Better and Better!

Dec. 20, 2014

Well, it was back to acupuncture today and it was a resounding "hung how." Or, "very good?" She was thrilled. My pulses are better and better and both my TCM and her husband (partner in business who translates) were extremely pleased my period had returned in a normal cycle.

My cycle last month was 35 days and I had four "normal" days of blood flow and one day spotting today. When I say normal, it was well within the normal range of blood loss and lasted the appropriate amount of days. My periods up until now have been rather light blood loss. If you are curious, I looked it up. The average woman loses 4-12 tsp per cycle and bleeds about 3-5 days.

My guess is I lost on the lower end of that around 5-6 tsp and bled for a full four days, spotted one. How do I know? Another thing the menstrual cup is good for...measuring blood loss. I only used it half my cycle though and collected about 3 tsp, so I'm guessing it was around 6 tsp total lost.

My acupuncture today was nearly painless. She also skipped the spot she normally pokes on my thighs. I meant to ask her why, but completely forgot. It was nice to relax though. My son, normally an early riser decided to wake at 4:30 today. I stubbornly got it set in my mind I was not going to go in the room until 6 am. And wouldn't you believe he played, sang and talked to his stuffed animals for an hour and 15 minutes. At 5:45 he fell back asleep until just after 7, but of course I couldn't sleep worth squat. Shutting my eyes for 45 minutes during my session was heavenly.

Afterwards, she just kept saying "hung how, hung how" which if you missed my previous blogs in my pitiful American attempt at phonetically saying "very good" in Chinese.

We also had a bit of a scare the other night. Two men tried to kick in our door. Scary stuff! Thankfully, they took off when my husband went towards the door. The cracked the entire frame in half though. Yikes!

Well, as I sit and type I've a castor oil pack on my stomach to get that blood moving. I've felt great the last month! I'm really hoping this cycle was the start of all good things. I did decide to start taking shatavari root again. It's support to nourish your endocrine system and alleviate stress. Another one of those foods that really help your body regulate by prodding it along. Here is a link if you care to read more here.

Tonight is our Christmas. I just spent the last several hours getting everything perfect for Santa. I hope my son is thrilled in the morning.

I've really been reflecting on Nerida Walker and her message of resting in fruitfulness. And, I have. I had planned to temp up until I left, but I packed up my BBT thermometer. I'll resume when I return to have an accurate account to show my TCM, but it's a bit liberating to just take a break. I did take an OPK this morning to see how my resting LH was. Although it's a bit darker line than the average woman probably has this early in her cycle, it was negative, and that is what is important to me.

Well, if I don't get back on before Christmas....

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanza
Happy Holidays!

POF, Ovulating and Periods

Dec. 17, 2014

Turns out, I did ovulate, and ovulated in a big way! Yesterday I started a proper period, as in, adequate flow, right color, semi normal time frame of 35 days! My chart is a bit spotty in that I don't know if I had a short LP (luteal phase) of 6-7 days or a long one of over 18. My guess is the shorter, but I have a pretty heavy bleed for such a short one. Either way, drastic improvement from my last 164 day cycle with several weeks of brown spotting. No spotting here. I got a swipe of pink the night before right before bed and woke to a bright stream.

Initially, I was falling into my depressed state, but I snapped out of it quickly. In order to get pregnant, I need my body to normalize. A regular length cycle with the proper temperature shifts, symptoms and blood flow is an excellent indication that is exactly what is happening.

I will admit (thank you God) that I do think it is my complete release to faith that has made the largest difference. I prayed about what I could physically do, and I've done it. So non-believers can choose to think those are the catalyst, but it came from some deep soul searching and prayer.

I did my castor oil packs until the first time I thought I ovulated, as well as my pelvic fertility massage, soaking my feet a couple nights in hot water and my fertility yoga, although not as often as I should have.

The rest was the same in terms of care except the cycle before this midway I had added maca and vitex back in the mix. I think that does a lot of self regulating and I'm convinced it played a large part in my cycle stabilizing. I'm definitely continuing with that.

I usually make maca balls because even the smell of maca makes me want to vomit. The taste is just horrendous. Here is the recipe I use.

Maca Truffles

When I travel at Christmas, I found some organic maca pills. I won't continue that because the price works out to be more than the homemade truffles, but click the link in case the ease of it is better than making maca truffles.

Now, I measured out how much maca is in the truffles. Based on the 1/2 cup serving and the amount I make, it equals out to be about 1 tsp per truffle so roughly 3000 mg. The pills are 500 mg. People suggest starting with small doses. Maca is an energizer, so if you take them, take them early in the day. Like Ubiquinol or CoQ10, it can keep you up at night, especially if you already are predisposed to insomnia from POF.

I'll head back to acupuncture on Saturday. I think they will be pleased with my news. I know they'd mentioned last time my pulses keep getting better and better and they anticipated I'd get my period this week. Then, it's off for a vacation with family, so I'll skip the following week of acupuncture.

I debated contacting my doctor again to get a true CD3 reading tomorrow, because my last one was actually immediately before ovulation. My FSH was in the 40s, 48 I believe which is still POF range, but if it was midcycle (which it was) it no longer is. In fact, below 40s in no longer considered POF, but POI which is Premature Ovarian Insufficiency. With POI, RE's and fertility specialists will actually work with you. We don't have insurance coverage for that, but it's good to know.

I opted not to contact her. I think she'd hassle me a bit for having my levels checked so soon and I don't want to get into the whole reason why I think it was where it was because my doctors seem to just get frustrated with my researching or asking questions. As much as she was more considerate than the last I met with, my overall impression is doctors just want to diagnosis me and move on and would rather I just accept the diagnosis and not question them.

I know I'm healing. I know my cycle is normalizing and honestly, having the number isn't going to change anything. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. I can ask her again in six months, but I rather that visit be a prenatal one anyway ;)

I've already decided my thermometer is staying here when we leave for Christmas vacation. I'll resume temping when I get home. It may throw me a curve ball, but I'm starting to get a handle on the ranges my temps should be before O and after. I just don't want to worry about temping with time changes, later and earlier rising, etc. I just want to enjoy the time with my family.

Yesterday was an amazing day. We took our son to Disneyland for his birthday/Christmas. It was my husband and my first time as well. It was an amazing day. He LOVED it! He loves Mickey and was so thrilled to see his Clubhouse gang. I dare say he has a crush in Minnie. He loved giving all the characters "high bie" aka high five. He was particularly taken with "Plupu" aka Pluto.

It's times like those I just repeat over and over "thank you thank you thank you" for all the blessings I have. I am so grateful for my life and my family. I know our family will be growing soon.

God bless!

Perhaps the big "O"

Dec. 13, 2014

Still in limbo here, but that shouldn't be shocking ;)

My chart is actually pretty interesting. I had a temp hike which came down for seven days (the open circle, I temped late) and shot back up. The first hike was during a cold, which is what I am attributing it to. Right now, no cold, so perhaps I did ovulate. Take a peek.

I was back to acupuncture today. My TCM seemed pleased with my progress. I did talk to them a bit about my treatment in regards to financials. Like so many others, we're hurting. Without going into boring detail, every where we turn, it's hitting us hard. Realistically, I cannot continue treatment the same way and put food on the table. 

On the flip side, I feel it's important that I do take care of myself physically. Yes, it costs money, but left untreated, this disease could potentially kill me either directly or indirectly. I feel like I've healed so much and come so far, and I do not feel like this is permanent. I think it was a reflection of my life at that time. Stress, toxins, exhaustion. All no bueno! I do feel like if I can get things operational again, I'll run like a well oiled machine ;)

I asked them if we could cut my herbs in half so I could trim my bill. After a long discussion in Chinese that left me looking from one to the other and back again, they told me they think the best course of action is to take a full dose, but do it every other day. They think it will be most potent in full, but dispersed like that, it should still be effective. They said what is most important is that I continue the acupuncture which has served me greatest. My pulse is always dramatically better after. Her words were "better and better."

