Nov. 22, 2015
Today was my son's birthday and I couldn't help feeling blessed from the moment I woke. What a blessing he is. I've so much to be thankful for!
Yesterday, I tested to a negative and had a complete breakdown. I mean ugly sob, breakdown. I completely freaked. I know that's silly. I know it was early. I know. But, wow! I had to go for a walk to try and regroup. Only to walk in the house and go upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom and cry again. My friend told me to get FRER as she thought they'd be better than Wondfos. I'm not convinced as both gave me the false positives prior, but I picked up a few.
Last night, I looked in my basket of books on the floor and was drawn to Nerida Walker's book "God's Plan for Pregnancy." It spoke about not relying on signs, symptoms or the natural and placing your faith in God. This whole journey my faith has been there and I was really ashamed I was so unsettled by that yesterday.
This morning, I decided not to test. I wanted my focus, my love and my gratitude to be centered on my son. When I'll test again, I honestly don't know.
I did however lose it at church - big cry. Our pastor, who ran a adoption / foster home was talking about a specific five year old child and to hear the abuse this child faced...I broke down. My husband left the sanctuary to get me a kleenex. It sickens me people who are so cruel to children can get pregnant so easily. It sickens me any child could be treated that way.
I don't have any real "symptoms" but thinking back, I don't think I had any with Reed this early either.
Boy, this whole fertility stuff is a real mind trip...
God bless!
Today was my son's birthday and I couldn't help feeling blessed from the moment I woke. What a blessing he is. I've so much to be thankful for!
Yesterday, I tested to a negative and had a complete breakdown. I mean ugly sob, breakdown. I completely freaked. I know that's silly. I know it was early. I know. But, wow! I had to go for a walk to try and regroup. Only to walk in the house and go upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom and cry again. My friend told me to get FRER as she thought they'd be better than Wondfos. I'm not convinced as both gave me the false positives prior, but I picked up a few.
Last night, I looked in my basket of books on the floor and was drawn to Nerida Walker's book "God's Plan for Pregnancy." It spoke about not relying on signs, symptoms or the natural and placing your faith in God. This whole journey my faith has been there and I was really ashamed I was so unsettled by that yesterday.
This morning, I decided not to test. I wanted my focus, my love and my gratitude to be centered on my son. When I'll test again, I honestly don't know.
I did however lose it at church - big cry. Our pastor, who ran a adoption / foster home was talking about a specific five year old child and to hear the abuse this child faced...I broke down. My husband left the sanctuary to get me a kleenex. It sickens me people who are so cruel to children can get pregnant so easily. It sickens me any child could be treated that way.
I don't have any real "symptoms" but thinking back, I don't think I had any with Reed this early either.
Boy, this whole fertility stuff is a real mind trip...
God bless!
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