGATIVE.
I'd prepared myself, but what a blow. I honestly felt at peace yesterday, but I just feel raw all over again. I know there is no rational reason why this didn't work. Ya think I could quit going over it all in my head? Yeah, you'd think...
This morning I woke up early and drove all the way to Pasadena trying to dodge morning traffic and trudged up to the third floor. Sitting in the waiting room I really took a look around. All those people. All those desperate people. All they want is babies. I felt a kinship with them. It sucks.
I was called back and went to the lab and pulled my Sharps container that was filled to the brim out of my purse.
The nurse laughed with me saying how tough us women were. She was telling me about how her husband was whining he had a headache yesterday and all I she could think was "Yeah, I do to, and a back ache, and a pulled shoulder, and and and, but I still cleaned 30 windows and cooked dinner." We laughed. She said "Good luck" and I gave a half-hearted smile.
As I went to financial to check out, the receptionist gave me a HUGE smile and asked if I'd "cheated." I said "Yes, not good news, but still keeping hope alive." She said "You must." I asked her to give my coordinator a call and see if I could get a new Sharps container from her. You know...in case. If not, I'd need it next time anyways.
I asked her if negative the plan of attack and she said a January transfer, that he won't cycle me during the holidays in December. Fair enough. She said when she called after they reviewed my labs they'd have more concrete answers.
So, I sat. And sat. And sad. She finally called just after 3:30 and confirmed it was negative. She said I would get a period and to email her my first day and they'd tell me when to start birth control. I'm so irritated I have to go back on that, but they want a bleed before my January cycle.
So. Square one.
I told my husband last night I might interview a few TCM out my way. The one I go to is an hour each way and it just eats into my weekends. And, I'm not thrilled that they kept doing "bring back menstruation" acupuncture right up until the end instead of the last day when they changed it to "hold pregnancy." They'd been giving me the incorrect herbs until that point as well. I really want to see if someone out here fits and works out financially who will also do acupuncture right after transfer.
I did ask my coordinator on the phone if they can check my progesterone midcycle next time to ensure I was getting enough to hold a pregnancy. She said they typically don't, but they'd be happy to put the order in for me.
I was also reading about endometrial scratching and embryo glue. I figure, why not discuss all options with the doctor. I'll cover those more in another blog.
For now, I told my hubby to pick up champagne on this way home from the gym. Nothing to celebrate, but I didn't drink it in a mimosa on Thanksgiving Day just in case, and I've wanted it sense. Why the hell not, right?
My mom was suggesting I drink some high caloric drinks to gain weight before the next round. I told her nonsense. How ideal it's right after Christmas. I'll put my 5-7 lbs of holiday weight to good use.
So, huge bummer, but I'll just put on my big girl panties, dust myself off and we'll start this all over again in a month. Silver lining - no hideous shots tonight. I can barely walk today, so my ass will have time to recoup in the interim. Right?
God bless.
NEGATIVE.
I'd prepared myself, but what a blow. I honestly felt at peace yesterday, but I just feel raw all over again. I know there is no rational reason why this didn't work. Ya think I could quit going over it all in my head? Yeah, you'd think...
This morning I woke up early and drove all the way to Pasadena trying to dodge morning traffic and trudged up to the third floor. Sitting in the waiting room I really took a look around. All those people. All those desperate people. All they want is babies. I felt a kinship with them. It sucks.
I was called back and went to the lab and pulled my Sharps container that was filled to the brim out of my purse.
Exhibit A:
The nurse laughed with me saying how tough us women were. She was telling me about how her husband was whining he had a headache yesterday and all I she could think was "Yeah, I do to, and a back ache, and a pulled shoulder, and and and, but I still cleaned 30 windows and cooked dinner." We laughed. She said "Good luck" and I gave a half-hearted smile.
As I went to financial to check out, the receptionist gave me a HUGE smile and asked if I'd "cheated." I said "Yes, not good news, but still keeping hope alive." She said "You must." I asked her to give my coordinator a call and see if I could get a new Sharps container from her. You know...in case. If not, I'd need it next time anyways.
I asked her if negative the plan of attack and she said a January transfer, that he won't cycle me during the holidays in December. Fair enough. She said when she called after they reviewed my labs they'd have more concrete answers.
So, I sat. And sat. And sad. She finally called just after 3:30 and confirmed it was negative. She said I would get a period and to email her my first day and they'd tell me when to start birth control. I'm so irritated I have to go back on that, but they want a bleed before my January cycle.
So. Square one.
I told my husband last night I might interview a few TCM out my way. The one I go to is an hour each way and it just eats into my weekends. And, I'm not thrilled that they kept doing "bring back menstruation" acupuncture right up until the end instead of the last day when they changed it to "hold pregnancy." They'd been giving me the incorrect herbs until that point as well. I really want to see if someone out here fits and works out financially who will also do acupuncture right after transfer.
I did ask my coordinator on the phone if they can check my progesterone midcycle next time to ensure I was getting enough to hold a pregnancy. She said they typically don't, but they'd be happy to put the order in for me.
I was also reading about endometrial scratching and embryo glue. I figure, why not discuss all options with the doctor. I'll cover those more in another blog.
For now, I told my hubby to pick up champagne on this way home from the gym. Nothing to celebrate, but I didn't drink it in a mimosa on Thanksgiving Day just in case, and I've wanted it sense. Why the hell not, right?
My mom was suggesting I drink some high caloric drinks to gain weight before the next round. I told her nonsense. How ideal it's right after Christmas. I'll put my 5-7 lbs of holiday weight to good use.
So, huge bummer, but I'll just put on my big girl panties, dust myself off and we'll start this all over again in a month. Silver lining - no hideous shots tonight. I can barely walk today, so my ass will have time to recoup in the interim. Right?
God bless.
No comments:
Post a Comment