My session today was fine. It strikes me as funny what points are sensitive some days and others I barely feel at all. The needles near my hair line and on my feet today were sensitive. Going in, the needles on my reproductive organs weren't all that painful, but within minutes I started getting shooting cramps. I asked her if that was ok. "Cramps, yes. Pain, no." Since they were just cramps, I think it was the blood flow moving and energy shifting. All good.

I was a bit nervous going in because I didn't sleep well. My poor son came down with another cold and woke up several times last night. He always put himself back to sleep within minutes, but typically mommy that I am, I slept like crap listening to every cough, sniffle and movement from his direction. I'm praying my husband and I don't get this one. The last one was pretty nasty and with us traveling for Christmas, we want us all healthy.

I did read an interesting article that someone posted in a POF support group. As I turned to Google, I see it's being done more and more, but here you go...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-75473/How-ovaries-grow-arm.html

It talks about how a women's ovary was grafted into her arm. They put it near the muscle to get adequate blood flow, and this ovary cycles every month growing follicles. They remove the eggs for future IVF. Isn't it fascinating that given the correct blood flow these ovaries are working? In her arm?? It really made me think how much good acupuncture does for our reproductive organs. Acupuncture stimulates blood flow. 

For people that don't have that service readily available, there are things like Castor Oil Packs, fertility yoga, fertility massage, etc that can also get your blood flow moving to your reproductive organs. Ensuring you have a healthy diet is important because the junk we eat makes our system sluggish, and regularly exercising (stimulating blood flow) also help. If an ovary can work in your arm, or abdomen (as they are also doing) it can certainly work where God placed it given the right environment.

Monday, I'm back to the chiropractor. I had rescheduled my monthly appointment to six weeks so I'm hoping my body responds well to the session. Then, I've that tough talk with his as well regarding what I can afford. I want to try to push it to every 6-8 weeks. Cutting that expense in half will be easier to swallow, but still keep my body on track.

On a very sad note, a woman that I'm "friends" with in a Facebook support group lost her baby today at 41 weeks. I cannot even fathom that kind of devastation. To make it all through a pregnancy, be expecting to come home with your child any day, and have them find no heart beat at a scheduled appointment. It makes my stomach drop. And, to have to go through the labor and delivery... If you can spare some prayers for her and her family, I'd be most appreciative. 

Well, I should turn in for the night. We'll see how my temps look over the next week. I'm cautiously optimistic. As always, God Bless!

Renewed Hope

Dec. 7, 2014

I love the Christmas season! What a wonderful weekend. My son and I were busy crafting and playing yesterday and today was full of church, Christmas festivities and a kid's concert and church and meal. During the service, we were studying Luke and the story of the angel Gabriel visiting Mary to tell her that she would conceive Jesus. In that story, is the story of Elisabeth (Luke 1:7-1:24) who was barren and advanced in age, but became pregnant with John the Baptist. I started tearing up a bit because again, as the bible says 

"Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.: Deuteronomy 7:14

Heck, if God can give a baby to a virgin, he sure can make my ovaries squeeze out an egg, am I right?

It gives me renewed hope.

Yesterday was back to my TCM. I felt really bad because her father had passed away. I hugged her as she arrived and she began tearing up.

She felt my pulses and was pleased they were feeling stronger. According to my tongue, she could see I still had a touch of my cold. I'd stopped my herbs at the onset, so I still had a lot left. She too looked at my chart and saw a clear ovulation pattern. The problem is, now, I'm starting to doubt if it was ovulation, or perhaps slightly elevated temperatures from when I was sick. If the temps do indicate ovulation, it shows my period should be coming with the temp drop (most likely.) However, I still think it's weird I've had all fertile sings in every other area (cm, cervix position, OPKs) so I'm really not convinced I ovulated, despite the beautiful chart.

Pretty picture perfect, right? It would show a normal length LP phase (although, even if this "is" an accurate chart, I'm still thinking my actual ovulation date would be CD17) a pretty normal ovulation date, good raise of temp indicating good progesterone... We'll see. 

At my session she told me to drink more water. I drink an insane amount already, but alrighty, I'll keep on. She also told me I could begin my herbs again. During acupuncture she put a new needle in and when I asked what it was for she told me my cough. I still had a lingering tickle. During my whole session, not one cough. Pretty amazing.

And it was PAINFUL with a all capitals. Youch! The ones on my reproductive organs were insanely painful, especially my left ovary. It was a take my breath away poke! My legs and feet were also incredibly sensitive. She remarked I was extra sensitive today. Was I ever! It was kind of nice though, she let me lay there for a full hour, so I got to unwind and relax. It's been hectic, so I treasured the extra time.

I was a bit worried my cold would make me go backwards in treatment, which my body seems to do when anything is haywire, but she said I'm still gradually improving, to just keep what I'm doing.

Last night, oddly enough, I had a dream I had twins. It was a long dream figuring out how to nurse them both, but that's my practical mind at work ;) 

I will say, I've felt kind of "icky" the last few days because I've felt extremely bloated. My pants feel tight (and no it wasn't Thanksgiving catching up on me!!) and I got a few pimples, which is a first for a long time. My thought is, although as ucky as it makes me feel, it's hormones at work. Sooooo, my body making hormones equals good things.

For now, I'm just trying to focus on the holidays and treasure my family time. The reality is, no sense paying too much attention to my chart or cycle because I can't "change" it. I can just keep healthy and keep plugging along. I'm feeling great. Sleeping well. I've been focused, in good spirits and don't have any "symptoms" so I'm thankful.

God bless!

CD23 Update

Dec. 3, 2014

December already?? Gulp! How did that happen?

Well, that means we are in our 15th month of TTC. A bit unreal. I never thought I'd be that statistic.

Christmas is fast approaching and I'm feeling the holiday spirit :) I'm looking forward to visiting my family over the holidays. I've already decided I'm leaving my BBT thermometer here when we go. Those ten days will be a mystery, but I want to obsessing and trying to calculator time differences and agonizing over false heightened or false low temps because of it.

Which brings me to my update. Well, I'm CD23. According to my temps, it looks like ovulation on CD17 to me, but Fertility Friend insists on CD15. My OPKs remained positive after though (which I stopped taking on CD21 because I felt it was useless) and I had a bit of fertile CM and my cervix felt open...sooooo....back to the waiting game. Temps it was a very obvious thermal shift, other signs, not so much.

I have been nursing a cold which may have elevated my temp slightly, but I feel like it would have elevated it sooner when it started. So, I'm either 6DPO, 8DPO or not at all. Ha! Not much for clarifying there, eh?

Anyhow, I hope everyone had an incredible Thanksgiving here in the states. My in-laws were in town and it was nice to have some family time. My mother-in-law was going to go to acupuncture with me on Friday, but my TCM called last minute. Unfortunately, her father is in critical condition health wise, so lift them in prayer. I haven't called this week yet to see about rescheduling, but if I don't hear by Friday, I'll check in again. I have enough herbs to last another week because I stopped them when I got a cold.

I also rescheduled my chiropractor visit. I've been going monthly for a while now and want to push it to six weeks and then two months. My goal is to get it a quarterly visit. I just really have to budget accordingly. It's incredibly expensive right now and we don't have much income coming in. It's too bad none of this is covered by my healthcare, but we didn't have a lot of options for the "extras" through the health marketplace.

Well, I'll keep you posted over the next week if there are any telltale signs what is going on with my cycle.

God Bless!

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

Nov. 25, 2014

Happy Embryo Adoption Awareness Day!!! Did you know about it before my blog? If so, you were leaps and bounds ahead of myself. I only became aware this was an option about a month ago. I'm still struggling with if this will be our path as I feel deep rooted in my soul my body is healing and my bio baby is coming soon (say that with that deep voice from the movie previews...)

I do however think it's important to get the message out that Embryo Adoption is a beautiful, affordable choice that gives beautiful snowflakes a chance at life! I also think it's important that people who have embies on ice know there are options other than just letting them sit freezing for decades or be thawed and disposed of. So many people that have undergone IVF know the struggles of fertility and every single embryo or egg harvested is a precious life in their eyes created through a harrowing journey of often blood, sweat and tears.

Our friends who have five embryos was telling me the other day she doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to just donate them because it'd sicken her not knowing what kind of family they had. I told her about embryo adoption and she was astounded. She could choose the family her babes went to. She could even have the choice to keep in touch, or end the relationship there knowing her babies went to families with similar ideals.

A very cool option for the donor and the adoptee. So, take a moment to learn more about it. You can adopt, and still experience a pregnancy, delivery and nursing your baby.

I saw this link to a snowflake necklace and thought if I ever do decide to go this route, I will wear something like this in honor of our miracle, and to raise awareness so others can learn what a cool option this is.

In other news, two blazing OPKs. One yesterday and one this morning. The timing is right for that of a "normal" cycle if my body follows through. All other sings point to fertile too. CD15 here! Fingers crossed. We had our first son on Thanksgiving, so maybe this little one will have a little Turkey Day story in him or her too.

God Bless!

Acupuncture, Herbs and Healing

Nov. 21, 2014

Well, it was back to acupuncture yesterday. The good news, I was "huun how." Apparently, my translation before of "gun how" was incorrect. It's with an "H." I did however recognize "how" right off the bat!

As soon as she said it I started repeating it! "how? how? hun how?" They started laughing and she was nodding. "Yes, yes, good, stronger. Jayou!" Again, forgive my feeble attempt at phonetically translating Chinese.

My pulses were much stronger today. Yippee!! They were also pleased when I told them my period lasted 6 days and although lighter than the average Joe Schmo's flow, it was red, a consistent flow versus spotting and the heaviest it's been since Reed was born.

Win. Win.

We did acupuncture and my tenderest spot was directly over my left ovary. Last time my ovaries were tender it was my right, so I'm wondering if the ovary growing the dominant follicle each month will be more tender. I suppose we'll see as months go on (but I'm reeeeaaally hoping I get a positive before too many cycles elapse.)

It was chilly in the office today, but with the heat lamp over my abdomen, it heated up nicely in there and it was a very relaxing session. It was nice to just zone out for a bit. My pulses at the end were even stronger.

All in all, it was a good day. She said to keep on with the acupuncture and nourishing herbs. I've also been doing my castor oil packs and my femoral massages so I'm thinking that increase in circulation has been helpful.

Today is CD11 and I noticed a temp dip which coupled with a bit of fertile CM could mean my estrogen levels are rising (which builds the endometrial lining and ripens that egg!!) Fingers and toes crossed for a normal cycle!!

Embryo Adoption

Nov. 17, 2014

In my last few posts I've talked about Embryo adoption. I was shocked to log on to Facebook today and see this article scrolling across my feed. For any of you that are interested in it...check it out :)


http://www.people.com/article/embryo-adoption-liz-krainman

Acu Update

Nov. 13, 2014

Well, it was back to the TCM today and they seem to feel this is my "true" period. After chatting about my flow, she felt that my body was ridding itself of old blood, hence the long spotting from before. She saw the clear thermal shift on my chart, and since this blood was, well, like blood rather than thick and brown, it was a true flow. Not heavy, but there. Today it actually got a smidge heavier. I'm thinking the acupuncture may have done that.

When they took my pulse today, they said my "blood" is actually feeling pretty healthy. I was a bit confused, but you know me...I'm good at asking questions ;)

Basically, my right wrist is my Qi and my left wrist is my blood. My blood pulses were stronger today. My Qi channel is still low.

Acupuncture, as I've said before when I'm bleeding is super sensitive. The needle that really hurt today was the one over my right ovary. The left was definitely tender, but when she put the right one in, it felt like there was tremendous pressure in that area.

After acupuncture however, my Qi, per usual, it is drastically improved. I asked them if there is anything I can do to improve my Qi. Exercise? They told me that since I already exercise and am healthy that over exercising would actually deplete me more. They encouraged me once again to improve my "nutrition."

I've learned that this doesn't mean overall nutrition to them. It means proteins. She kept telling me to eat chicken soup. A bit confused I pressed the issue and they told me, "you know, boil a chicken."

"Ahhhhh. So, you want me to eat bone broth?"

Yes! They also said to make sure I am getting plenty of calcium, eggs, fish, meat and to add protein powder to my diet. My hubby has organic protein powder, so I'll be digging into that. She also told me to start eating my goji berries again.

So, off I went to the Asian market. Now, this part, gulp, will make you queasy.  I was already thinking in my head I should have ordered more organic goji berry powder or organic goji berries from Amazon, but figured I didn't want to wait for it to arrive, so I better just get it from the store. I was a bit uneasy them probably not being organic, but for a quick fix until I get my order in, they'd have to suffice.

I went in, got my berries and headed to the car. Thankfully, I went to open it since I hadn't had lunch and thought it'd be a nice snack on the way home. AND THERE WAS A MAGGOT IN THERE!!!! I almost lost my cookies.

I went back in and tried to discretely tell the woman working there what happened. She saw the smooshed critter right there in the bag, so she gave me a new bag. I just stood there in disgust. Um, what if there's one in here. "No, no, this is fresh batch" she said pulling it out of the freezer section.

All I could think on the way home is #1, I will not be telling my husband this happened, he will be appalled (hello sweetie if you ever read this...) and #2, I am either going to freeze these suckers or gobble them up before anything can hatch. And #3 - I am buying the organic powder from now on. I know nothing is hatching in there.

So, as I type this, I'm sitting with my feet soaking and my castor oil pack doing it's thing on my belly. I feel kind if refreshed that it's a true new cycle. I mean, I guess I will never know for sure, but it feels a lot more like a true cycle than that stint of spotting did.

I've still been reading my book It Is Finished by Nerida Walker, but not as quickly as I should be. It's been insanely hectic with work. I think I mentioned before my sister-in-law and I are thinking of opening an Etsy shop for all natural beauty care products? We've been making headway on it. Stay tuned, I'll post a link when it's up and running if you want to try any of our stuff.

Until then, hang in there and God Bless.

If any of you ladies reading want to ever share your journey, don't be a stranger. I know sometimes it's easier and safe to just read others journeys, but we can all learn and encourage each other.

Bleeding again

Nov. 12, 2014

So, excuse my obsessing, but here's a run down. Four days ago I noticed light pink when I wiped. If I didn't over analyze every swipe, twinge or cramp of my body, I'd have never known, but it was there. Same the following day. Then, yesterday, I started spotting, very noticeably. It was enough to wear a liner and consistent throughout the day. It was red blood. Today, the same.

As I was glancing at my chart, I noticed my temps have been consistently high, which I attributed to the time change, but the first two days after the time change, they were still low, so I went to Fertility Friend and switched my CD1 which, if you remember was about an hour of bleeding, to spotting (which it truly was, but it was the most I'd seen in over five months so I made an audible and called it CD1) and ta-da! My chart shows I ovulated between 11-14 days ago. Sooooo..... I may have actually ovulated around the time all the other spotting occurred, and this could conceivably by my "real" period.

Obviously, I will never really know, but if that IS the case, that means my numbers from CD3, were actually the middle of my cycle. An FSH of 48 mid cycle, although still high, is not as scary as CD3...but really...not so scary compared to my initial numbers anyway (gulp!)

That would also mean my LP may have extended. My longest since diagnosis has been 9. So this time, it'd be between 9-12 days. I've also had some pretty bad cramps yesterday and today, which obviously means something's working in there to cause it.

Anyway I look at it...it is what it is. I go back to TCM tomorrow. I kind of hope this is my period is now so I can just look at this as a whole new fresh cycle. It feels better in my mind than another bout of mid-cycle spotting. Either way, nothing changes I suppose. Just keep living and trusting ;)

More Spotting, Say What?

Nov. 10, 2014

Well, I suppose an update is overdue. If you recall, last I left you, I was having the world's shortest (flow) longest (lasting) period. So, I spotted brown for three days, bled a few hrs, then spotted pink / brown on and off for nine more days. Right now, I'm on CD16 (I started CD1 the day of red blood flow, er, trickle.)

Last night, I had a miniscule bit of spotting. Not even enough for a liner, and today the same thing. Looking at my chart, I'm starting to wonder if that was just hormonal mid cycle spotting before and maybe my period is coming? Or, maybe I'm just doing the whole spotting now? Ovulating now? Tough to tell. Here is my chart thus far. If I'd been later in my cycle, I may have thought I ovulated on CD4, and for all I know, maybe I did. If CD1 wasn't CD1, it was in the middle of a long cycle.

Time will tell I suppose.

I did go in for acupuncture and an herb update last Thursday. They said my pulses were stronger. I had more "Jayu." My feeble attempt at sounding out the word they told me is Chinese for "power." My pulse after my session was even better.

Bonus, my herbs are MUCH better this time. The last batch was by far the worst I've had to choke down. With the start of the new cycle, I added vitex back into my mix. I know I'd told you I'd added maca back in a few months ago and bee pollen a while back. I also switched from an every other day dose of royal jelly to two days on, one day off with propolis instead. As always, research your bee products. I attached link to pretty reputable companies. I try to buy mine locally to support local farms, but I've resorted to the links above as well.

Before company arrived I did three days of castor oil packs and soaked my feet every night as well as doing my femoral massage at night after meditating. I stopped about a week in though because I don't want to risk doing that after ovulation.

I've also kept on researching adoption options. Conclusion, WAY WAY WAY too expensive the traditional route. We've been keeping an open mind about fostering to adopt, and more probably adopting embryos. I really like the idea of giving babies who have no chance, a chance. And, I really did love being pregnant. 

Other pluses about that would be I can control everything that goes into my body prenatally and would be able to breastfeed which is really important to me. Also turns out it's about 1/3 of the cost of adopting a child, even after adding in the medical procedures and medicines. 

As much as I look into this, I feel it's not for us just yet. I feel strongly we'll have a biological baby. But, I'll be honest, even if we do, the idea of it is not off the table for the future.

God bless! 

Acu update, Spotting and Investigating Adoption

Oct. 30, 2014

Well, onwards and upwards. It was back to TCM today to share with them the "period" and my new labs. They were happy with the progress. Although they'd have liked heavier blood flow, something is better than nothing. My sentiments exactly. My pulse was a bit stronger today, and nice and strong after my session.

She told me a peculiar thing though. To keep my feet warm. I had no idea that could alter a menstrual cycle, but she showed me how she always wore pantyhose even with sandals because your feet should always stay warm. Out of curiosity, I googled it. Apparently when you bleed you are most vulnerable so TCM says to not go barefoot and avoid swimming in cold water. Here is a link.

https://www.acufinder.com/Acupuncture+Information/Detail/ABCs+of+Fertility+Acupuncture,+Babies,+Chinese+Medicine+-+Part+1

I go around barefoot all the time, so I guess I'll be more conscious of that. I do love my slippers in the winter though, so just another excuse to get my annual pair of Snoozies. Have you tried this things?? You will fall in love.

My session was definitely more relaxed today. I was early, no stressors and I could just lay there. It heart like the dickens though. I won't like. The needles over my ovaries felt like daggers going in! "Hurt?" she asked. "Yes!!" I asked if it was because I was bleeding and she said yes. I'm very sensitive right now because of it. Sweet sassy molassy! She was right!

She was also happy with my labs. Although no beautiful numbers, they were drastically better than last time. And the beauty is, it was done naturally coaxing my body back into health without meds to mask symptoms. I like that.

Something else I feel I should share, full disclosure and all, is I started sending away for information on adoption. The cost of it all makes me want to cry, but we've never been opposed to adopting. I found a few nice Christian agencies (not that we are opposed to others, but these are non profit and I've moral issues with going some of the larger ones that work for profit) in this area. Some of which foster to adopt.

Fostering to adopt is something I'm not certain we want. The big reason - my heart can only handle so much heartache and bringing a child into our family that could leave would devastate me.

Adopting costs upwards of $35,000. A lot of agencies look a lot lower until you read into the "additional" costs. An adoption that looks to be $25,000 after the agency "fees" in usually about $10,000 more. It's all very overwhelming.

I did email our accountant though to discuss the adoption tax credits and how they are applied, so I do know we could get tax dollars back the year it is finalized. There are also numerous grants for me to research if we do decide to proceed in this direction.

There is also the adoption to adopt an embryo. I know my doctors had told me DE IVF, which is donor egg IVF with the egg fertilized with my husbands sperm, but I didn't realize how many families have undergone IVF and are putting their other embies up for adoption. I like that. Because otherwise, those little babes would never have a chance. But again, it is about a $10,000 fee to adopt them (none of which goes to the family by the way - just the agencies!!) and then you pay for the IVF procedure.

The funny thing is, before I never wanted to look seriously into the matter because I felt I was "giving" up on conceiving, but now all of a sudden, I don't feel that way at all. I feel very at peace with we will have another biological child, but this whole journey, with all my prayer, has also given me a certain peace bringing a child into our home another way. I just wish it wasn't so much money. It's staggering really.

So, after all that rambling, I don't know if adoption is a realistic avenue for our family, but I want to research it as best I can. I know we've a spot in our heart and family for a child. I've an odd peace we will conceive and have a healthy baby, but I've always been a bit type "A" in preparing for every outcome.

So, it is CD5 and I'm very optimistic this cycle. I feel good. I'm encouraged my estrogen levels are higher increasing my odds to ovulate, and I'm ensuring I eat well, get good rest and do my best to center myself mentally and spiritually.

Since I KNEW I had not ovulated recently and am not pregnant, I started my castor oil pack yesterday. I did it while I was working. Thankfully my husband was at class, otherwise I'm sure he'd have given me a strange look to come down stairs and find me without pants sitting on a garbage bag (to catch castor oil) with a pack sitting on my stomach! I also started taking my evening primrose and red raspberry leaf tea again. I never do when I even think I may have ovulated because I want to avoid uterine contractions.

I also got an early Christmas present. A nutribullet!! I've been juicing for the past few months, but my motor was shot and it's been tough to schedule with my friend juicing, so I researched different options and decided on the nutribullet because I think drinking the fiber is important too. So, I've been downing my organic veggies for easy absorption the past few days. Nice thing is, my family is hooked too, so it's a good way to get a variety of vitamins and minerals down the hatch. I know proper eating is essential to fertility!!

I've also been listening to Nerida Walker a lot. I play her in the background while I work to center myself when I need to. I think her ministry is amazing!

Off topic, I've continued making my homemade items and I'm falling in love with all of them. My sister-in-law has been doing the same. We've tossed around the idea of starting to sell some small scale to see how people like them. Who knew all these health problems would open so many doors, right? She has three kids and we're both adamant we give our kids the best outlook at a healthy future. I don't want my child to ever suffer health problems from exposure to toxins like I have. I know they come into contact with thousands a day, so if I can do a small part to limit that, you can be assured I will!

God Bless!

CD3 (maybe?) Test

Oct. 29, 2014

Well, I'm not certain it was truly CD3 yesterday, but given I have been spotting since last Thursday evening and had about a two hour flow of blood, I decided this was as close as I was getting to a cycle for now and decided to call my doctor for the test to look at hormones. It's so funny because I'd been dreading do it, but my TCM requested it on Thursday and I started spotting. Talk about God nudging me, huh? When all is said and done, I prayed and felt that I could peacefully handle the news, good or bad, and it was what was medically needed to continue treatment with my TCM.

Drum roll please...

Hormones upon diagnosis last Jan.

HCG - 7
FSH - 136
LH - 98
Estradiol - <12

Hormones yesterday Oct 28, 2014

HCG - 1
FSH - 48
LH - not taken CD3, but OPK is negative
Estradiol - 89

So, huge improvement right?

The one side of me was a bit bummed because it still is within "POF" levels, but the other side (the angel on my shoulder) is reminding me that my body has healed tremendously.

If I want to really analyze, CD3 numbers on this, as grim as they appear are better than what they were. HOWEVER, if it was an anovulatory cycle and these aren't true CD3 numbers, that is better news for me yet as any other time in the cycle these numbers could feasibly be that high even for women without POF. I'm making a conscious decision to not analyze it anymore.

For CD3, doctors like to see FSH below 9 and estradiol below 80. If above 80, it could artificially suppress the FSH number slightly. It's funny, I wanted a higher estradiol last time because it was 0 and I essentially had no estrogen in my body, so in a way, I'm glad it's higher, I just wish it were later in my cycle.

And, my levels before were POSTmenopausal and are now technically Perimenopausal (under 50) so THAT is improvement, right?? So, I've hormones more of an upper 40 / early 50 year old versus a 120 year old. Talk about winding back the clock, eh?

So, from here, I'll bring my numbers to my TCM tomorrow or Saturday depending on my husband's work schedule. I guess we just proceed with what we are doing. It seems to be working, I feel great and have no POF symptoms. I just wish it didn't come at such a high price tag. It's really been taking a toll on us financially.

At this point, I just truly do have to trust and have faith in a miracle. As much as I want to "will" it to happen, God is in control, and I trust him and him alone. It gives me comfort because if I had to trust myself to make it happen, I know my faith would falter. It's easier putting my faith in God above.

As for me emotionally, I'm going in and out of being at peace with it, and just being a bit emotional. I'm having my fair shake of "it's not fair" and "why is this happening to me" but this time, it's not nearly as devastating. Far more than those moments, I have a calm about me that things are indeed improving, and I've an odd peace that it will all work out. It will be fine.

God Bless!

Spotting and Bleeding

Oct. 26, 2014

Well, the spotting has continued, and then today (sorry for TMI) when I used the restroom there was red blood. Not a ton, but it was there, and a bit heavier than what I'd been spotting since Thursday evening. So, good news, right?

I was looking at my chart, and when I'd thought I'd ovulated 12-14 days ago, I may actually have. If that is in fact the case, that means my LP has lengthened to 11-13 days, which would put me back to what it was pre-pregnancy. Even if I didn't ovulate, with my erratic temps, I really can't say yes for sure (I do think I did though) I'm glad to put this cycle behind me, and I've high hopes my body is getting into gear again.

Now, I ran upstairs and put in my Sckoon cup (the menstrual cup I ordered five months ago that I've never gotten to use) and was quite impressed I got it in first try. My confusion...when I took it out, granted only three or four hours later or so, there was only brown blood and only a teensy tiny bit.

So, I either had a puny endometrial lining, or my flow will increase tomorrow.

Either way, I refuse to be discouraged by any of it. Frankly, I'm not broken, and that is all the hope I need :)

I keep repeating my scripture. NONE SHALL BE BARREN!

Amen!

Back to Acu and Herbs

Oct. 24, 2014

This morning I woke up, and although I intended to take an HPT and OPK because I was heading in to acupuncture, I completely forgot. It's been nice not worrying about that stuff. I did take one with second morning urine before I left, and Hallelujah, Praise God, the HPT AND OPK WERE NEGATIVE!!! Why do I get so excited by that? It's been FIVE MONTHS (!!) since both were negative. That means great things for my hormones!

That was where my excitement ended for the day. I went in yesterday for an appointment with my TCM. I was a bit disheartened that although she said my pulses were ok, they were a bit weaker than my last visit. I feel though in context, I should rewind and give a brief overview of my week.

Without going into mind numbing detail, my husband almost lost his job this week so my stress level was a bit high to say the very least. Someone at work had falsely accused him of some things and while the "investigation" was underway, tensions were high in the household. That was resolved Weds evening.

Thursday was my appointment and it was honestly just one of those mornings where everything just was going wrong. It took me 25 minutes to get milk at the grocery store because of a faulty cash register. I was late getting on the road. Traffic was horrendous. I had a deadline to be home for my husband's workshop at school, and to top it off my TCM forgot about me. I called them and they hussled over, but my leisurely hour and a half appointment was reduced to 35 minutes.

When they read my pulse, I was frayed. As they started going on about how I should have my levels retested with the doctor because although I'm better than when I started, my channels will get stronger, than a bit weaker, than stronger, etc, but never up to perfect. Because it's been 9 months, they wanted to see the progress I'm making, I officially blurted out "Can my pulse be reading lower than it is from stress? I keep looking at the clock and I need to leave in 40 minutes."

Wide eyed they hussled me into the room and started poking me with needles as I frantically texted my husband to see if there was a workshop later in the afternoon he could take. Nope. Ugh.

She asked her questions and looked at my tongue while poking me.

To say I was trying desperately to hold back tears in an understatement. As soon as she walked out, they started pouring down my face. The gravity of what she said hit me. It's been nine months and they are feeling frustrated by lack of progress. She came back in to ask me how my appetite has been and I know she saw the tears. She didn't quite know what to say, and I felt like an idiot.

This session I kept repeating the mantra "I am healthy. I am healed" as I took deep breaths and reminding myself of some scripture passages that deal with fertility and fruitfulness. As it neared my 35 minutes, because that was all that time allowed, I was feeling a bit calmer about things. She came in to take my pulse and her eyes got wide, she gave me a smile and said "Better. Better. Good. It's good!"

We went back in the other room where I would pay and get my herbs and she told her husband, who translated to me that my pulse was a LOT stronger after my session. The circulation was much better and much stronger. They encouraged me to keep doing yoga and exercising to increase my circulation to get better blood flow to my reproductive organs, and I hustled out the door to fight traffic home with a new batch of herbs and to return next week for acupuncture.

The herbs this week are not pleasant. Sometimes it has a sweeter smell to it, but this batch smells more medicinal. It almost tastes like there is celery seed in there, but much stronger. Some batches are easier to swallow than others. This is not one of them.

I was feeling overly emotional and frustrated yesterday but I really took a moment to center myself yesterday. I feel good. I feel healthy. I've been praying and trusting and having faith this last month and it has brought me incredible peace and strength. Why was I letting my "natural" and "medical" circumstances doubt what I know to be true in my heart. I've put the negative feelings to the side and have decided to keep reminding myself and declaring to the universe, to God and everyone else that I am healed.

Last night, I started spotting. Just a tiny bit. I'm not entirely sure if that means my period is coming, or just breakthrough spotting again, but seeing my body "work" is such a wonderful thing.

In terms of my cycle, I still don't know what's happening. My temp today for instance was 97.18 at 4:10 am when I work, but I took it again at 6 am out of curiosity and it was 97.86. Make me wonder if my chart looks so erratic because the last week or so, some days I've been able to sleep until 5:15 or 5:30 which may inflate my temperatures more than I thought. If I use the BBT adjuster to allow for temping at different times, it isn't that wide a gap. My body just must run low until it hits a certain point in the morning.

So, nothing new to report really. I keep debating if I want to have the doctors run more tests. I know I don't want it midcycle because my LH and FSH will always look inflated then...they would with any woman. If I start my period, I may consider it on CD3, which is when all hormonal testing should be taken. But, in all honesty, I don't know if I want it. Will a medical measurement bring me peace or anxiety and stress? Part of me wants to just trust, know and believe that it will happen and not have any news that makes me doubt it. But, just hearing myself say that shows I must have doubt about what the numbers will present.

Anyway, I'm undecided. I see so many woman in these support groups agonize over their numbers and I can't imagine the stress being good.

God Bless!

Cycle Day 142

Oct. 19, 2014

Well, two people in two days have contacted me for updates, so I feel as though it's high time I post here.

There isn't a whole lot to report. Today officially marks the 142nd day of this cycle. I'm part of a mom group who has a 2ww (two week wait) thread on Facebook and several of the girls who I started it with are entering their third trimesters now, which is rather eye opening. Heck, several are finding out the sex of their baby since my last period. Oct. 31 will be five months of this unending cycle. THAT is crazy to me. Several moms pop on to the thread only to get pregnant the first month. It thrills me, but sometimes I just shake my head and think "if only I were that lucky!!"

I try not to let that get me down though. Although I didn't try very long for my son, I'm well aware had I gotten pregnant one or two months before I did, I wouldn't have this amazing little guy in my life, so when I DO get pregnant, I know it will be the right time then too.

My TCM doctor is still in China. She returns tomorrow I believe and they start seeing patients on the 22nd. Right now, my appointment is Saturday, but if my husband has some days off this week, I will try to get in sooner. My herbs should last another two days or so. I added vitamin C to the mix as it's support to be a super fertility antioxidant and elongate the LP.

I'm trying to remember if I updated you that I'm back on maca. I started back on it a month ago and it seems like it's helped things. I also added bee propolis back in, but only twice a week. I know the royal jelly was warming (which I only take every other day) but I know the propolis is suppose to be good, so I started small. The resveratrol the TCM suggested seems to be working great, or maybe it's just things were evening out already, but I'm keeping with it.

The good news is, my HPT's are still stark white, which is excellent. The OPKs are still dark, but the last time I tested, I had fertile signs. I'm only testing every 10-14 days now. My temps have actually been high the past few days. I did miss a day because my son woke up with a nightmare at 3:30 and by the time I got him to sleep, it was silly to try and temp an hour later when he woke. We'll see what happens over the next week or so.

My new philosophy has really been "Let go and let God" and to tell you the truth, I feel more at ease that way.

Although I can do the things I feel God directs me to do like take care of my body with exercise, organic diet, less toxins, and taking nourishing herbs and supplements, I obviously can't "will" my body to pop out an egg (or that would have happened over a year ago) so why obsess over it. The reality is, it will take a MIRACLE to get pregnant. It's a good thing I believe in miracles. I really have a calm about things and faith that God will provide.

I did order all my goods to start my homemade items which I'm excited to try. I'm particularly pumped to make my magnesium body butter. Many people have magnesium insufficiencies, those with POF in particular. Because POF has high risk of osteoporosis, it's important to get adequate calcium, vitamin D and to ensure it's being absorbed. Magnesium does that. It also, from what I read, helps you sleep. I'm going to make a batch up and spread it on my feet before bed. My sister in law did a body butter with cocoa butter and added peppermint which is genius. Chocolate peppermint anyone??

I also got all the goods for my chapstick, lotions, shampoo, conditioner, mouthwash and sunscreen. I actually gave a sample of my deodorant to a friend and she fell in love with it. She's pushing me to open my own business. It's a bit daunting to me, so I told her I'd start just by making stuff for friends if they want it. I was happy to hear that she loved it and said it worked for her better than any retail variety.

All in all, I'm feeling really good. I had a few sleepless nights, but it was more concern for my sick baby and work/ financial concerns. I just had a wonderful weekend full of family fun and am so incredibly grateful for all the blessings surrounding me.

An athletic "Old" lady

Oct. 2, 2014

October already? How did this happen?

Well, I had my first dentist appointment since starting my own toothpaste regimen. And although I needed a minor filling along my gum line for over brushing (receded gum line that was exposing a nerve) he said my teeth looked excellent and very white. First time he'd actually said "very white." My gums were exceptionally healthy. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was making my own.

Side note - I read an interesting and scary article last night about how horrible some toothpastes and cleansers are to the environment. Check it out. I'm a Michigander, so very scary stuff.

http://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2014/09/18/great-lakes-pollution-microbeads-soap/15817501/

Also at the dentist this morning, they checked my blood pressure. 98 over 53 which is standard for me, but if you look at the blood pressure chart, that is where an athlete is.

So, hormones of a 120 year old decrepit woman, vitals of a young athlete. Go figure.

I also want to show off my pedicure. I haven't painted my nails since January because of all the chemicals in nail polish, but my husband's friend is the owner of piggy paints and I love the idea. And really, who says adults can't use the stuff, right??

http://www.piggypaint.com/

or you can get it on Amazon

Other than that, still plodding along. I'm still reading that excellent book, It is Finished by Nerida Walker, taking my herbs and keeping up with my yoga and meditation. Before my appointment, I did take a HPT in case since I knew they were x-raying and the positive was fainter. The OPK was in your face and my other fertile signs are a go. We'll see what happens.

God Bless

Acu Success "Gun How"

Sept 28, 2014

Well, yesterday was my last acupuncture treatment until my TCM doctors get back from China. It was all good news!! She said my pulse was as strong when I arrived as it was AFTER my session last time.

And, after my session this time, they taught me a new word. Well, two new words. Forgive my obviously incorrect spelling, but phonetically, it's "Gun How" which means very good! Now that, THAT is something that's been a while coming.

Acupuncture yesterday was very, very tender. OUCH! It seemed every needle, except those in my head, were painful going in, painful as she came in to turn them (she usually does this three times during the session) and equally painful coming out. I also got bursts of pain throughout.

As she was putting them in, I kept wincing. "Hurt?"

Um, "yes!"

"Good. You sensitive."

I asked why that was good and she said "body might near menstruating or ovulate."

So,  a sensitive body is a good thing during this particular treatment I suppose. Makes sense.

I snapped a pic again of my abdomen. As you can see, she went a bit crazy with needles down the line from my naval. I'm thinking she REALLY wanted to send the energy down to get things moving!!

Afterwards, I was filled up on three weeks of herbs and told to eat more "nutrition." Like, veggies and fruit? Because I eat a lot. To which they responded "Meat. Fish." So...I need more proteins to gain a bit more weight.

Fish last night. Burgers today. Not much goes better with football, right? Go Lions!

TTC - One year Down

Sept. 26, 2014

Well, Sept. 23 was our one year TTC (Trying To Conceive) anniversary. It's been a wild ride this year. Lots of ups and downs. The downs are rather obvious, but the ups, well, here you go...

1. I've grown closer to my Lord and Savior. I've come to the conclusion that without Him I am powerless. I'm continuing to grow in his word and have Faith. And my Faith tells me I will be a mother of CHILDREN, not CHILD.

2. I do not take my family for granted. My husband and myself have been through the ringer. We've been challenged physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and psychologically, but we've not only survived, but grown stronger. I value every single second with my son. He is truly a miracle and has been God's greatest gift to our family. Being his mother is my greatest privilege in life.

3. I've learned a wealth of information about my body. From studying Eastern medicine, to aromatherapy, crystals, yoga, meditation, chiropractic care, massages, etc. I thought I'd learned so much our first time trying, but the minimum I learned about charting, cervical mucus and cervix position was the tip of the ice berg. With my diagnosis came a whole new world, or perception of the one I was living in. I've broadened my perspective and understanding on so many conventional things in our society. It's been enlightening and invigorating.

4. We've made huge life long changes in our family to reduce toxic exposure. We eat healthier, are physically active, have done away with any toxins we can do without. I feel positive and confident that we are setting good examples for our son, and setting him off on the right foot. I wish him lifelong happiness without physically or neurological ailments that could have been prevented.

5. I've met some (excuse my language) real KICK ASS LADIES!! From my own personal friend who has struggled beside me in TCM fertility, to ladies in mother's groups to ladies in forums and online support groups. Although we may not all see eye to eye on treatments or outlooks, it's so encouraging to have people to turn to. They constantly make me think, reflect and learn. The grit, determination, faith, strength and humor of the ladies struggling with fertility is unparalleled. I've also found comfort and support within the small group of family and friends that are aware of my diagnosis. Their prayers, support and encouragement are precious and appreciated.

6. I live for the moment. True, I get caught up at times in the what if's, but the truth of the matter is, I have the here and now. I trust I WILL be pregnant, but wasting precious moments now fretting over how soon that will come has worn me down in the past and it's not worth it. My baby will come soon, and while I can, I'm enjoying spending extra time with my ONE son now before he has a sibling. Extra time with my husband NOW before we've another child. Extra time pursuing my career, before I've another year off gaining my footing again.

7. I have learned to reject my diagnosis. Who needs it. I'm a strong, healthy woman who likes being a momma, and ya know what? I pretty damn good at it. I'm just looking to add to be brood. So there!

Life is good. So, instead of grieving it's been a year, I am celebrating every positive thing that has come out of all this. It sounds cliche, but what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger.

Reducing Toxins

Sept. 21, 2014

Well, my pursuit to a healthy home and personal care environment continues. A few months back I posted I was making my own toothpaste and deodorant and love it. Did I mention, I love it?! I was always concerned it wouldn't work as well as store bought and it'd be time consuming to make, but the reality is it works way better than store bought (really!!) it takes me about 10 minutes total every 6-8 weeks to make BOTH batches and it costs pennies on the dollar compared to what I was spending, especially in comparison to the "healthier" brand options I was purchasing.

I can also give it a two thumbs up approval from both my husband (who I feared would be my worse critic) and my 22 month old son for the toothpaste. We tried the baby toothpastes and training toothpastes, but even the "natural" ones were basically sugar. I was skeptical coating his teeth in it, and it didn't do the trick. He, unfortunately, has a tendency to get staining at the gum line, so we had to resort to adult toothpaste once or twice a week and I hated him swallowing the fluoride and chemicals. On a whim, I suggested we try the homemade version thinking he'd hate it...and he didn't. He actually liked it and I have no guilt with him swallowing it. My husband, seeing he liked it, tried it himself and was shocked he liked it.

For skincare I've always used Origins, which I still stand by is a much healthier option than many on the market. It's a bit pricey and I know it isn't completely safe, so I thought I'd see what else is out there. There are options that come with huge price tags. Did I really want to spend $50 to "see" if one worked well?? So, I decided to just try coconut oil and see. I was nervous. Putting oil on my skin? Erm... Well, I did. And, no break outs. It absorbed easily and to be honest, my complexion looks great! Score!

It only takes a tiny, tiny bit, which I learned after night one. I still have a bulk of stock piled Origins from their fabulous sales which I still intend to use, but have decided that is my "travel" skincare. My trip this summer, reinforced the idea traveling with coconut oil is not a good idea. Reminder...it melts over 74 - 75 degrees. I had a DOP kit of coconut oil covered make up and products. Even in carry on, with the ziploc allowance, I'd be concerned of it heating and leaking.

My next feet was finding a lotion I could feel healthy about. My two choices I narrowed it down to were Honest and Earth Mama Baby Angel which were some of the safest on the EWG.org. However, they also came with the largest price tag. For my baby, I didn't mind spending it because he's a tiny guy and they lasted. For me...lots more coverage = lots more lotion.

I looked online and found some great recipes at Wellnessmama. The same place I found the deodorant and toothpaste. I had my shopping cart full of organic beeswax and organic shea butter and though, hm, well, coconut oil worked for my face. I wonder if it would for my body. Would it be too oil? Get on clothes? Furniture? Bedding?

I gave it a whirl. I little goes a long way, but that is all you need. It absorbed quickly and left no oil residue. It didn't get on anything. I just allowed it to soak in for a few minutes after I dried off after my shower. My skin feels soft and it's not dry. I should admit at this point, that I hadn't been using lotion for about six months now because I was creeped out by all the chemicals I was putting on, essentially, the largest organ of my body...my skin! As an added bonus, it does offer a wee bit of sun protection too. Not enough to do away with sunscreen, but a bit ;)

So, score there. No paying a hefty paycheck on lotion anymore. My jumbo size tub of organic coconut oil from Costco is well worth the money. If you don't have a membership you can get a decent price on Amazon.

I found a few ideas for face cleansers that I've yet to try. Some were oil cleaning (just using oil to clean your face) which I'm sure works great, but I've ingrained in my mind that foaming cleansers are what works. I have to stop thinking that way. Until I find something I love (I'm testing as I go) I still have my drawer of Origins that I'm relying on in the interim until it's delegated to travel cleansers.

The shampoo will be the interesting one. A lot of the recipes, since they are made out of ingredients, actually go bad if not used in the appropriate amount of time. I plan to start making small batches of different recipes until I know what I want to do. In the interim, I have a few organic shampoo and conditioner samples that I've tried. I have to once again get use the lack of lather. They leave my hair nice and clean, but it's the whopping price tag that has be bumming. I'm convinced I'll find a nice homemade one.

So, we are now an all vinegar and baking soda cleaning household with an occasional Better Life cleaner. It's much cheaper at Sprouts or Whole Foods. We got rid of all our candles (nasty nasty toxins, unless they are pure organic beeswax and have all organic cotton wicks) and air fresheners. Well, almost all. My husband refuses to give up his one in his bathroom ;) I need to just make him up spray with essential oil to see if I can convince him at works as well without all the gunk.

My personal care journey is doing well on eliminating and limiting toxins. All in all. I feel pretty good about it.

The next thing I've been thinking and praying on is a fast. Raised a Catholic, the extent of fasting I did was to not eat meat on Fridays during Lent, not snack during Lent, and to give something up. Other than that, we weren't big fasters. I know a lot of people do. What kind, I don't know.

There is a fertility juice cleanse fast that my friend swears by. I may have mentioned her in the past. She and her husband tried for ELEVEN YEARS (!!!) to get pregnant. Numerous failed IUIs and IVFs. Nothing seemed to help. A bishop at her ward (church) said he'd counseled many infertile couples to try this fast and it had worked for everyone. Extremely doubtful, she and her husband did it. Two weeks later...pregnant! If I didn't know her personally, I'd give that story the side eye and say "Yeah, right!" But, I DO know her personally and I DID see this happen in her life.

She sent me the info. My hesitation? It's two weeks. How with working full time and raising a child will I do this? It's to drink a gallon of water and a gallon of fresh organic juice everyday. Fruit and veggies all day and only veggies in the PM. It also has some supplements, but since I am on TCM, I don't think those supplements are necessary. I looked at the ingredients, and a lot I'm already taking on my own, or my TCM herbs have similar ones included.

To be honest, I'm already considered underweight (even though I've gained 10 lbs in the last nine months) at 105 lbs. And that 105 lbs was with my sneakers and jeans, so it's probably a little less. Will a juice fast be too detrimental on my system? My friend gave me the name of the woman who promotes it and said she called several times with questions. They were very good to get back to her and never charged any type of consultation fee.

I was thinking if I do embark on this, to use the Nutribullet to get maximum absorption and fiber and possibly put in some seeds or nuts to get protein, but I'd have to run it by the woman if it'd do any good. I won't do the fast without it though. I can't lose weight, and I'm borderline hypoglycemic, so too much sugar with no protein is bad news.

Anyway, it sounded like an idea to explore for health benefits but also as a spiritual journey with fasting. If I don't think I can handle two weeks, maybe start with three days? I'll keep you posted.

Still reading my book by Nerida Walker and taking more time with my Bible and the word. I've been incredibly peaceful. It's so interesting, but really, since taking the time to explore my relationship with God, ask myself the tough questions and grow in my faith, my diagnosis doesn't seem insurmountable. It's a worldly diagnosis.

As always, God bless.

Acupuncture, Cockroaches and Spiritual Reading

Sept. 19, 2014

Well, it was back to acupuncture yesterday. I arrived a couple minutes early and noticed a cockroach scurrying in the hallway. Before you get the heeby jeebies, it was not in my TCM's office. They share a building with a dentist office. They hadn't arrived yet, and I was sitting in the hallway that divides the two. I saw it was hurt and had a moment of, do I squish him and put him out of his misery or try and shoo him outside. Before I made my decision they arrived.

Why do I mention the cockroach? As my TCM was taking my pulse, her husband, who translates for me was sitting at the desk transfixed on this beast in the hallway. Out of the blue he started telling me about the cockroaches anatomy and how they are pretty much invincible on the top of their bodies because their shells are almost impenetrable making them very tough to get rid of. Then he told me, that on their anatomies, insecticides work through their abdomen which is why people spray the ground. They drag their bodies over it and it ends up killing them.

He was telling me that a good pesticide is detergent or cleaner because it eats into their body and dissolves their lipids. He then proceeded to pull out a bottle of 409. He squirted the guy three times on his abdomen and within minutes, he was dead. Moral of my story?? 409 killed this impenetrable beast! It really made it sink in why we did away with cleaners in our household. It's just a small example, but think of all the cleaners we "clean" with, how many chemicals we spray in our homes with air fresheners, we burn candles, we clean our teeth, hair, faces, bodies with them. Yikes!

The visit itself went well. When she read my pulse yesterday there was no frown. She said "Ok" and proceeded to say in Chinese the diagnosis. He translated that I was getting stronger. My pulses were much better today. Not necessarily strong, but not bad. For a normal person, they were "ok" and in my book, I'll chalk that up to a win.

She did the same main points, but I saw a few things switch up. She put a needle into the top of my skull. It is suppose to draw my energy down to connect with the needles in my reproductive points to help menstruation flow. She also moved the needles in my left hand to my right, and put a needle in my ring finger in the left hand. I couldn't really get a translation what that was for, but I know we put our rings there because it's suppose to symbolically lead to our heart so my assumption is something for my Qi.

I literally felt the energy today. I had a hot flash in the middle, which normally, I'd be a bit concerned by with a POF diagnosis, but my whole body felt like it swelled up and coursed with energy. It felt like when you wear a ring in the hot summer and it feels too small...that's how my whole body felt for a minute. Very bizarre.

Afterwards, my pulse was even better. She filled me up on herbs for a week. One more acupuncture visit and a replenish of herbs next week before they go to China for three weeks. When they return, most likely back to weekly acupuncture.

On this visit, I remembered they'd told me to start taking resveratrol a few weeks back because it's a high antioxidant and is suppose to help with blood flow. It's the chemical found in grape leaves which is why sometimes you hear people say a glass or red wine will prevent heart disease. It's the resveratrol, not the wine ;)

So, I ordered some. I did a bit of research and did find that it has been linked to fertility. Basically, it helps protect the eggs from prematurely aging, as with the rest of your body. An interesting thing I found, especially for those with POF is that it helps prevent osteoperosis. When you have POF, your body literally drains your bones of calcium, which is why a calcium supplement is so important, and why doctors often prescribe HRT. The HRT helps prevent bone loss. What they are now finding is resveratrol works just as well as some HRT regimens at protecting your bones.

Here is an interesting article. There are dozens more in you goodle resveratrol and fertility of health benefits, but this one spoke specifically about HRT.

http://www.naturopathiccurrents.com/articles/resveratrol_uncovering_the_health_benefits_of_red_wine

The fertility dosage I was able to find is 400 mg, however, I hate starting at the top. I began 200 mg dose yesterday. I found a good deal at iHerb that is non GMO and guaranteed to not have chemicals and not have had any pesticide. Here is a link to that supplement. Use coupon POD190 for $5 off your first order any price of $10 off $40. The other thing I like about that site is their warehouse is climate controlled, which it isn't at other facilities like Amazon.

http://www.iherb.com/Paradise-Herbs-Resveratrol-60-Veggie-Caps/4232#p=1&oos=1&disc=0&lc=en-US&w=resveratrol&rc=443&sr=null&ic=7

(just an update to the above, that blend does not have very high resveratrol - here is the brand I use now

In other news, I read the book Inconceivable that I'd talked about ordering in a previous post. It was a nice book about someone's journey through secondary infertility. I really connected to her in parts because people automatically assume that since you had one child, it makes the diagnosis somehow easier. Not so. It's also hard to find support within the infertility community because people are struggling to have any child, and your having one is sometimes met with confusion and even hostility. It also makes you feel guilty at times that you are being so "greedy" to want another when some people have none. In this book, the author dealt with all those emotions.

I liked she explored many of the same things I'm doing and it reminded me the benefits of yoga. I'd kind of put them aside when I started meditating at night, but it reminded me that it also has to do with increased blood flow and body strength as well as quieting the mind. I've reincorporated that into my life the last few days. Just three poses really. I do them in the morning, in the afternoon if I remember and at night before bed. My son has actually started "kind of" doing them also :)

I do The Supported Shoulder Stand, The Supported Bridge Pose (both not to be done during menstruation because they are considered inverted, and during menstruation you don't want to send blood the wrong way) and The Cobra. Here is a good link to six poses and how they are good. I open my hip flexors at night during meditation similar to the Butterfly, but lying down on my towels.

http://magkaye.hubpages.com/hub/The-6-Best-Yoga-Poses-for-Fertility

I also got the first of Nerida Walker's books. Well, actually it's her second, but it arrived first, so I started reading it last night. I LOVE IT!! She really has been a blessing in my life and I'm so eager to read more and dig into the word. I've been trying to be still and rest in God's provisions for my life. I know places like Barnes and Noble and Amazon carry them, but I always buy second hand at Abe Books or Alibris.

I'm doing better. I'm still doing my "regimen" of sorts but it really has come with more of a peace. If I forget something, there is no panic, and I've eased up on taking the OPKs. I do them every 2-3 days, and they are still glaring positive at me, so my hormones are in over drive. What that means is my body really, really wants to ovulate, but things aren't really cooperating. In the mean time, trying to center myself. Miracles can happen, but they are most miraculous when the odds seem impossible I suppose. Maybe this will just make my testimony all the more powerful for someone who needs believing.

God Bless!

Acu Update and Faint Positives

Sept. 15, 2014

Well, Saturday was back to acupuncture. Good news, my pulses were stronger at the start, and even stronger after the pricks. Still not perfect, but going in the right direction. She added another needle to the formation which was about one inch above my belly button. I still haven't quite found that point in any of my fertility books or online, but she seems to know what it's for. I have to remind myself she's treating the whole body, not just fertility. She tells me every time it's to increase Qi, menstruation and pregnancy.

I had my husband snap a picture of my stomach post treatment. This time, they seem to be more red, and one actually bruised. Ironically, the only one that really hurt, you can barely see.

Here is a link that will help you identify the points and why they are stimulated. The photo of the abdomen is almost identical to where she poked me except she did the three points above my naval. About one inch above center and two pokes about two inches above and to either side.

http://www.natural-health-for-fertility.com/acupressure-for-fertility.html#.VBb9f_ldU1I

If you scroll down she also did the Epang II spots as well as one spot directly above the Yintang but into my hairline.

The following images are from the book The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis, which I've recommended time and time again. She shows ALL the various fertility points and what they do. I'm just using these images to show which my acupuncturist used.

She used the LV point, in previous visits when she KNOWS I have not ovulated, she has also used the KI4

This visit, she used the SP 10, SP 8 and ST 36, she has used numerous others on other visits, including Ki 3,Sp 6. I've used acupressure on SP 9 before under their direction.

Although they have not done acupuncture in my ear before, I do stimulate both of these spots every night during meditation. They are good for stress relief.

My acupuncturist also does two spots between my thumb and forefinger to increase Qi.

The Infertility Cure is excellent because it shows all the spots, gives detailed information about each spot, how it should be stimulated and WHEN and also discusses which spots should be used for each specific condition of infertility.

Amazing stuff! I go back next Saturday again for acupuncture and a new batch of herbs. Then back one more time. They go to China for three weeks following that and will stock me on herbs and we will decide if I need more sessions of acupuncture when they return.

In other news, I tested last week to faint positives. My in-laws, awesome as they are came to town to watch my son on Saturday night so my husband and I could do a mini overnight vacation to see a comedy fest. I decided not to use OPK's or pregnancy tests all weekend and just relax.

I did test this morning and still faint positives and a blaring positive OPK. So, I'm just riding this out. I think I'll just test OPKs every few days now since I think I'm having a POF LH surge. Best not to waste my money and no reason to create anxiety.

Although FF still has my temps as O'ing 16 days ago, I'm fairly certain I didn't. My cervix is still firm and closed, but I am assured with that since it spent the last two months wide open. My feeling is, my body is sorting itself out and regrouping. Next time it opens, I hope will be the real deal.

Until then, I've really reflected on the message about resting in the Lord, and I have. Oddly enough, I've had no anxiety about it. My baby is around the corner. I know it.